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In need of encouragement

In need of encouragement

Old Dec 28th 2007, 3:31 pm
  #1  
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Default In need of encouragement

I am desperately in need of some encouragement and advice on how to break the news of our immigration to my family.

After returning from a year travelling (8 months of that in Australia) my partner was adamant he wanted to live out there. It took me a while to work out my own mind but if I put everything to one side and for once be selfish I decided I too would love to live in Oz.

I have thought about it for months now (12 to be exact) and def decided that we're going to do it. I mentioned it when we first got back to my family but got all discouraging comments. I am seriously worried about the reaction I am going to receive particularly from my mother. Bearing in mind when I decided to go travelling for a year she asked me 'why are you doing this? Are you trying to get away from me or something'!! I had thought that because I mentioned it in the past they would realise I was seriously thinking about it but recently mum and dad have both asked me if we would be buying a house soon or moving to a larger rented one (I carefully changed the subject!!). My sister knows a little more but I know she is going to be upset when I tell her for definate as were quite close.

Well, know the stress of Christmas is over it's time to break the news and I am beginning to panic. You would of thought that a 25 year old strong career women would have the courage to stand up to her mum but I'm afraid I am in desperate need of some encouragement and advice on how best to break the news that we are applying for visas. I have decided that although I know she would prefer for me to tell her on my own, as this is something that me and Ben are doing as a family unit we should both tell them together to show them how seriouse we are about it. What makes matters worse is he is a chef and we are to go out on regional visas so pretty sure we will get fast tracked giving them even less time to come to terms with the idea!

Please help!!

P.S - my mum isn't good at flying so is going to have to overcome a major hurdle if she ever wants to come see me so I don't think she's gonna be too chuffed about that either!!
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Old Dec 28th 2007, 3:51 pm
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Default Re: In need of encouragement

I feel for you natalie.

As i posted in a different thread, my wifes dad and sister haven't taken the news too well.

We just felt we had to be strong and do it. My wife now feels a stronger urge to go now as a hurdle has been passed.

Go for it and i know it seems harsh but sod em
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Old Dec 28th 2007, 4:00 pm
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Default Re: In need of encouragement

Thanks HullyBullys! I just read your thread actually and sounds like you are going through much the same as what I know I will. I think what makes matters worse is that Ben's (my partner) parents told us they will miss us but that we should do what's best for us and they are really helping and encouraging us. We had no qualms about telling them as soon as we had made our decision!!

I'll let you know how I get on - am know thinking i'll wait until after the New Year celebrations but no doubt Ben will tell me 'why put off till tomorrow what you can do today' - Bully
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Old Dec 28th 2007, 4:03 pm
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Default Re: In need of encouragement

My dad and step-mam where great. In fact it was them that got us thinking about moving. My step mum has a son (my step brother) out there so was all in favour of it.

They then told me that they plan to go in a few years too. I am leaving a brother and sister and they are upset but pleased and are behind us.

All the best
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Old Dec 28th 2007, 4:04 pm
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Default Re: In need of encouragement

Originally Posted by natalieml View Post
Thanks HullyBullys! I just read your thread actually and sounds like you are going through much the same as what I know I will. I think what makes matters worse is that Ben's (my partner) parents told us they will miss us but that we should do what's best for us and they are really helping and encouraging us. We had no qualms about telling them as soon as we had made our decision!!

I'll let you know how I get on - am know thinking i'll wait until after the New Year celebrations but no doubt Ben will tell me 'why put off till tomorrow what you can do today' - Bully
Just seen your ending comment. Are you a bully too?
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Old Dec 28th 2007, 4:09 pm
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Default Re: In need of encouragement

No, my other half will be a bully if he makes me do it tomorrow
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Old Dec 28th 2007, 5:51 pm
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Default Re: In need of encouragement

Just have the courage of your convictions! It is your life to do with what you will! Just be prepared for tears & tantrums but stay strong together!

My dad & step mum have also been very supportive but we have not told OH's parents as we know they will worry endlessly over it, so will not tell them until we have a visa!

Good luck!
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Old Dec 28th 2007, 6:14 pm
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Default Re: In need of encouragement

God i know exactly how you feel. I am really close to my mum and sister and i dreaded having to tell them, and although they were upset, they were very encouraging, even telling us that they didnt blame us for doing it. I still try not to talk too much about it but i am honest with them about the whole process so they can prepare themselves for when the time comes. As close as i am to all of them, this is something me and the OH would like to do for ourselves and for our children, unfortunately sometimes you have to be alittle selfish before life passes you by. And if your loved ones really loved you, they would wish you well and even look forward to the free holiday in Oz (excl the flight costs), thats what mine have done, i guess ive been lucky after reading Hullybullys thread as well. Good luck and just explain it as straightforward as you can.
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Old Dec 28th 2007, 7:46 pm
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Default Re: In need of encouragement

Good luck! Definitely do it together, that way there is support for you if things get nasty.

I look back and think how fortunate I was that my parents were very encouraging about their only daughter taking the opportunities that life offered, even if it meant living far away from them. I hope I have been the same for my son who seems to have emigrated back to UK!!!
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Old Dec 28th 2007, 8:52 pm
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Default Re: In need of encouragement

Hi all, couldn't help but tell my story after reading the hard times some of you are having telling family.

My hubby and I were emigrating about 5 years ago, but dad became ill so we moved closer to mum and dad to help with stuff.

3 years later, dad passed away and mum on own. We couldn't even think about moving away but 2 years later she's now happily engaged to a fab guy and spends her time going on holidays and having fun. Although I know she'll miss having us around she's had a hard few years and knows life is for living. She is very supportive, already planning her first trip out to Perth, and we haven't even got our visas yet!

Sometimes you have to do what YOU want, they will come around eventually, but follow your heart, if you don't do it are you the sort of person that will look back and think what if? in a few years.

If your mum hates flying, maybe this could be the push she needs to overcome her fears!!??


Be strong and live life!!!!!!!!!!

Good luck to all who still have to break the news to someone they love

XXXXX
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Old Dec 28th 2007, 9:05 pm
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Default Re: In need of encouragement

I can relate to what you are going through.

As we are ping pongers and heading back for a second time, I felt sick to the pit of my stomach for days before I told my mum.

The first time we went was awful, tears, mum kept on saying 'don't go, please don't go'. It was just a horrid time.

Second time, was a lot better than I actually thought it would be, no tears and she has never told me not to go this time. She has told me that she doesn't blame me and is already planning her holiday. I know she is still upset and the day we leave will be terrible, but, she know why we are doing it.

There isn't a right time to tell them but try and stay calm because your reaction will also determine how they take it. Do it quietly and calmly (no kids present). It's might be hard for them and you have to understand that.

Go and get it over with, you will all know where you all stand. Let us know how you get on, we will support you.

Mandy
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Old Dec 28th 2007, 9:11 pm
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Default Re: In need of encouragement

Originally Posted by Jox_co View Post
Hi all, couldn't help but tell my story after reading the hard times some of you are having telling family.

My hubby and I were emigrating about 5 years ago, but dad became ill so we moved closer to mum and dad to help with stuff.

3 years later, dad passed away and mum on own. We couldn't even think about moving away but 2 years later she's now happily engaged to a fab guy and spends her time going on holidays and having fun. Although I know she'll miss having us around she's had a hard few years and knows life is for living. She is very supportive, already planning her first trip out to Perth, and we haven't even got our visas yet!

Sometimes you have to do what YOU want, they will come around eventually, but follow your heart, if you don't do it are you the sort of person that will look back and think what if? in a few years.

If your mum hates flying, maybe this could be the push she needs to overcome her fears!!??


Be strong and live life!!!!!!!!!!

Good luck to all who still have to break the news to someone they love

XXXXX
My Mum went totally into denial when we told my Mum and Dad. Started planning how she could come with us and that my Dad would be ok for a year or so at home on his own!! We left 2 weeks ago for Melbourne and it has been a tough year with my parents since we borke the news. They have been great and very supportive but as I am an only child and we have an 8 year old boy it has been very tough on my Mum and Dad.

At the end of the day it comes down to it being your life and you have to live it for you, not for someone else. My Mum told me before we left that even if she could she would not change our decision as the positives in our move for us gratly out weigh the negatives for her not having us there.

On another note do not underestimate how effective Skype is for keeping in touch with those at home. We tolk to family nearly everyday and you can see them/they can see you on Skype.

Best of luck.

Last edited by gidxg03; Dec 28th 2007 at 9:13 pm.
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Old Dec 28th 2007, 9:28 pm
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Default Re: In need of encouragement

Hi Natalie

Know how you feel! I had the same problems as you and I'm a lot older but still felt like a 5 year old when I told my parents!

It is really hard, I'm an only child and mine are getting on a bit although (touch wood) quite healthy at the moment.

When we first mentioned it there was a lot of upset then they seemed to forget about it, so when we told them that we were finally going it was like we told them for the first time! It was so awful that I nearly called the whole thing off.

Of course Mum had great plans that at my age I wouldn't be working, we would be having lunches, taking the grandkids out (which we never had!) so of course I guess our moving away knocked all her dreams out.

I would love them to come out and visit but they are safely in their little comfort zone and won't even consider the idea. So, we have to go back once a year to keep the peace.

However, we did get them on the internet and Skype when we went back this year and it has made a lot of difference to them being able to see us and chat like we were in the same room with the camera etc. I know it doesn't make up for us not being there but has helped.

Even so, I'm still scared to actually tell them that we'll be coming back to Oz again after the next trip back! Then of course all the time they are hoping it doesn't work out here so that we will have to go back - they never ask how our business is getting on etc and if we are managing okay in that department.

I know it's hard for them but I can't live my life totally around them and it's spoiling my long term outlook for Oz because I know in the back of my mind how much it's upset them if we do decide to stay for good.

I think you'll just have to bite the bullet and go for it, but do it together as an united front - after all it's both of you who want to go, it's not just your life but your partners as well.

My experience isn't probably much help as it's not terribly positive but just want you to know there are others in the same boat!

Good luck - let us know how you get on!

Kim
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Old Dec 28th 2007, 9:38 pm
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Default Re: In need of encouragement

Originally Posted by natalieml View Post
I am desperately in need of some encouragement and advice on how to break the news of our immigration to my family.

After returning from a year travelling (8 months of that in Australia) my partner was adamant he wanted to live out there. It took me a while to work out my own mind but if I put everything to one side and for once be selfish I decided I too would love to live in Oz.

I have thought about it for months now (12 to be exact) and def decided that we're going to do it. I mentioned it when we first got back to my family but got all discouraging comments. I am seriously worried about the reaction I am going to receive particularly from my mother. Bearing in mind when I decided to go travelling for a year she asked me 'why are you doing this? Are you trying to get away from me or something'!! I had thought that because I mentioned it in the past they would realise I was seriously thinking about it but recently mum and dad have both asked me if we would be buying a house soon or moving to a larger rented one (I carefully changed the subject!!). My sister knows a little more but I know she is going to be upset when I tell her for definate as were quite close.

Well, know the stress of Christmas is over it's time to break the news and I am beginning to panic. You would of thought that a 25 year old strong career women would have the courage to stand up to her mum but I'm afraid I am in desperate need of some encouragement and advice on how best to break the news that we are applying for visas. I have decided that although I know she would prefer for me to tell her on my own, as this is something that me and Ben are doing as a family unit we should both tell them together to show them how seriouse we are about it. What makes matters worse is he is a chef and we are to go out on regional visas so pretty sure we will get fast tracked giving them even less time to come to terms with the idea!

Please help!!

P.S - my mum isn't good at flying so is going to have to overcome a major hurdle if she ever wants to come see me so I don't think she's gonna be too chuffed about that either!!
Tell her you are going on a 12 month tester, after a few months she will have got used to it...after 12 months you may want to come back as so many do and if you dont she will have got used to it....sorted
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Old Dec 29th 2007, 12:13 am
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Default Re: In need of encouragement

Just say you are coming on 12 month work visa, little white lie.
And dont go back.
Send a postcard, say you are staying.
It will make life easier.
Denise
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