Dicko

Bit of a hard one this? But has anyone gone or is planning to go when there parents are getting on a bit?

Thing is, my wifes' parents are in this category and she is terrified she will never see them again.

How do we get over this obstacle no matter what I say doesnt seem to reassure her, would just like to tell her she is not on her own when going through this.
Any advice is realy appreciated
Thanks

debsy

Yes, I can understand what you mean dicko. I really worry that something will happen to my parents, but what can you do - you cannot live your life in fear!!

Sometimes I get really upset about it but I know that if we dont go we will regret it.

salokin

Hi dicko

Even though my paents are not very old but since finding out last week its been really tearfull not even booked the tickets yet, But I'm a only child and I will be taking their only grandchildren away from them which does give you doubts in the back of your mind but at the end of the day and i dont mean to sound harsh its your life and you have to do it for yourselves as were only hear once if everyone stayed for their family and friend's nobody would go anywhere thats what i keep thinking and its keeping me going as well. Don't know if you have kids but as upsetting it is they keep telling me we are doing right for the kids and at the end of the day its only a plane journey away (A bloody long one)

good luck & keep us posted

carol

nosuchluck

Hi Dicko
Mark's parents are in the 70's, my mum suffers from angina and my dad who lives in Wales is also not in the best of health and in a way i can understand how your wife feels but like my hubby says, either of our parents could pass away and we may not have time to get to them, whether we are in the same country, or the other side of the world! My dad had quite a major heartattack a few years ago and i wasn't able to get to Wales to see him for over a week (circumstances beyond my control), which just goes to show that whether i live in the same country or another things happen.
Not sure if this will help but felt i had to respond, hopefully someone else can give you some better advice
with kind regards
rach x

Larissa

Hiya Guys
Lately I've come to realise that anything can happen - you can't put everything on hold for fear of losing an older relative though. I think that ANYONE with *important* family ties must feel free to take the steps associated with immigration, without worrying that the worst may happen, but you need to put the funds away to come back for an emergency visit/stay if needed. When I say "family ties", I mean siblings & very close friends too.

I would however make sure that you leave on as good terms as possible (unless you don't get on anyway) and make the effort to speak regularly... let them know you love them etc. too. Do you have plans for what would happen with the remaining parent, should one pass away? Don't feel you have to tell me the answer, it's just something I've had to consider lately.
Larissa

salokin

Hi dicko

Even though my paents are not very old but since finding out last week its been really tearfull not even booked the tickets yet, But I'm a only child and I will be taking their only grandchildren away from them which does give you doubts in the back of your mind but at the end of the day and i dont mean to sound harsh its your life and you have to do it for yourselves as were only hear once if everyone stayed for their family and friend's nobody would go anywhere thats what i keep thinking and its keeping me going as well. Don't know if you have kids but as upsetting it is they keep telling me we are doing right for the kids and at the end of the day its only a plane journey away (A bloody long one)

good luck & keep us posted

carol

Dicko

Yeh we have 3 kids aged 3,6,11 and their Grandparents dote on them, they are not the only grandkids but we are still taking them away.

I keep saying about them coming to spend weeks with us as they are retired but it really is a long flight for them isn't it and one of our main things to get over homesickness is not to come back for at least 18 months, so what do we do?

Larissa

It's really not that long a journey... one of my rellies is in her mid 80s and she's managed Ireland to Perth recently... this has really encouraged my own parents.
Have you considered getting webcams etc. ?

mlbonner

Hi

I think most people who go over to Aus will know how you're feeling. My parents are still relatively young, but since I told them I was planning on going back there's been all sorts of recriminations about 'what if someone gets sick' 'what about your grandparents' 'do you know your father has high blood pressure' 'what happens when you have children, how will we see them'..... the list goes on and on - Ultimately though, they are really happy for me. I am doing everything I can whilst I'm home to make sure everyone is as happy as they can be and have made sure that they know there will ALWAYS be an open door policy for them there.

'never' is a long time, I think very few people 'never' see them again.

Try not to worry too much, I think the response's you've had already go to prove you're by no means alone!

wmoore

We've done that already and we're waaaaay off getting a visa yet. I'm sure webcams will help with the homesickness bit, if you can see your family every day - well, every day assuming you have no life when you get there

mlbonner

I love my webcam, it cost £14.99 from Argos & I got a headset/mic from Game for £4.99 - I talk to my boyf on it every day and have promised to show my parents how to use it (with msn messenger) before I go. Makes it dead easy to keep in contact

wmoore

Can you get the sound to work with the headset? When I try voice with MSN it crashes my router . I got around it by downloading Skype (pronounced like 'ripe' if you're interested ) and with that I can talk, while using the webcam feature of Messenger.

mlbonner

Yeah, it took me a while to figure out, but in the end I just had to take the speakers connection out the back and it was fine

Is a really nice little headset too, just an ear-piece with a mic coming off it, so I dont feel like an idiot sat in front of the PC with it on and no need to spend a fortune either

robinvanboxel

First time ever leaving a message on here so really hope it ends up in the right place. About leaving your parents, its really tough. We have just started the process of applying and it took me 2 years to come to the decision to leave. My husbands parents are out there and so is my brother so my mum and dad wont have anybody there. But youve got to do what is right for you and your family. We have young children and just feel Australia will give them such a good life. My mum is all for it and who knows she may end up over there too eventually! But I know the guilt does kick in every now and then.

wmoore

Firstly, welcome! Secondly, I think you're right with this one. Early on we decided that we had to be a bit selfish, which we almost never are. At some point in your life you're gonna have to break the apron strings, as it were.