How does a 13yr old decide our future ?
 

It has now come down to this.

My 13yr old is from a previous marriage, I have now re married and have 2 more kids.

All of us want to go to Australia apart from him, I know his situation is harder because of his age and leaving his Dad and school. But his reason for leaving isn't even his Dad, it's his mates and school.

I spoke to his Dad last week and basically ask'd him if he would allow us to go and i explained to him that i wouldn't fight this if his decision was no.
He is not a selfish man(well not now anyway), I know if he thinks it's better for his son he will let him go.
I spoke to him last night and he basically has said" if son wants to go he will never stop him doing what he wants to do"
But if he doesn't want to go he wont allow it.

I wouldn't leave him here with his Dad, this isn't an option.

What to do now ?

Re: How does a 13yr old decide our future ?
 

how about that you explain to him that you need to take him out there so he can validate his visa and then go back home. Then he has all the time in the world to make up his mind.

he might change his mind once he is out there and sees for himself what lies in store for him.

Re: How does a 13yr old decide our future ?
 

I would never let a 13 year old "decide" my future. They may influence it. Tricky situation. Is a 13 year old competent to make such a decision? I know that I wouldn't have been even at 16.
(Competent as in understanding the true, life-long positive and negative implications of their actions using ALL available information to inform their decision.)

Re: How does a 13yr old decide our future ?
 

My son is basicially saying he doesn't want to move nor does he want to stay with his dad, as his dad doesn't live near school or friends.

I need to convince him its for the best, I try talking to him but he just says " the day the house gets sold he is running away".

He will not talk to me or his dad, he just keeps saying he isn't going.
While he keeps saying that his dad will not allow it.

Re: How does a 13yr old decide our future ?
 

Bribery is the only thing kids at this age understand, and yes, I know how bad that sounds, but in terms of realising your dreams of oz, it may not hurt to offer him something you know he will really like in return for him doind something you will really like lololol.

Worked for my aunt!

Denise

Re: How does a 13yr old decide our future ?
 

yeah , i would agree with that statement .

Re: How does a 13yr old decide our future ?
 

This is a nightmare situation (I should know, I am going through a very similar experience with my 16 year old). What we have decided to do however, is apply for the visa's and take a holiday in order to validate them as a family. We will then make plans to emigrate but if my son still says he doesn't want to come, I will have no option but to leave him with his natural father (I too have since remarried). Although this will break my heart, he will be 18 by the time we go, so I have to respect his decision. I will always be hoping and praying that one day he will choose to join us in Australia though.

It's very difficult to give advice in this situation............. I guess you just you have to do whatever is best for YOU and YOUR family.

Take care and I hope things work out for you all :) x.

Re: How does a 13yr old decide our future ?
 

I agree with your sentiments, but how do you "force" a 13 year old under these circumstances when they know they have the fall back of dad having to give his permission?

They're manipulative little wotsits at that age (we were never like that were we?!!! :D) and will do whatever it takes to get their own way.

Good luck to the OP ... I agree with whoever suggested bribery!!!

Re: How does a 13yr old decide our future ?
 

OK. Sounds like a private family therapy session or three with a psychologist.

The earlier the better. Sounds to me like little one is afraid of change and needs some help with coping. Maybe his experience of change has been mainly negative and he needs some help in seeing that change can be positive too.


(Please, please note that this is not meant to be a negative statement, criticism or viewpoint towards anyone. I really am trying to find a solution to the situation)

Edit - it may be that nearly all of the changes he's experienced to date have been positive, but it's the negative one/s that he remembers or dwells on.

Re: How does a 13yr old decide our future ?
 

I don't agree with bribery towards anyone. Explaining the pros and cons yes. Valid negotiation - yes.


Is it OK to bribe a politician?

Re: How does a 13yr old decide our future ?
 

I agree with you (I am the bribery suggester lol)

OP -Have you wondered maybe he is behaving in this way, because he feels he can? They ARE manipulative wee 'wotsits' at this age, and sometimes, parents have to be a little manipulative themselves, be it by offering a nice new xbox 360 so they can play xbox 'live' against their friends way back in the UK :eek:, or telling them they are ruining everyones happiness (the old emotional blackmail):o Although Id stick with the the bribery rather than the emotional stuff lol.:thumbsup: Fair enough, it will cost 300 quid, but will cost your dream if you dont try.:sneaky:

Denise

Re: How does a 13yr old decide our future ?
 

Australia is not worth splitting your family up over. After a month your life will be exactly the same;

Work
bills
chores

With a bit more sunshine, but with crap tv, flies, heat, isolation and narrow minded people.

I would advise doing your sums before potentially damaging any r/ships that are alot more important than this hick place.

Re: How does a 13yr old decide our future ?
 

Tell him all the 13 year old girls look just like they do on Home&Away and Neighbours. That should do the trick!

Re: How does a 13yr old decide our future ?
 

lol :D I suppose your right bribery is a strong word.

OP - Negotiate with an Xbox :rofl::thumbup:

Sorry Ozzidoc lolol:wub:

Re: How does a 13yr old decide our future ?
 

:thumbup:

Denise