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Too Early to Jack It All In????

Too Early to Jack It All In????

Old Dec 14th 2009, 5:33 am
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Default Too Early to Jack It All In????

Hello All,

I know this is a very subjective question and the only real answer will be "Do what's best for you", but when do you think it is too early to admit you have possibly made a mistake in moving to Australia and go back to the UK?

My wife and I moved to Brisbane just over 3 weeks ago with our two children on a 457 visa. I came over to a job so I am not finding it too bad at the moment although I am missing my family. Our 2 kids also seem to be doing ok, although they are getting bored as they won't start school until the end of JAnuary and they are missing their school friends, grand parents etc. My wife however is really struggling and said over the weekend that she wants to go home. She loved her job as a fitness instructor in the UK and hasn't yet found work so she spends all day with the kids whilst I am at work. She also had a large circle of friends who she really misses. She is also really down about missing her first Christmas with family and friends. Before we came out we knew it would be hard and promised to give ourselves at least 6 months to see if we settled in. The way she is feeling now I can't see her making this long!

Has anybody else had the same problems/feelings? How did you cope? How long was it before you jacked it in?

Thanks guys.
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Old Dec 14th 2009, 5:48 am
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Default Re: Too Early to Jack It All In????

Originally Posted by chrissystevo View Post
Hello All,

I know this is a very subjective question and the only real answer will be "Do what's best for you", but when do you think it is too early to admit you have possibly made a mistake in moving to Australia and go back to the UK?

My wife and I moved to Brisbane just over 3 weeks ago with our two children on a 457 visa. I came over to a job so I am not finding it too bad at the moment although I am missing my family. Our 2 kids also seem to be doing ok, although they are getting bored as they won't start school until the end of JAnuary and they are missing their school friends, grand parents etc. My wife however is really struggling and said over the weekend that she wants to go home. She loved her job as a fitness instructor in the UK and hasn't yet found work so she spends all day with the kids whilst I am at work. She also had a large circle of friends who she really misses. She is also really down about missing her first Christmas with family and friends. Before we came out we knew it would be hard and promised to give ourselves at least 6 months to see if we settled in. The way she is feeling now I can't see her making this long!

Has anybody else had the same problems/feelings? How did you cope? How long was it before you jacked it in?

Thanks guys.
The general advice is to give it a year before you jack it in. It takes months to get settled, to make new friends, to establish your life here. You knew you would miss family and friends... but you have to take more than three weeks to decide! You're likely to miss them more at this time of year too.

However, there have been people here who have 'known' that it was the wrong move for them immediately - I would say this was fairly rare though. Prob about 2 families I've heard about in the past 3-4 years.

BUT it's truly down to the individual.

Time to get your kids and your other half out of the door to meet people. I have no idea how any child can be bored here, esp not given the weather right now.
I've found this website after a quick google so check it out and get your kids out and about!

http://www.ourbrisbane.com/whats-on/...lidays-feature

Good luck with whatever you decide to do.
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Old Dec 14th 2009, 6:17 am
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Default Re: Too Early to Jack It All In????

Personally I think it is too early.
We moved over mid-November last year & had some issues shortly after arriving (fil died). It was very difficult & despite starting work in December, I really struggled with my emotions & I was thoroughly miserable last Christmas. My youngest son asked me the other day if I could please not cry all Christmas day this year My OH was struggling to find work too & it took 5 months or so for him to get a job offer.
3 weeks is unrealistic to expect to secure work & make friends, it takes time & effort. My suggestion would be for her to get out & about with the kids & make the most of all that is good about where you are. Invite neighbours for a drink or barbie, go to an expat meet, anything but stay indoors.
Emigrating is a huge adjustment. Has your shipping arrived yet? I found having my own things helped me to settle too.

Lots of luck
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Old Dec 14th 2009, 6:20 am
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Default Re: Too Early to Jack It All In????

Originally Posted by chrissystevo View Post
Hello All,

I know this is a very subjective question and the only real answer will be "Do what's best for you", but when do you think it is too early to admit you have possibly made a mistake in moving to Australia and go back to the UK?

My wife and I moved to Brisbane just over 3 weeks ago with our two children on a 457 visa. I came over to a job so I am not finding it too bad at the moment although I am missing my family. Our 2 kids also seem to be doing ok, although they are getting bored as they won't start school until the end of JAnuary and they are missing their school friends, grand parents etc. My wife however is really struggling and said over the weekend that she wants to go home. She loved her job as a fitness instructor in the UK and hasn't yet found work so she spends all day with the kids whilst I am at work. She also had a large circle of friends who she really misses. She is also really down about missing her first Christmas with family and friends. Before we came out we knew it would be hard and promised to give ourselves at least 6 months to see if we settled in. The way she is feeling now I can't see her making this long!

Has anybody else had the same problems/feelings? How did you cope? How long was it before you jacked it in?

Thanks guys.
We have been here 6mths on 1st Jan and yes it is hard at times. If i could have gone back in the first month i would have done but feel much more settled now and started to make friends. I Know how your wife feels it is very hard being away from family and friends and I still get upset and feel guilty being so far away from loved ones but its getting easier. I think you have to try and get out and about and meet people so you dont feel so lonely.

Where in brissy are you? We are in Narangba. Send me a PM if she wants to meet up could even meet in the city if you are not living near us.
Hope she feels better soon

Lorna
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Old Dec 14th 2009, 6:53 am
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Default Re: Too Early to Jack It All In????

We moved over in June and I felt exactly the same after a couple of weeks, I think it was just the reality of the move really registering with me, we'd spent so long in a whirlwind of planning everything that when we actually got here and moved into the rental i was lost.

Since then though I've really settled, I think the important thing is to really make the effort to enjoy it, hopefully then everything will come together and you'll all settle in and if not well at least you'll have had fun trying. I think its probably particularly hard to move at this time of year, I doubt theres many expats who don't feel at least the odd twinge of homesickness at Christmas.

Good luck!!
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Old Dec 14th 2009, 7:08 am
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Default Re: Too Early to Jack It All In????

Jacking it in after 3 weeks? l would'nt even be over the jet lag , They say it takes 2 years to settle in. l read on the forum about heaps of people who gave up too soon and regreted it, then ended up immigrating back to OZ again. It can be a very expensive mistake, l think you should stick to your original plan and give it atleast 6 months. If you are going back then you should stay long enough to make it a good holiday and see some of OZ . After a few months your wife might find a job she likes and make new friends, a few weeks is'nt long enough to do that,

Last edited by mohogony; Dec 14th 2009 at 7:19 am.
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Old Dec 14th 2009, 7:25 am
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Default Re: Too Early to Jack It All In????

It usually takes a good few months to start to feel a little more settled. Some people never feel it, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. In my opinion, though, 3 weeks is still a bit too soon to throw in the towel. You're all just getting accustomed to the time differences and everything is still very new and feels alien to you all. Especially your wife, who you have said is home with 2 very bored kids all day.

When we moved over in 2006 I found work within days. It was wonderful for me, since I was forced to get out and find my way around, meet people, and generally be out of the house. My husband however was home all day with the kids. They got bored after the first week and so they got enrolled in school. It was fantastic for them! They made friends right away and found their feet. My husband on the other hand struggled terribly with not being able to find work and slipped into feeling sorry for himself and wanting to go back. Since we had sold everything in Canada to come here we decided that we would give it 6 months and if things really didn't work we would decide as a family what to do. Well, by 6 months the kids and I were settled and so the vote was to stay.

Tiddlypom is absolutely right that your wife and kids need to get out and find things to do. There are tons of meetups in the Brisbane area for migrants (look in the meetup section). The kids can join sports teams if they like sport or take swimming lessons, or dance classes or basket weaving. You get the idea. If the kids are doing something then it follows that there will be parents there. If all the kids are similar ages then most of the parents will also be of similar ages.

I know it can be hard if your wife is shy. My husband is terribly shy and finds it difficult to talk to strangers. While I am actually quite shy I force myself to talk to people, which is exactly what your wife needs to do. She may need a small push to get out and do some things but make the effort to ask her every day when you get home what she did today and where she went. And do make an effort to get to some of the meetups. There are some really great people who live in Brisbane area.
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Old Dec 14th 2009, 10:52 am
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Default Re: Too Early to Jack It All In????

Having recently farewelled a family who were here 4 weeks before they knew they wanted to go home, I guess only you can make the decision for your family. For them it was the right thing to do.

It does seem that if you head off too soon, then the angst of "did we try hard enough" sets in and often people ping pong. Best thing to do is to put a definite date on a decision - be it 6, 12 or 24 months and make an active decision at that time about whether you continue or not or make another decision date.

I guess I cant relate to the distress of the new arrivals, I just slotted right in when I came here - you do have to get out there and make a huge effort to get connected though. However I knew then and still know now that I dont "belong" here, never have. never will - if you get that feeling then dont leave it too late to head off.
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Old Dec 14th 2009, 11:53 am
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Default Re: Too Early to Jack It All In????

It is hard for the kids arriving at this time of year. We did and the girls definitely got bored not having any friends for two months and we don't live in an area of stacks of kids but we decided to treat the first couple of months as a holiday (apart from buying a house of course). The Husband didn't bother trying to find work until the beginning of Jan and we just spent the time getting out and about and driving driving driving just so the neighbourhood seemed vaguely familiar.

Get out to as many events and things as possible, even Carols in the Park (or whatever is around your way) is worth going to. Take a picnic, settle down and chat to everyone around you. You'll meet some odd ones but you'll also likely to meet people who are interested in your story and will possibly invite you round for drinks etc.

I don't think you can consider moving back until the kids have experienced school and made some friends and life has settled down. It's only then when you'll know if it's going to work or not.

If you can afford it, do something christmas day - Kookaburra River Cruises do a good christmas buffet whilst the paddlesteamer goes up and down the Brisbane River and because it's different from your normal christmas it's fun. There's other stuff around that would do as well.

Good luck.
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Old Dec 14th 2009, 1:33 pm
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Default Re: Too Early to Jack It All In????

You need to get through the homesickness before you can really enjoy yourself and truly 'live' somewhere new. When I moved to the UK last year, I was miserable for a couple of months, but after I got over the initial homesickness, found a job, starting making friends and getting to know my local area I loved it and a year flew by! I am still going home to Australia early next year as we only planned on being away for a year but I guess what I am saying is keep going, don't give up and remember if you still don't like it in a years time, you can always go back home.
Take care and I hope things get better for you, I know thy will!
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Old Dec 14th 2009, 1:53 pm
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Default Re: Too Early to Jack It All In????

Home wasnt built in a day, good friends have to be earned and in order to make friends you have to step out of your comfort zone to meet strangers.

Jet lag can last weeks and I certainly would not be making any major decisions until you have really experienced life, put in some effort and got out and about to make a start on building your life.

One thing is for sure, if you keep looking back at what you had, you will not be able to move forward and be receptive to what you could have in the future and you will miss out big time on any opportunities that could come your way.
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Old Dec 14th 2009, 2:18 pm
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Default Re: Too Early to Jack It All In????

I too belive it's waaay too early to decide whether it is too early or not to throw in the towel and return to the UK.

I'm not going to repeat what the others have said, but I will say this: don't forget that you also need to adjust your state of mind. If you decide in your head that you don't fit in and that you won't like it, then guess what; you won't! Be more open-minded and willing to adapt to your new surroundings.

I realise it's easier to say than to do, but do try to take each day as it comes and start each day with a blank slate, as it were.
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Old Dec 14th 2009, 10:34 pm
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Default Re: Too Early to Jack It All In????

3 weeks? 3 WEEKS! Get a grip man!

Actually emigrating isn't for everybody. You should really just pack it in right now, you'll be home in time for Xmas.

Last edited by spartacus; Dec 14th 2009 at 10:39 pm.
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Old Dec 14th 2009, 10:48 pm
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Default Re: Too Early to Jack It All In????

Originally Posted by spartacus View Post
3 weeks? 3 WEEKS! Get a grip man!

Actually emigrating isn't for everybody. You should really just pack it in right now, you'll be home in time for Xmas.
l think if your willing to pack it in after only 3 weeks you should never have immigrated in the first place.
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Old Dec 14th 2009, 11:02 pm
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Default Re: Too Early to Jack It All In????

Originally Posted by mohogony View Post
l think if your willing to pack it in after only 3 weeks you should never have immigrated in the first place.
Totally agree. Tuesday today . . . you could be home in time for Eastenders on Thursday.

Last edited by spartacus; Dec 14th 2009 at 11:20 pm.
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