HELP! 17 yr old Daughter won't come.
Mar 11th 2007, 12:28 am
#61
Forum Regular
Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 99
Re: HELP! 17 yr old Daughter won't come.
Where in Sydney are you going. we are living on the Central Coast, when do you plan to come over, let me know how your plans go and keep in touch Frances
Mar 11th 2007, 9:54 am
#62
Joined: May 2006
Location: in the Sydney asylum
Posts: 20,690
Re: HELP! 17 yr old Daughter won't come.
I'm up to my eyeballs trying to finish degree sort out sons and house moving and nurse registration, have to admit it is a bit of a stressful time!! Not helped by OHs tales of a wonderful life in Sydney
Mar 11th 2007, 10:19 am
#63
Forum Regular
Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 99
Re: HELP! 17 yr old Daughter won't come.
You have got a lot on your plate, you must be superwoman, good luck hope all goes well Frances
Mar 11th 2007, 11:47 am
#65
Forum Regular
Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 99
Re: HELP! 17 yr old Daughter won't come.
Hi,
We have got a son Stephen he is 17 and Rebecca 13, Stephen says he is going back to England but we have only been here for 6 months so still early days, he has just started college doing Real Estate and has met a few people it will take a long time to get established and settle for us all as we had never been to australia before at all, Rebecca has settled well at school and went to her first B'day party today on the beach which is a bit different from the parties back home she loved it but got a bit burnt unfortunately, Stephen is finding it hard to get a part time job while he is at Tafe it is not easy to get work on the Coast but he is being a bit fussy he won't work in a fast food restaurant and I keep telling him Beggars can't be choosers, so he won't be able to go back to England without money he isn't eighteen till next January so hopefully he will be settled more by then. Frances
We have got a son Stephen he is 17 and Rebecca 13, Stephen says he is going back to England but we have only been here for 6 months so still early days, he has just started college doing Real Estate and has met a few people it will take a long time to get established and settle for us all as we had never been to australia before at all, Rebecca has settled well at school and went to her first B'day party today on the beach which is a bit different from the parties back home she loved it but got a bit burnt unfortunately, Stephen is finding it hard to get a part time job while he is at Tafe it is not easy to get work on the Coast but he is being a bit fussy he won't work in a fast food restaurant and I keep telling him Beggars can't be choosers, so he won't be able to go back to England without money he isn't eighteen till next January so hopefully he will be settled more by then. Frances
Mar 11th 2007, 3:49 pm
#66
Just Joined
Joined: Mar 2007
Posts: 2
Re: HELP! 17 yr old Daughter won't come.
Saw your message and I felt I MUST reply to you!! While I sympathize with you and the problem you are having with your daughter. 25 years ago I was in your daughter's situation. I was 16 yrs old and didn't want to leave my friends, cousins, school etc. to emigrate.
But I did and I have to tell you it was the hardest thing I ever did. I will not go into detail here but I must say if I had known how it would effect me later on in my life I would never have done it. At 16/17 feeling like an outsider and being the 'new kid' is NO fun - sure she'll make new friends but she'll always miss her old ones if she's not enthusiastic about her new life. I am sorry to say this but if your daughter does not want to emigrate it is cruel to make her do it, taking her thousands of miles away from everything and everyone she has ever known at such an age could be deeply wounding to her as it was to myself.
I think if you do it when your kids are 10 or under it's better but once they are a little older it really isn't fair to uproot them if they don't want to - believe me I KNOW!
When you emigrate you are always always always torn in two - stuck between your 'adventure' in a new place and the longing for the places and people you have left behind. If you think your daughter is not the type of person to be able to deal with that then she should not go!! Perhaps this is not what you want to hear but I'm telling you this as someone who has been through it.
But I did and I have to tell you it was the hardest thing I ever did. I will not go into detail here but I must say if I had known how it would effect me later on in my life I would never have done it. At 16/17 feeling like an outsider and being the 'new kid' is NO fun - sure she'll make new friends but she'll always miss her old ones if she's not enthusiastic about her new life. I am sorry to say this but if your daughter does not want to emigrate it is cruel to make her do it, taking her thousands of miles away from everything and everyone she has ever known at such an age could be deeply wounding to her as it was to myself.
I think if you do it when your kids are 10 or under it's better but once they are a little older it really isn't fair to uproot them if they don't want to - believe me I KNOW!
When you emigrate you are always always always torn in two - stuck between your 'adventure' in a new place and the longing for the places and people you have left behind. If you think your daughter is not the type of person to be able to deal with that then she should not go!! Perhaps this is not what you want to hear but I'm telling you this as someone who has been through it.
Mar 11th 2007, 7:13 pm
#67
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Jun 2004
Location: The Gold Coast
Posts: 3,069
Re: HELP! 17 yr old Daughter won't come.
Saw your message and I felt I MUST reply to you!! While I sympathize with you and the problem you are having with your daughter. 25 years ago I was in your daughter's situation. I was 16 yrs old and didn't want to leave my friends, cousins, school etc. to emigrate.
But I did and I have to tell you it was the hardest thing I ever did. I will not go into detail here but I must say if I had known how it would effect me later on in my life I would never have done it. At 16/17 feeling like an outsider and being the 'new kid' is NO fun - sure she'll make new friends but she'll always miss her old ones if she's not enthusiastic about her new life. I am sorry to say this but if your daughter does not want to emigrate it is cruel to make her do it, taking her thousands of miles away from everything and everyone she has ever known at such an age could be deeply wounding to her as it was to myself.
I think if you do it when your kids are 10 or under it's better but once they are a little older it really isn't fair to uproot them if they don't want to - believe me I KNOW!
When you emigrate you are always always always torn in two - stuck between your 'adventure' in a new place and the longing for the places and people you have left behind. If you think your daughter is not the type of person to be able to deal with that then she should not go!! Perhaps this is not what you want to hear but I'm telling you this as someone who has been through it.
But I did and I have to tell you it was the hardest thing I ever did. I will not go into detail here but I must say if I had known how it would effect me later on in my life I would never have done it. At 16/17 feeling like an outsider and being the 'new kid' is NO fun - sure she'll make new friends but she'll always miss her old ones if she's not enthusiastic about her new life. I am sorry to say this but if your daughter does not want to emigrate it is cruel to make her do it, taking her thousands of miles away from everything and everyone she has ever known at such an age could be deeply wounding to her as it was to myself.
I think if you do it when your kids are 10 or under it's better but once they are a little older it really isn't fair to uproot them if they don't want to - believe me I KNOW!
When you emigrate you are always always always torn in two - stuck between your 'adventure' in a new place and the longing for the places and people you have left behind. If you think your daughter is not the type of person to be able to deal with that then she should not go!! Perhaps this is not what you want to hear but I'm telling you this as someone who has been through it.
With respect, that is your situation.
It's unfair to heap further guilt on people who already feel bad enough. Those of us who are taking our kids are doing it because we genuinely believe we are doing what's best for them.
If they don't settle then they have the choice, when they are a little older, to return. Many of us are at an age where if we wait much longer we will be too old to get a visa. Are you suggesting we sacrifice our futures, when there is the chance the kids might actually love it when they get there?
Tracey.
Mar 11th 2007, 9:07 pm
#68
Joined: May 2006
Location: in the Sydney asylum
Posts: 20,690
Re: HELP! 17 yr old Daughter won't come.
I am an expert on guilt!!
I am leaving the 18 yr old and 20 yr old behind!!
18 year old is adamant he doesn't want to go, but doesn't want to leave home either. OH already in Oz so who do I abandon?
I am leaving the 18 yr old and 20 yr old behind!!
18 year old is adamant he doesn't want to go, but doesn't want to leave home either. OH already in Oz so who do I abandon?
Mar 11th 2007, 9:15 pm
#69
Just Joined
Joined: Mar 2007
Posts: 2
Re: HELP! 17 yr old Daughter won't come.
Why do you feel 'bad enough'? All I'm saying is just because someone is 17, their opinion shouldn't be discounted. Would YOU like to be taken somewhere thousands of miles from home basically against your will? - no, I don't think you would!!
Most of the good people on this board are only looking out for their childrens' best interests when they want to emigrate and I understand and respect that but at 17 you DO know your own mind and I think that should be taken into consideration.
If you have doubts about buying a new pair of shoes f'rinstance then you probably shouldn't buy 'em - go with your instincts I say - and yet something SO important as moving thousands of miles - well if someone has reservations or doubts then they are being 'difficult'??!!!And the chances are YES they may love it once they get used to it. But sometimes ya just have a 'feeling' even at 17 that something is NOT right for you!
Adapting to a whole new way of life is NOT easy for some people and unless you have done it then you have no idea what it's like. Tracy I don't know about your situation but I wish you the very best of luck however, just know that not everyone is emotionally equipped to emigrate!!!
Most of the good people on this board are only looking out for their childrens' best interests when they want to emigrate and I understand and respect that but at 17 you DO know your own mind and I think that should be taken into consideration.
If you have doubts about buying a new pair of shoes f'rinstance then you probably shouldn't buy 'em - go with your instincts I say - and yet something SO important as moving thousands of miles - well if someone has reservations or doubts then they are being 'difficult'??!!!And the chances are YES they may love it once they get used to it. But sometimes ya just have a 'feeling' even at 17 that something is NOT right for you!
Adapting to a whole new way of life is NOT easy for some people and unless you have done it then you have no idea what it's like. Tracy I don't know about your situation but I wish you the very best of luck however, just know that not everyone is emotionally equipped to emigrate!!!
