Thanks for all your replies, My son has issues with alot of things and see's someone for this. There is no in between with him, its always very extreme responses. I really don't know what he will do, he loves the outdoor life and is fishing mad, I know after time he would love it.

I think we may have to go at easter to show him, but i don't think this will work, he can't handle change.

I live in hope, it needs to happen soon as it will get harder the older he gets.

He'd be shocked when he gets here to find 50% of the population is actually obese.

Perhaps 'bribery' is not the answer with this one. Swaying towards Ozzidocs idea, he maybe needs to have some assistance in dealing with change, understanding that change can be very positive and that as a mother you would not initiate change that you felt would disadvantage him in any way, easier said than done though...

Really hope you get around it, fingers crossed for you xxxx

Denise

Sorry to have been a tad flippant about something that is obviously a very difficult situation for you and your family. It sounds like you are doing all the right things to be fair on all involved about this. IMO your idea of bringing your boy out for a visit is an excellent one. If he still says a firm no then it's back to the drawing board I guess. Ultimately I don't believe you can put the future of everyone on hold because of one party though, "the greater good" and all that.

I envisage myself in a similar situation in a few years time when I plan to return to Blighty. My youngest will be around your son's age and I have a pretty good idea she will not want to budge and leave dad behind etc.

All the best

Oh yeah, it was a lie!

Forgiven

I'd put the kid on fish oil and take him of "all" sugary products. Replace them with fruit and protein.

After a month you'd have a new kid.

Sugar is a major cause of behavioral problems in adolescents and stunts emotional development. It also causes ALOT of depression in adults.

To the OP. If I were in your shoes, I would try to sit down with your son's father and hatch a plan. He sounds like a good man who is only trying to do what is best for his son. Try explaining the whole visa process;

1. It may be another year or so before you actually have your visa.
2. Then you are able to validate, which means you don't have to move over there immediately.
3. As soon as your son is 16, you have no legal right to force him to go anywhere.

In the light of this information, would your ex agree to give his permission if you promised that your son could come back to the UK once he is 16?? It is likely that he would only 'have' to live there for a year or so. Hopefully he will have matured by then and would have made new friends and love his new life. (His school friends would also have moved on by then - these things happen)

Good luck.

Like your thinking flyaway

Denise

xx

He would give his permission on whatever our son wants to do.
He wouldn't want him to come back at 16 anyway as he wouldn't be able to live with him, As his life is split between London and scotland. He would want him to stay with me.
The only way i think he would agree, if i forced the move, is that if son still isn't happy after a year then we will have to come back . But what if the other 4 of us love it. Its so unfair. Do i gamble he will love it enough to stay.

I understand your problem Ruby. If I were you, I would take the gamble. It takes a long time to get a visa. Things can change in your son's life and he may end up wanting to move. I would tell him that you will stay in Oz 2 years to make your minds up - one year isn't long enough. (You may hate it too!) Then if he hates it, you will come back. It's a huge gamble, but it depends on how much you want it and if you think your son will settle down. You could stay in the Uk and he could leave home at 16 and there wouldn't be too much you could do about it - that's a gamble too.

Good luck, as I said, I understand how hard this is but a 13 year old does not have the maturity to make these decisions.

OOoooooo or he could LOVE it, and the rest of you could hate it!

I wouldn't bribe him but you could 'incentivise' the move, which in effect I think all parents do for their kids in this situation to a greater or lesser degree. We built up a picture of our life in NZ that we knew our then 9 year old would warm to and it included her doing surf lessons and living near the sea and having the freedom to play out, etc. Quite different to bribing, just highlighting the rewards for her in the move and tossing in a few carrots to help her focus on the positive and not the leaving part. A trip over could be just the trick, but I'd tell him that you all need to do some serious thinking about whether it's right for the family and the look-see would be for all of you- no need to give him all the power, lol!

Good luck

Firstly Do you want (as in know enough about) australia enough to risk a the potential risk of splitting your family up The first step would be a visit to australia to see if it really is for you, and I dont mean a few flings round Dreamworld, I mean some cold hard facts.

Your son must be on this fact finding mission too. Add your facts to what someone else pointed out, that after a few months it wont be a holilday it will be bills, chores, work etc.

Splitting your family is heartbreaking, be it when kids who didnt want to come reach 16/18 and simply return, or leaving them behind in the first place, many 12 - 20 year olds dont settle well anyway, in your situation you need to be double sure Australia can offer you what you think from the UK it can.

Thought I would just add my experience. My daughter is 16 and will be 17 when we hopefully leave for aus. She said similar to me that she would rather stay in UK because of friends and a boyfriend. Her dad lives an hour away and has always had a good relationship with her. Obviously I wanted her to go with us so I gave it her straight if she wanted to stay then she had 2 choices: live with her dad or show us she could support herself which would be nigh on impossible while she is at college. Either way we were going (bit of a bluff here as not sure I could have gone without her).To cut a long story short she's coming with us because she doesn't want to live with her dad, this despite her having a loving relationship with him. Its not my place to tell you what to do but I feel if you told your son he could stay but it would have to be with his dad that he may decide to come with no further arguments as at their ages all they think about is friends and don't understand that in time friends change or move on themselves, whereas family is forever. As long as you feel this decision is the best for all of you then any means justify the end in my opinion. Good luck with your future plans whatever you decide to do.
p.s I have noticed with absent fathers that they are quite happy to see their kids whenever but when it comes to it they have their own seperate lives and the prospect of a teenager coming to disrupt their lives is enough to have them agreeing to whatever you think is best!