I think i want to go home
Dec 28th 2008, 9:05 am
#76
Gutter Gob!!
Joined: Feb 2005
Location: Perth
Posts: 13,098
Re: I think i want to go home
Tell you what Dave99, take your own head out of your arse, and read the whole thing properly. If you think it's worth having a go afterwards, then be my guest. I'll post wherever I feel I have a contribution to make, whether here, there or anywhere. That's your right too. When the glorious day arrives that it says 'Moderator' next to your username, then perhaps that'll be the day I'll take some notice of you. In the meantime, have a look at the rest of my posts elsewhere on the forum. Especially the helpful ones. troll, I'm not - unlike someone who's first 6 contributions were nothing but derogatory, and insulting to the OP's intelligence. Much like yours.
'Easy option', 'Weak' - they the sort of words you'd like to hear applied to you? I doubt it. It wasn't advice, it was hurtful.
'Easy option', 'Weak' - they the sort of words you'd like to hear applied to you? I doubt it. It wasn't advice, it was hurtful.
Dec 28th 2008, 9:53 am
#77
Forum Regular
Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 141
Re: I think i want to go home
We have been in Oz for around 4months now and i really feel like i want to go home.
It's not that i don't like it here, it's OK, but it just doesn't feel right.
It has been alot more bearable since i have found work but out of work i just don't know what to do with myself. It seems queenslanders just live for the beach and the occasional BBQ, and i just don't know if that is enough for me. The kids love the beach but you have to be really careful not to get burnt as it is rarely below 30, and i find i just don't want to go out most of the time - i might as well be in blighty stuck in the house because it's raining
We have met some great people but the kids are growing up so fast and i have noone to share it with and no family to visit at xmas.
OH likes it here now (although he has also had his moments) and i don't want to take the blame if we move back and he's unhappy.
ijst don't know what to do, my head says stay longer and hope that it passes and my heart says that i won't last another 3months as i am really starting to detest it here.
Anyone else been through the same?
It's not that i don't like it here, it's OK, but it just doesn't feel right.
It has been alot more bearable since i have found work but out of work i just don't know what to do with myself. It seems queenslanders just live for the beach and the occasional BBQ, and i just don't know if that is enough for me. The kids love the beach but you have to be really careful not to get burnt as it is rarely below 30, and i find i just don't want to go out most of the time - i might as well be in blighty stuck in the house because it's raining
We have met some great people but the kids are growing up so fast and i have noone to share it with and no family to visit at xmas.
OH likes it here now (although he has also had his moments) and i don't want to take the blame if we move back and he's unhappy.
ijst don't know what to do, my head says stay longer and hope that it passes and my heart says that i won't last another 3months as i am really starting to detest it here.
Anyone else been through the same?
It is not easy is it. I always get a bit wabbly at christmas, as many people do, in Australia and the UK. I am actually back in the UK at the moment for the school holiday duration, but maybe to work 6 months. However, that aside, the grass is not greener here, and there are things I both love and hate about both Australia and the UK. Agree with the fact that Australia is simply crock at christmas though.
Yes, join stacks of things I reckon, and come back to the UK for a holiday, and see that it's not all it is cracked up to be.
Mind you, enough to make you jump on the next available plane to Australia is that stupid Wanted Downunder Programme - not so much the programme and the people on it, but that really irritating presenter, what is her name?
There is more to Australia than cities, house prices, beaches and schools! grrrrrm really gets up my goat!
Cheers
G
Dec 28th 2008, 11:58 am
#78
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Feb 2008
Posts: 458
Re: I think i want to go home
Hi, just want to say I do understand how you are feeling. Any move is stressful, especially to a new country, and christmas makes it more difficult. Most people miss the familiarity of what they are used to, and the strangest thing is not bumping into anyone you know, but it will hopefully get better.
It really is early days. I went to Africa on my own in the late 60's which wasn't easy, but wouldn't have missed the experience for anything. Married someone who's job kept us on the move, I lost count after 17 moves. Moved to Asia in 93, and my husband had to go away after a few days for 2 weeks. I only knew the straight road to the airport, which luckily passed a supermarket on the way! I ended up being very happy there and stayed for 9 years, but it wasn't easy at times.
I really hope you start to feel better, give it a go and if it's not for you, don't beat yourself up about it, better to have tried it than to go through life regretting that you didn't come.
You can get a lot of support on this forum, just ignore anyone who thinks it's ok to get personal.
It really is early days. I went to Africa on my own in the late 60's which wasn't easy, but wouldn't have missed the experience for anything. Married someone who's job kept us on the move, I lost count after 17 moves. Moved to Asia in 93, and my husband had to go away after a few days for 2 weeks. I only knew the straight road to the airport, which luckily passed a supermarket on the way! I ended up being very happy there and stayed for 9 years, but it wasn't easy at times.
I really hope you start to feel better, give it a go and if it's not for you, don't beat yourself up about it, better to have tried it than to go through life regretting that you didn't come.
You can get a lot of support on this forum, just ignore anyone who thinks it's ok to get personal.
Dec 28th 2008, 2:12 pm
#79
Just Joined
Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 17
Re: I think i want to go home
awww bless you I remember feeling like that and we came home, was a bit more involved than that though, I felt unwell from moment of arrival and feeling as ill as I did made the homesickness etc too hard.
The medical service I received in Sydney was to be blunt CRAP, fantastic dr in Melbourne who diagnosed my heart condition, which was confirmed upon arrival back in the UK.
Am I glad I came back - yes and no, yes because my heart condition has been very well looked after here and it's been complicated by the fact i'm pregnant, over there I was treated like some hypercondriac pregnant woman !!!! by 4 different medical practices. I will need an operation but my consultant is hoping that pregnancy out the way my health should improve to the point it will be a few years instead of a few months.
Do I regret coming back to the UK, hell YES, things have changed here, we came back to the same house, the kids went back to the same schools etc.
But most of the 'good' friends we thought we had that all wanted to farewell us, have nothing to do with us now we're back, it like when they said goodbye that was it as far as they were concerned (we didn't even make a big deal about going).
Some family have been the same too, I hate the weather here, I hate the small crappy little roads, everything feel more tense and hyped here, all the credit crunch crap.
Everything feels different being back and the rubbish we've had off some people saying oh you should of stuck it out regardless..... interesting comment when it's not them that has had to go into hospital 4 - 5 times since i've been back, the last time they wanted to keep me in til I have the baby
. There is so much I thought I knew about what I used to call home (here), but it all feels like it's changed now, I don't feel welcome here.
I miss how laid back everything was over there, how strangers were more helpful and friendly than people here that we've known years......
I know it's not like this for everyone but personally I think if it was just homesickness I could have coped with it and we'd still be there now enjoying a lovely Christmas in the sun, trouble is homesickness, pregnancy hormones and problems and health concerns made it impossible.
If you can give it at least a year as apposed to months I would, remember Christmas is going to be the hardest time of year for you.
Also bear in mind if you're renting you may find you feel differently if you try leasing in a different area.
I wish you all the best with your decision and hope that either way you don't live to regret it as much as I do
The medical service I received in Sydney was to be blunt CRAP, fantastic dr in Melbourne who diagnosed my heart condition, which was confirmed upon arrival back in the UK.
Am I glad I came back - yes and no, yes because my heart condition has been very well looked after here and it's been complicated by the fact i'm pregnant, over there I was treated like some hypercondriac pregnant woman !!!! by 4 different medical practices. I will need an operation but my consultant is hoping that pregnancy out the way my health should improve to the point it will be a few years instead of a few months.
Do I regret coming back to the UK, hell YES, things have changed here, we came back to the same house, the kids went back to the same schools etc.
But most of the 'good' friends we thought we had that all wanted to farewell us, have nothing to do with us now we're back, it like when they said goodbye that was it as far as they were concerned (we didn't even make a big deal about going).
Some family have been the same too, I hate the weather here, I hate the small crappy little roads, everything feel more tense and hyped here, all the credit crunch crap.
Everything feels different being back and the rubbish we've had off some people saying oh you should of stuck it out regardless..... interesting comment when it's not them that has had to go into hospital 4 - 5 times since i've been back, the last time they wanted to keep me in til I have the baby
. There is so much I thought I knew about what I used to call home (here), but it all feels like it's changed now, I don't feel welcome here. I miss how laid back everything was over there, how strangers were more helpful and friendly than people here that we've known years......
I know it's not like this for everyone but personally I think if it was just homesickness I could have coped with it and we'd still be there now enjoying a lovely Christmas in the sun, trouble is homesickness, pregnancy hormones and problems and health concerns made it impossible.
If you can give it at least a year as apposed to months I would, remember Christmas is going to be the hardest time of year for you.
Also bear in mind if you're renting you may find you feel differently if you try leasing in a different area.
I wish you all the best with your decision and hope that either way you don't live to regret it as much as I do
Dec 28th 2008, 2:23 pm
#80
Just Joined
Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 17
Re: I think i want to go home
I am not an idiot and im not hiding behind a forum i will gladly give u my address i do have a backbone unlike some others.
My point was and still is you have made a life changing decision to come to australia and noone doubts it is hard here but to only give it 4 months is (bite tongue) not enough time to acclimatize here to the way of life.
i think i have said enough on this subject
Dec 28th 2008, 7:16 pm
#81
Its all going south......
Thread Starter
Joined: Oct 2007
Location: Sussex
Posts: 433
Re: I think i want to go home
Im sorry if your offended by my comments but i have not insulted any one.
I am not an idiot and im not hiding behind a forum i will gladly give u my address i do have a backbone unlike some others.
My point was and still is you have made a life changing decision to come to australia and noone doubts it is hard here but to only give it 4 months is (bite tongue) not enough time to acclimatize here to the way of life.
i think i have said enough on this subject
I am not an idiot and im not hiding behind a forum i will gladly give u my address i do have a backbone unlike some others.
My point was and still is you have made a life changing decision to come to australia and noone doubts it is hard here but to only give it 4 months is (bite tongue) not enough time to acclimatize here to the way of life.
i think i have said enough on this subject
Dec 28th 2008, 10:55 pm
#83
Account Closed
Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 2,424
Re: I think i want to go home
Hi, thanks for your post.
The funny thing is, as much as really FEEL like i want to go home the thought of the UK seems quite grim, it must be all the days of sunshine here.
I think you are right though, i am possibly thinking that i have something at home that is possibly not really there.
I do feel quite down, and homesick but i can see that essentially this would probably be a better place for the kids to grow up...although they have no relatives here.....
I don't really know what to do, i think i should stick it out untill i am 100% sure. I do have good days, maybe they will become more frequent.
Thanks again.
The funny thing is, as much as really FEEL like i want to go home the thought of the UK seems quite grim, it must be all the days of sunshine here.
I think you are right though, i am possibly thinking that i have something at home that is possibly not really there.
I do feel quite down, and homesick but i can see that essentially this would probably be a better place for the kids to grow up...although they have no relatives here.....
I don't really know what to do, i think i should stick it out untill i am 100% sure. I do have good days, maybe they will become more frequent.
Thanks again.
But you have hit it on the head hun and I think you need to replay that to yourself when you feel really low about it all, we all have our own little world and own bubble and how we perceive things to be and what we think we have, but when you leave the security of that and try to return will it still be there? Will it be how you remembered it. I felt totally miserable for weeks after I came back as I wondered if most of my life before we left had been a lie or just all in my head? I now truly believe life is what we make it wherever we are, our bubble and what we believe we have is always where we are at the time as that is where we're supposed to be, and I also think what was left behind if you try to get it back to how it was you set yourself up for bitter disappointment.
When we moved out there our families particularly the in laws were incredibly upset at the thought of missed time with their grandchildren and that they could have done more and spent more time with all of us, I arrived back here with the kids to find them here to welcome us home, they popped over about 4 - 5 times in the first 3 weeks.... then me and the kids didn't see them again until last Friday - so basically we didn't see them for 4 months !!!!!!!!!!!
People may say they miss you and I don't doubt they do in their own way, but what people say and do are two very different things, my kids were devastated as my husband had to stay in Oz when I first came back with the kids, we had 10 horrible long weeks without him and could have done with as much support from family and friends as possible, the kids missed their dad terribly as did I, I had a lot of hospital appointments and was having to more or less manage it all on my own.
It's a huge slap in the face to return and I have been upset so many times wanting to return to Australia, we might aswell not be here, we don't see family that often we probably had made more friends in Oz than we now have here and it all feels wrong.... we wait for the opportunity to return and hope that we get one.
Do consider what I said about renting though, if thats what you're now doing? As I felt that our rental house was beautiful (not very practical for children or me being ill) but there was little for the kids, while out and about there were a couple of areas I really felt calm and content in and wish we had the opportunity to move there as I think I would have felt happier, there was more for the kids to do and I could picture them growing up there.
Please let us know how you get on and don't bottle up your homesickness or try to ignore it as it will only make it worse, vent it out even if it's all just how you feel at the time and you know when that moment passes you will feel better about things, sometimes you just need to say I want to go home, I can't take it, sometimes you need to cry and get upset, and you will feel better for it, gradually those moments will get less and less.
Dec 28th 2008, 11:03 pm
#84
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Jun 2008
Location: Sydney
Posts: 392
Re: I think i want to go home
We had a tradition there of the "Not the Xmas" dinner. 25th June every year, invite as many friends and family as possible, have the full do - complete with hats, crackers, the lot.
Dec 28th 2008, 11:50 pm
#85
Forum Regular
Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 141
Re: I think i want to go home
I think it's perfectly natural for you to really feel like you want to be back here, majority of your life and memories are here, what you're feeling can be placed in the absolutely normal catagory, not everyone will feel as you do and some will feel something similar, though essentially everyone is unique.
But you have hit it on the head hun and I think you need to replay that to yourself when you feel really low about it all, we all have our own little world and own bubble and how we perceive things to be and what we think we have, but when you leave the security of that and try to return will it still be there? Will it be how you remembered it. I felt totally miserable for weeks after I came back as I wondered if most of my life before we left had been a lie or just all in my head? I now truly believe life is what we make it wherever we are, our bubble and what we believe we have is always where we are at the time as that is where we're supposed to be, and I also think what was left behind if you try to get it back to how it was you set yourself up for bitter disappointment.
When we moved out there our families particularly the in laws were incredibly upset at the thought of missed time with their grandchildren and that they could have done more and spent more time with all of us, I arrived back here with the kids to find them here to welcome us home, they popped over about 4 - 5 times in the first 3 weeks.... then me and the kids didn't see them again until last Friday - so basically we didn't see them for 4 months !!!!!!!!!!!
People may say they miss you and I don't doubt they do in their own way, but what people say and do are two very different things, my kids were devastated as my husband had to stay in Oz when I first came back with the kids, we had 10 horrible long weeks without him and could have done with as much support from family and friends as possible, the kids missed their dad terribly as did I, I had a lot of hospital appointments and was having to more or less manage it all on my own.
It's a huge slap in the face to return and I have been upset so many times wanting to return to Australia, we might aswell not be here, we don't see family that often we probably had made more friends in Oz than we now have here and it all feels wrong.... we wait for the opportunity to return and hope that we get one.
Do consider what I said about renting though, if thats what you're now doing? As I felt that our rental house was beautiful (not very practical for children or me being ill) but there was little for the kids, while out and about there were a couple of areas I really felt calm and content in and wish we had the opportunity to move there as I think I would have felt happier, there was more for the kids to do and I could picture them growing up there.
Please let us know how you get on and don't bottle up your homesickness or try to ignore it as it will only make it worse, vent it out even if it's all just how you feel at the time and you know when that moment passes you will feel better about things, sometimes you just need to say I want to go home, I can't take it, sometimes you need to cry and get upset, and you will feel better for it, gradually those moments will get less and less.
But you have hit it on the head hun and I think you need to replay that to yourself when you feel really low about it all, we all have our own little world and own bubble and how we perceive things to be and what we think we have, but when you leave the security of that and try to return will it still be there? Will it be how you remembered it. I felt totally miserable for weeks after I came back as I wondered if most of my life before we left had been a lie or just all in my head? I now truly believe life is what we make it wherever we are, our bubble and what we believe we have is always where we are at the time as that is where we're supposed to be, and I also think what was left behind if you try to get it back to how it was you set yourself up for bitter disappointment.
When we moved out there our families particularly the in laws were incredibly upset at the thought of missed time with their grandchildren and that they could have done more and spent more time with all of us, I arrived back here with the kids to find them here to welcome us home, they popped over about 4 - 5 times in the first 3 weeks.... then me and the kids didn't see them again until last Friday - so basically we didn't see them for 4 months !!!!!!!!!!!
People may say they miss you and I don't doubt they do in their own way, but what people say and do are two very different things, my kids were devastated as my husband had to stay in Oz when I first came back with the kids, we had 10 horrible long weeks without him and could have done with as much support from family and friends as possible, the kids missed their dad terribly as did I, I had a lot of hospital appointments and was having to more or less manage it all on my own.
It's a huge slap in the face to return and I have been upset so many times wanting to return to Australia, we might aswell not be here, we don't see family that often we probably had made more friends in Oz than we now have here and it all feels wrong.... we wait for the opportunity to return and hope that we get one.
Do consider what I said about renting though, if thats what you're now doing? As I felt that our rental house was beautiful (not very practical for children or me being ill) but there was little for the kids, while out and about there were a couple of areas I really felt calm and content in and wish we had the opportunity to move there as I think I would have felt happier, there was more for the kids to do and I could picture them growing up there.
Please let us know how you get on and don't bottle up your homesickness or try to ignore it as it will only make it worse, vent it out even if it's all just how you feel at the time and you know when that moment passes you will feel better about things, sometimes you just need to say I want to go home, I can't take it, sometimes you need to cry and get upset, and you will feel better for it, gradually those moments will get less and less.
That is a nice post to read. Very touching for the person who it is aimed for. What you say is very true, and homesickness effects all who move there one way or another.
Of particular interest was the family things you talked about. Yes, that can be a very unpredictable dynamic sometimes, at least in my case it has been.
Some member of my family too it that because I moved to Australia, there was a direct corrolation between making the move to explore new avenues in life, that doing this was tantamount to devaluing their own lives. Furthermore there was an attitude from some members of the family that because I was moving I was somehow not interested in them anymore. This did not really occur to me until a couple of holidays back to the UK. This ended up being manifested in very obvious jealousy about Australia, avoidance of talking about it - and I went along not actually feeling able to share anything about Australia for fear of being junted. So I kept quiet really. Bit sad I think.
To this day they are still very narrow-minded, and because I am back to work for 6 months, due to my profession, and to see my mum who has had a stroke and having a hip replaced. Interesting to note that the sister, who lives 7 miles from her does not go near her own mother to help out, and has a view that gay men round children is not appropriate!. Waoh, such stunted thinking!. If I had my own kids etc, it would be different apparently!.
Me being back is suddenly seen as back on the block, sudden interest, why is he back?, how long you back for etc?, oh, you'll probably disappear again?. I think in a nutshell they are ... well, who knows???
Cheers
Dec 29th 2008, 2:37 am
#86
Forum Regular
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 55
Re: I think i want to go home
I can remember after our first christmas in Aus, and having lived there for just five months at the time, the overwelming feeling that I had made a huge mistake. It was the worst thing ever, and I know how you feel. I, like you posted on here and some one redirected me to the 'moving back to the UK' section where I got lots of support and help. To cut a long story short, that feeling never went away, and two and a half years later, we returned back to the UK.
We have been back a year now, and I am so relieved to be back. When I felt like you did at that time, I made a decision to give it my all for two years and if I did nt like it after then, I would go back to the UK, so I came back knowing I had left no stone unturned. My advice to you is to do just that. I have no regrets, just financially hurt! But money isnt everthing.
We did not come back for family because our family is very small - we did have many freinds in the UK, but shortly learned that after returning that they had moved on, and we had too. Those two and a half years in Auz had changed us, and we had little in common with them. There are many who return and expect a 'red carpet' being rolled out to them, with family rallying round etc etc. That doesnt happen, Im afraid. So, having returned, its almost like we are starting over again!
When I lived in Aus people used to say I was 'homesick' - I used to think how can they call it homesick when I had actually sold my home in the UK and bought a new one in Aus !
Give yourself time to think about it and make your own decision, and if you do decide to return its not all bad here! I love being back in the UK, and appreciate things so much more now than I did before I left for Aus. Good luck in what ever you decided to do.
We have been back a year now, and I am so relieved to be back. When I felt like you did at that time, I made a decision to give it my all for two years and if I did nt like it after then, I would go back to the UK, so I came back knowing I had left no stone unturned. My advice to you is to do just that. I have no regrets, just financially hurt! But money isnt everthing.
We did not come back for family because our family is very small - we did have many freinds in the UK, but shortly learned that after returning that they had moved on, and we had too. Those two and a half years in Auz had changed us, and we had little in common with them. There are many who return and expect a 'red carpet' being rolled out to them, with family rallying round etc etc. That doesnt happen, Im afraid. So, having returned, its almost like we are starting over again!
When I lived in Aus people used to say I was 'homesick' - I used to think how can they call it homesick when I had actually sold my home in the UK and bought a new one in Aus !
Give yourself time to think about it and make your own decision, and if you do decide to return its not all bad here! I love being back in the UK, and appreciate things so much more now than I did before I left for Aus. Good luck in what ever you decided to do.
Dec 29th 2008, 6:00 am
#87
Home.
Joined: Jan 2006
Location: Glasgow
Posts: 831
Re: I think i want to go home
Ignore the "give it 2 years" advice, no disrepect meant.
If you're a rational human being you'll know in your heart of hearts what is the right thing to do, amd it won't take you 2 years. Taking 2 years to like a place really means taking 2 years to start tolerating it. Big difference.
1 year was enough for me, but because of lack of funds couldn't come back until the 16 month mark.
If you're a rational human being you'll know in your heart of hearts what is the right thing to do, amd it won't take you 2 years. Taking 2 years to like a place really means taking 2 years to start tolerating it. Big difference.
1 year was enough for me, but because of lack of funds couldn't come back until the 16 month mark.
Dec 29th 2008, 9:27 am
#88
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Feb 2007
Location: WA but not forever!!!
Posts: 943
Re: I think i want to go home
Ignore the "give it 2 years" advice, no disrepect meant.
If you're a rational human being you'll know in your heart of hearts what is the right thing to do, amd it won't take you 2 years. Taking 2 years to like a place really means taking 2 years to start tolerating it. Big difference.
1 year was enough for me, but because of lack of funds couldn't come back until the 16 month mark.
If you're a rational human being you'll know in your heart of hearts what is the right thing to do, amd it won't take you 2 years. Taking 2 years to like a place really means taking 2 years to start tolerating it. Big difference.
1 year was enough for me, but because of lack of funds couldn't come back until the 16 month mark.
Last edited by PoppetUK; Dec 29th 2008 at 9:46 am.
Dec 29th 2008, 9:42 am
#89
Its all going south......
Thread Starter
Joined: Oct 2007
Location: Sussex
Posts: 433
Re: I think i want to go home
I think it's perfectly natural for you to really feel like you want to be back here, majority of your life and memories are here, what you're feeling can be placed in the absolutely normal catagory, not everyone will feel as you do and some will feel something similar, though essentially everyone is unique.
But you have hit it on the head hun and I think you need to replay that to yourself when you feel really low about it all, we all have our own little world and own bubble and how we perceive things to be and what we think we have, but when you leave the security of that and try to return will it still be there? Will it be how you remembered it. I felt totally miserable for weeks after I came back as I wondered if most of my life before we left had been a lie or just all in my head? I now truly believe life is what we make it wherever we are, our bubble and what we believe we have is always where we are at the time as that is where we're supposed to be, and I also think what was left behind if you try to get it back to how it was you set yourself up for bitter disappointment.
When we moved out there our families particularly the in laws were incredibly upset at the thought of missed time with their grandchildren and that they could have done more and spent more time with all of us, I arrived back here with the kids to find them here to welcome us home, they popped over about 4 - 5 times in the first 3 weeks.... then me and the kids didn't see them again until last Friday - so basically we didn't see them for 4 months !!!!!!!!!!!
People may say they miss you and I don't doubt they do in their own way, but what people say and do are two very different things, my kids were devastated as my husband had to stay in Oz when I first came back with the kids, we had 10 horrible long weeks without him and could have done with as much support from family and friends as possible, the kids missed their dad terribly as did I, I had a lot of hospital appointments and was having to more or less manage it all on my own.
It's a huge slap in the face to return and I have been upset so many times wanting to return to Australia, we might aswell not be here, we don't see family that often we probably had made more friends in Oz than we now have here and it all feels wrong.... we wait for the opportunity to return and hope that we get one.
Do consider what I said about renting though, if thats what you're now doing? As I felt that our rental house was beautiful (not very practical for children or me being ill) but there was little for the kids, while out and about there were a couple of areas I really felt calm and content in and wish we had the opportunity to move there as I think I would have felt happier, there was more for the kids to do and I could picture them growing up there.
Please let us know how you get on and don't bottle up your homesickness or try to ignore it as it will only make it worse, vent it out even if it's all just how you feel at the time and you know when that moment passes you will feel better about things, sometimes you just need to say I want to go home, I can't take it, sometimes you need to cry and get upset, and you will feel better for it, gradually those moments will get less and less.
But you have hit it on the head hun and I think you need to replay that to yourself when you feel really low about it all, we all have our own little world and own bubble and how we perceive things to be and what we think we have, but when you leave the security of that and try to return will it still be there? Will it be how you remembered it. I felt totally miserable for weeks after I came back as I wondered if most of my life before we left had been a lie or just all in my head? I now truly believe life is what we make it wherever we are, our bubble and what we believe we have is always where we are at the time as that is where we're supposed to be, and I also think what was left behind if you try to get it back to how it was you set yourself up for bitter disappointment.
When we moved out there our families particularly the in laws were incredibly upset at the thought of missed time with their grandchildren and that they could have done more and spent more time with all of us, I arrived back here with the kids to find them here to welcome us home, they popped over about 4 - 5 times in the first 3 weeks.... then me and the kids didn't see them again until last Friday - so basically we didn't see them for 4 months !!!!!!!!!!!
People may say they miss you and I don't doubt they do in their own way, but what people say and do are two very different things, my kids were devastated as my husband had to stay in Oz when I first came back with the kids, we had 10 horrible long weeks without him and could have done with as much support from family and friends as possible, the kids missed their dad terribly as did I, I had a lot of hospital appointments and was having to more or less manage it all on my own.
It's a huge slap in the face to return and I have been upset so many times wanting to return to Australia, we might aswell not be here, we don't see family that often we probably had made more friends in Oz than we now have here and it all feels wrong.... we wait for the opportunity to return and hope that we get one.
Do consider what I said about renting though, if thats what you're now doing? As I felt that our rental house was beautiful (not very practical for children or me being ill) but there was little for the kids, while out and about there were a couple of areas I really felt calm and content in and wish we had the opportunity to move there as I think I would have felt happier, there was more for the kids to do and I could picture them growing up there.
Please let us know how you get on and don't bottle up your homesickness or try to ignore it as it will only make it worse, vent it out even if it's all just how you feel at the time and you know when that moment passes you will feel better about things, sometimes you just need to say I want to go home, I can't take it, sometimes you need to cry and get upset, and you will feel better for it, gradually those moments will get less and less.
Thankyou, i think that you are probably right. Whilst in the UK my parents were 3hrs away but OH's were 5mins...and yet we would only see them every couple of wks, and that was often when we visited them. They rarely babysat or anything like that but when we left they were devastated. Before we left everyone visited loads and we did more with people than we would have, people said things that they wouldn't have dreamt of and it was all so upsetting. The thing is, that is not how it is normally, and expecting to return to that is unrealistac.
I think all of these posts have really helped me, i have been feeling heaps better over the last couple of days, maybe it is because xmas is out of the way....
I was wondering, if it hasn't worked out for you there will you return to Oz or is it no longer an option?
That's another thing, i won't be going anywhere until 100% as i know that once gone we can't afford to return.
But at the moment i'm feeling OK
Dec 29th 2008, 11:47 am
#90
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Feb 2007
Location: WA but not forever!!!
Posts: 943
Re: I think i want to go home
Thankyou, i think that you are probably right. Whilst in the UK my parents were 3hrs away but OH's were 5mins...and yet we would only see them every couple of wks, and that was often when we visited them. They rarely babysat or anything like that but when we left they were devastated. Before we left everyone visited loads and we did more with people than we would have, people said things that they wouldn't have dreamt of and it was all so upsetting. The thing is, that is not how it is normally, and expecting to return to that is unrealistac.
I think all of these posts have really helped me, i have been feeling heaps better over the last couple of days, maybe it is because xmas is out of the way....
I was wondering, if it hasn't worked out for you there will you return to Oz or is it no longer an option?
That's another thing, i won't be going anywhere until 100% as i know that once gone we can't afford to return.
But at the moment i'm feeling OK
I think all of these posts have really helped me, i have been feeling heaps better over the last couple of days, maybe it is because xmas is out of the way....
I was wondering, if it hasn't worked out for you there will you return to Oz or is it no longer an option?
That's another thing, i won't be going anywhere until 100% as i know that once gone we can't afford to return.
But at the moment i'm feeling OK
