Just remember when you are discussing options with her that if you seem biased then she is going to feel that you are trying to push her - whatever you would LIKE to happen try to stay neutral on all points that way you are more likely to come to a compromise.

good luck!
Tiggs x

I can picture the scene at customs now LOL. I do sympathise, honestly I dread my kids becoming teenagers (my own parents will no doubt be smirking in the background!).

Obviously there is much more to it than my simplistic take - and OMG at your own parents! I can't believe they have undermined your authority on one hand and then seem unwilling to take on the responsibility of having a teenager on the other. Poor you and so frustrating I imagine!
Good luck!

Michelle

Totally agree with Margaret. I informed my 16 year old daughter that we were emigrating again last july and she has been a nightmare. However my OH told me the other day that she has said she's quite excited but "don't tell mum!" Nice child.
I haven't pushed the issue but let her think about it and she has come round.

But even if I have to put a sack over her head and kidnap her, she's coming. She can always come back when she's older. And now her Bro (19) has agreed to join us in about a year. I'm happy. He's coming on holiday at xmas so I shall just have to introduce him to some pretty girls. Get him over sooner.
Mothers and their wicked ways!

Louise

Hi daisy,

welcome to BE, and good luck with your daughter.

I was reading your post and picked up on the fact you are making an application for yourself, and also one through your work. Be careful, because I read this week here on the forum, that if you possess a visa, and you receive a second visa, the first is made void.

If you receive for yourselves for a 136 & your company then moves you on a 457, you will lose the 136 & PR. Maybe I have misunderstood about how you are applying, but just in case.

we have the same problem, our eldest is 17 and he wants to stay, as he has a good apprenticeship which lasts another 2 years, we have still done the visa's as though he is coming with us. he will fly out with us to get his visa stamped then fly back to england, this gives him 5 years to make up his mind if he wants to come to oz or stay in england.but we are hopeing he will change his mind and finish his apprenticeship in oz which he can do.

Hi,
I really feel for you - but don't despair - it is still early days. Listening to everyone on this site certainly teaches us that we can't always see qwhat is happening without taking a step back.

I left my 14 year old daughter in the UK 17 months ago. And yes I do regret it - BUT I don't regret coming and wouldn't have it any other way.

I still think I am a bad parent - who doesn't at times? I beat myself up when I am feeling down - but it was HER choice - and MY dream.

Some days I could hardly see the wood for the trees - but other days are good.

Your daughter is 17 - so she is at the difficult teenage years where her friends and social scene is EVERYTHING.

Do keep her on the application - I did - even up to the point where she had a medical (your daughter will need a medical even though she isn't going with you - as she is considered a dependant child and the authorities think she may change her mind) - then if/when the Decision Day comes - do what you want to do - not what is best for the time being - remember - kids grow up and leave home - where will your dream be then?

All my thoughts are with you

Sarah

18yo well muscled, tanned boys might sway her. Plenty on the beaches.

your not a bad parent, your daughter isn't on the streets is she? she is still having a good time in england or she would want to come over to you, wouldn't she? she may still come and live with you some day.I bet you miss her very much,keep your chin up on your bad days, must be easier said than done, but YOUR NOT A BAD PARENT.

Thank you for your kind words

Can't help the down days - but it does get easier with time.

Thank you again
Sarah

I understand what you are going through. I have 19 and 18 year old boys. the eldest is at uni and is keen to go on our visa as a dependent, come with us to validate, return to uni and then back out to Oz if he wants to.

Our 18 year old was 17 and at college when we decided that Australia was our aim as a family. Unfortunately he decided that he didn't want to continue with college and wanted to work (stay at home and play on the play-station) instead. We explained to him that if he wasn't in full-time education when he was 18 he wouldn't be allowed to go on our visa application and would have to come to Australia independently later in his life, when he has a skill to offer OZ. He refused to return to college in September and then turned 18. He has been working part-time, drifting along working as a washer up in local pub, cleaning at his old school, with no apparent goal or purpose. WE DESPAIR because we worry about leaving him behind yet feel we shouldn't let him control what we do with regards Oz. We feel he has thrown away a great opportunity but we have to let him get on with it.

My husband is worried that we won't be successful in our visa application if we try to leave an 18 year-old in England with no real means of looking after himself without our support. But I say that he won't wake up and realise he has to work/study full-time unless he realises we are serious about emigrating with or withour him.

We feel like we're running around in circles.

Our 18yr old son dropped out of uni last week, which means he cant go on the app now. He is quite happy with his decision and is aware of the impact on his life. I have rung our agent to find out what other options he will have available should he change his mind.I needed open doors. selfish i know.

We were distraught at the thought, but now finding him somewhere to live is proving as hard. I am trying to get him full time at my work - but he wont be able to afford a mortgage and only afford min rent in a not too clever area. He is too much of a snob and thinks he can afford not to live in a not too clever area and live in a modest area. hmmmm, dont think reality has hit him yet about bills. we are helping him now as not expecting to leave uk until begin of next year which will be great for us all seeing him settled.

If you can get your daughter to validate then superb. that was our plan originally. but in the matter of a week his life has changed course extremely rapidly. Try to keep her encouraged on her course and keep the pressure low so it doesnt backfire as ours did.

Can I just say that reading this thread has reassured me in a way... i felt we were the only ones going through this and thought there would be negative comments posted as there were last time we posted a thread on the subject when he only 'threatened' to not come with us.

The bubble bursting for us as an emigrating 'whole' family is just a transitional process of life..well thats how i am reading it now. Thankyou to everyone who has shared their stories... it has helped more than any of you will know. I also felt a bad parent for carrying on with our decision and leaving our son behind in the UK, but you have made me realise its ok and he will be fine.Cheers everyone.

It's an awful situation to be in isn't it. On the one hand you feel guilty for leaving them, but on the other you have to think that they will be leaving home in the not too distant future and then where will that leave you.

Don't feel like you are a bad parent, you have been there for him throughout his childhood and now it's time for him to fly the nest.


I remember a question on the form somewhere about leaving our son behind, all I put in was that he was staying with his Grandparents until he started University and that we were leaving a small amount of money behind for him until he went. They never asked anything else and we now have Visa's.

Its been good to hear the positive posts on here to this, as like yourself and others I too will be leaving my two boys here in the UK. And some days I feel so scared about it, I get a mad rush of guilt and worries and all the "how will they cope" come flooding in but then I have to stop and tell myself they are adults and they will cope just as we all did as we made our own way in the world. I try to look on it as me giving them the opportunity of an other option in their life, that should they deciede to give OZ a go then they will have somewhere to come to.
It is good to hear from others as are going through the same as I have to admit that sometimes reading on here you feel a little alone as alot of ppl are going as families with little ones.
Hope all goes well for everyone and that we can all find our own peace of mind with these difficult feelings

Best Wishes
xxx

We have just recently moved to NZ and left our 17 year old behind in the UK with his grandparents. We had his visa done and were hoping all to come out together and then we got the bombshell that he didnt want to come after all and wanted to stay in the UK to finish his first year at college. It was the hardest thing i have ever had to do, saying goodbye to my son, but two months down the line he is very happy and doing really well at college and I 'speak' to him everyday on MSN with the webcam so i feel like we are not so far away. It is really hard on us as a family because we know there is one of us missing, but he is coming out on the 27th March for two weeks and we are hoping that he likes it as much as us, and when July comes he will decide to move over to NZ. If he decides that he is staying I suppose I will just have to accept it as he will be 18 and old enough to decide for himself. We are lucky that we have my parents who think the world of him and I know look after him brilliantly. So, dont worry about your daughter I'm sure she will be fine, just take it one day at a time. Best of luck to you on your new life.
Sue

Its that same rush we feel... see told you that its been a good thread!!! now you made me cry that am not the only one. haha. Cheers.

Sue thats something nice to know a couple of months in... very reassuring actually. Cheers for that...hopefully ours will enjoy life just the same.