List your chats with Australias finest intelectuals here.
Jul 27th 2007, 1:36 pm
#1
Work to Live!
Thread Starter
Joined: Aug 2006
Location: Gold Coast Australia
Posts: 1,006
List your chats with Australias finest intelectuals here.
Heres a couple of conversation pieces we've had since we've been here with the Great Aussie intelectuals.
Aussie: What part of Ireland are you from?
My Wife:Im not, Im Scottish.
Aussie:Yeah but Scotlands in Ireland isnt it?
My Wife: No,its a separate country,Just as Englands seperate too.
Aussie: Yeah but isnt England in London? ...(There was more but at that point Julie switched off!)
Ive had the following with a mate at work,
Him : So your names not Scot,why do they call you Scotty
Me: No its Brian,they call me that because im Scottish.
Him: Ok, i thought you were English.
(Fair enough point)
Me: No im from Glasgow.
Him: Ok ...Is English your only language?
Me: Yes,what other language do you want me to speak?(i know theres Gaelic but he wouldnt know that so best left unsaid!)
Him: I though you spoke Latin.
Me: Latin,where am i? Ancient Rome?
Him: Its just that i saw Braveheart...
Me: Do you want me to paint my face blue then...
Later on he asked me if i wore clogs,and the other day i was asked where Portugal was.
If its not on their doorstop,they havent a clue.
Aussie: What part of Ireland are you from?
My Wife:Im not, Im Scottish.
Aussie:Yeah but Scotlands in Ireland isnt it?
My Wife: No,its a separate country,Just as Englands seperate too.
Aussie: Yeah but isnt England in London? ...(There was more but at that point Julie switched off!)
Ive had the following with a mate at work,
Him : So your names not Scot,why do they call you Scotty
Me: No its Brian,they call me that because im Scottish.
Him: Ok, i thought you were English.
(Fair enough point)
Me: No im from Glasgow.
Him: Ok ...Is English your only language?
Me: Yes,what other language do you want me to speak?(i know theres Gaelic but he wouldnt know that so best left unsaid!)
Him: I though you spoke Latin.
Me: Latin,where am i? Ancient Rome?
Him: Its just that i saw Braveheart...
Me: Do you want me to paint my face blue then...
Later on he asked me if i wore clogs,and the other day i was asked where Portugal was.
If its not on their doorstop,they havent a clue.
Jul 27th 2007, 3:25 pm
#3
Fighting my corner
Joined: Aug 2005
Location: Adelaide, South Australia
Posts: 11,948
Re: List your chats with Australias finest intelectuals here.
"Just look at these ignorant Australians!"
OK, just look at these ignorant Poms:
That's a tiny sample of the many breathtakingly stupid questions I've been asked since I arrived in the UK 3.5 years ago.
For those who didn't already know, only 4 million Australians actually have convict ancestry (compared to 2 million Poms) and I am not one of them. Additionally, 25% of Australians were born overseas.
As for the question about Adelaide... well. I am struggling to find a polite word for "cretinous".
Australians are fine. It's the Yanks you have to watch out for.
Click here and here.
OK, just look at these ignorant Poms:
- Do you have fish & chips in Australia?
- What side of the road do you drive on in Australia?
- You say you're from Perth... that's in New South Wales, isn't it?
- Do you have "buy to let" mortgages in Australia?
- How does it feel to know that you're descended from convicts?
- Does water spiral down the plughole in the opposite way?
- Is Adelaide populated?
That's a tiny sample of the many breathtakingly stupid questions I've been asked since I arrived in the UK 3.5 years ago.
For those who didn't already know, only 4 million Australians actually have convict ancestry (compared to 2 million Poms) and I am not one of them. Additionally, 25% of Australians were born overseas.
As for the question about Adelaide... well. I am struggling to find a polite word for "cretinous".
Australians are fine. It's the Yanks you have to watch out for.
Click here and here.
Jul 27th 2007, 3:29 pm
#4
Master of verbal pish©
Joined: Feb 2004
Posts: 22,198
Re: List your chats with Australias finest intelectuals here.
i thnk Vash has got the shits
Jul 27th 2007, 3:45 pm
#5
Home and Happy
Joined: Dec 2002
Location: Keep true friends and puppets close, trust no-one else...
Posts: 93,849
Jul 27th 2007, 3:52 pm
#7
Ok this isn't so bad
Joined: Aug 2005
Location: Dundee (Scotland) now Bayside Brisbane
Posts: 4,824
Re: List your chats with Australias finest intelectuals here.
A friend was asked if I was European to which she replied yes....She then asked if I was Polish!
Noooo my friend replied she's Scottish!
Noooo my friend replied she's Scottish!
Jul 27th 2007, 4:02 pm
#8
Home and Happy
Joined: Dec 2002
Location: Keep true friends and puppets close, trust no-one else...
Posts: 93,849
Re: List your chats with Australias finest intelectuals here.
I had a fantastic trip with a taxi driver (Aussie) last night who could only be described as cretinous.
South Bank to Aspley, which is a trip across half of Brisbane; all drivers bar one I have had here have had to be given directions to our street, and a vast number have even declared they don't know the way to the suburb. No problem with that, its not a major road and I can give directions. So I gave this guy the usual spiel - off Gympie Road into Murphy Road,and then I could direct him if he wished, thanks very much. he then proceeded at breakneck speed through the centre of the city, changing lanes at a rate of knots, breaking so hard I nearly have whiplash this morning, and muttering abuse about other drivers. When he started to indicate, and was in a left filter lane , near our place, and was thus pointing in the wrong direction, I politely said that it was "right at the next lights, please"
He then launched into an abusive tirade about ignorant Poms thinking they knew the way better than he did when he knew Brisbane "like the back of his hand, because Brisbane drivers are better trained than any crappy London driver who claimed to have knowledge of a city that would fit twice into the area taken up by Brisbane", and perhaps I should "shut up and just let him drive as he knew the place better than any bl**dy immigrant"
So I did.
When we had proceeded $10 worth in totally the wrong direction he said "well where do I go now then?"
I just looked at him in disbelief and said I didn't have a clue as I was relying on his expert knowledge of Brisbane being only a bl**dy immigrant, but I though it was 10 minutes back the way we had come........
He was a bit p*ssed off when I refused to pay the full fare, having withheld $10 on the grounds of him being lost....I'm still wondering whether I should have refused to pay the rest on the grounds of being insulted by such a cretin, and am hoping that I left him with a good dose of my flu germs!
Clearly an excellent specimen of an Australian intellectual.
South Bank to Aspley, which is a trip across half of Brisbane; all drivers bar one I have had here have had to be given directions to our street, and a vast number have even declared they don't know the way to the suburb. No problem with that, its not a major road and I can give directions. So I gave this guy the usual spiel - off Gympie Road into Murphy Road,and then I could direct him if he wished, thanks very much. he then proceeded at breakneck speed through the centre of the city, changing lanes at a rate of knots, breaking so hard I nearly have whiplash this morning, and muttering abuse about other drivers. When he started to indicate, and was in a left filter lane , near our place, and was thus pointing in the wrong direction, I politely said that it was "right at the next lights, please"
He then launched into an abusive tirade about ignorant Poms thinking they knew the way better than he did when he knew Brisbane "like the back of his hand, because Brisbane drivers are better trained than any crappy London driver who claimed to have knowledge of a city that would fit twice into the area taken up by Brisbane", and perhaps I should "shut up and just let him drive as he knew the place better than any bl**dy immigrant"
So I did.
When we had proceeded $10 worth in totally the wrong direction he said "well where do I go now then?"
I just looked at him in disbelief and said I didn't have a clue as I was relying on his expert knowledge of Brisbane being only a bl**dy immigrant, but I though it was 10 minutes back the way we had come........
He was a bit p*ssed off when I refused to pay the full fare, having withheld $10 on the grounds of him being lost....I'm still wondering whether I should have refused to pay the rest on the grounds of being insulted by such a cretin, and am hoping that I left him with a good dose of my flu germs!
Clearly an excellent specimen of an Australian intellectual.
Jul 27th 2007, 5:15 pm
#9
Master of verbal pish©
Joined: Feb 2004
Posts: 22,198
Re: List your chats with Australias finest intelectuals here.
you should have reported the prick
Jul 27th 2007, 5:20 pm
#10
Home and Happy
Joined: Dec 2002
Location: Keep true friends and puppets close, trust no-one else...
Posts: 93,849
Jul 27th 2007, 5:23 pm
#11
What's happening dudes?
Joined: Mar 2004
Location: Bayside Brisbane
Posts: 20,647
Re: List your chats with Australias finest intelectuals here.
I had a fantastic trip with a taxi driver (Aussie) last night who could only be described as cretinous.
South Bank to Aspley, which is a trip across half of Brisbane; all drivers bar one I have had here have had to be given directions to our street, and a vast number have even declared they don't know the way to the suburb. No problem with that, its not a major road and I can give directions. So I gave this guy the usual spiel - off Gympie Road into Murphy Road,and then I could direct him if he wished, thanks very much. he then proceeded at breakneck speed through the centre of the city, changing lanes at a rate of knots, breaking so hard I nearly have whiplash this morning, and muttering abuse about other drivers. When he started to indicate, and was in a left filter lane , near our place, and was thus pointing in the wrong direction, I politely said that it was "right at the next lights, please"
He then launched into an abusive tirade about ignorant Poms thinking they knew the way better than he did when he knew Brisbane "like the back of his hand, because Brisbane drivers are better trained than any crappy London driver who claimed to have knowledge of a city that would fit twice into the area taken up by Brisbane", and perhaps I should "shut up and just let him drive as he knew the place better than any bl**dy immigrant"
So I did.
When we had proceeded $10 worth in totally the wrong direction he said "well where do I go now then?"
I just looked at him in disbelief and said I didn't have a clue as I was relying on his expert knowledge of Brisbane being only a bl**dy immigrant, but I though it was 10 minutes back the way we had come........
He was a bit p*ssed off when I refused to pay the full fare, having withheld $10 on the grounds of him being lost....I'm still wondering whether I should have refused to pay the rest on the grounds of being insulted by such a cretin, and am hoping that I left him with a good dose of my flu germs!
Clearly an excellent specimen of an Australian intellectual.
South Bank to Aspley, which is a trip across half of Brisbane; all drivers bar one I have had here have had to be given directions to our street, and a vast number have even declared they don't know the way to the suburb. No problem with that, its not a major road and I can give directions. So I gave this guy the usual spiel - off Gympie Road into Murphy Road,and then I could direct him if he wished, thanks very much. he then proceeded at breakneck speed through the centre of the city, changing lanes at a rate of knots, breaking so hard I nearly have whiplash this morning, and muttering abuse about other drivers. When he started to indicate, and was in a left filter lane , near our place, and was thus pointing in the wrong direction, I politely said that it was "right at the next lights, please"
He then launched into an abusive tirade about ignorant Poms thinking they knew the way better than he did when he knew Brisbane "like the back of his hand, because Brisbane drivers are better trained than any crappy London driver who claimed to have knowledge of a city that would fit twice into the area taken up by Brisbane", and perhaps I should "shut up and just let him drive as he knew the place better than any bl**dy immigrant"
So I did.
When we had proceeded $10 worth in totally the wrong direction he said "well where do I go now then?"
I just looked at him in disbelief and said I didn't have a clue as I was relying on his expert knowledge of Brisbane being only a bl**dy immigrant, but I though it was 10 minutes back the way we had come........
He was a bit p*ssed off when I refused to pay the full fare, having withheld $10 on the grounds of him being lost....I'm still wondering whether I should have refused to pay the rest on the grounds of being insulted by such a cretin, and am hoping that I left him with a good dose of my flu germs!
Clearly an excellent specimen of an Australian intellectual.
Jul 27th 2007, 5:34 pm
#12
Work to Live!
Thread Starter
Joined: Aug 2006
Location: Gold Coast Australia
Posts: 1,006
Re: List your chats with Australias finest intelectuals here.
I had a fantastic trip with a taxi driver (Aussie) last night who could only be described as cretinous.
South Bank to Aspley, which is a trip across half of Brisbane; all drivers bar one I have had here have had to be given directions to our street, and a vast number have even declared they don't know the way to the suburb. No problem with that, its not a major road and I can give directions. So I gave this guy the usual spiel - off Gympie Road into Murphy Road,and then I could direct him if he wished, thanks very much. he then proceeded at breakneck speed through the centre of the city, changing lanes at a rate of knots, breaking so hard I nearly have whiplash this morning, and muttering abuse about other drivers. When he started to indicate, and was in a left filter lane , near our place, and was thus pointing in the wrong direction, I politely said that it was "right at the next lights, please"
He then launched into an abusive tirade about ignorant Poms thinking they knew the way better than he did when he knew Brisbane "like the back of his hand, because Brisbane drivers are better trained than any crappy London driver who claimed to have knowledge of a city that would fit twice into the area taken up by Brisbane", and perhaps I should "shut up and just let him drive as he knew the place better than any bl**dy immigrant"
So I did.
When we had proceeded $10 worth in totally the wrong direction he said "well where do I go now then?"
I just looked at him in disbelief and said I didn't have a clue as I was relying on his expert knowledge of Brisbane being only a bl**dy immigrant, but I though it was 10 minutes back the way we had come........
He was a bit p*ssed off when I refused to pay the full fare, having withheld $10 on the grounds of him being lost....I'm still wondering whether I should have refused to pay the rest on the grounds of being insulted by such a cretin, and am hoping that I left him with a good dose of my flu germs!
Clearly an excellent specimen of an Australian intellectual.
South Bank to Aspley, which is a trip across half of Brisbane; all drivers bar one I have had here have had to be given directions to our street, and a vast number have even declared they don't know the way to the suburb. No problem with that, its not a major road and I can give directions. So I gave this guy the usual spiel - off Gympie Road into Murphy Road,and then I could direct him if he wished, thanks very much. he then proceeded at breakneck speed through the centre of the city, changing lanes at a rate of knots, breaking so hard I nearly have whiplash this morning, and muttering abuse about other drivers. When he started to indicate, and was in a left filter lane , near our place, and was thus pointing in the wrong direction, I politely said that it was "right at the next lights, please"
He then launched into an abusive tirade about ignorant Poms thinking they knew the way better than he did when he knew Brisbane "like the back of his hand, because Brisbane drivers are better trained than any crappy London driver who claimed to have knowledge of a city that would fit twice into the area taken up by Brisbane", and perhaps I should "shut up and just let him drive as he knew the place better than any bl**dy immigrant"
So I did.
When we had proceeded $10 worth in totally the wrong direction he said "well where do I go now then?"
I just looked at him in disbelief and said I didn't have a clue as I was relying on his expert knowledge of Brisbane being only a bl**dy immigrant, but I though it was 10 minutes back the way we had come........
He was a bit p*ssed off when I refused to pay the full fare, having withheld $10 on the grounds of him being lost....I'm still wondering whether I should have refused to pay the rest on the grounds of being insulted by such a cretin, and am hoping that I left him with a good dose of my flu germs!
Clearly an excellent specimen of an Australian intellectual.
Lol Poly,i'd have shoved your broom right up his arse and pulled it out his mouth!
They hear a British accent and think we've just arrived off a plane.At least he'll enjoy a bit of 'pommie flu'
Jul 27th 2007, 5:40 pm
#13
Work to Live!
Thread Starter
Joined: Aug 2006
Location: Gold Coast Australia
Posts: 1,006
Re: List your chats with Australias finest intelectuals here.
"Just look at these ignorant Australians!"
OK, just look at these ignorant Poms:
That's a tiny sample of the many breathtakingly stupid questions I've been asked since I arrived in the UK 3.5 years ago.
For those who didn't already know, only 4 million Australians actually have convict ancestry (compared to 2 million Poms) and I am not one of them. Additionally, 25% of Australians were born overseas.
As for the question about Adelaide... well. I am struggling to find a polite word for "cretinous".
Australians are fine. It's the Yanks you have to watch out for.
Click here and here.
OK, just look at these ignorant Poms:
- Do you have fish & chips in Australia?
- What side of the road do you drive on in Australia?
- You say you're from Perth... that's in New South Wales, isn't it?
- Do you have "buy to let" mortgages in Australia?
- How does it feel to know that you're descended from convicts?
- Does water spiral down the plughole in the opposite way?
- Is Adelaide populated?
That's a tiny sample of the many breathtakingly stupid questions I've been asked since I arrived in the UK 3.5 years ago.
For those who didn't already know, only 4 million Australians actually have convict ancestry (compared to 2 million Poms) and I am not one of them. Additionally, 25% of Australians were born overseas.
As for the question about Adelaide... well. I am struggling to find a polite word for "cretinous".
Australians are fine. It's the Yanks you have to watch out for.
Click here and here.
If you ask any Convict in any prison they'll tell you they're 'innocent' obviously theres 2 million people here that havent figured that out yet!
Jul 27th 2007, 5:46 pm
#15
Lost in BE Cyberspace
Joined: Nov 2005
Location: at the bottom of a wine glass
Posts: 28,176
Re: List your chats with Australias finest intelectuals here.
"Just look at these ignorant Australians!"
OK, just look at these ignorant Poms:
For those who didn't already know, only 4 million Australians actually have convict ancestry (compared to 2 million Poms) and I am not one of them. Additionally, 25% of Australians were born overseas.
As for the question about Adelaide... well. I am struggling to find a polite word for "cretinous".
Australians are fine. It's the Yanks you have to watch out for.
Click here and here.
OK, just look at these ignorant Poms:
- Do you have fish & chips in Australia?
- What side of the road do you drive on in Australia?
- You say you're from Perth... that's in New South Wales, isn't it?
- Do you have "buy to let" mortgages in Australia?
- How does it feel to know that you're descended from convicts?
- Does water spiral down the plughole in the opposite way?
- Is Adelaide populated?
For those who didn't already know, only 4 million Australians actually have convict ancestry (compared to 2 million Poms) and I am not one of them. Additionally, 25% of Australians were born overseas.
As for the question about Adelaide... well. I am struggling to find a polite word for "cretinous".
Australians are fine. It's the Yanks you have to watch out for.
Click here and here.
