My dilemna.....
Jan 8th 2008, 5:04 pm
#61
Forum Regular
Joined: Aug 2004
Location: Kent... not for long
Posts: 56
Re: My dilemna.....
Hi
I just sent your some karma.
I feel for you and I feel for your daughter - and believe me - there are plenty on here having gone through the same scenario (me included) and this doesn't seem about what Uni courses ect - this seems about your daughter's reluctance to migrate - am I right?
Looks as though she is trying to justify why she should stay in stead of just owning up and saying 'I don't want to go'.
At 19 she has the choice to make and you cannot do anything - speaking from experience of doing the right thing and also the wrong thing (different situations) i would go ahead with your plan to move and let your daughter make her own choice - if she is adamant to remain in the UK - you have to let her.
From the sounds of your post - you sound like a loving, caring parent who has done what we all do (spoil our kids) and then when they want what is different from us we seem to think they are 'throwing it all back in our faces'. She is just trying to get what she wants/her own way - - let her find out if she can make it alone/and make sure you are there for her if/when she doesn't.
Sasxx
I just sent your some karma.
I feel for you and I feel for your daughter - and believe me - there are plenty on here having gone through the same scenario (me included) and this doesn't seem about what Uni courses ect - this seems about your daughter's reluctance to migrate - am I right?
Looks as though she is trying to justify why she should stay in stead of just owning up and saying 'I don't want to go'.
At 19 she has the choice to make and you cannot do anything - speaking from experience of doing the right thing and also the wrong thing (different situations) i would go ahead with your plan to move and let your daughter make her own choice - if she is adamant to remain in the UK - you have to let her.
From the sounds of your post - you sound like a loving, caring parent who has done what we all do (spoil our kids) and then when they want what is different from us we seem to think they are 'throwing it all back in our faces'. She is just trying to get what she wants/her own way - - let her find out if she can make it alone/and make sure you are there for her if/when she doesn't.
Sasxx
Also our daughter has only ever lived with us and will have no other family in the U.K. and whilst it will be hard for us without her, we three will still be together. She will be the lonely one we cannot afford to travel back and forth. whatever decision she makes she will be the one who has to live with that decision . I dont want to say told you so if and when she has regrets We have done all we can.
Last edited by Curls; Jan 8th 2008 at 5:16 pm.
Jan 8th 2008, 10:44 pm
#62
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 2,517
Re: My dilemna.....
As Pommmie babes mother i thought i would put my two peneth worth in.
Interesting replies to my daughters dilemma some very good advice.
However they are based of course on her original post with quite a bit of bias the fact is we began our journey a family of four about five years ago it took two years and a lot of stress getting our visa. My husband and i have both had poor relationships with our parents and have always been close to our children spending much time and effort in bringing them up to be indendent and happy My husband has worked particularly hard starting from nothing to build up a business which has given us all a good lifestyle including paying privately educating our children up to the age of 11 at which point they both went on to good grammar schools. Basiclally because he had a poor education he wanted the best for his own children.
We validated our visa three years ago and decided to get our youngest daughter through her A levels before leaving the u.k. as we had done for Pommiebabe However this meant Pommiebabe would need to go in advance of us by one year.We agreed to pay all her fees, accomodation, and living expenses until we arrived when we could be together again. Pommiebabe was perfectly happy she chose the uni and the course.And then she met a boy just after they left school(three month relationship) he is now in his first year at a u.k. uni he has been a major influence in persuading her to stay in the u.k. he has his own agenda. We cannot afford to keep her in the u.k. financially also we would not be their for support she has no other family to turn to in the u.k, No home to go to at end of term and we cannot afford lots of airfares back and forth either way. We do not want her to make a decision we feel sure she will regret she does not know any different having always been very comfortable at home probably spoilt having not wanted for anything we even spent seven hundred pounds on a really good laptop built in cam for when she goes to uni.To all the people who say stay in the u.k. do your own thing that is easy to say but the reality is No car,No home, No family,No money,No income and posibly no chance of joining her family later on. No we dont want to leave her here who would where we live s.e.london is not the area we once knew it is getting worse and worse we wanted only to give our children the best we could and dont wish to see it thrown away on a whim or with notions that her life will be so much better IF she got a u.k. degree instead of OZ. we want her to look at the bigger picture of the rest of her life and having loving parents and a close sister in ones life makes one hell of a difference. She has the chance of being fully supported financially in oz in a wonderful city near the beach making new friends enjoying a climate second to none and going in our opinion to a first class uni.
Ladies and gentlemen if you are still with me i rest my case and thank you for listening.
Interesting replies to my daughters dilemma some very good advice.
However they are based of course on her original post with quite a bit of bias the fact is we began our journey a family of four about five years ago it took two years and a lot of stress getting our visa. My husband and i have both had poor relationships with our parents and have always been close to our children spending much time and effort in bringing them up to be indendent and happy My husband has worked particularly hard starting from nothing to build up a business which has given us all a good lifestyle including paying privately educating our children up to the age of 11 at which point they both went on to good grammar schools. Basiclally because he had a poor education he wanted the best for his own children.
We validated our visa three years ago and decided to get our youngest daughter through her A levels before leaving the u.k. as we had done for Pommiebabe However this meant Pommiebabe would need to go in advance of us by one year.We agreed to pay all her fees, accomodation, and living expenses until we arrived when we could be together again. Pommiebabe was perfectly happy she chose the uni and the course.And then she met a boy just after they left school(three month relationship) he is now in his first year at a u.k. uni he has been a major influence in persuading her to stay in the u.k. he has his own agenda. We cannot afford to keep her in the u.k. financially also we would not be their for support she has no other family to turn to in the u.k, No home to go to at end of term and we cannot afford lots of airfares back and forth either way. We do not want her to make a decision we feel sure she will regret she does not know any different having always been very comfortable at home probably spoilt having not wanted for anything we even spent seven hundred pounds on a really good laptop built in cam for when she goes to uni.To all the people who say stay in the u.k. do your own thing that is easy to say but the reality is No car,No home, No family,No money,No income and posibly no chance of joining her family later on. No we dont want to leave her here who would where we live s.e.london is not the area we once knew it is getting worse and worse we wanted only to give our children the best we could and dont wish to see it thrown away on a whim or with notions that her life will be so much better IF she got a u.k. degree instead of OZ. we want her to look at the bigger picture of the rest of her life and having loving parents and a close sister in ones life makes one hell of a difference. She has the chance of being fully supported financially in oz in a wonderful city near the beach making new friends enjoying a climate second to none and going in our opinion to a first class uni.
Ladies and gentlemen if you are still with me i rest my case and thank you for listening.
I can completely empathise with you, we're in a similar situation with no family in the Uk and wanting the best for both our girls. I lost both my parents in my early 30's, so there's just been us 4 for the last several years, which has been incredibly hard, but made us extremely close. We had thought about waiting until my eldest finishes college before we go but were concerned she would meet someone and not want to move, so we've decided to do it before she starts college, not much comfort for you but i really can understand where you're coming from and hope she changes her mind. In my first post to your daughter, i tried to advise her from a mothers point of view, a mother who would be devastated if all her family didn't go together - I honestly believe that i would probably give my daughter the same ultimatum you gave your daugther, not because i want her out of my life, as i'm sure you don't, but because i'd hope she'd agree to go. My hubby is from SE London and i agree, it's not what it was - We met when i was 17 and he was 20, which proves you can meet 'the one' at that age but how many people have been so lucky as to stay together from such a young age? Unfortunately your daughter will believe what she wants no matter how much people tell her different - I only hope you can resolve this situation, don't stop talking to each other, maybe invite the boyfriend round and talk to him, can't he go over to Oz with your daughter on the 12 month under 30 visa? Good luck.
