JenJen,

Don't come out to Australia is my advice for what it's worth.

From reading your emotional post about family in particular I think you will be desperately unhappy over here.

I've never been a person who wanted to live particularly close to my family and I've been out of the UK for nearly 8 years, but even I really miss that closeness sometimes. I think you'll have a nightmare.

Sorry - I presume that this opinion causes you even more problems!!

I value everyone's opinions it doesn't cause me more problems but I do think if I refuse to go I will be tearign our family apart and having been there before I deperately don't want to go through that again so to put my foot down and refuse to go will cause an equal amount of problems and quite possibly alot of misery for the children

Well I don't know how old the kids are, but the tension is there and they may already sense it; as mum and wife on the other side of the world with all the responsibility you will have if you're unhappy, alone for much of the time and miserable, won't your children sense that and be miserable also?

Jen

I really agree with NKSK......dont come.
You cant make the HUGE move over unless you're both into it. if you come here doing so for 'your family', its more to keep your man happy - at what cost - your happiness?
To be over here, away from any support, with your partner whose not being supportive now - whats he going to be like if you dont like it once here & need his support. You need to have a really solid partnership to survive migration. If he wont listen now thats not bodeing well for the future.
Just dont do something in your heart it doesnt feel right to do - for you!
xx

It never felt right for me but he was supportive and listened to begin with, it's just been the last few months I have felt increasingly that I can't talk to him or rely on him to be there for me, I don;t know how much of it is pressure he's under at work or financially he won't say.

It'll do a number on him if he doesn't go.

If he wont talk now due to stress,worries etc.....just imagine being over in Oz, with your kids and he being the same. What a situation to find yourself in.
You may all love it it, if you dont - you could be faced in worse case scenario with being here and having to move home alone with the kids, feeling guilty for 'splitting' the family.
A migration has to be both of your dreams really, well at least you both have to positive and keen.
Maybe he knows how you feel and just doesnt want to address it as hes so wanting to follow the dream of Oz and by listening to you, it becomes possible its not going to happen, all of you moving here happily together? Just a thought.

Jen, I really know what you are saying, but what about you? Don't you and your feelings matter?

It's really tough, especially at first. You have to rely on each other for everything and I don't really see that you can.

I think that you need to make him listen to you, and you need to work out a compromise between you. If he won't talk to you then, as someone suggested, write it down for him. If you do go, then I'd think you should make some conditions and then at least you will have some control over what is/will happen. Something simple like: if he won't rent the house out, then tell him that you want the money put into a seperate account that needs both of you to draw it out and that you don't want to buy a house until you know for sure you can stay here.

Hi Jenjen,

I've just logged onto the site after months of absence and just getting on with life here in Melbourne, we have been here for nearly a year now, and time really flies!

I felt compelled to reply to your post as I was in a similar situation to you when we came out here, DH had job nailed, I was terribly torn as I'm pretty close to family and was really content and happy in my life as it was. I was pretty terrified of the move and he was just cruising through it. The bottom line for me was what did I have to lose by trying it. Now I agree with what everyone else has said about necessary communication and how you shouldn't come if you don't feel its right but sometimes it's so difficult when your priorities are so different. MY DH was certain it was the best thing for his family, so for him, I don't think that the move was a completely selfish decision.

Now, I still have difficult days but that said, it's not so bad really. Bear in mind that:

1. You WILL make friends if you want to, I've already made some VERY good ones.

2. It won't be the end of the world if you hate it.

3. If you come, you'll never have to wonder "what if"

Look, Jen, you know in your heart if you feel you can bear to do this. If you ask yourself and you really do not want to then you probably need to explain it to your husband and face whatever his response might be, but if you feel you could give it a go.... ALl is not lost you know, it's a fine place to live here, I'm loving it. The people are incredibly friendly (I don't actually have any English friends here, all Aussies) and you CAN always go back in the knowledge that you tried.

If you want to send a PM you are more than welcome and really, I just wanted to offer my encouragement. It's a difficult decision I know, trust your heart.

Baglady.

I will try writing it down for him again.

He's popping home later to pick the kids up to take them to a birthday party he'll be able to read it at work tonight maybe.

I wish it was my dream it would all be so much easier then. It just feels like it's all slipping away

Jen, if he won't talk, won't listen and won't consider anything you have to say or meet you half way on this - which I might add you have for him, then you are on serious rocky ground before you even leave the country.

Going to Australia for everyone other than yourself is a 'band aid' solution and will only plaster over the ever decreasing cracks.

He won't go to counselling and as you say its 'his way or the highway'.

You sound so unhappy and you haven't even gone yet.

Get your meds done by all means, get the visa and even validate on a short holiday but please please please do not emigrate with your relationship in its current state.

Because if one partner is unwilling and refuses to check out options that can improve a relationship and the communication within it, then you need to ask yourself some serious questions.

You have as much right to be happy as anyone and you only have the one life in which to achieve it.

His idea of happiness is hugely different from yours and part of being a couple is meeting each other half way and compromising.

From where I am standing, it is you not only compromising, but making the ultimate sacrifice as well.

Fair enough, he has a dream and the right to be happy in his life, but certainly not at your expense and to the point you are scared to approach him.