spartacus

You're making ems sounds a bit like 'Bride of Sauron' . . . surely that can't be so?! . . . and yes very sensitive

viviennef

She has many many guises does Em. She never ceases to amaze me - if I went in tomorrow and said "right lets try working at altitude" she would pause, blink and say "what a fantastic idea - right so do we go into training for this" she is the most positive person EVER.

that said she is organising me at present and its an evil evil process.

She even told me last week that from next week (new office week) that we should wear "lippy" (her words) and decent clothes every day to work. I cant see whats wrong with my attire as it is - pjs are made comfortable!

anyway I am thread hijacking.....

Dreamy

It can be really difficult for the other partner to cope when they're left alone all day, especially if they had a vibrant work/social life in the UK. And especially at this time of year! It was different for me - I was an anti-social cow in the UK who spent her days looking for ways to avoid doing the housework so it made adapting to life here much easier :-D (Having said that, my social life is much much better here)

I can see from further on that you've decided to give it a good 6 months which is a great idea. Your wife may find it much easier to settle once the kids are in school and settled. She'll hopefully be putting in an effort to meet people - if you're in a small community, have her look at the notice boards outside the supermarket, etc. Are there any of your work colleagues who have wives of a similar age who she could meet for a coffee? ::waves to Heather:: Once school starts up, they're usually always desperate for help in canteens etc, until she finds a job.

One note of caution - hide her debit/credit cards. I worked in a site office which employed lots of men on 457s. One man was only there 2 weeks - he'd gone home after work one day and his wife had booked flights back to the UK.

mark 'n' joe

Dont give up yet. We have been here for nearly 8 months and it has taken me a lot longer than I expected to even start to feel a little settled. It was at least 4 months before I stopped questioning if we have done the right thing. Mark settled from day 1. Our son was at school in England but missed out on prep here by 3 weeks and doesnt start until January. I got him into pre prep for 3 days a week after about 2 months, partly for my sanity and mostly so that he could start to make friends. I have since made friends with a couple of the mums there. We also enrolled him in swimming lessons and have met a great couple that have become good friends.

It does take time and you need to get out and about as soon as possible.

Where abouts in Brisbane are you??

Good luck xx

Wrinkly

I am sorry your wife is finding it so difficult to settle, but it is very very early days. I think that women who come to Oz to support their partners, or to give a better life to their children struggle more if they don't have a job.
I felt like a fish out of water for quite a long time, but am now much more settled. The 18,000 km that separates Oz from Europe had a far bigger impact on me once I was here, I couldn't nip back for the weekend to see my family.
Christmas is always an emotional time, and many of us expats get very weepy at this time of the year. I have just seen a video of my grandsons singing solos at their carol services, and I howled!!

Tell your wife that she is not alone, we've all been through it.
It does get better and it is quite normal to feel horrible to start with.

Good luck and let us all know how you get on.

Wrinkly

chrissystevo

Joe,

We are living in Lota at the moment, signed up for a 6 month rental so we have to stay for at least that long!!

Laura and Tom

lol, I have to agree, the only reason I am still here is because my passport was in my maiden name and my Credit card in my married!!
I would have gone home day 2 if I'm honest, 9 months on and I still have days where I think what the hell have I done.
I also found it difficult at times being at home with the kids but I found them things to do, I figured it wasn't fair on them to see me mopping about, I had inflicted this on them, they hadn't chosen to move to Australia.
anyway...three months after we arrived I got myself a part time job and I LOVE it, its really helped me settle, I have met so many people who all except a few have been great but you always meet the odd nutter anywhere in the world!!
I find that I have to have something to look forward to, I'm always booking tickets to something, golf, tennis, Grand Prix...we have done loads and it keeps me looking forward.
Just try to get through Christmas, treat it as a big holiday, hopefully when the kids start school it will be the turning point. Have a look at things in the area, how about checking out holiday care so that your wife gets a break or the local library might run free events that might give the kids something to do.
Sorry to have gone on but I kind of understand what your wifes going through and just wanted to say it can get better!

aglassofwinehelps

I feel exactly the same but did expect to. I've read these forums for a couple of years and kind of expected it albeit the reality is different. Sometimes I think I love it here, in the middle of the night I toss and turn and think wtf have I done. My mom came on Skype the other night and was so upset (she is 80 and had been diagnosed with swine flu and was feeling $hit) that if I could have I would have jumped on the next plane home. I was never sure whether I wanted to come, ever. All I knew was we had the opportunity and I would have regretted not taking that opportunity. Whether it works or not...who knows? But I do know I would have regretted not coming. We still have the equity from the house sale, I still have a job back in the UK (took a career break for 3 yrs) so we can go back but I don't look at it that way. We will rent, try to fit in, make the most of it. I miss my old friends so much but already I have met likeminded peeps. Apart from it will never feel like Christmas when it is 35 degrees I will give it go and if it doesn't work out, hey, I can go back. I do hope things work out for you. x

LouB

Haven't been on here since we got here in October (9th). Feel far too undecided and decided not to wail on Expats! I know exactly how you feel as do many, many people on here but try to last a bit longer. We spent 3 years trying to get here and so have decided to give it at least 12 months.
Les my husband has applied for 20 jobs and has never been out of work in his life. He either gets a polite no thanks or worse still, nothing.
We have had more downs than ups so far and God, do I miss my Mum and Sister!
Have decided to return (obviously!) today as perhaps need the company on here after all! Let us know how you get on but don't give up just yet. Take it day by day like us
Lou

moneypenny20

Sorry you're having a tough time. Get loads of resumes done ready to get out after christmas, that's the big moving on and moving in time work wise. Don't look on it as forever, treat it like an adventure, it's easier to get over the tough times that way.

Sally Simpson

Sorry that you are struggling just now & really hope that things will improve for you after Christmas.
What type of work does your husband do?

Malcolm F

I really dont understand why people like yourselves ever leave the UK. I guess it is not so much as Australia is a great country, more like UK is in such a state any place could be better. I have lived in Australia for 40 years and came here with about 4 weeks wages, limited qualifications (now a DR). I guess if the UK economy was to rebound you guys will be on the next plane
To be honest Australia will be better off. Many go back, can't settle and are back again. I mate of mine his parents did it 16 times!!
Australia is the best country in the world. Don't let those back in the UK tell you otherwise. They have got the get and go to come here, so that's a start.

moneypenny20

Because they don't know they're going to miss the place/people until they do. Because they fancy a change but then find that change isn't what they want. Because they are offered a job and think it will be good but then it turns out not to be. Because of more reasons than that but you get the picture.

Aus isn't the best country in the world for millions of people but it is for a number of people. Just because you consider it perfect doesn't mean it is. I love it here but no more than I love the UK. I would argue that any country in the world can be described the best country in the world simply because I haven't visited or lived for a period of time in every country in the world. It's a ridiculous thing to say and whilst others have been irritated by the expression I can honestly say it's the first time I've actually heard anyone use it. It's nonsense.

livinginreality

Only you and your wife know how you truly feel but I do think 3 weeks is abit too early.Its a huge move,either going to Oz or back to the UK.Try to look at the positives and focus on those for the time being.Don't keep looking back,it won't help!Missing family at Xmas?I know exactly how that feels and its not good!Try and have as happy a xmas as possible,and make a pledge to start the new year with a new focus and positive attitude.Maybe it might be helpful for your wife to write a few lines on here for some support through this?Good luck and hang on in there!

chrissystevo

I suppose by "people like yourselves" you mean people like you, people who left the UK to give it a go. Unfortunately Malcolm, sometimes things work for some and don't work for others. No two people are the same.

We didn't leave the UK for financial reasons or because the UK is in such a state, we left because we wanted to try something new. If we decide that that change isn't right for us then so be it. But it certainly won't be for economic reasons.

I am glad you have been here for 40 years and think Australia is the best country in the world. Good luck to you, although as I said everybody is different!