problems telling her mum
Mar 22nd 2006 | 1:25 am
#16
Forum Regular
Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 83
Re: problems telling her mum
Straight away is the only answer, you need to be straight, she will not thank you for telling you at a family get together, thats for sure.
I have told mine that we are going (again) and that was 3 weeks ago and has not spoken to me and will not see me or our children. Thats the risk you run. We are still going and have now got a date and will be in lovely Oz (Goldcoast) on the 8th June.
It will not stop you if you if that is what you want. It breaks my heart that she will not see us, but I dont know what to do about it, just got to keep strong.
LibbyX
I have told mine that we are going (again) and that was 3 weeks ago and has not spoken to me and will not see me or our children. Thats the risk you run. We are still going and have now got a date and will be in lovely Oz (Goldcoast) on the 8th June.
It will not stop you if you if that is what you want. It breaks my heart that she will not see us, but I dont know what to do about it, just got to keep strong.
LibbyX
Mar 22nd 2006 | 1:33 am
#17
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Mar 2006
Posts: 395
From: Middlesex
Re: problems telling her mum
Originally Posted by jlkk
Straight away is the only answer, you need to be straight, she will not thank you for telling you at a family get together, thats for sure.
I have told mine that we are going (again) and that was 3 weeks ago and has not spoken to me and will not see me or our children. Thats the risk you run. We are still going and have now got a date and will be in lovely Oz (Goldcoast) on the 8th June.
It will not stop you if you if that is what you want. It breaks my heart that she will not see us, but I dont know what to do about it, just got to keep strong.
LibbyX
I have told mine that we are going (again) and that was 3 weeks ago and has not spoken to me and will not see me or our children. Thats the risk you run. We are still going and have now got a date and will be in lovely Oz (Goldcoast) on the 8th June.
It will not stop you if you if that is what you want. It breaks my heart that she will not see us, but I dont know what to do about it, just got to keep strong.
LibbyX
This has got to be the worse bit imo, dealing with the fallout
Mar 22nd 2006 | 4:17 am
#18
Forum Regular
Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 83
Re: problems telling her mum
Originally Posted by milliesmum
I hope they see sense before you go Libby, I have the feeling mine will be the same, so I understand.
This has got to be the worse bit imo, dealing with the fallout
This has got to be the worse bit imo, dealing with the fallout
The worst bit completely.
I have had to text her today and tell her what date we are going hoping it would get some sort of reaction off her but, alas, nothing at all, not even a text back. It is the worst feeling and now I am also angry with her too. If she would just acknowledge that she got it then that would be something.
I hope you sort yours out better than mine has taken it, good luck.
LibbyX
Mar 22nd 2006 | 4:21 am
#19
BE Enthusiast
Joined: May 2004
Posts: 465
From: Shropshire
Re: problems telling her mum
Originally Posted by movetoperth
Don;t pay too much attention to the "we wont visit" comments, we had all those too. My parents guessed we were applying after we came here on holiday so we didnt have to tell them mu dad just asked "how did the rekkie go" but they both refused to talk about it even the last time we saw them they didnt really mention it, but as soon as we were here and spoke to them on the phone it was fine, just as if we were still there, infact i think thats how they think of it, that we are still there. They have visited and will be here again this year, they are both in their 80s.
good luck
Lynn
good luck
Lynn
I try and motivate them to do things but they won't even go out for a day with the dog anywhere, let alone a longer holiday. Us leaving and going to Australia would probably finish them off, so the guilt sets in and I don't even know if we're going any more...
Mar 22nd 2006 | 4:36 am
#20
Forum Regular
Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 83
Re: problems telling her mum
Originally Posted by Britishaussie
No ... my parents really won't visit! We did a stint in Belgium once, we lived there for about 17 months and not once did my parents visit us, and that's only just over the water! My parents, my dad in particular, now think that they are getting old (OK, he has some heart problems) and give me the impression that they are just waiting to die. Sounds horrible but that's how it comes over to me. My dad is only 70 this year but is starting to act a lot older. I try and motivate them to do things but they won't even go out for a day with the dog anywhere, let alone a longer holiday. Us leaving and going to Australia would probably finish them off, so the guilt sets in and I don't even know if we're going any more...
I try and motivate them to do things but they won't even go out for a day with the dog anywhere, let alone a longer holiday. Us leaving and going to Australia would probably finish them off, so the guilt sets in and I don't even know if we're going any more...As you can see I am having problems too, but please dont let the guilt win, I will not let my Mum win, and she has no intention at all of visiting us and she is only 58. Please live your own life, they will not be around forever (sad but true) and then you will regret not going in a big way.
LibbyX
Mar 22nd 2006 | 4:52 am
#21
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Mar 2006
Posts: 395
From: Middlesex
Re: problems telling her mum
I'll admit, this is the bit giving me the sleepless nights so hugs and sympathy to all those going through it, there is no right or wrong way.
I hope you get a reply soon Libby, in the meantime you have to just get on with things, not great advice I know but I have no magic wand.
I hope you get a reply soon Libby, in the meantime you have to just get on with things, not great advice I know but I have no magic wand.
Mar 22nd 2006 | 11:19 am
#22
Just Joined
Joined: Mar 2006
Posts: 1
From: Oz
Re: problems telling her mum
Hi, newbie here
I hope it's okay joining up, as my situation is not a UK related one but my fiance is coming from the USA, (hopefully - we still have to submit our application and it's so stressful - haven't seen him in 6 months), but reading the forums here, so many problems are exactly the same.
This issue of telling the family sure is a hard one and my sympathy to anyone going through that. I literally had no idea that families would take things so hard and it floored me when just recently, even though his family knew he was leaving ages ago, he went to see them on a visit and was given quite a hard time over it. They have always been very loving towards me which is wonderful, but it seemed that when he went to see them, a whole lot of unresolved issues came out. I don't know that he told me the half of it - maybe to protect me - but I think it was pretty hard on him, and no doubt them as well. I cried for a week when I found out, as I felt like this terrible person who was taking him away from his family, but I know he wants to and I know they are settling down to the idea, although his dad has said a couple of things to me that I haven't mentioned to him, sort of pointed things. I just let that wash over me as I love them and I do understand. It really is a tough thing, but as I think someone said, you do have to live your life as you wish it and take into consideration other people to an appropriate level, but then give them the choice to adjust. I know that when it happens it will be hard, but I think getting them to come over as soon as possible - if they will - is a good idea and let them know that it can be their second home away from home. Getting them involved helps too (though not too involved as I've found
). I wish I had some tips but not really, I just empathise.
There's a good article on this site about these matters..
http://britishexpats.com/articles/mo...ng-the-family/
Very best wishes to all,
Joss
I hope it's okay joining up, as my situation is not a UK related one but my fiance is coming from the USA, (hopefully - we still have to submit our application and it's so stressful - haven't seen him in 6 months), but reading the forums here, so many problems are exactly the same.
This issue of telling the family sure is a hard one and my sympathy to anyone going through that. I literally had no idea that families would take things so hard and it floored me when just recently, even though his family knew he was leaving ages ago, he went to see them on a visit and was given quite a hard time over it. They have always been very loving towards me which is wonderful, but it seemed that when he went to see them, a whole lot of unresolved issues came out. I don't know that he told me the half of it - maybe to protect me - but I think it was pretty hard on him, and no doubt them as well. I cried for a week when I found out, as I felt like this terrible person who was taking him away from his family, but I know he wants to and I know they are settling down to the idea, although his dad has said a couple of things to me that I haven't mentioned to him, sort of pointed things. I just let that wash over me as I love them and I do understand. It really is a tough thing, but as I think someone said, you do have to live your life as you wish it and take into consideration other people to an appropriate level, but then give them the choice to adjust. I know that when it happens it will be hard, but I think getting them to come over as soon as possible - if they will - is a good idea and let them know that it can be their second home away from home. Getting them involved helps too (though not too involved as I've found
). I wish I had some tips but not really, I just empathise.There's a good article on this site about these matters..
http://britishexpats.com/articles/mo...ng-the-family/
Very best wishes to all,
Joss
