Cheetah7

You still up for that idea we talked about last night ?

DebraH

did you talk in your sleep too - as that is a sign of a vivid imagination

Sorchar

Absolutely

herrchook

OMG what have you two concocted now???

DebraH

yes it's got me worried too


anywa I'm off down the red lion see you all later

Cheetah7

(The next morning and the BE people are waiting for the coach to Heathrow)

'Don't worry Princess, red tipped hair is the trend' Sue Admin said comfortingly to Princess who was frantically trying to tie up her hair that Alan had coloured in the brightest red marker pen possible whilst smoothing her hair down the night before.

'Shall I keep it in a ponytail?' Princess said meekly as she carefully put on her NY baseball cap for damage limitation.

'That looks fine' Sue said and hugged her just as Paul Admin was pissing himself at the sight of the blonde hair completely buggered up with red.

'You boys stop fighting right now!' Pollyanna shouted to Soapy, Bordy, Jonniboy, Vash and Hutch. They stopped for a moment, smiled innocently and then carried on trying to ruin Bixies hair with lacey bits.

'I just don't know about this' Princess yelled as she pulled her baseball cap over her eyes and stuck her sunnies on to try and look invisible.

'It is down to YOU!' She spat at Alan who smirked back and jumped on the bus with his pals Glenn, Barry, The Lombard and Duncan.

'Right, I am going to do a roll call!' Paul Admin yelled as the noisy bunch screamed, cried, shouted and flicked things down each others tops and trousers.

He was dressed in his army uniform to give himself more authority and had awarded himself 4 stripes on either side and Sue had made him some war medals from silver foil and some ribbon she had bought in Woolworth's.

Standing there with his clipboard, he one by one, shouted the names of everyone on the bus - which really was quite big. It had to be to accommodate everyone as well as Duncan DIMAs exceedingly large penis.

(Imagine Paul standing there in his uniform, with his microphone like the one Britney Spears has, shouting out the following names)

Alan&Sam
Professional Princess
Louise M
TruBrit
Hutch
UB40fan
Tiawamutu
Jonniboy
Mandi1248
Lacey
Stitch
Fiona & Malc (tartan army)
Bixie
Angel17796
Nick72
Melibeam
Don
Poshrice
Steve 'o
Caz
Jessica Rabbit
Tygwyn
Cath & Paul
Juliecabs
Manxfamily
Rich & Ange
Northern bird
Britvic
Mrs JFW
Tinkerbell
Wendy
DebraH
Brickyade
Sel
Lord Flashheart
Cheechee
Mick 69
Amanda76
Margaret2
Gobbyjock
Soapy
Biggy
Ionaskye
Herrchook
Sorchar
Vash
Alan
The Lombard
Glenn
Pollyana
Diddy
Barry the Camp TRA Man
Duncan DIMA
John Howard
Juliecabs
Milliesmum
Ozzidoc
Geordie Mandy
Touchingcloth
Dotnron
Fraser
Biddy

After each one of them had answered to their name either by belching, farting or doing sexual sounds of a rude nature, Paul was satisfied that everyone who should be there was there and directed the driver to start the bus.

As the bus started, Ray and Manc from the lounge gave a three finger salute - you see sticking up 3 fingers was so much more fun than doing two.

'Lucky bastards' Ray said to Manc.

'A week in Cyprus, how boring, what can they possibly get up to?' Manc replied.



(On the bus)

It was a loud bunch of Expats on the bus and as they noisily sang to 'The Proclaimers 500 miles', they stomped their feet and even little John Howard was bouncing up and down the middle of the bus. Probably because Glenn was bouncing him on his feet like a football.

'Got any plans?' The Lombard asked Alan who was staring absent mindedly out of the window.

Shrugging his shoulders, Alan replied 'I shall see what happens'.

Not reading the signals, The Lombard smiled and cracked open a bottle of Hann Light, he couldn't do the full strength as it made him drunk and he didn't want his handsome James Bond image to slip.

Ozzidoc had managed to convince Tygwyn to allow her to take out her tonsils by attaching string to one end and the other to her foot.

Are you sure it won't hurt?' Tygwyn cried nervously.

Looking like a woman on a mission, Ozzidoc replied confidently 'Trust me, I'm a doctor'

With that, Tygwyn relaxed and Ozzidoc stamped her size 6's on the floor and with it came a fine set of tonsils plus copious amounts of blood.

'I'll be OK' Tygwyn said weakly as Ozzidoc who was now rather nervous, had tried to burn her throat to stop the bleeding.

Princess was curled up asleep on her seat in front of Alan, she had been up half the night crying over her hair.

Alan stared at her thoughtfully, perhaps he should make it up with her, after all, you never know what tomorrow might bring. He told himself he would do that later, there was time after all.

Ruffling her head affectionately, Alan smiled at the angry smutty female who actually looked like butter wouldn't melt when she was asleep. Except we know different, it wouldn't just melt, it would positively cook.

Juliecabs, Milliesmum, Gobbyjock, Sorchar, Northern Bird and Geordie Mandy were exchanging bras and comparing breasts and the rest of the group were either doing crosswords, spin the bottle or knitting.

'OK guys, we are at London Heathrow and we must behave ourselves' Sue Admin beamed round the group who stared excitedly out of the window.

The Lombard has lost his usual composure and had steamed up the window with his mouth and had drawn his initials.

Glenn had drawn a pair of breasts and Alan, well Alan was still in his own world and noone else was invited.

John Howard had curled up with his Princess, he was so bruised from being used as a football and had snuggled down in his own little mammary land.

'Time to get off!' Paul Admin shouted so loudly, Princess and anyone else asleep almost urinated themselves in shock.

Passports Please

Nearly all of the Expats had gone through to the departure lounge except Barry the Camp TRA Man. Nervously he checked and rechecked his passport and wondered if they would be able to tell that although in his passport piccie he was a man, he was now dressed from top to toe in purple satin and had purple make up to match.

'Mate, when you have worked out what sex you are please let me know' The security guard said to him sarcastically.

Pursing his lips into the typical Barry Dog Bum shape, he shimmied in exaggerated movements to join his pals. He did look rather obscene in tight sating trousers though, his meat and two veg looked quite nasty and almost entered a room half an hour before he did.

'You nervous?' Juliecabs asked Mrs JFW.

'No, not really. I have played aeroplanes in my bedroom once' Mrs JFW replied innocently.

'I have heard planes can crash' Jessica Rabbit said looking rather frightened.

'No time to worry about that now, we are boarding' Pollyanna shouted.

Alan, Glenn, The Lombard, Duncan and Barry got on first as they were Agents 007 and were a bit more senior and sensible (snort)

'Where do I sit?' John Howard shouted in his high pitched voice.

'Here' Glenn replied and burst out laughing as he picked up the tiny John Howard and placed him in the overhead luggage rack. All you could hear was Johnny screaming and yelling.

Gobbyjock and the other Scottish people were singing Scottish music and Sorchar was doing the Highland Fling in the aisle of the plane. She was being flung around by Bordy and Soapy who were so happy, they refused to sit down.

'Ladies, Gentlemen and people from British Expats, please prepare for take-off' The Steward said over the speaker system.

Everything went strangely quiet on take-off except for Mrs JFW doing aeroplane impressions and flapping her hands and Tygwyn threatening to defaecate herself in fear.


(4 and a half hours later)

'Ladies and Gentlemen, John Howard, British Expats and Barry, welcome to Larnaca. We hope you have a really lovely time and Ozzidoc, please don't operate on our local people as they are really quite healthy' The Steward announced as they landed.

Ozzidoc had already put on her white coat and stethescope around her neck in readiness.

The poor Steward had a trying time to keep everyone in their own seats, hands out of bras and generally trying to keep the peace.

Suddenly coming to life, Alan grinned at The Lombard and said with the biggest smile on his face 'Let me at those Greek girls'.

'Are you ready Paul?' Sue asked Paul Admin who was smartening himself up in his army uniform.

Puffing his chest out like Dolly Parton, Paul said in what he thought was a regimental voice 'Ready when you are my sweetie botty'.

'Do you think we will have fun?' Gobbyjock said to Princess.

As Princess removed John Howard from the overhead locker, she smiled and said 'Cyprus won't know what has hit it'. And strapped John Howard in his marsupial sack around her front part.

See you next week........

geordie mandy

Have a great holiday and i look forward to hearing about what we have been up to.
Mandy

Ozzidoc

Sam this is such a fabulous distraction from my exam stress!!

Juliecabs

This is great Sam
Have a fab holiday.
Julie. x

milliesmum

Have a great holiday and kiss lots of greek blokes for me!!

DebraH

ahh don't get me started again


have a good un

milliesmum

What are you like Debra, one track mind

DebraH

its this heat

Sam

Fantastic Sam, good to see\hear/read that your getting back to being you

Enjoy the hol! although you may well be there already!

speak soon matey!!

Hope we all behave ourselves somewhat

nickyjohnt

That is so funny ! its just taken me an hour to read all of this !

Have a great holiday !

Nicky