Hutch

It's a big house and it's the toilet down our end of the house, not generally used by the olds, plus having a four year old, constantly mucking about with locks and/or wanting attention, makes locked doors a bit of an impossiblity. That's her excuses anyway - truth is she couldn't bear to stop talking for that long and always leaves the bog door open at home so she can continue her female stream-of-conciousness verbal diahorea.

Wendy

LOL

Clippy

PMSL! I can't believe the driver didn't laugh at that

Clippy

There are some classics on here, I've had a right laugh!

One I remember really clearly is when I first got together with my fella, I was only 18 (lol yes it was a long time ago!) and his parents were on holiday. So naturally I stayed at his house but it was all secret

Anyway, couple of weeks later I was at his house and I'd only met his parents a couple of times but I was standing there whilst fella and his mom are having a conversation.....fella develops a bit of a sniffle......so he reaches into his pocket

What does he pull out to blow his nose on......??


MY KNICKERS! He's standing there talking to his mom wiping his nose with my knickers

I'm standing there trying to look all sweet and innocent and his mom goes "er I think those are Kath's aren't they"

Apparantly I'd left them there when I was staying

Jesus talk about die of embarrasment! I wouldn't mind but he never even usually has a hanky

Wendy

PMSL x

soapy©

you called.
heres an old thread i did a long time ago.saves me typing again lol
http://britishexpats.com/forum/showthread.php?t=280306

Wendy

I said keep it clean

soapy©

it was

Wendy

Is that why they call you soapy??

Cos you think that everythings clean

meelie

I had the most embarrassing experience when I was 17. I was asked out for a meal by a guy at work who I didn't really know. So dressed for the occasion in high heels and skirt etc thinking we were going somewhere nice I was collected by him in a right old banger of a car. AND there he was dressed in jeans and tatty old jumper! BUT thats not all, on the way he casually mentioned that he was a born again christian and that we were meeting other born again christians and were going to meet at a church! When we got there much to my horror they were all dressed in jeans and trainers and sweaters thus I stuck out like a sore thumb! Well, for each course of the meal we had to walk to a different house to 'build up an appetite' and as I'm not very good at walking in high heels due to my flat feet I felt horrified! During the course of the evening they asked me my religion and I was very honest and told them I didn't practice any religion but was interested in white witchcraft, the following stares and silence told me that they didn't approve! Well, near the end of the evening we were walking along to the last house for dessert when clever old me tripped over in my high heels and fell flat on my face (ooh I still cringe when I think about it) and I said out loud 'SHIT' before i could stop myself! Well that finished it for me, unfortunately there was no rock for me to crawl under and i had to endure the disapproving stares throughout the dessert. Needless to say, I never went out with him again!

Wendy

LOL K sent

Perhaps that's a good thing

meelie

Yeah! He was a terrible eater too, kept smacking his chops which REALLY REALLY drives me nuts!

Wendy

EEEUUUUUGGGGGHHHHHHHH !!!!

possoms

pmsl karma for that one

Hutch

OK - round two for me:

I used to DJ in Bath and I'd always drink fairly heavily behind the decks and then ride my mountain bike home. I had a route right through the town centre and I used to zip my way through the deserted streets at great speed. One night I was a bit wankered and was enjoying the cool air as I hurtled through the cobbled streets. As I rounded the corner into Abbey Courtyard I gave a wave to the CCTV camera (I knew the blokes that operated it) and rode straight into this ****ing great rembrance day cross they'd put up earlier in the day. Straight over the handlebars into this sea of poppies and wreathes. I'm still amazed that I never made it onto one of those 'drunken arsholes on CCTV' programmes.

Actually - I've had some cracking moments on my mountain bike. On another occasion I used the opportunity of the first warmish day of summer to go for a ride down the cycle path. I got all hot and sweaty and so on the way back I took my t-shirt off and rested it over the handlebars. Just as I was coming off the path, the t-shirt snagged in the front wheel and I went flying over the handle-bars landing (bare-backed) on the road, right in front of a load of factory workers out eating their lunches on their picnic tables. They pissed 'emselves laughing but not one of the buggers offered me any assistance.

I've just remembered another great one - this time the wife. We were out for a walk in the countryside, a good four miles from anywhere and she suddenly realises she's desparate for poo. She absolutely hates 'going' outdoors and tried to hold it for as long as she could, but there was no stopping things. So we spent ages trying to find somewhere discrete enough for her to drop her kecks. Eventually we find this really quiet spot by a small embankment and she sends me away to keep guard by the path. So she drops her trousers and starts to get down to the business in question, just as a packed Intercity rumbles slowly past on the train-track above the embankment that we'd completely failed to notice. I don't know who was laughing more - me or the commuters on the train who had something over than the evening paper to divert their attention.