Hi Guys,
We had an appointment today with a Clinical Psychologist to get an IQtest done for our son Andrew.(Dimia had requested this to be done because Andrew has ADHD.)
Brief background...Malcolm is not Andrews natural dad,but has raised Andrew since he was a baby,Andrew has always thought malcolm was his dad, why would he think any different.
On arriving at the Nuffield Hospital today,we were called & went into a room,(hubby,me & Andrew)the phychologist introduced herself,told us what the tests involved,read through Andrews specialist report,school reports etc...
She wanted some background info on Andrew from birth so her opening sentance was,
"So Malcolm you are not Andrews natural father?"....(Stunned)
Her next line was to me,
"I assume Andrews father is no longer on the scene?" (our world fell apart)
We left the room for Andrew to continue the tests,dont know how we managed to get up & out the room we were both gobsmacked,numb,wanted the ground to open up & swallow us both.
Andrew came out 1/2hour later done extremley well,scored above average for all the tests,knew he would anyway.
We asked if we could have a quiet word,so back into her room, hubby explained to her that until today Andrew was totally unaware that i was not his father,fair enough she apoligised but in no way sympathetically,her coment was" he needs to be told anyway"( which i do agree with & were fully prepared to explain the situation- one day)I replied "yes but you have forced us into a situation & that decision was ours to make" apoligy again from her & her saying so sorry grovel,grovel & all that!
She asked when we were leaving for Oz as she thought it was soon, she wondered how we were going to pay the bill?! We paid in cash £160 & she even counted it & comented on how she loved to count cash.
£160 for her thoughtlessness & shes turned our world upside down.
Whatever happend to tact? Psychologist or not.
Donna.

WTF??? In total disbelief reading this. Hugs to you.

Hope you, hubby and Andrew are able to overcome this bombshell. Can't begin to imagine the distress it's caused you all.

Take care
HP

unbelievable... really unbelievable. Nothing can undo it, I credit you for not ending the story with hubby being arrested for punching her, I might well have.

Hope Andrew is ok - thats just unforgiveable behaviour on her part, but just got to put all that energy into making it better for you 3 hard though that may seem and dont focus the anger onto the insensitive doctor. You could complain but more heartache involved there methinks...

OMG!! that is awful for you and your family....of course you were going to tell Andrew but when you were ready to. Put a letter of complaint in and try and get the cowbag disciplined. Sent you some Karma for the distress you have been given

Sorry to hear the lack of unprofessionalism, some of these Professionals seem to lack common sense. One of our boys has Dyslexia, a fine condition to have in Australia where the word cant be used in case the school gets sued for discrimination Anyway we go and see several professionals, all by the way who charge $300 before you leave the office! For our $300 with one of them the diagnosis is "so what your a builder!!! give the kid a job when he gets older it wont matter".

Presumably the EIGHT years of formal training I did to meet Australias strict building licensing system went over the profs head.

Its bad the way it came out in your case, we have a mixed family too, told the kid when he was three so there was no misunderstanding or chance of anyone else getting in first. Bet tho your son knows who loves him and has cared for him and thats what matters.

Donna,

For once I am well and truly speechless!!..

I have no idea what to say to you. Nothing. Nothing anyone can say will make it right and back to how things were before rent-a-gob opened her trap. God, what a position to find yourselves in. And how Andrew did so well in his tests after hearing that bombshell is an absolute miracle. Talk about being seriously unprofessional. If I were you I'd write to her superiors and make them aware of her thoughtlessness and callowness and ask them to review how they treat cases like yours, i.e. first rule of thumb, check first re parentage before shooting ones mouth off!!!

Also, if that were me, I would've seriously contemplated socking her one and decking her.

My thoughts are with you, I hope Andrew is OK (doesn't OK sound so lame but I don't know what else to write) - I hope you are all dealing with it.

D D

I am so sorry for what has happened to you. As a trainee mental health nurse, I know how insensitive some clinical psychologists can be. Charm and tact are not their fortes.....

Best wishes,
Tony.

Hi Madsad,

How bloody awful!!

I bet you could have smacked her in the teeth!!!!!
It makes me feel angry just reading what you have gone through!!!!
It was your decision when to tell Andrew not theres!!
Like you arent going through enough already, ruddy hell!!
Havent they heard of 'tact'.
What is it with these people?????? Can't you report her?????
I hope you can work things out with Andrew,
Best regards, Cheeky

Thankyou everyone for you kind thought's, (Mr Madsad Typing) i cannot say that i am not F**kin furious about todays events but i know that the love i have given Andrew will leave him in no doubt about who his dad is, and no snotty nose doc at £ 150.00 an hour will change that.

As for formal complaints, we honestly would not no where to start and after the whole visa process we both (me & donna) both wonder if we have the energy left.

My main worries are that the best big bro in the world has just been left thinking that his two little sisters were worth the bother!! ( for all that he is hard work, his devotion & love for his little sisters is incredible) and the dad that shouted him thro 2-12 was takin the mick, or his mum has left him feeling cheated?

Life has a funny old way of kickin you in the knackers, 10 seconds notice would have been nice.

It would take a novel to explain the things we have been thro with Andy & i feel that i dont need to explain my love for Andrew to anyone, he done me & Donna proud today as he always has. WELL DONE SON. YOUR DAD.

holy **** that is absolutely disgusting. I cant say any more about the evil stupid bla bla bla you went to see today because it will just be a load of stars and beeps on here.

I hope Andrew and yourselves are OK and can sort this out within your family. at the end of the day it doesn't take the same genes to make a parent I hope Andrew can understand that.

f**k I am so angry with that person, some people have the common sense and tact of a dead sparrow.

Kala

I honestly hope you find the energy, because this is bad practice. Complain.
If as a nurse I had witnessed that, I would not let it go......

Tony.

Totally unvelievable. I doubt if I'd be bothered reporting her either, youve gone through enough in this emigrating process without more hassle. Whats done is done even though it leaves you gutted.
On the positive side it sounds like your back on track & fingers crossed that little yellow envelope will be yours very shortly.
I really really look forward to your.
WE HAVE GOT IT POST.

Bill.

donna, i'm not just saying this to cause an argument! but i would report the doc in question to the british medical council, she is obligated by law to protect the interests of your child and also maintain an element of not just professionalism, but also confidentiality... she, fair enough, unwittingly disclosed information with your son in the room, but the impact could have been phenomenal, i just hope that you are all okay..

as for counting out the cash, sorry, words do not suffice?

wishing you all the best,

bob x

I know I have just posted but you must have done this reply as I was typing and removing my original complete slaggin off of the dumb ass physologist.

You have just brought me to tears (on a bloody friday night and all) You are quite clearly a fantastic dad and I'd be proud to have you as my dad if I were Andrew.

Wishing you all the luck in the world
Kala

Oh Donna how awful!!!!!!!!!!! How TOTALLY unprofessional and rude. Like others have said....you maybe ought to put in a complaint so that she isn't so incompetant and insensitive again.

Sending you big hugs.....

Petra