Stilletto_rebel

Stealing my credit card and maxxing it out (£8k) in one day is the tip of the iceberg... I almost went into insolvency paying that off. Never got a penny back off him.

scottishcelts

- that is bad. So i'm assuming you'd never trust him around money again?

paulry

It's hard to see a way forward from that kind of thing. Especially if there's an absence of explanation, remorse and attempts to put things right.

scottishcelts

I know, it must be a shock to the system as well, being a family member, your brother ffs.

Stilletto_rebel

That was the last of a long line of stuff he did to me as we were growing up. The other main one about a year previous to that was when he stole my car one night and wrote it off; a Fiat X1/9.

Neither my mother or sister speak to him either as he's stolen off them too. It's hard to explain as he has a job and a family and has never been convicted of any crime. He just sees us as mugs to be taken advantage of.

Dorothy

What does being a brother have to do with forgiving? Shouldn't a brother/sister be the one who you turn to when others do you wrong instead of the one doing the wrong?

I could tell you things my sisters have done to me over the years, but I've decided that in order to live my life the best way I can I have to put what they have done at the back of my mind and get on with it. I choose not to see or speak to them and simply being related by blood does not make them any more worthy of my time or care. As far as I am concerned at least one of them is dead to me. She's currently dying of breast cancer (from what I hear through the grapevine) and I can quite honestly say it will not bother me in the least when she goes.

Kapri

I don't agree. It's impossible to forget - we all have memories!
I try to forgive people and look for reasons why they behaved the way they did- the alternative is to be a bitter person and I don't want that.
it can be hard though - because we can't forget! I think it takes practice and commitment to forgive.

Hebe

He has probably never been convicted of a crime because you haven't reported him!

emelems

Thats the thing though.. its different when its family (to some families).. my inlaws have done things to each other that are so bad that I can't get my head around any of it.. my reaction would be to go to the police, but to them it is not something they would ever do... ever.. full stop..

I don't understand the logic, but to them, that is the way it is

Em x

Sally Redux

Are they the Mitchells? "You can't graaaarrse".

emelems

yup... something along those lines... I won't say anymore.. I don't want to get cut down in my prime!

Em x

scottishcelts

moneypenny20

I'd agree with that, the guy I won't forgive did wrong to my husband. He was over it and would chat to the guy a few months after the event. When I got wound up and asked him why he said it's over and done with. Great attitude but from my point of view impossible to carry out. I remember about two years after, seeing the guy and saying something rude, Husband asked what the bloke had done to upset me this time He didn't and doesn't get my pov and I'm amazed by his.

paulry

It looks like you and your family were left with no other choice but to exclude him from your lives else he'd ruin you all.

PamE

Same for me, also regarding forgiving / forgeting seriousness of wrong done to a person I love - I would not say I was happy when someone who had hurt my brother died, but I felt it was no loss whatsoever - the world was undoubtedly a better place without that person. I will never ever forgive or forget what he did - even tho he is now dead, and so is my brother.

But for the lesser things, my problem is that I just can't stay angry for any length of time and I eventually do forget what made me so mad in the first place, so I figure it can't have been as important as it was at the time Life is just waaaay too short to get all bitter and twisted harbouring petty resentments!

I agree. If someone is in my family I will go the extra mile for them just because of that. But if they cross me badly and repeatedly, I won't make excuses for them just because they are my blood relatives. I have an absolutely fantastic step-family who mean the world to me and most of them are not my blood relatives. Family is what family does - it's not about blood ties.