theguitardoctor

Hi there,

I hope you all have a better experience......

Feb 2003, decided to try NZ as we were sick of the UK and the rising costs and depreciating standard of living. I had a perfectly good business, but figured, it was worth losing to gain the same thing in NZ and a better lifestyle. Researched and made many NZ contacts, and sure enough the custom for my business was available. Started an LTBV (£825) and finally lodged on June 6th whilst sorting the house for sale. Sold everything we own including the house. my new Yamaha R1 and anything else that we could to be finally free of ties by October 4th. It was suggested that we wait for the LTBV to come through as otherwise we could be taking a great risk. Wife's response: "Don't worry I'll get a job when we arrive and we can go the Gen Skills route". This would have put us well over the 29 point passmark. However, the wife became stress related ill in the interim and the Gen Skills category was removed..... Now the wife has decided that rather than work until the LTBV comes through she wishes to see the country and abandon the idea of residency here....! There is no compromise here, she wants to return to the UK.

This means that when our shipment arrives in 4 weeks, she now has no job, so we'll have to pay a $2000 bond, and the turn the shipment around and send it straight back to the UK (at a cost of £2500 in total - part shipment). We also have to have the cat vaccinated and returned to the UK after 7 months (the time it takes for him to be certified as rabies free - cost £2000 total inc shipping and tests). Also, there's 2 flights back - another £1200 on top of the £1200 to get here (£2400 total). We are also now tied here for 7 months which means £100 per week rent - approx £3000 in total.

So £11,000 so far + £4400 for a car we "had to buy" so that the wife could get to work...and you can see we are in pretty deep. Admittedly, we can re-sell the car, but thats all. Do we now hang it all and tour NZ in a camper van - probably cost £10,000 (countered by no need to pay rent, withdrawal of the LTBV (refund of £700) and sale of the car - approx £8200), for approx 5 months, but at least we'll see the place, or do we sit here and fester, taking the odd day trip....which means we have to kennel the cat and pay for this place whilst we visit somewhere for a day or 2 and pay for hotels.

The relationship between us is pretty much over too now, so maybe it's a good thing to do as it will be a distraction...?

All I can say to anyone, is be 200% sure that you BOTH want the same thing. Visit NZ for a couple of months and see if you can integrate and actually live here, as when it goes wrong, it becomes very costly, our little mistake is going to cost £20,000 + and one marriage.....

Rich.

I hope your experiences are easier...

Watt Dabney

Rich,

Just thought I would say that if you decide to travel (which I think sounds like a good idea). If you are down Christchurch way you would be more than welcome to pop in for a cuppa or something a bit stronger.
I think you both need to chill, you are obviously both really stressed by this, now is not the time to make decisions. Ban all talk of the stay/go saga for 2 months at least. Travel have fun and talk about it later - you have nothing to lose.

Don't forget pop in if you are down this way.


Paula

theguitardoctor

Hi Paula,

Thanks for that....If I haven't buried her under the decking at the current rental, I'll be sure to look you up when we get to Christchurch.....

all the best, Rich.

dotty

It sounds like you have had a very stressful time, horrible, I thought you loved it when you first arrived, or am I thinking of someone else?

First thing, its not that uncommon to find emigrating stressful, or two people having very different reactions to the new country. To be quite honest I could have killed my husband (then boyfriend) for bringing me to OZ. If we had not have had children involved I would have walked back to Canada or the UK!!

However try not to turn the shock of NZ into wrecking your relationship. Ask yourself, would you still be together if you had not gone through all this stress, if so blame the situation not each other.

Then forget the whole mess, take the holiday and work on yourselves, just put it out of your minds for a couple of weeks, relax enjoy yourselves and calm down. After that it might all look like nothing that cant be repaired.

By the way I totally agree with you, trip first, OZ and NZ are very different to the ideas some have from 20,000klm or whatever away. As for relationships in all this, fact is both not having the same opinions on it is very common, everyone needs to discuss what will happen if the family becomes divided over the new country, talk about it first.

Anyway look forward, in the big scheme of things its not the end of the world the two of you may laugh about it one day. Now go and enjoy that holiday.

renth

Mate,

I'm sorry to hear of your situation.

Emigrating is very stressful and one thing people don't realise is that the stress continues well after you arrive as you settle in.

Give it more time, you ought to stay at least a year. This should be something you all agree on before you come out.

We are giving it 2 years a which point we both have to want to stay or it's back to the UK (with Aussie passports, for the kid's sake)

The sums of money you are talking about would financially cripple most families for years to come, so what would you be going back to? extreme poverty and debt.

Give it longer, do some traveling.

Paul&Ann-Marie

would just like to say you are obviously having a shite and stressful time.I agree with the responses here, take the road trip sort your private life out and decide with a clear head what is best.
We are looking at going to aus for 2 and a half years ( wife claims citizenship ) then who know's, would like to think at that point neither of us would want to return.

Hope you work things out and thank you for your experiences.
A good eye opening post.

Take care.

Paul

Jirrupin

Your story is so familiar, at the moment everything must look bleak and you are feeling very angry and negative.You have both experienced a very stressful time, you will not be the first or the last couple that have had their marriage tested by migration. We have had spells of real difficulties since we arrived, thankfully shortlived but a shock to us because we didn't really feel that stressed prior to the move.

Unless your marriage was failing prior to your move and you hoped a new life would make things different then hopefully the feelings you have now will pass.

It does cost a lot of money, we also sit regularly adding up the costs and trying to rationalise it. Although you may only spend the equivalent to what your normal living costs would be anyway, it obviously becomes a drain when there is no income. But at the end of the day it is only money!!!

When you are feeling a little brighter it may be worth writing down all the things you have gained from the move. For the first time in our lives we don't have jobs, we are not tied down to one particular house/country and suddenly the world has opened up to us.

We don't have pets which obviously could create travelling difficulties for you, but there is a whole world out there waiting to be discovered and because this move hasn't turned out the way you hoped doesn't mean you have to go back to what you had before, it can mean you have other new doors you have yet to open and they could be more rewarding and satisfying than you could ever hope.


Best of Luck to you both.

Donna

Davenshell

sorry to here your problems Richard, I took my wife back to the airport last week we found that she has some issues to sort out in her life that only became apparant the minute we landed. Migration seems to magnify all the little things in life you have took for granted over the years. It's not Aus itself she loved the place and the house we moved into, but in no way can I help her by also moving back, their descions she is going to have to make herself and hopefully she will comeback next year and we can start again.

wotwots

Dump the miserable ----- and stay! :scared:

hevs

so sorry to hear things are crap. Makes me feel guilty, but i think the travel advice is good, its what we are doing and it working really well. Hope things work out ok for you both .

janeyray

There seem to be loads of you here or on your way here who say 'We will give it two years and if we don't like it, we'll go back'

Two years is a long time to stay somewhere you don't want to be and each day can seem like an eterninty.

I think it's a real shame that your move to NZ has split up your marriage. I assume you want to stay and she wants to return?

My husband doesn't really want to go back to the UK but our agreement before we came was that if any of us weren't 100% then we would all return. He is ok about us going back and we are a family, thats all that counts. It has made us stronger and I hope you and your wife don't seperate because you want different things.

I have met so many people since being here whoses other half (male and female) has left to back to the UK, I find this very sad and think that this kind of thing must be talked about before leaving for a new country.

karawara88

Sorry to read about your stressful time, its difficult for anyone to comment without knowing the situation between you. But if things are as strained between you as they appear, spending time together in a camper van may be a nightmare.

Have you considered some time apart, maybe just a week or even a few days away for one of you to head off and get your head cleared? I migrated with my ex. over three years ago, made the mistake of thinking it would help the relationship and ended up having the opposite effect. (Although she was a nasty vindictive bitch) I headed home left and left her here (she had family) and I ended up meeting Donna, its been down hill ever since. (only kidding).

You both have a lot to lose so look at every alternative before leaving. Failing that I have heard burying them in the bush is a good alternative. the hardest part for me when Donna does my head in is having no mates to sound off with. Always found they had worse time than me so went home happy.

Hope you can work through it.

Good luck.

The Simpsons

So sorry to hear that things aren't working out for you!

Take some time out to travel a bit and maybe even do some on your own and get your heads sorted etc.

It IS bloody stressful doing this and I can understand why relationships can struggle. But if you hadn't of come, you would always be thinking what if and that could have put a strain on you both too!

Don't make any rash decisions about NZ or you relationship. Take some chill out time together somewhere warm and relaxing and let things take their course. You can't go until the cat is sorted anyway, so you may as well have some time off from the stress and concentrate on yourselves rather than the whole migration thing.

Good luck to you both and look us up if you get to Auckland, we'd be more than happy to put you up!

Best wishes
Karen

theguitardoctor

Thanks to everyone for the support and offers of hospitality....My wife doesn't know why I use this site, but I tell her it's because the people here have been through the same ordeals so they have a grip on what to expect...she thinks I just want to be in touch with Brits...though she's the one that wants to go home more than me. I must admit, I am all for turning around and going back, though I'm stuck here for now because of the cat, so I think a tour is on the cards. It's going to cost either way, so what the hell....in for a penny and all that...I'll let anyone know when I'm in a certain area, and hook up.

I think the relationship thing was on the cards anyway..I guess I figured this may change her, but it's pushed us further away. The trip may be the best or worst thing we could do, but as her illness is stress related, I figure, if a 4 month holiday doesnt cure her, then it's to no avail..then I'll cut my losses anyway.

Ho hum, Rich.

karawara88

D'OH - you can't live with em and you can't kill em.