Having a bad day
 

As some of you may know my teen (15), is due to come to aus at end june, she had to come over with us initially to validate, she stayed for a couple of weeks then went back to scotland to sit exams, well that was only a small part of it really, she has never wanted to come to aus, and for some reason the going back and spending one last summer with her mates seemed to be making it more bearable for her, i felt it was giving her some degree of control that she needed.

Anyway, she was on the phone last night and made it quite clear she loves us but still does not want to come, but knows she has to as she is only 15:(

Today am panic stricken with the thought of her coming over, was even on estate agent sites in scotland to look at rental places which we could go to if we returned:ohmy:

Re: Having a bad day
 

You can only encourage her to do what you would like for her. The bottom line is maybe that you insist she comes for a year and see how it goes then allow her to make her own decision with you supporting that decision, as hard as it maybe.
I'm finding it hard to let go and allow my teen to make her own choices, many of which I don't agree with. They are on the cusp of adulthood and must make these decision and the mistakes that go with them. We as parents need to support, guide and pick up the pieces. This is the crap bit of being a parent.

Re: Having a bad day
 

Poor you , must be a horrible position to be in. Its so much easier to go when the kids are younger. Dont know what else to say other than i hope when she returns to Australia she can make some friends as they are so importent at that age.

Good luck

Nicky :)

Re: Having a bad day
 

A couple of weeks ago i sent her a letter more or less stating what you said,:), if she wants to go back in a year then we will all have to go, as we have virtually no family (she is staying with a family friend at the mo.):)

Re: Having a bad day
 

Good for you :)

Teen daughters are horrible :(

Its important though to live your life as well, as much as you are giving her an adult life.

Good luck Margaret - keep us updated


edit: sorry Mags didn't see the we all will have to go back bit. Try not to make hasty decisions - she wil be all grown up and long gone in a few years from now and you may have a life time of regrets

Re: Having a bad day
 

I see the bit about you all having to go back but she has to understand that the world doesn't revolve around her and should you have to go back, the rest of you will feel the same way she feels now. She wants to behave like an adult she has to take the shit as well.

I honestly think that after a year here which you have to make her do, she will feel differently. She is getting to the age where all the friends will be moving in different directions anyway.

Re: Having a bad day
 

Mags, I cant pretend to know what you are going through...

All I have to say is, if it were my daughter and I in this situation, I would fly back,without telling her, pack her belongings and fly back with her...promising her I will re pack her bags and see her off to the airport when she is of a more mature, realistic age.

Re: Having a bad day
 

I hve tried to tell her this , but does a 15 year old ever listen to their parents, lol.
I know am been totally irational today, and i have actually been physically sick with the thought of her coming and the worry of it all, right now booking flights and jacking it all in seems like the escape route:huh:

Re: Having a bad day
 

Margaret, do you think it's worse while she's still around her friends?

They are more than likely sat around, moaning at her and telling her that it's going to be rubbish and she is obviously going to agree with them.

I think that when she is away from them, she may just come round. Especially if you intend to get her into school here where she will make more friends.

I wouldn't be telling her that you'll give her a year to settle then go back with her if she doesn't like it, I'd say if you don't settle you can go back but you'll have to fend for yourself. Even if you don't mean it, it may just make her think a little and at least give it a go.

I really hope that it turns out like it did for me with my lad, he hated the idea before we came, but now has if I gave him the choice, he would stay here.

Re: Having a bad day
 

[QUOTE=Wendy;4865641]Margaret, do you think it's worse while she's still around her friends?

They are more than likely sat around, moaning at her and telling her that it's going to be rubbish and she is obviously going to agree with them.

I think that when she is away from them, she may just come round. Especially if you intend to get her into school here where she will make more friends.

who knows wendy, who knows................

am so glad your son settled, it must help you alot to see him ok:)

Re: Having a bad day
 

wish i could be this strong, but am just sooooooooooo worried i am stuffing her and her education up for life:huh:

Re: Having a bad day
 

Well we told him, he had to stay until he was 18. Then it was up to him, he either stayed here or we gave him the money for a flight back but then he was on his own. :D

Re: Having a bad day
 

But your not, you're trying to do the opposite. She's just too young to realise it yet.

Plus how can you stuff up her education? If she sits exams here, they can be transferred if you do go back. ;)

Re: Having a bad day
 

But without the guidence of her parents, who's to say that it isn't going to be stuffed up?

I dont want to sound harsh Mags, but you really need to grab hold of the situation and show her who's in control!

Re: Having a bad day
 

I agree with Penny.
She has to learn that with responsibilty comes the harsh realities of life.
I try to explain to my daughter that there is very few friends that I have been friends with since school (well 2 actually :) ) and it will be the same with her.
Like I said in my previous post - don't make any hasty decisions.