Please Help - Relationship problems after moving to Australia
Dec 16th 2008 | 12:54 pm
#16
has lost The Game
Joined: Apr 2005
Posts: 8,735
From: Chippendale, Sydney
Re: Please Help - Relationship problems after moving to Australia
I can't really help with relationship advice either but I am in Sydney. I would suggest catching up for a drink or just a chat but as a guy that may not help things (although quite happy to if you want on a friends level) - but a big group of us meet at a pub in the city every thursday for drinks and some laughs.
Sounds like you could do with an evening out (with or without your boyfriend) to meet some new faces - everybody's pretty cool and real range of ages.
This is the link to this thursday's if you fancy it. If not it's a weekly thing.
http://britishexpats.com/forum/showthread.php?t=578772
Look after yourself.
Sounds like you could do with an evening out (with or without your boyfriend) to meet some new faces - everybody's pretty cool and real range of ages.
This is the link to this thursday's if you fancy it. If not it's a weekly thing.
http://britishexpats.com/forum/showthread.php?t=578772
Look after yourself.
As MTPockets said, please feel free to come along to the weekly Thursday evening drinks this week. This week's meet up is in the Three Wise Monkeys on George Street in the city, from 6:30.
Usually 20 or so of us come, varying ages, varying relationship status - mainly singles or couples with no kids. We normally meet for some beers, have a bite to eat, then have some more beers.
If you feel like coming along, and want some solid meet up details (as opposed to roaming up to a group of strangers and asking if they are from the internet - don't worry - we've all done it!) then send either myself or Vix77 a Private Message and we will pass you on the relevant phone numbers.
I hope to meet you on Thursday, and I hope that things start looking up a bit for you now!
Good luck,
S
Dec 16th 2008 | 1:30 pm
#17
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Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 1,672
Re: Please Help - Relationship problems after moving to Australia
It is difficult when you move to the other side of the world.
What concerns me is that he blows up and is not talking about what the problem is (clearly there is one). Get counselling, if he wont go you go on your own.
Good luck and I hope you sort things out
Don't be alone, get out and meet other folks in Sydney
Jacqui
What concerns me is that he blows up and is not talking about what the problem is (clearly there is one). Get counselling, if he wont go you go on your own.
Good luck and I hope you sort things out
Don't be alone, get out and meet other folks in Sydney
Jacqui
Dec 16th 2008 | 1:51 pm
#18
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Joined: Feb 2008
Posts: 435
From: Melbourne
Re: Please Help - Relationship problems after moving to Australia
i can highly recommend a counselling session or two. Doesn't have to be a big drama, just a way of you both learning how to communicate things that obv need commuinicating.
I have found that having a trained professional to 'lead' a conversation and act as devil's advocate and ask the hard questions really helps.
mine is in Melbourne, so it might be a bit of a trek...
good luck
I have found that having a trained professional to 'lead' a conversation and act as devil's advocate and ask the hard questions really helps.
mine is in Melbourne, so it might be a bit of a trek...
good luck
Dec 16th 2008 | 4:13 pm
#19
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 23,400
Re: Please Help - Relationship problems after moving to Australia
Thank you SO much to everyone. I am overwhelmed by all of your lovely replies - I can't tell you how helpful they all are.
Pomster - I am looking for that article now. I will def try and find something I can do on my own for a few hours on a regular basis.
xzibit - thanks for that. it's better i think that at least its kind of normal.
Al - yes I have asked him many times what the problem is. He just says it is the issue that he has blown up over and that if i hadn't done X then he wouldn't be so annoyed - i don't think that is the case but I don't think he has recognised something deeper is going on here. I hadn't thought of seeing a cousellor but that is a really good idea so I will.
Kelly - thank you so much for that post, it was so helpful to hear from your side as it sounds very similar. Refreshing that you could be so honest too! Has given me some strength to tough it out.
Col - Not that it's nice for people to go through but it is very reassuring to hear this is the 'norm'. We have been the same as you and not stopped in terms of sorting things out etc. cramming everything in so I guess that doesn't help.
Hitchcok - thanks for the love, it's very much needed at the moment.
Quoll - I never thought about it that way, ie 4 years being the rocky point. I do think he is carrying on because I have allowed him to but I was just cutting him some slack because of the move. I am going to see RA. thanks for the hugs!!!
Budawang - you are so spot on. I'm not sure that he realises anything beyond the surface and really thinks it is the small things winding him up. I knew the move would be tough on our relationship but he has said to me that shouldn't be the case as it should be easier here not harder and that he shouldn't have to make an effort - which does not help obviously.
MTPockets - A drink with people sounds so great! I would love to meet some others living in Sydney outside of my work. Assuming I don't have another duvet day feeling sorry for myself
then I will most certainly be there. Thanks for letting me know!
Again, thank you so much everyone - so kind and I feel a bit better already.
With love,
F x
Pomster - I am looking for that article now. I will def try and find something I can do on my own for a few hours on a regular basis.
xzibit - thanks for that. it's better i think that at least its kind of normal.
Al - yes I have asked him many times what the problem is. He just says it is the issue that he has blown up over and that if i hadn't done X then he wouldn't be so annoyed - i don't think that is the case but I don't think he has recognised something deeper is going on here. I hadn't thought of seeing a cousellor but that is a really good idea so I will.
Kelly - thank you so much for that post, it was so helpful to hear from your side as it sounds very similar. Refreshing that you could be so honest too! Has given me some strength to tough it out.
Col - Not that it's nice for people to go through but it is very reassuring to hear this is the 'norm'. We have been the same as you and not stopped in terms of sorting things out etc. cramming everything in so I guess that doesn't help.
Hitchcok - thanks for the love, it's very much needed at the moment.
Quoll - I never thought about it that way, ie 4 years being the rocky point. I do think he is carrying on because I have allowed him to but I was just cutting him some slack because of the move. I am going to see RA. thanks for the hugs!!!
Budawang - you are so spot on. I'm not sure that he realises anything beyond the surface and really thinks it is the small things winding him up. I knew the move would be tough on our relationship but he has said to me that shouldn't be the case as it should be easier here not harder and that he shouldn't have to make an effort - which does not help obviously.
MTPockets - A drink with people sounds so great! I would love to meet some others living in Sydney outside of my work. Assuming I don't have another duvet day feeling sorry for myself
then I will most certainly be there. Thanks for letting me know!Again, thank you so much everyone - so kind and I feel a bit better already.
With love,
F x
Whilst I agree that the stresses of migration are enough to test Jesus himself, the thing that concerns me is the 'had you not made me annoyed then I wouldnt have got so angry with you' kind of attitude he seems to have.
Blaming someone else for his own loss of temper is worrying, fair enough he is stressed but when he shouts at you then it is he who has chosen this response and not you.
Talk to him when he is rational to address his fears but promise me one thing, do not let his verbal aggression accelarate into anything more.
Get a plan of action in place that will benefit both of you, talk, keep talking and talk some more.
But if there is no change in his behaviour or it gets worse then you will need to ask yourself the serious question of how long do you want this to go on for and how much are you prepared to put up with.
Good luck, it is bloody hard emigrating and yes the rows can come as part of the package, but it doesn't give someone a free ticket to be as nasty as they like.
Dec 16th 2008 | 6:55 pm
#20
Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 1,144
Re: Please Help - Relationship problems after moving to Australia
I know a serial shouter when stressed, like unreal. However name calling and insults are not usually part of that package. I hope it will all work out for you but also would be a little careful that once the respect is lost that it doesn't become a habit when you are not stressed.
I would make a list of behaviour/insults you really cant live with, stuff you dont like and what is ok. I would just do this and throw it away to clearly understand yourself what part of his behaviour you dont like and ask yourself if this is really different from when you were home.
I would also leave a video running in the house. I am guessing if he acts like that under stress that you may have problems getting to a counseller. I am not saying give up on that because it sounds like a good idea but if you are struggling maybe sit him down and try to get him to understand that you are not going to be the emotional punchbag he is looking for. Maybe put the video on and let him see it - tell him you can delete it there and then and it is not to embarrass him but just for him to see what he is really being like.
The thing is, with any situation, if you decide to sort it out you need to be able to be strong and sort it otherwise people can stop listening to what you are saying and consider it just words.
Just be a bit careful though that you dont end up getting stuck in a relationship that slips into constant shouting, if it wasnt like that for 4 years then that sounds like a good sign
Good luck.
Vx
I would make a list of behaviour/insults you really cant live with, stuff you dont like and what is ok. I would just do this and throw it away to clearly understand yourself what part of his behaviour you dont like and ask yourself if this is really different from when you were home.
I would also leave a video running in the house. I am guessing if he acts like that under stress that you may have problems getting to a counseller. I am not saying give up on that because it sounds like a good idea but if you are struggling maybe sit him down and try to get him to understand that you are not going to be the emotional punchbag he is looking for. Maybe put the video on and let him see it - tell him you can delete it there and then and it is not to embarrass him but just for him to see what he is really being like.
The thing is, with any situation, if you decide to sort it out you need to be able to be strong and sort it otherwise people can stop listening to what you are saying and consider it just words.
Just be a bit careful though that you dont end up getting stuck in a relationship that slips into constant shouting, if it wasnt like that for 4 years then that sounds like a good sign
Good luck.
Vx
Dec 17th 2008 | 10:15 pm
#21
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Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 446
From: Watford, UK and now Hervey Bay
Re: Please Help - Relationship problems after moving to Australia
Hey Fluffball - do go along to that Thursday meeting. It may be nerve wracking at first but I'm sure it'll be well worth it. X
Dec 17th 2008 | 10:31 pm
#22
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Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 3,821
Re: Please Help - Relationship problems after moving to Australia
Me and OH had our worst ever argument last Friday night.. worst ever in 13 years.. been building since we arrived, specially in the last 6 weeks.. we have been here since May..
Fortunately he had to go to WA on the Saturday and it has given us the space that we needed right now.. we've spent too much time with just one another to speak to, just one another to rely on and the pressure has nearly killed us.. I was (am?) really fed up but life goes on..
The breavement thing I can totally relate too.. for me I am grieving.. I am also in shock.. saying that I also adore my new home and wouldnt dream of leaving (unless it is to having a visit home which I won't do just yet.. might be too tempted to give it all up!).. sounds a bit OTT, but its just my experience..
Look - I know this may be the wrong advice for you but for me I am *not* going to confront the whole "what is wrong" side of our relationship.. I think it would end up in a circumstance that wouldnt do us or our kids any good..I don't think either of us are in the right frame of mind to give anything that is productive nor are we probably going to see *anything* from the others point of view...
So I have decided to focus upon myself and settling.. get some new hobbies.. try some new things.. focus upon anything and everything that isnt him and me for a change.. that way we might have a chance.. we need the breather from us and everything.. not suggesting that is the same for you, but just a thought....
Hope you figure it out.. I always say what doesnt kill you makes you stronger.. plus try and remember why you and him got together in the 1st place.. ie, focus or atleast remind yourself of his good points.. sometimes us females can focus on what they do wrong too much..
Em x
Fortunately he had to go to WA on the Saturday and it has given us the space that we needed right now.. we've spent too much time with just one another to speak to, just one another to rely on and the pressure has nearly killed us.. I was (am?) really fed up but life goes on..
The breavement thing I can totally relate too.. for me I am grieving.. I am also in shock.. saying that I also adore my new home and wouldnt dream of leaving (unless it is to having a visit home which I won't do just yet.. might be too tempted to give it all up!).. sounds a bit OTT, but its just my experience..
Look - I know this may be the wrong advice for you but for me I am *not* going to confront the whole "what is wrong" side of our relationship.. I think it would end up in a circumstance that wouldnt do us or our kids any good..I don't think either of us are in the right frame of mind to give anything that is productive nor are we probably going to see *anything* from the others point of view...
So I have decided to focus upon myself and settling.. get some new hobbies.. try some new things.. focus upon anything and everything that isnt him and me for a change.. that way we might have a chance.. we need the breather from us and everything.. not suggesting that is the same for you, but just a thought....
Hope you figure it out.. I always say what doesnt kill you makes you stronger.. plus try and remember why you and him got together in the 1st place.. ie, focus or atleast remind yourself of his good points.. sometimes us females can focus on what they do wrong too much..
Em x
Dec 18th 2008 | 12:18 am
#23
Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 1,144
Re: Please Help - Relationship problems after moving to Australia
Nice advice Em.
Its hard for anyone else to comment - and sometimes you just need to get it out but then the next day it isnt so bad.
When you read someone sounding so upset, it is easy to say leave him but its not that easy and no relationship would work out if everyone did give it in.
My husband and I are always trying to work it out. He shouts about absolutely everything, all the time. h Has no other mechanism to deal with stress, of which we have lots. But its just hot air and most of the time I just ignore him although I absolutely hate it. Hes good in so many ways, I do think the children are better with us together.
If you talk to me tomorrow I may say I am leaving - I yo yo between work it out and leaving and have done since about year 3.
Viv
Its hard for anyone else to comment - and sometimes you just need to get it out but then the next day it isnt so bad.
When you read someone sounding so upset, it is easy to say leave him but its not that easy and no relationship would work out if everyone did give it in.
My husband and I are always trying to work it out. He shouts about absolutely everything, all the time. h Has no other mechanism to deal with stress, of which we have lots. But its just hot air and most of the time I just ignore him although I absolutely hate it. Hes good in so many ways, I do think the children are better with us together.
If you talk to me tomorrow I may say I am leaving - I yo yo between work it out and leaving and have done since about year 3.
Viv
Dec 18th 2008 | 12:27 am
#24
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Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 3,821
Re: Please Help - Relationship problems after moving to Australia
Nice advice Em.
Its hard for anyone else to comment - and sometimes you just need to get it out but then the next day it isnt so bad.
When you read someone sounding so upset, it is easy to say leave him but its not that easy and no relationship would work out if everyone did give it in.
My husband and I are always trying to work it out. He shouts about absolutely everything, all the time. h Has no other mechanism to deal with stress, of which we have lots. But its just hot air and most of the time I just ignore him although I absolutely hate it. Hes good in so many ways, I do think the children are better with us together.
If you talk to me tomorrow I may say I am leaving - I yo yo between work it out and leaving and have done since about year 3.
Viv
Its hard for anyone else to comment - and sometimes you just need to get it out but then the next day it isnt so bad.
When you read someone sounding so upset, it is easy to say leave him but its not that easy and no relationship would work out if everyone did give it in.
My husband and I are always trying to work it out. He shouts about absolutely everything, all the time. h Has no other mechanism to deal with stress, of which we have lots. But its just hot air and most of the time I just ignore him although I absolutely hate it. Hes good in so many ways, I do think the children are better with us together.
If you talk to me tomorrow I may say I am leaving - I yo yo between work it out and leaving and have done since about year 3.
Viv
Weirdo I am sometimes!Me and OH had prob the nicest conversations that we have had in weeks over the phone today.. chatted away like the old married couple that we are.. so.. I say take it one day at a time and try and keep sane.. and try to forgive.. holding grudges is the worst things you can do.. mind you, at the same time, you can't be a doormat..
Ah balls.. I havent got a clue what to advise!
Em x
Dec 18th 2008 | 1:19 am
#25
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Joined: Nov 2008
Posts: 7
Re: Please Help - Relationship problems after moving to Australia
hello fluffball
I can totally relate to what you have written, the same is happening to me kind of, although we went in the opposite direction- back to uk from oz! Emigrating or emigrating back to the uk can both put immense stress and strain on a relationship it seems...
Since coming back, things haven't gone well for us in terms of getting on our feet / we've had a run of very bad luck and my OH hasn't handled the stress well at all. He's constantly irritable, moody, bad tempered, rude and shouts a lot. We have two children and I'm sure they sense the pressure cooker we live in.
It makes me really sad as I was the one who wanted to come back to start with (wish we had never bothered if I'm honest! I really miss australia and regret coming back but I don't know if we will ever move back). We used to laugh a lot and we've been together 10 years and it's sad that all we do now is argue. Like you, I don't know what to do about it although there has been some good advice on here which I might follow myself!
If you want to PM me, please do.
take care, hope it all works out for you
sausagesizzle x
I can totally relate to what you have written, the same is happening to me kind of, although we went in the opposite direction- back to uk from oz! Emigrating or emigrating back to the uk can both put immense stress and strain on a relationship it seems...
Since coming back, things haven't gone well for us in terms of getting on our feet / we've had a run of very bad luck and my OH hasn't handled the stress well at all. He's constantly irritable, moody, bad tempered, rude and shouts a lot. We have two children and I'm sure they sense the pressure cooker we live in.
It makes me really sad as I was the one who wanted to come back to start with (wish we had never bothered if I'm honest! I really miss australia and regret coming back but I don't know if we will ever move back). We used to laugh a lot and we've been together 10 years and it's sad that all we do now is argue. Like you, I don't know what to do about it although there has been some good advice on here which I might follow myself!
If you want to PM me, please do.
take care, hope it all works out for you
sausagesizzle x
Dec 18th 2008 | 1:41 am
#26
Forum Regular
Joined: Aug 2008
Posts: 126
Re: Please Help - Relationship problems after moving to Australia
Hmmmm, well, me and OH just back from trip to oz in OCT and ended up in counselling!!!Long story, my mother in law is a nightmare and part of reason we going, to get away from family shi*. Well funily enough it all came to a head when we boarded the flight for our child free fortnight. I couldnt stand sight of him the whole time, didnt let him near me etc etc, think i behaved like your partner, and i wasnt sure of the area. there is a pattern i feel, I dont travel well, get stressed,im a nightmare on hols etc, but i got my rude awakening on arrival home, during a spat re the old cow (mother in law) - he walked out!! to his mothers 
to apparently cool off hmmmmm!and he said no way to emigrating until i spoke to the devil in womans clothes! cause i would be running away from my problems?!
I was incandescent with rage
He stayed away for a week, trying to bring me into line,and i got told to go to counselling with him, by him, supposidly to help him sort his mother out, i turned up to find bloody RELATE on the door plaque couple councilling, thought it was him and mummy that was problem?
Well we had 2 sessions (Sending the bill to that old bint!)
I was dreading it cause it was a woman, and my OH is a real sweety, the women always sympathise with him.
Well at end of second session, she told him to sort his prioritys me/kids or mummy that never cut the bloody cord,
and that she wouldnt normally say this, but perhaps we should move away to get peace and quiet from dragon!Ahahahahahahahahahahahah!
Hmmm yes i can honestly say councilling is a wonderfull thing!
You should go, it can only help.
to apparently cool off hmmmmm!and he said no way to emigrating until i spoke to the devil in womans clothes! cause i would be running away from my problems?!I was incandescent with rage
He stayed away for a week, trying to bring me into line,and i got told to go to counselling with him, by him, supposidly to help him sort his mother out, i turned up to find bloody RELATE on the door plaque
couple councilling, thought it was him and mummy that was problem?Well we had 2 sessions (Sending the bill to that old bint!)
I was dreading it cause it was a woman, and my OH is a real sweety, the women always sympathise with him.
Well at end of second session, she told him to sort his prioritys me/kids or mummy that never cut the bloody cord,
and that she wouldnt normally say this, but perhaps we should move away to get peace and quiet from dragon!Ahahahahahahahahahahahah!
Hmmm yes i can honestly say councilling is a wonderfull thing!
You should go, it can only help.
Dec 18th 2008 | 1:18 pm
#27
Account Closed
Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 546
Re: Please Help - Relationship problems after moving to Australia
These people are generally very good at their job.. they are also not-for-profit
http://www.relationships.com.au/
http://www.relationships.com.au/
Dec 18th 2008 | 2:52 pm
#28
Forum Regular
Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 98
Re: Please Help - Relationship problems after moving to Australia
I just wanted to say that i have experienced alot of arguements in the last year with the move here and alot of very nasty rows (much worse than ever before!) and i seriously thought about leaving my partner of 8 years!
The thing that made me stay is realizing that i felt sad and was taking it out on him and so guessed that it could be working that way for him too!
So instead of asking him why he is so angry, you could try telling him how scared and worried you are/were about moving to oz and that it must be hard for him too (especially as men are always expected to be strong/brave/together,etc)
and ask him if he finds it as overwhelming as you do. I had a similar talk with my partner and after initially resisting opening up, i kept on asking him if he was scared, etc and that it was understandable if he was and eventually he opened up and said how much pressure he felt to look after me and make sure that i was ok that he ended up resenting me for being so needy! I told him that i respected his need to look after me but he needed to take care of himself too. i may be wrong but maybe he needs to do stuff just for him and you for you to ease the pressure of taking care of someone else.
It isnt easy but hopefully you will work through this together and remember why you are together and why you first fell in love.
Good luck.
sidneee x
The thing that made me stay is realizing that i felt sad and was taking it out on him and so guessed that it could be working that way for him too!
So instead of asking him why he is so angry, you could try telling him how scared and worried you are/were about moving to oz and that it must be hard for him too (especially as men are always expected to be strong/brave/together,etc)
and ask him if he finds it as overwhelming as you do. I had a similar talk with my partner and after initially resisting opening up, i kept on asking him if he was scared, etc and that it was understandable if he was and eventually he opened up and said how much pressure he felt to look after me and make sure that i was ok that he ended up resenting me for being so needy! I told him that i respected his need to look after me but he needed to take care of himself too. i may be wrong but maybe he needs to do stuff just for him and you for you to ease the pressure of taking care of someone else.
It isnt easy but hopefully you will work through this together and remember why you are together and why you first fell in love.
Good luck.
sidneee x
Dec 18th 2008 | 8:45 pm
#29
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Joined: Feb 2008
Posts: 461
Re: Please Help - Relationship problems after moving to Australia
Wish I could really help those of you who are struggling with your new life in Australia. We moved to Asia in 93 and left all 3 of ours behind in UK. Our youngest was only 13 and went to boarding school for the first time, whereas the older 2 were already at uni. I spent the next 5 years travelling back to UK approximately every 8 weeks for about 6 weeks to try to keep everyone happy. Impossible! We did get cheap fares.
We had to work very hard to stay together, so I do understand the strain a lot of you are under. A lot of couples did split up in the 9 years we were there.
You have to try to communicate with each other. I think it can take several years before your new life feels like home and that you belong. Be good to each other, make friends ideally with others in the same position, because it helps that you can unload on someone that understands.
We moved here 6 years ago, retired, and again knew no one on the coast. Perhaps we have settled quite easily because of having been expats, we were more prepared for the problems that are quite normal to adjust to when moving to a new country.
So do hope that everything settles down. Even if you think you have made a mistake moving to Aus. give it a chance, and remember sometimes men worry more than we give them credit for. tomar parent
We had to work very hard to stay together, so I do understand the strain a lot of you are under. A lot of couples did split up in the 9 years we were there.
You have to try to communicate with each other. I think it can take several years before your new life feels like home and that you belong. Be good to each other, make friends ideally with others in the same position, because it helps that you can unload on someone that understands.
We moved here 6 years ago, retired, and again knew no one on the coast. Perhaps we have settled quite easily because of having been expats, we were more prepared for the problems that are quite normal to adjust to when moving to a new country.
So do hope that everything settles down. Even if you think you have made a mistake moving to Aus. give it a chance, and remember sometimes men worry more than we give them credit for. tomar parent
Dec 19th 2008 | 4:39 am
#30
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Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 591
Re: Please Help - Relationship problems after moving to Australia
Hi there,
I've just found this website and really hope someone can help me or give me some advice.. It's so hard knowing what to do.
My boyfriend and I (both 29) recently moved out to Sydney after being offered 2 year secondments through our company in London. We've been here for 2 months now. Things have been great and awful. We both love Australia, that's not the problem. However, since about 6 weeks before the move, he keeps having massive blow ups at me over the most trival of things - and when I say massive, he really says some awful things to me.
I talked it through with family and friends before we left and put it down to stress of the move thinking that it would change. I know we have only been here for a short time but it is still happening, maybe like once a fortnight and I am finding it so terribly hard and hurtful hearing him talk to me the way he does. Especially when we don't have any friends or family here and so no support. He doesn't apologise for it afterwards and it is breaking my heart and making me feel very insecure. Up until now I have mostly ignored him thinking it is just stress but yesterday he just went too far with the things he said over the most trivial thing - in fact it was something nice that I was trying to do for him. Anyway, I spent the whole night beside myself in tears to the point I got such a terrible migrane I couldn't go to work today as I felt like I'd gone ten rounds with Mike Tyson. I've spent the whole day in bed today.. Even thought the catalyst is trivial, the things that he says to me are not. I just don't know how he can say some of the things to me that he is at the moment. It is like he just doesn't love me anymore when he gets this way.
Last night I could have just got on a plane home. But we have been together for 4 years and lived together for half of that at least. This change in him only happened once things started getting stressful with the move and is very out of character - that's the only reasons i've not walked out of the door.
Can anyone help me? Has anyone elses relationship struggled at the beginning, suffered or broken down after moving to the other side of the world? Should I tough it out or is it better to get out now before it seriously starts to effect my self confidence? I just don't know and I have not even can't even decide if we split up if i would stay in oz for the secondment or go home..
Thanks so much for taking the time to read my essay! I wish I had known this forum was here sooner..
F x
I've just found this website and really hope someone can help me or give me some advice.. It's so hard knowing what to do.
My boyfriend and I (both 29) recently moved out to Sydney after being offered 2 year secondments through our company in London. We've been here for 2 months now. Things have been great and awful. We both love Australia, that's not the problem. However, since about 6 weeks before the move, he keeps having massive blow ups at me over the most trival of things - and when I say massive, he really says some awful things to me.
I talked it through with family and friends before we left and put it down to stress of the move thinking that it would change. I know we have only been here for a short time but it is still happening, maybe like once a fortnight and I am finding it so terribly hard and hurtful hearing him talk to me the way he does. Especially when we don't have any friends or family here and so no support. He doesn't apologise for it afterwards and it is breaking my heart and making me feel very insecure. Up until now I have mostly ignored him thinking it is just stress but yesterday he just went too far with the things he said over the most trivial thing - in fact it was something nice that I was trying to do for him. Anyway, I spent the whole night beside myself in tears to the point I got such a terrible migrane I couldn't go to work today as I felt like I'd gone ten rounds with Mike Tyson. I've spent the whole day in bed today.. Even thought the catalyst is trivial, the things that he says to me are not. I just don't know how he can say some of the things to me that he is at the moment. It is like he just doesn't love me anymore when he gets this way.
Last night I could have just got on a plane home. But we have been together for 4 years and lived together for half of that at least. This change in him only happened once things started getting stressful with the move and is very out of character - that's the only reasons i've not walked out of the door.
Can anyone help me? Has anyone elses relationship struggled at the beginning, suffered or broken down after moving to the other side of the world? Should I tough it out or is it better to get out now before it seriously starts to effect my self confidence? I just don't know and I have not even can't even decide if we split up if i would stay in oz for the secondment or go home..
Thanks so much for taking the time to read my essay! I wish I had known this forum was here sooner..
F x
This sound sooooooo much like our relationshop few days ago...Sadly!
I don't want to make excuses for how I behaved...Really badly. I was also saying the most horrid things to my OH. We've been together for 12 years now and have a wonderful little girl...
Yet, days before we started the whole process of moving to Oz, I started to change in behaviour...I could see what effect this change had but honestly, I felt helpless...I kept saying the most terrible of things to my OH...Even for the most trivial of things...
I'd then feel even worse because I would know that I shouldn't have done what I did...Endless vicious circle...
Now, I look back and cannot fathom why...I keep putting own to the stress and yet it doesn't explain why I was so nasty to the one person who loves me, shares with me the experience of moving and who is also without a doubt, going through the same stress as me...
I can also say this to you: hang in there. All my bad words weren't about being personal to my OH...It's just the wretched feeling I had at the time...Nothing personal.
Do hope you guys get past this situation like we have...You'll then enjoy the whole experience better...
