Originally Posted by WendyC

What's you're most embarassing moment

PS - Soapy keep it clean!!

Originally Posted by russmcp

It goes a little something like this……….

I was about 19 years old. I worked for the Royal Mail then. I was delivering parcels in my trusty old Leyland Sherpa diesel Van.

It was a lovely summer’s day and people who work for the post office enjoy the afternoons off so I was rushing around like a blue arsed fly.

Anyway I had to drop this parcel off at a residential address. The Leyland Sherpa Van in those days had the slide doors so in effect you could jump out very quickly.

On this day I did that, I jumped out very quickly. As I jumped out I put the handbrake on and thought I had taken it out of gear by flicking the gear stick out of 2nd gear.

I grabbed the package, I think it might have been a Britannia Book Club CD or something and leapt out of the van in full flight thinking how graceful I looked. As I leapt out I saw that the van was still moving forward. It appeared that the van was travelling slowly.

In my infinite wisdom at the time I thought to myself, I need to stop the van moving. I then made a decision that turned out to be the wrong one…….

Rather than jump back into the van and stop it via the brake, I positioned myself at the front of the van. I was a couple of paces ahead of the van and waited for the van to move into the palms of my hands which were at the end of my outstretched arms. I believe I looked a bit like Superman. As the bonnet of the van cosseted my open palms I felt the force of a 2 tonne van drag me backwards. I looked like a Christopher Dean on Ice as I was dragged back along the road.

I then decided to look round over my shoulder and saw a very old Ford Transit parked in my way. I tried hard to stop the van by really grunting and really trying to stick the anchors on with my shoes.

This did not work and I continued to be dragged backwards until I knew the inevitable would happen…….I tried to jump however my left leg never made it and CRUNCH, BANG! My left leg acted as a shock absorber between a Leyland Van and a Ford Transit.

Luckily the Ford Transit brought the Leyland Sherpa to a halt. I do recall hopping about this street shouting **** many times. I also recall laughter coming from the builders working on a house; who owned the Ford Transit Van. I then recall falling on the floor in a state of feint. This soon passed however. A couple of minutes later after the builders stopped laughing we exchanged insurance details. Of course I had to ring the office but my manager was in a meeting. I seem to recall making the telephone call from the house the builders were working on. I think the conversation went something like this……

“Hi is XXXXX (my name) is (XXXX) manager there please?”

“No his in a meeting”

“Can you get someone to pick me up from XXXX (Address)
“Why?”
“I’ve run myself over…………….”

Obviously this went around the office like wild fire…….I do recall speaking to my manager who refused to believe what had happened and asked me what really occurred

I had to go to hospital to get the leg checked over, for some reason the NHS seemed to think it was quite funny as well.

It would appear I flicked the gear stick, but did not take it out of gear. Being a diesel engine the tourqe kept the gearing moving which meant I stood no chance of stopping it like that

My career with the Royal Mail was never the same after that episode, cant think why……………………..

Hope you find it quite amusing and not boring. I am off to get more wine……..

Originally Posted by possoms

pmsl karma for that one

Originally Posted by Hutch

OK - round two for me:

I used to DJ in Bath and I'd always drink fairly heavily behind the decks and then ride my mountain bike home. I had a route right through the town centre and I used to zip my way through the deserted streets at great speed. One night I was a bit wankered and was enjoying the cool air as I hurtled through the cobbled streets. As I rounded the corner into Abbey Courtyard I gave a wave to the CCTV camera (I knew the blokes that operated it) and rode straight into this ****ing great rembrance day cross they'd put up earlier in the day. Straight over the handlebars into this sea of poppies and wreathes. I'm still amazed that I never made it onto one of those 'drunken arsholes on CCTV' programmes.

Actually - I've had some cracking moments on my mountain bike. On another occasion I used the opportunity of the first warmish day of summer to go for a ride down the cycle path. I got all hot and sweaty and so on the way back I took my t-shirt off and rested it over the handlebars. Just as I was coming off the path, the t-shirt snagged in the front wheel and I went flying over the handle-bars landing (bare-backed) on the road, right in front of a load of factory workers out eating their lunches on their picnic tables. They pissed 'emselves laughing but not one of the buggers offered me any assistance.

I've just remembered another great one - this time the wife. We were out for a walk in the countryside, a good four miles from anywhere and she suddenly realises she's desparate for poo. She absolutely hates 'going' outdoors and tried to hold it for as long as she could, but there was no stopping things. So we spent ages trying to find somewhere discrete enough for her to drop her kecks. Eventually we find this really quiet spot by a small embankment and she sends me away to keep guard by the path. So she drops her trousers and starts to get down to the business in question, just as a packed Intercity rumbles slowly past on the train-track above the embankment that we'd completely failed to notice. I don't know who was laughing more - me or the commuters on the train who had something over than the evening paper to divert their attention.

Originally Posted by sme

A number of years ago I was trying to impress some bloke in the pub, I very cooly pulled out my cigarette lighter to light both our fags only to find I was waving a Lil-let under his nose
Needless to say I gave up smoking and looking cool

Originally Posted by renth

I was out running along the Swan river with my mate yesterday, when he shat himself. That was pretty embarrasing - for him.

Originally Posted by Clippies

How do you EVER recover from that sort of embarrasment! Lol

Originally Posted by renth

Well, it was only me who saw the shit dribbling down the back of his leg as he made his way in to the public toilet.

I've been telling all our mates at work though...

Originally Posted by DollyDaydream

This only happened recently and still haunts me..... went to the loo at one of our local garden centres. It was a cold day so I'd got on a thick jacket, jumper etc. It was very cramped in there, knocked elbows on the wall etc but came out unscathed [or so I thought].

My friend looked at me horrified and pointed behind me. I looked back to see a white trail of loo roll. My brain couldn't process what I was seeing, all I could see was this loo paper. Then my eyes followed the trail and it ended in my jeans. Yup, in the kerfuffle in the cramped loo I'd managed to tuck the loo roll in me jeans.

D D

Originally Posted by FluffyTheCampfireSlayer

Niiice......how utterly classy!

Originally Posted by Bordy

A few years ago I was to pick my Mrs up at the supermarket, I got there a bit early so I nipped in to help with the shopping.
Saw her up one of the Isles so kinda crept up behind her & smacked her arse.

I nearly died when this chick turned round & it wasn't my Mrs, she was her spit from the back.
To this day I don't know how I talked myself out of that one, think I'm blushing just thinking of it.

Originally Posted by Clippies

pmsl, that's your story and you're sticking to it eh.....