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Making realtionships work between 2 people from different countries

Making realtionships work between 2 people from different countries

Old Nov 21st 2011, 11:10 pm
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Default Making realtionships work between 2 people from different countries

Hi,

Sorry to use this site to get advice about my love life, but I was hoping that, as many of you are living in a different country, you'd be able to understand.

Basically I lived in London for a year or so and met a lovely man just before I was due to come back home to Australia. We kept in contact while I was back home for 10 months or so before I decided to go back to the UK to give our relationship a chance. I have a British passport so visas etc weren't an issue for me. We didn't live together while I was there, but we had a great relationship. I was there for 1.5 years and while I liked it, I was finding it very difficult to get a good job and went through a long period of crazy flatmates which I got sick of. My boyfriend also worked crazy hours with night shift etc so that was really hard too.

At xmas last year I took him to Australia for a month and we went to visit my sister in Perth and he loved it. Upon returning to the UK my boyfriend was talking about moving in with me, but my contract was coming to an end at work with no other job in sight, my flatmates were moving out and my boyfriend was on really bad money and would've found it difficult to afford it (he lives with his mum and his brother!). We talked about it and decided it was best for us to move back to Oz so we could build a life together. I moved the following April because I'd had enough of doing it tough and I just craved setting myself up with a good life back home. He came 5 months later because he needed time to save up for his working visa. Anyway so he finally got here and I was so excited and then a couple of weeks in he started getting really withdrawn and told me that he was severely homesick. By the end of the 3rd week he had booked his flight back home and was gone. While it was hard to fight the urge to go after him, sometimes I would just get so angry that he didn't give it a go, especially after we'd talked about moving everything and decided moving to Australia was the best thing for us.

I'm just wondering if anyone has been in a similar situation? I really miss and love him, but I know it needs to go both ways and after us both making so much effort for him to get over here, it is just so disappointing that he just left. He was in Darwin so it would have been a massive cultural shock, but we were about to go to Melbourne for a holiday and move to Perth. I wonder how much the place even matters if you really love someone..

Do you think I should just let this one go? If they really loved you, even though it would be so hard coming from the UK, they would try a lot harder wouldn't they? It is so hard falling for someone from a different country! Relationships are hard enough and then when you throw in homesickness etc it is so tough. Sometimes I still think about going back to the UK to be with him (he hasn't asked me and said he wouldn't do that), but I know that it would probably be really stupid to do that when he couldn't be here for me, even just for 6mth/a year to see if he liked it. This only happened 3 weeks ago so it is very fresh. He left 2 weeks before my 30th birthday!!

Sorry that this thread is anormous! Just wondering what people thought that were with people from other countries and how they coped and when you know that you should just let go.. Love can suck :-(
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Old Nov 22nd 2011, 3:42 am
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Default Re: Making realtionships work between 2 people from different countries

Hmmmm.... Still living with mummy and bro??. How old was he?

Never lived together before? (dont count a month long holiday, you're in different mode on hols)

He doesnt communicate with you, then buggers off

Personally I reckon you may have had a lucky escape...

Sorry... Probably NOT what you want to hear....
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Old Nov 22nd 2011, 3:49 am
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Default Re: Making realtionships work between 2 people from different countries

Originally Posted by Sah
Hi,

Sorry to use this site to get advice about my love life, but I was hoping that, as many of you are living in a different country, you'd be able to understand.

Basically I lived in London for a year or so and met a lovely man just before I was due to come back home to Australia. We kept in contact while I was back home for 10 months or so before I decided to go back to the UK to give our relationship a chance. I have a British passport so visas etc weren't an issue for me. We didn't live together while I was there, but we had a great relationship. I was there for 1.5 years and while I liked it, I was finding it very difficult to get a good job and went through a long period of crazy flatmates which I got sick of. My boyfriend also worked crazy hours with night shift etc so that was really hard too.

At xmas last year I took him to Australia for a month and we went to visit my sister in Perth and he loved it. Upon returning to the UK my boyfriend was talking about moving in with me, but my contract was coming to an end at work with no other job in sight, my flatmates were moving out and my boyfriend was on really bad money and would've found it difficult to afford it (he lives with his mum and his brother!). We talked about it and decided it was best for us to move back to Oz so we could build a life together. I moved the following April because I'd had enough of doing it tough and I just craved setting myself up with a good life back home. He came 5 months later because he needed time to save up for his working visa. Anyway so he finally got here and I was so excited and then a couple of weeks in he started getting really withdrawn and told me that he was severely homesick. By the end of the 3rd week he had booked his flight back home and was gone. While it was hard to fight the urge to go after him, sometimes I would just get so angry that he didn't give it a go, especially after we'd talked about moving everything and decided moving to Australia was the best thing for us.

I'm just wondering if anyone has been in a similar situation? I really miss and love him, but I know it needs to go both ways and after us both making so much effort for him to get over here, it is just so disappointing that he just left. He was in Darwin so it would have been a massive cultural shock, but we were about to go to Melbourne for a holiday and move to Perth. I wonder how much the place even matters if you really love someone..

Do you think I should just let this one go? If they really loved you, even though it would be so hard coming from the UK, they would try a lot harder wouldn't they? It is so hard falling for someone from a different country! Relationships are hard enough and then when you throw in homesickness etc it is so tough. Sometimes I still think about going back to the UK to be with him (he hasn't asked me and said he wouldn't do that), but I know that it would probably be really stupid to do that when he couldn't be here for me, even just for 6mth/a year to see if he liked it. This only happened 3 weeks ago so it is very fresh. He left 2 weeks before my 30th birthday!!

Sorry that this thread is anormous! Just wondering what people thought that were with people from other countries and how they coped and when you know that you should just let go.. Love can suck :-(
Let it go.

Aussie bloke from the more civilised melbourne is hard enough work, from Darwin, bit like taming a gorilla.

Living with mummy always a worry, unless he is 18.

Mixed race relatoinships are hard work once the sex wears off. At times you can feel you have absolutely nothing in common.

Then if you have kids with them your stuck here
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Old Nov 22nd 2011, 4:03 am
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Default Re: Making realtionships work between 2 people from different countries

Originally Posted by jad n rich

Mixed race relatoinships are hard work once the sex wears off. At times you can feel you have absolutely nothing in common.

:
I am married to a Japanese girl. It was hard work even before the sex wore off.
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Old Nov 22nd 2011, 4:39 am
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Default Re: Making realtionships work between 2 people from different countries

Originally Posted by jad n rich
Mixed race relatoinships are hard work once the sex wears off. At times you can feel you have absolutely nothing in common.
i once dated a brazilian dance instructor. i thought i'd struck gold, but it was impossible to communicate things like sarcasm and irony to her, and each joke had to be broken down into components and then each part explained as to why it was funny.

so i had a couple more goes and then I was off
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Old Nov 22nd 2011, 5:00 am
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Default Re: Making realtionships work between 2 people from different countries

Originally Posted by In Exile
i once dated a brazilian dance instructor. i thought i'd struck gold, but it was impossible to communicate things like sarcasm and irony to her, and each joke had to be broken down into components and then each part explained as to why it was funny.

so i had a couple more goes and then I was off
I have the same issues with my current partner. She's from Essex.
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Old Nov 22nd 2011, 5:15 am
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Default Re: Making realtionships work between 2 people from different countries

Originally Posted by spartacus
I have the same issues with my current partner. She's from Essex.
Oi

I'm an Essex girl.... Never heard a joke i haven't "got"

Apart from the one about two essex girls walk into a bar..... That ones true meaning has always eluded me...

Perhaps you' care to explain in words of one syllable, a few hand gestures and VERY LOUDLY so that i can understand you...
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Old Nov 22nd 2011, 5:23 am
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Exclamation Re: Making realtionships work between 2 people from different countries

Thanks for your comments :-) it's funny the people we meet in life :-) my boyfriend is 26, luckily we could understand each other so didn't have this problem, only with certain terms. Thongs, bash all the things that us Aussies innocently say :-) I guess the lesson is always make sure you live with someone before you move for someone, no matter how well you get along! Pretty stupid in hindsight. By the way I love the only way is Essex :-)
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Old Nov 22nd 2011, 5:26 am
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Default Re: Making realtionships work between 2 people from different countries

Originally Posted by Sah
Thanks for your comments :-) it's funny the people we meet in life :-) my boyfriend is 26, luckily we could understand each other so didn't have this problem, only with certain terms. Thongs, bash all the things that us Aussies innocently say :-) I guess the lesson is always make sure you live with someone before you move for someone, no matter how well you get along! Pretty stupid in hindsight. By the way I love the only way is Essex :-)
you do realise that loving "the only way is Essex" is to Essex girls what a bloody Pom saying " by the way, I love Home and Away" is to an australian
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Old Nov 22nd 2011, 5:30 am
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Default Re: Making realtionships work between 2 people from different countries

Originally Posted by eddie007
Oi

I'm an Essex girl.... Never heard a joke i haven't "got"

Apart from the one about two essex girls walk into a bar..... That ones true meaning has always eluded me...

Perhaps you' care to explain in words of one syllable, a few hand gestures and VERY LOUDLY so that i can understand you...
Refer to my previous post.
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Old Nov 22nd 2011, 6:06 am
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Default Re: Making realtionships work between 2 people from different countries

Sorry :-) I hate H&A
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Old Nov 22nd 2011, 6:09 am
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Default Re: Making realtionships work between 2 people from different countries

Originally Posted by Sah
Sorry :-) I hate H&A
So do I havent watched it since before Sally left school lol
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Old Nov 22nd 2011, 6:10 am
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Default Re: Making realtionships work between 2 people from different countries

I reckon when marrying an aussie, look carefully at the family, they will become your new rellies

If your the well travelled type, ending up at a xmas dinner with 20 people who have never been out of Victoria/queensland is an experience not to miss
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Old Nov 22nd 2011, 6:22 am
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Default Re: Making realtionships work between 2 people from different countries

Originally Posted by jad n rich
I reckon when marrying an aussie, look carefully at the family, they will become your new rellies

If your the well travelled type, ending up at a xmas dinner with 20 people who have never been out of Victoria/queensland is an experience not to miss
I thought that was the greatest thing about meeting people who haven't travelled much! You get to make up all kinds of tales to tell, like, I am Chinese but also Catholic Budhist, not Prostestant Budhist...

Mrs JTL
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Old Nov 22nd 2011, 6:34 am
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Default Re: Making realtionships work between 2 people from different countries

Originally Posted by jad n rich
I reckon when marrying an aussie, look carefully at the family, they will become your new rellies

If your the well travelled type, ending up at a xmas dinner with 20 people who have never been out of Victoria/queensland is an experience not to miss
Psst Jad...you do realise the OP IS the Aussie don't you
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