Did anybodys family members get funny with you when you broke the news about going to live down under.My Mum threw the garden furniture everywhere,threw a load of abuse at me and my husband,then stopped talking to me.
3 months later we left the uk without being able to say goodbye to her,which was sad,i felt i needed to say goodbye.2 months after being here i text her my mobile so we have exchanged some messages but she has said she will NEVER come to see us,which is breaking my heart as not only has she shut me out she has cut my son(her grandson)out of her life.And all because we wanted to come to Australia and better our lifes.Has this happened to anybody else,and does it ever get better?

Hi Mandy - welcome to B.E

You will find that this is a very common problem. Families find it very hard to think that their loved ones are off to the other side of the world.
My Mum is quite upset although she is trying not to show it too much.
My MIL was very upset. I think she blames me and she has already said she won't be visiting.

I have had enough of families...... My mums face lately is putting years on me, i feel depressed when i leave the house ..

I have had enough , i just want to go now.

It happens alot Mandy......chin up love and try not to be too hard on yourself it is HER problem not yours.

The world is full of selfish ****ers, I have learnt, and sometimes you just have to forget about what you should do and remember what you need.

x

My youngest brother went a bit weird, sulked for a bit but eventually came round to the idea and is visiting us next easter.

Very good friend of 30 years went very weird, in the final months before we left, just cut us out of her life altogether...turned down invite to my b'day party and leaving party one week before we left. Never said goodbye.

My mum was very upset and had a few weird moments...told my cousin at our leaving do we were making a big mistake. She comes to stay in 3 weeks.

My SIL wins the award for being the most weird tho. Showered me with a load of abuse as we visited to say our farewells, four hour round trip for us! After sounding off she disappeared upstairs for 2 hours only to reappear just as we were leaving. I said I hoped she'd visit, to which she replied, 'doubt it'.

Quite clearly saying goodbye is very difficult for some people, but you just have to grit your teeth and keep smiling. Those that matter usually calm down and come round to the idea and those that don't, well.....
personally I can live without. I'm sure your mum is just raw with the emotion of it all and will soon appreciate and understand your move, just cut her some slack and give it time.

I would never have believed anyone could react this way. So sorry for you Mandy. I would say that my partners mum keeps having a cry or a whinge when Phil is not there at makes me feel like sh*** becasue she doesnt know how he will cope without her son here. Im like you live in Spain now !!!!! Its incerdible how people can be so selfish. Sicne we started our application we have lost a fair few friends as they have distanced themselves from us must be to make it easier when we go but they have lost my repsect from foing it.
well I say B****cks to the lot of them. Good luck to your new life hun and enjoy !!!

Amanda x

Ive had the same problem. My mum said 'what the bloody hell do you want to go there for' and theres no bloody way she would ever come and visit. This did upset me as i have two young children and i cant belive she would do that. Its almost as if, because we are going, its our fault so we should be punished by her cutting us out. Now if OZ is ever mentioned (which isnt much) she just totally blanks what ever has been said as if we havent even said anything. So to be honest no one talks about it. The only people i can talk about oz to is the meetups we go too and here on this website. Even some of my closest friends are funny with me about it so i dont talk to them either.
All we are trying to do is make a better future for us and most importantly our children and its hard enough as it is without friends and family making it harder (and i always thought they were the ones to support you, how wrong can i be).

regards

emma

Wow, I really am lucky.
My parents have told us to go for it, haven't even seen any wobbles from them. My sister has been off travelling herself since before we decided a year or so ago that we wanted to go. She is in NZ at the moment and it looks like as long as our house sells she will be coming to visit us next year on her way home.
Hubbies Mum died 3 years ago so it was very hard for him to decide to go, but we have wanted it ever since we met in Sydney in 1999. Hubbies Dad goes through waves, he hasn't said if he thinks it is good or bad. Sometimes he says he doesn't see why we are in a rush (it has been a year since we decided to go for it). And some moods he says he will come and visit, but most of the time he says it is too far. Hubbies sister says she will come and visit every year, but I'm not too convinced, she doesn't like being away from home for more than a week. Her son is coming up to gap year age in 4-5 years and I think he will take advantage of somewhere to stay on his travels.

Grandparents on both sides have been really good. Hubbies Grandad is in his 80s and says he will be out to visit.

Friends have also all been very good, but they all know we are born travellers, and as the two of us met in Oz, it has always been a topic of conversation. Some don't see why we are spending so much to take the dog, but that is it.

One of the main things we have going for us though I think is that we don't have kids yet, so it isn't like we are whipping Grandchildren away. But then saying that, my parents have always bought me up to be independent and moved 200 miles away from us to downsize and have an easier life. They will probably talk to me more often on the internet than we do here anyway as we will have more topics.

Good luck to everyone who is suffering with family wobbles.

Fast forward five+ years - when you and your kids have seen their granparents maybe once or twice in years. What seems like totally erratic behaviour from your parents now becomes clear. Basically they are chucking a tantrum (right or wrong) because they are facing the truth - they wont be seeing you or your kids much from now on. Cold hard reality.

If you leaving, tell them how YOU plan to maintain contact. Its not really up to those left behind to struggle thorugh 24 hours in economy class, besides are they well enough to do it and if so for how long, can they afford it, if your leaving its up to you to to find the money and time to keep in touch. One word of warning tho, check out cost of airfares from australia to UK Who the hell can afford it.

Ignore all of above if you hate your family, or really are rich enough to afford family size airfares back.

Totally sympathise with you. My mum didn't sleep for Five days when I told her and my dad commented that she might have to go on Anti D's...major guilt trip.
We then said that we would not go if it was going to make her that bad...gave it a couple of months and then said that it was something that we had to do.
It does make it worse as we have kids and she looks after them for me but she can afford and has the time to come out a couple of times a year and I will make sure we have the space.
I have never even been to OZ so we are going to rent our place here for a year and have said that we will go over there for a year only initially to give it a go......It really does make you feel like s**t when you know its you thats putting someone through a situation that they have no say in.
At least we can talk to people on here who understand!
Good luck hon

Hi,

Yes and no. Not to that extreme.

My mum knew for a long while as I knew it would take a long while for her to come around to the idea that we were all leaving.

To begin with she pretended it was all a big fuss and that we wouldn't go - and then after years of planning - when the visa arrived she said 'oh your not still on with that caper are you?' - to not coming to the leaving party as it would be too hard and she couldn't wish us well before we left.

She always maintained she would never visit - not just because of how she felt but she is not a ehalthy woman and the flight would be extremely difficult for her.

Everytime I mention Oz she changes the subject - I talk about how bluew the skies are and she says how wonderful it is there - I can't even express anything good about here as she sees it as a anti'British comment! That is until recently....3 years and she is finally deciding to maybe give it a go. Planning on coming out next year with my step-dad and I am amazed but happy.

She has finally started asking questions about Oz and wants to know all about everything....

Good luck and keep hoping - it just takes time.

My Mum wasnt happy - she is not saying a lot (she is herself emigrating or retiring to Italy) but has told me a couple of times that she doesnt want me to go... My Dad is brilliant and has told me to do what I want...

What can anyone do but follow their best instincts?

If other people don't understand then that is up to them at the end of the day... sounds harsh, but you are only responsible for your own happiness and they are ultimately responsible for their happiness... (despite what they do or say).. if they think that "if only xyz didnt emigrate, life would be great" then I would think that extremely suspect..

Good luck with everything xxx

Mmmm...a hard topic that never has the best advice I feel.I told my (widowed) Mum years ago, when we first discussed moving to Oz, she has always thought we'd never do it, and that's due to all the delays with OH father being ill, doubts from OH and not getting our arses into gear. Now we only have to get birth certs certified and the visa's off for yes or no. OH has yet to tell his parents which I think he has struggled with due to his Dad being so ill he nearly died...BUT after many many discussions we have decided to move to Oz. We are hoping to offer our kids more than we can here, become a closer family and bring fun back into our lives. I for one am fed up of the emotional blackmail that comes with families...you get one life and that's your chance. My Dad died when I was 20..he never saw my 21st, my wedding or my two beautiful boys...he went to work had a heart attack and was revived after 3 minutes, and went on to live for 6 months with brain damage. all I can say is I want to live my life, take a chance, make a change where I can and it's my time now, if it's wrong it's wrong but at least I've tried and had the experience. You have to go for it regardless ofthe emotional walls you will hit, peole who love you will surface to support you, these are the ones you won't want to lose contact with.

I think the one factor that emerges from this..

As the Leavee ! you become the person who has to initiate contact.

We never get calls from anyone back in the uk... cept the Dragon In Law lol... but she is cool, and only calls once in a blue moon..

I have also, tried to analyse and put myself into our families shoes..

and nup.. I cant help feeling, had they been friends not family, i would have dumped them years ago !

have to say family wise they've been great, but one of my bestfriends who seemed to be ok with us while we were still there has not replied to my emails for the last couple of months, I know she still has the same address as she replied to the first couple of ones I sent and the later ones have been delivered. I have text her (no reply) and also I have spoken to other friends to say there's been no contact from her and they say they don't know why I have decided not to contact her again and will leave it up to her to contact me if she wants too (hopefully in time), especially as they were planning on coming over in February to visit - oh well her loss.
S xx