Confuscious say, man who walks through airport turnstiles sideways, is going to Bangkok






jib

Confuscious say, man with hand in pocket, feel cocky all day

http://www.looniebin-of-jokes.com/confus.htm

http://www.mkccc.com/humour/h28.htm

OzTennis

If you try to fail and succeed which one have you done

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine

Go on, I give up, what's the answer!

OzTennis

Always and never are two words to always remember never to use

That's a good one, I'll never use that!

One I read in a newspaper letters section:

"Never say yes when the question is 'does my b*m look big in this'?"

OzTennis

(afterthought) except if J-Lo is asking!

OzTennis

A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.

Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough.

Either this man is dead or my watch has stopped.

From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.

Go, and never darken my towels again.

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.

I sent the club a wire stating, PLEASE ACCEPT MY RESIGNATION. I DON'T WANT TO BELONG TO ANY CLUB THAT WILL ACCEPT ME AS A MEMBER.

I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.

It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy.

Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.

Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.

Money frees you from doing things you dislike. Since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy.

My mother loved children -- she would have given anything if I had been one.

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.

She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.

Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.

Women should be obscene and not heard.

In America you can go on the air and kid the politicians, and the politicians can go on the air and kid the people.

I'd horsewhip you if I had a horse.

She's afraid that if she leaves, she'll become the live of the party.

There is no sweeter sound than the crumbling of one's fellow man.

Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.

Groucho Marx (1890-1977)

OzTennis

Confuscious say, man who go to bed with a itchy bum, wake up with a smelly finger



jib

Seen one, you've seen them both.