linsi

this is a good one

Nu-Shooz

Ha, so much to learn

moneypenny20

Sally Simpson

smiling4

jazzys

Two women had been having a friendly lunch when the subject turned to sex.

"You know, John and I have been having some sexual problems" Linda told her friend.

"That's amazing!" Mary replied, "So have Tom and I. We're thinking of going to a sex therapist" said Linda.

"Oh, we could never do that! We'd be too embarrassed!" responded Mary. "But after you go, will you please tell me how it went?"

Several weeks passed and they met for lunch again. "So, how did the sex therapy work out, Linda?"

"Things couldn't be better!", Linda exclaimed. "We began with a physical exam, and afterward the doctor said he was certain he could help us. He told us to stop at the grocery store on the way home and buy a bunch of grapes and a dozen donuts. He told us to sit on the floor nude, and toss the grapes and donuts at each other. Every grape that went into me down there, John had to get it out with his tongue. Every donut that I ringed his member with, I had to eat. Our sex life is wonderful, in fact it's better than it's ever been!"

With that endorsement, Mary talked her husband into an appointment with the same sex therapist. After the physical exams were completed the doctor called Mary and Tom into his office. "I'm afraid there is nothing I can do for you," he said.

"But doctor," Mary complained, "You did such good for Linda and John, surely you must have a suggestion for us! Please, please, can't you give us some help? Any help at all?"

"Well, OK," the doctor answered "On your way home, I want you to stop at the grocery store and buy a sack of apples and a box of Cheerios..."

jazzys

townies5

Bobcat

GOING TO HELL.
An old lady dies and goes up to heaven.
Whilst chatting to St.Peter at the Pearly Gates she hears bloodcurdling screams, and asks."What on earth is that?"

St. Peter replies,"Don"t worry, it is just someone having holes drilled into their shoulder blades to have their wings fitted."
The old lady looks a little uncomfortable with this explanation but carries on chatting to St. Peter.

A few minutes later there are more screams of a similar volume and St.Peter notices her concern and says,"Don"t worry, they are now having their heads drilled to have the halos fitted."
The old lady says,"Thats it, I"m Off, I am going to Hell."

St.Peter says,"You can"t go down there, you will be raped and sodomised!"
The old lady says,"I don"t care, I"ve already got the holes drilled for that!"

Bobcat

AEROPLANE DRESS SENSE?

Three black ladies are flying for the very first time, and are discussing what to wear, and what may happen etc.

The 1st black lady says,"Well I"m gonna wear de summer hot pink panties, cos if de plane goes down in de cornfield an ahm face down I"ll be de 1st one to be found."

The 2nd black lady says,"Well ahm gonna wear de flooresent orange panties, cos if de plane goes down in de oshun an ahm butt up I"ll be de first one to be found."

The 3rd black lady says,"Well I aint wearin no panties in case de plane goes down."

The other two ladies exclaim,"Yo aint gonna wear no panties?"

The 3rd black lady replies,"Nope, cos if de plane goes down, de first ting dey look for is de black box!"

Bobcat

It was Postman Pat's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same villages and towns.

When he arrived at the first house on his route, he was greeted by the whole family there, who all hugged and congratulated him and sent him on his way with a gift cheque for £50.

At the second house they presented him an 18-carat gold watch.

The folks at the third house handed him a bottle of 15-year old Scotch whisky.

At the fourth house he was met at the door by a blonde in her lingerie. She took him by the arm and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where she blew his mind with the most passionate sex he had ever experienced. When he had had enough they went downstairs, where the dumb blonde fixed him a full English breakfast: Bacon, Eggs, Sausage Tomato with freshly-squeezed orange juice. When he was truly satisfied she poured him a cup of steaming coffee. As she was pouring, he noticed a £5 note sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge.

"All this was just too wonderful for words," he said, "but what's the five quid for?"

"Well," said the dumb blonde, "last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day and that we should do something special for you." "I asked him what to give you."

He said, "F**k him. Give him a fiver" She smiled shyly and said, "the breakfast was my idea!"

Bobcat

Gennaro is in this country for only 6 months.
He walks to work 20 blocks every day
and passes a shoe store.

Each day he stops and looks in the window
to admire the Boccelli leather shoes.
He wants those shoes so much...
it's all he can think about.

After about 2 months he saves the price
of the shoes, $300, and purchases them.

Every Friday night the Italian community
holds a dance in the church basement.

Gennaro seizes this opportunity to wear
his new Boccelli leather shoes for the first time.

He asks Sophia to dance and
as they dance he asks her,
"Sophia, do you wear red panties tonight?"
Startled, Sophia replies,
"Yes, Gennaro, I do wear red panties tonight,
but how do you know?"
Gennaro answers,
"I see the reflection in my new
$300 Boccelli leather shoes.
How do you like them?"

Next week he asks Rosa to dance,
and after a few minutes he asks,
"Rosa, do you wear white panties tonight?"
Rosa answers,
"Yes, Gennaro, I do,
but how do you know that?"
He replies,
"I see the reflection in my new
$300 Boccelli leather shoes.
How do you like them?"

Now as the evening is almost over
and the last song is being played,
Gennaro asks Carmela to dance.
Midway through the dance his face
turns red.
He states, "Carmela, be stilla my heart,
please, please tell me you wear no panties tonight,
please, please, tella me this true!"
Carmela smiles coyly and answers,
"Yes Gennaro, I wear no panties tonight."
Gennaro gasps,

"Thanka God ...
I thought I had a CRACK in my
$300 Boccelli leather shoes!"

Bobcat

A taxi driver picks up a Nun. She gets into the cab, and notices that the VERY handsome cab driver won't stop staring at her. She asks him why he is staring. He replies: "I have a question to ask, but I don't want to offend you."
She answers, "My son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive."

"Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me."

She responds, "Well, let's see what we can do about that: 1, you have to be single and 2, you must be Catholic."

The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I'm single and Catholic!"

"OK" the nun says. "Pull into the next alley." The nun fulfils his fantasy with a kiss that would make a hooker blush. But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying. "My dear child," said the nun, "why are you crying?"

"Forgive me but I've sinned. I lied and I must confess; I'm married and I'm Jewish."

The nun says, "That's OK. My name is Jeff and I'm going to a Halloween party."

Bobcat

Mujibar was trying to get a job in India.

The Personnel Manager said, "Mujibar, you have passed all the tests, except one. Unless you
pass it you cannot qualify for this job."

Mujibar said, "I am ready."

The manager said, "Make a sentence using the words Yellow, Pink and Green."

Mujibar thought for a few minutes and said, "Mister manager, I am ready."

The manager said, "Go ahead."

Mujibar said, "The telephone goes green, green, green, and I pink it up, and say, 'Yellow, this is Mujibar.'"

Mujibar now works as a technician at a call center for computer problems.

No doubt you have spoken to him?

Sally Simpson

Oh Bobcat! You naughty boy

Bobcat

It was time for Father John's Saturday night bath, and the young nun, Sister Magdalene, had prepared the bath water and towels just the way the old nun had instructed.

Sister Magdalene was also instructed not to look at Father John's nakedness if she could help it, do whatever he told her to do, and pray.

The next morning the old nun asked Sister Magdalene how the Saturday night bath had gone.

"Oh, sister," said the young nun dreamily, "I've been saved."

"Saved? And how did that come about?" asked the old nun.

"Well, when Father John was soaking in the tub, he asked me to wash him, and while I was washing him he guided my hand down between his legs where he said the Lord keeps the Key to Heaven."

"Did he now?" said the old nun evenly.

Sister Magdalene continued, "And Father John said that if the Key to Heaven fit my lock, the portals of Heaven would be opened to me and I would be assured salvation and eternal peace. And then Father John guided his Key to
Heaven into my lock."

"Is that a fact?" said the old nun even more evenly.

"At first it hurt terribly, but Father John said the pathway to salvation was often painful and that the glory of God would soon swell my heart with ecstasy. And it did, it felt so good being saved."

"That wicked old bastard" said the old nun. "He told me it was Gabriel's Horn, and I've been blowing it for 40 years."