Larissa

So, as we have been eagerly following the big romance with Badgersmount (and probably won't find out the details 'til tomorrow) I thought we could write a little story... no, cross that out... tell the true story ourselves.

Once upon a time, there was a small, hairy Wookie called Badgers. His mum and dad weren't too impressed with his delayed speech (consisting of incomprehensible "errf"s and "wwwwwwwwhhhhh"s) and so sent him for elocution lessons. When he had finally managed to string a few words together to make a basic sentence, he became spellbound by a pair of beautiful black high heels in one of the high street shops. After Badgers had salivated over the said heels for a few weeks, they were bought by a nice, tall lady...

Pollyana

...who proudly wore them down the high street, but couldn't help feeling that someone was following her. Everytime she turned round, she was sure she nearly caught someone sliding into a doorway or alleyway. There had been no-one about when she went into the shop to buy the black high heels.... maybe someone was stalking her? Someone who had seen her making her wonderful purchase and was jealous???
A strange snuffling noise could be heard from time to time as well, as if her stalker were a small furry animal...............

Larissa

Badgers was careful not to be seen by the nice, tall lady on her way home. After a short walk, she unlocked her front door and picked up the post. As she glanced over the mail, she hardly noticed the small, hairy badgersmount brush past her feet. "Hey kitty kitty" she called... but Badgers had dashed up the stairs and hidden in the linen cupboard.

hevs

The tall lady went looking for the kitty all over the tidy house, but could not find it anywhere. She took off her beautiful new black shoes and placed them by the front door, made a coffee and fell asleep on the sofa. Meanwhile Badgers had realised his fatal mistake and had got locked in the linen cupboard and there was no escape, and he was bursting for a wee.................
(this was my 9 year olds idea!)

Larissa

LOL you should get them to help out more often!

Pollyana

....Badgers fidgeted about in the linen cupboard, trying to resist the urge that was growing inside him all the time. Finally while balancing on one leg he tumbled off the shelf and fell through a hole in the floorboards at the bottom of the cupboard........

+++++++++++

(well we had to get him out somehow, he's got a busy evening ahead of him!)

Larissa

Badgers squeezed through the hole and out into the dimly lit hallway. He trundled into the bedroom, where he spied a computer, in the corner. "Ahhhhhhhhh!" he muttered. Going on the internet was Badgers 2nd love (after the heels). As a young Wookie, he had always dreamt of far-away places and had discovered a forum called "British-Expats" a while ago.

hevs

He plunged through the ceiling and through the wooden floor below and landed in the basement.

He looked in the mirror that was standing against the wall and realised that he was not a Wookie at all. It was very hard to understand why he had thought this in the first place as wookies are seven feet tall and he was only the size of a kitty.

[Larrisa please put some more research into the plot --HUP]

He was in fact a Gremlin. He crept around the dark basement looking to get out.

Those shoes, those shoes he must see those shoes again.

Fumbling around in the dark he climbed into the washing machine. Hmmm what are these small lacy frilly thingssaid badgers picking them up and giving them a quick sniff. "Ewwwww" said Badgers. Then after a couple more sniffs he said "hmmmmmmm"

Oh how warm and cosy it was in here thought badgers. But I must have my wee. So he relieved himself out the door. He then curled up inside the washing machine and went to sleep

[If you feel a slightly more surreal (read tasteless) element has crept in this was written by HUP (And his disco nips) and his 9 year old daughter

Pollyana

After a long dream about a lady badger wearing high heels and an engagement ring, he awoke with a start, as the tall lady came down the stairs into the basement. She put some more of the frilly lacy things into the washing machine, and Badger was torn between the two options - wanting to snuggle up with the lacy things pressed against his cheek, but also wanting to leap from the machine and rush out through the now-open door, in search of those wonderful shoes..........

tinaj

He woke up to the sound of a whirring noise. Oh no, he thought, as the machine spun around at 1300rpm ( it was a UK model, Aussie ones only spin at 800!!)

When the machine stopped he felt like a new Badger again, but as he looked around him he realised that he had shrunk.

Everything was huge! The chairs were like giant bungee jumps and the drip from the tap was like a waterfall.

Worse still a huge furry spider began to crawl towards his tiny body. It was Dotty the Huntsman, she had come to get her revenge and she was hungry!!

HUP

It was a tough choice but he decided to stay with the frillies. [Dirty Badgers]. It was a choice that he soon regretted as the door closed and he was locked in.

He heard some clunking and clanking then suddenly he was covered in jets of water. Now as you all know gremlins should not get wet. He started to feel very strange indeed. "Oh these frillies have gone straight to my head" thought badgers.

Well the washing machine was making a horrible noise and the lady stopped. Now as you all know you cannot open the door after this and Badgers was forced to wait for 10 minutes until the door was able to open. He occupied his time by exploring the frillies some more.

Eventually the door opened and Badgers stepped out. No longer small but of a quite extroidinarily "medium" size.

"G'day Sheila" said Badgers to the beautiful tall lady.

"Olah" said the dusky mexican beauty. "Why are you sniffing my pants"

Pollyana

Or the alternative version.....

But wait! There was something strange about Dotty the Huntsman! She seemed much taller than usual! Badger gulped nervously and then lowered his eyes towards the floor.
He realised that the spider was wearing 8 black high heeled shoes. Licking her lips she approached him. Badger began to panic. If she didn't gnaw him to death, she would be able to splatter him with those shoes......... Trampled by his own fetish....a fate worse than death?
Badger waited, nervously, feeling that he could do with another wee...........

HUP

Its a love story tinaj. Give the guy a chance especially now hes had his wee and a wash. I know he should be punished for his fiendish pant sniffing but hey

Pollyana

Dotty the Huntsman moved closer.
"i'm not going to hurt you" she said in a deep and menacing voice, "I just want to tell you the truth about life in the basement. Too many of you creatures come down here, without any idea of what its really like, being here in a dark cold room, with that washing machine vibrating away in the corner......... You really ought to do more research before you arrive."

Larissa

Badgers shivered... those heels were looking very tempting, "Cor, it's cold in here" he thought, then realised that all his hair had gone! It had come out in the washing machine and he stood there, but naked. Quickly, he grabbed a dressing gown from the heap of laundry and slipped it on. He tiptoed into the kitchen...