Horror?? I guess your making a big deal about her horror would have contributed to her still feeling horror. I think you decided that it was Australia that she found horrible, since children of that age don't have a concept of being in a different country. Maybe it was your negativity about the situation that contributed to her horror. Did you ever consider that the stress of moving and seeing her parents under stress makes her remember the time as horrible. Stop hiding behind your children and using them as excuses for the mere fact you wanted to leave.

You cannot argue with that. You made the right choice Janeyray, in case you are wondering I am on old hand on this forum. Been here since you slugged it out with PB, just wasnt always in my present incarnation.

TROLL

Walter, you have no idea about me or my family and what we have gone through, so please don't make judgements on a few lines written on a forum.

If you care to read what I wrote the you will see that we also had other reasons for going back home and I am not going to justify any of them to you!

Our son is part of this family and has a voice. Being 10 years old doesn't make any difference. I thought he would have changed his mind over time, but if anything he has become even more negative. We haven't influenced him, hubbie and I both like it here.

I have worked with kids who's parents didn't give a S**t, and you just need to talk to them to realise how undervalued and unwanted they feel.

So, get off my case a bugger off you judgemental fool!

Mandy

censorship! voicing a different opinion makes me a troll!!!

It is like being in England again. Overprotective, defensive parents who want to scrap at the slightest criticism.

oh wattie ya plonker. please note.......new member syndrome.

And when I have been here a little longer then I will magically change my views?? I still stand by it. Children with the loving support of their parents and siblings adapt to a lot of new scary situations. When parents are negative about something then the children are affected by this. When parents make a big deal about the child's fear it also magnifies it. The child being happier because it is back in the UK could very well be the parents are happier so therefore the child is more at ease. I was just saying it is somewhat shortsighted to make such a mammoth backtrack on a decision because of a small child's feelings. And putting the responsibility on the child is unfair too. Own up to the fact that you didn't like it here and give your child a break.

Hi agree with walter99 a child cannot be responsible for such a big decision, especially a 3 YEAR OLD. children pick on there parents feelings, be happy with your decision. You will probably find the child in 15 years time will be complaining and wanting to go back to OZ. As a mother of 3, who love Brisbane, I am the one who is homesick, children make friends so easily and don't have any the pressure and stress. Which is exactly the way it should be! Our 12 year old says he does not want to go back to the UK, but if we decide too, he wants to stay for the 2 years for citizenship. So he can move back to OZ when he's 18. wow we got a shock

Hi Mandy
I just wanted to say that we have 5 kids 20, 13, 10 , 7, 6 and they have all been consulted in our decision to go to oz, and like you their happiness will also be a consideration as to whether or how long we stay. We are preparing them for a 2 year stay but if anyone of us is unhappy after that then returning to England will have to be considered along with the merits of staying, this will be very difficult if we get a divided camp, but in my experience if the kids are happy then we (fingers crossed) will be too.

Good luck to you and your family, and whether we stay or home back what an experience for the kids if they were to see that
take care love Chris

Hang on a minute where did I say that our 3 year old made the decision, what I was saying is that you really have to take children feelings into consideration, it was not her fault that we had decided to move to the other side of the world where she had no physical contact with her grandparent aunts uncles cousins etc and we never for one minute thought that it would affect her like it did, just goes to show we make these decisions thinking we are giving our children a better life when really we are being very selfish and doing something we want.

And Walter I have never ever hid behind my childs feelings, I didn't want to live in Oz either and we came back and have never looked back. My child doesn't have nightmares about Oz but was really unhappy out there and is certainly not now.

I have no problem with Australia and would never deter people for giving it a go, but sometimes it doesn't work out for people and whatever their reasons are for returning to the UK they should not be knocked for it.

We all make the mistake of thinking that our children will fit in with whatever decisions we make in life and that they will adapt quickly, believe me this is the biggest load of cods wallop, children are human beings and they too have feelings and thoughts.

Fair enough but why use the term horror and dread in your first post unless you are trying to tug on the heartstrings of people. That was my first objection. You certainly made it sound very dramatic. If you had moved your family to downtown Fallujah then I would expect to hear that they remembered it with dread and horror. But in this case it did seem to be a wee bit dramatic.

I still say though that children adapt. They have to. Just about everything a child does is new and scary. Mummy leaving the room when they are babies, being left for the first day when they go to school. If we waited for them to be completely secure about every fresh new step they would never leave the cot. We can't protect them from every sadness and disappointment or we are never giving them the opportunity to grow into strong adults.

FWIW I lived a nomadic existence as a child, moving from country to country to suit my parents' careers. In the 'Dark Old Days' of child-rearing, the needs of the parents to follow the best career & lifestyle opportunities were paramount, & as the junior, 'non wage earning' member of the family, I can remember being very happy to go along with that, even though in fact I had no choice.

My parents were always great about explaining why we were going, preparing me (with language classes if necessary) & making sure I could keep in touch with my friends (phone calls, letters & inviting them to stay). Both my parents were 100% committed to our moves so, I guess, because I knew they believed in what they were doing, I felt quite secure about it.

The saddest thing for me is hearing about kids in a family where they've moved countries, & the kid is a bit unsure about it all, but one or both of the parents have been made really unhappy by the move. The poor kiddy will really pick up on that - its little world will be shattered by Mom or Dad being sad all the time. I saw it happen to friends of mine. So I'm sure it's just as important for parents to present a united front & a secure environment, as anything else.

Cheers,
Anya.

Horror and dread were probably not the best choice of words. what I was trying to say is that my little girl really did not settle being away from everything and everyone she knew, perhaps she would have done in time who knows all I know is that she really suffered out there. The dread that she feels about Australia is having to leave everyone if she thought she was going back and unfortunately that is what she relates Australia to with being so young, hopefully one day (money permitting) we will take her back for a holiday so that she can see it is not a horrible place. It was nothing to do with Australia and I think this is where the confusion lies, its the same with me Australia is a wonderful country just not where we want to live.

We all make this very hard decision to migrate and get caught up in the excitement of it all and I really think that the impact of leaving everyone and everthing familiar behind doesn't really sink in until we get there. Some never feel this and I really envy them because for those that do it is hell and believe me no one was more surprised than me to find that there is no way I could live anywhere else but my home.

This is a really good thread with the feedback and information

It highlights all the factors that go into starting a new life and as much as I don't have little ones (and not a great fan, sorry ), I think there has been some responsible parenting shown there.

Yes little ones are adaptable and I admire how those have communicated with their children what is happening, helped them settle and listened to when they are not happy .

I sometimes have said kids these days are a bit too nannied and with lots of rights but in reflection I realise that at least they can talk with their parents, not this "Seen and not heard" I got as a child.

For example, when my parents divorced when I was 6 I was never told and held on for years it being my fault. I am sure if they had commuicated with me rather than seeing two people at each others throats, I would have been happier and more balanced.

People are humans with feelings at every age.

M