Making realtionships work between 2 people from different countries
Nov 22nd 2011, 7:08 pm
#31
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Re: Making realtionships work between 2 people from different countries
Love is a weird thing. I was living in Colomiba for a while, went back to Oz and was convinced I was going to move to Colombia full time as I enjoyed teaching (no love interest there at all).
When I was back in Sydney I started going out with a lady from work and we got on well. She was my first real romantic interest since my divorce a few years earlier (married an Aussie, BIG mistake
). My new girlfriend was from Korea originally and was a naturalised Australian.
We were married in Korea (service in Korean) in 04. Since then we've moved to the UK in 06, moved back to Oz because Mrs TB couldn't settle. Moved to the UK again last year, and might possibly move back to Oz next year (boo
).
During all our time together we've traveled to many countries, I've dragged Mrs TB to countless Ironman triathlons and cycle races all over the globe. She's had to put up with nursing me through countless injuries and accidents. I've had to support her years of study (CPA), endured countless family meals in Korea where they have all been talking in Korean so fast that I can't keep up and just sit there nodding like a Churchill puppy on speed. And I've lost count of how many jokes I've has to explain whilst watching tv.
On paper this looks like hard hard work. But in reality it isn't because in the end you just 'know' when something is right.
When a couple are from different Anglo countries it can be hard, but when you are from different continents and cultures it can be extremely hard. For us, Australia is a neutral country, neither of us from there. She likes it more than I do, but in the end I want to be where we are happy together.
Certainly isn't always easy, but it's always worth it. I'm loving living in the UK but when we go back to Oz the 'balance of power' as it were, will be restored as neither of us has any family there. And that is a big thing to consider in these situations and unfortunately there is nearly one 'side' that misses out.
Nothing worth having comes easy, but IMO the very fact you've questioned things here would make me think you have more soul searching to do. For me, the differences make life interesting and rich textured.
Good luck
When I was back in Sydney I started going out with a lady from work and we got on well. She was my first real romantic interest since my divorce a few years earlier (married an Aussie, BIG mistake
). My new girlfriend was from Korea originally and was a naturalised Australian.We were married in Korea (service in Korean) in 04. Since then we've moved to the UK in 06, moved back to Oz because Mrs TB couldn't settle. Moved to the UK again last year, and might possibly move back to Oz next year (boo
).During all our time together we've traveled to many countries, I've dragged Mrs TB to countless Ironman triathlons and cycle races all over the globe. She's had to put up with nursing me through countless injuries and accidents. I've had to support her years of study (CPA), endured countless family meals in Korea where they have all been talking in Korean so fast that I can't keep up and just sit there nodding like a Churchill puppy on speed. And I've lost count of how many jokes I've has to explain whilst watching tv.
On paper this looks like hard hard work. But in reality it isn't because in the end you just 'know' when something is right.
When a couple are from different Anglo countries it can be hard, but when you are from different continents and cultures it can be extremely hard. For us, Australia is a neutral country, neither of us from there. She likes it more than I do, but in the end I want to be where we are happy together.
Certainly isn't always easy, but it's always worth it. I'm loving living in the UK but when we go back to Oz the 'balance of power' as it were, will be restored as neither of us has any family there. And that is a big thing to consider in these situations and unfortunately there is nearly one 'side' that misses out.
Nothing worth having comes easy, but IMO the very fact you've questioned things here would make me think you have more soul searching to do. For me, the differences make life interesting and rich textured.
Good luck
Nov 22nd 2011, 9:20 pm
#32
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Re: Making realtionships work between 2 people from different countries
Let me link to this (patchy) Economist piece on international marriages:
http://www.economist.com/node/215381...amesenorandmrs
Any comments on it anyone?
Nov 22nd 2011, 9:54 pm
#33
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Re: Making realtionships work between 2 people from different countries
Tell me about it. Flexibility/willingness to work at it (as in Tr1boy's case) is key imo.
Let me link to this (patchy) Economist piece on international marriages:
http://www.economist.com/node/215381...amesenorandmrs
Any comments on it anyone?
Let me link to this (patchy) Economist piece on international marriages:
http://www.economist.com/node/215381...amesenorandmrs
Any comments on it anyone?
)One 'good' thing for us is that I've spent so long in Oz away from my family that even though we are in the UK and I love having them a couple of hrs away, I still feel like a bit of an outsider. Things like that make returning easier.
We don't have kids so the 'give me some babies' doesn't apply to us either (I'm 8 yrs older than her). We often joke that our situation is so unique that we've created our own 'land bubble'.
I think we're both proud of our cultural heritage and now I've had my time in the UK, I'm ok with going wherever she wants to go. I could live in Seoul in some respects but not in others (the cycling would be rubbish!) but if that's what she wanted that's what I'd do. I did make big efforts in the early days to learn to read and speak Korean though, those kind of efforts come with the package IMO.
Nov 23rd 2011, 1:45 am
#34
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Re: Making realtionships work between 2 people from different countries
There is a certain "charm" in dating (and marrying) someone from a different culture. They appear more interesting, and you tend not to notice the bad bits because they are hidden behind a facade of "culture".
Then after a while you realise that they are human, and full of the same foibles and issues as everyone else, plus they don't fully understand your language and have their own way of doing things. They also (quite rightly) never quite shake off their roots, meaning you have to adjust to a lot of different things.
I never regret marrying my wife, and i doubt i ever will, but it does lead to a degree of loneliness, just because the level of communication isn't there, and there isn't the same cultural background.
Then after a while you realise that they are human, and full of the same foibles and issues as everyone else, plus they don't fully understand your language and have their own way of doing things. They also (quite rightly) never quite shake off their roots, meaning you have to adjust to a lot of different things.
I never regret marrying my wife, and i doubt i ever will, but it does lead to a degree of loneliness, just because the level of communication isn't there, and there isn't the same cultural background.
Nov 23rd 2011, 3:50 am
#35
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Re: Making realtionships work between 2 people from different countries
and can even swear like hell at her and it won't have the slightest effect on the relationship.
Nov 23rd 2011, 5:39 am
#36
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Re: Making realtionships work between 2 people from different countries
Look at the postive side, if married to a fellow Briton there's no hiding place or easy way of keeping distance/privacy when you want it. Plus you get away with far more (taking advantage of that facade of culture referred to) and can even swear like hell at her and it won't have the slightest effect on the relationship.
and can even swear like hell at her and it won't have the slightest effect on the relationship.
Nov 23rd 2011, 5:43 am
#37
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Nov 23rd 2011, 5:51 am
#39
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Nov 23rd 2011, 6:02 am
#40
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Re: Making realtionships work between 2 people from different countries
Whose thread is this? 
Nov 23rd 2011, 6:06 am
#41
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Re: Making realtionships work between 2 people from different countries
I've started replying to it in a serious vein several times but its just not coming out right and I don't want to offend anyone 
I think you and the others married to non-English speakers are probably luckier than those of us who married people from other English-speaking cultures, cos maybe we expected there to be less of a culture gap than you guys would have done? Does that make sense?
Marrying an Aussie you expect them to understand most of the same stuff as a Brit - including the language, but I had sooooo many conversations with my ex where we just didn't understand each other at all.
I think you and the others married to non-English speakers are probably luckier than those of us who married people from other English-speaking cultures, cos maybe we expected there to be less of a culture gap than you guys would have done? Does that make sense?
Marrying an Aussie you expect them to understand most of the same stuff as a Brit - including the language, but I had sooooo many conversations with my ex where we just didn't understand each other at all.
Nov 23rd 2011, 6:08 am
#43
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Re: Making realtionships work between 2 people from different countries
I've started replying to it in a serious vein several times but its just not coming out right and I don't want to offend anyone
I think you and the others married to non-English speakers are probably luckier than those of us who married people from other English-speaking cultures, cos maybe we expected there to be less of a culture gap than you guys would have done? Does that make sense?
Marrying an Aussie you expect them to understand most of the same stuff as a Brit - including the language, but I ahd sooooo many conversations with my ex where we just didn't understand each other at all.
I think you and the others married to non-English speakers are probably luckier than those of us who married people from other English-speaking cultures, cos maybe we expected there to be less of a culture gap than you guys would have done? Does that make sense?
Marrying an Aussie you expect them to understand most of the same stuff as a Brit - including the language, but I ahd sooooo many conversations with my ex where we just didn't understand each other at all.
Nov 23rd 2011, 6:09 am
#44
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Re: Making realtionships work between 2 people from different countries
Never again, I know that, not with any nationality!! Cutting my losses was the best thing I ever did I reckon 
but I don't really feel qualified to advise anyone else I think I definitely fall into the dumb category!
Nov 23rd 2011, 6:17 am
#45
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Re: Making realtionships work between 2 people from different countries
Hi,
Sorry to use this site to get advice about my love life, but I was hoping that, as many of you are living in a different country, you'd be able to understand.
Basically I lived in London for a year or so and met a lovely man just before I was due to come back home to Australia. We kept in contact while I was back home for 10 months or so before I decided to go back to the UK to give our relationship a chance. I have a British passport so visas etc weren't an issue for me. We didn't live together while I was there, but we had a great relationship. I was there for 1.5 years and while I liked it, I was finding it very difficult to get a good job and went through a long period of crazy flatmates which I got sick of. My boyfriend also worked crazy hours with night shift etc so that was really hard too.
At xmas last year I took him to Australia for a month and we went to visit my sister in Perth and he loved it. Upon returning to the UK my boyfriend was talking about moving in with me, but my contract was coming to an end at work with no other job in sight, my flatmates were moving out and my boyfriend was on really bad money and would've found it difficult to afford it (he lives with his mum and his brother!). We talked about it and decided it was best for us to move back to Oz so we could build a life together. I moved the following April because I'd had enough of doing it tough and I just craved setting myself up with a good life back home. He came 5 months later because he needed time to save up for his working visa. Anyway so he finally got here and I was so excited and then a couple of weeks in he started getting really withdrawn and told me that he was severely homesick. By the end of the 3rd week he had booked his flight back home and was gone. While it was hard to fight the urge to go after him, sometimes I would just get so angry that he didn't give it a go, especially after we'd talked about moving everything and decided moving to Australia was the best thing for us.
I'm just wondering if anyone has been in a similar situation? I really miss and love him, but I know it needs to go both ways and after us both making so much effort for him to get over here, it is just so disappointing that he just left. He was in Darwin so it would have been a massive cultural shock, but we were about to go to Melbourne for a holiday and move to Perth. I wonder how much the place even matters if you really love someone..
Do you think I should just let this one go? If they really loved you, even though it would be so hard coming from the UK, they would try a lot harder wouldn't they? It is so hard falling for someone from a different country! Relationships are hard enough and then when you throw in homesickness etc it is so tough. Sometimes I still think about going back to the UK to be with him (he hasn't asked me and said he wouldn't do that), but I know that it would probably be really stupid to do that when he couldn't be here for me, even just for 6mth/a year to see if he liked it. This only happened 3 weeks ago so it is very fresh. He left 2 weeks before my 30th birthday!!
Sorry that this thread is anormous! Just wondering what people thought that were with people from other countries and how they coped and when you know that you should just let go.. Love can suck :-(
Sorry to use this site to get advice about my love life, but I was hoping that, as many of you are living in a different country, you'd be able to understand.
Basically I lived in London for a year or so and met a lovely man just before I was due to come back home to Australia. We kept in contact while I was back home for 10 months or so before I decided to go back to the UK to give our relationship a chance. I have a British passport so visas etc weren't an issue for me. We didn't live together while I was there, but we had a great relationship. I was there for 1.5 years and while I liked it, I was finding it very difficult to get a good job and went through a long period of crazy flatmates which I got sick of. My boyfriend also worked crazy hours with night shift etc so that was really hard too.
At xmas last year I took him to Australia for a month and we went to visit my sister in Perth and he loved it. Upon returning to the UK my boyfriend was talking about moving in with me, but my contract was coming to an end at work with no other job in sight, my flatmates were moving out and my boyfriend was on really bad money and would've found it difficult to afford it (he lives with his mum and his brother!). We talked about it and decided it was best for us to move back to Oz so we could build a life together. I moved the following April because I'd had enough of doing it tough and I just craved setting myself up with a good life back home. He came 5 months later because he needed time to save up for his working visa. Anyway so he finally got here and I was so excited and then a couple of weeks in he started getting really withdrawn and told me that he was severely homesick. By the end of the 3rd week he had booked his flight back home and was gone. While it was hard to fight the urge to go after him, sometimes I would just get so angry that he didn't give it a go, especially after we'd talked about moving everything and decided moving to Australia was the best thing for us.
I'm just wondering if anyone has been in a similar situation? I really miss and love him, but I know it needs to go both ways and after us both making so much effort for him to get over here, it is just so disappointing that he just left. He was in Darwin so it would have been a massive cultural shock, but we were about to go to Melbourne for a holiday and move to Perth. I wonder how much the place even matters if you really love someone..
Do you think I should just let this one go? If they really loved you, even though it would be so hard coming from the UK, they would try a lot harder wouldn't they? It is so hard falling for someone from a different country! Relationships are hard enough and then when you throw in homesickness etc it is so tough. Sometimes I still think about going back to the UK to be with him (he hasn't asked me and said he wouldn't do that), but I know that it would probably be really stupid to do that when he couldn't be here for me, even just for 6mth/a year to see if he liked it. This only happened 3 weeks ago so it is very fresh. He left 2 weeks before my 30th birthday!!
Sorry that this thread is anormous! Just wondering what people thought that were with people from other countries and how they coped and when you know that you should just let go.. Love can suck :-(