Pomdownunder

Hi everyone, just wanted to post a new thread on homesicknes!
My family and I have been out here in Brisbane for nearly six months now and we do like it out here but we continually miss our friends anf family! This is mainly my wife and I, so much so that we have now started to consider moving back!

We would like to here from anyone that has either been through this same thing and what they have done, and if they did go back how do they feel about their decission now?

We are not going to make a rash decission as we know we have a better lifestyle out here and the cost of living is cheaper but this isn't making up for oue emotional loss!

All the best

Pomdownunder

janeyray

Hi there, I know EXACTLY how it feels. Its an awful thing that I couldn't shake loose. The homesickness only went away when I knew our plans to return home to the UK were underway. We stayed in Perth for 16 months but 16 years would have felt the same to me. It's all about what you want though.

No matter who tells you to stay longer - try harder- be stronger- only you yourselves as a family know how you feel and what you want for the future.

I hope you can iron out the creases and enjoy it in Australia, it was a hard decision for us to come home but we have no regrets.

Hopefully you have no regrets and stay in Oz, it expensive to get there and even more so to come back.
Good luck

HiddenPaw

Hi PDU

I'm sure the majority of migrants on the forum can relate to having had homesickness of some sort. I sympathise with you as it really can make you feel low and alone on the other side of the world. It's never easy to go out and get a new life but that really is one of the things that has to be built from scratch. It took years and years for your friendships to form in the UK, so it's understandable that the longevity, familarity and comfort doesn't yet exist in your new friendships. I'm afraid (well IMO) you have to persevere and work hard at new friendships. Not everyone you meet you will click with, and sometimes socialising for the sake of socialising is hard work, but there will be a few people along the way who have the potential to be good friends.

As regards moving back - yes, I am back in the UK. I can't say I was particularly homesick as my sister is in Oz so I always had family nearby. However, my husband is very close to his family and he was fairly homesick at times. Or so he thought. We actually came back to have a baby, altho at the time of coming back I won't deny we were ready to leave (the original plan was for a holiday - which I think would have sufficed - but with baby on the way we bought a one-way ticket).

What we found when we got back was that in a realtively short space of time (18 months) we had changed more than we realised, and we were different people than we once were. There were many people we no longer had much in common with - of course this isn't the case for all friends, but there were friends we thought we missed but since being back, (14 months) have hardly seen.

I feel we did leave Oz prematurely, before we had the chance to get our citizenship. Although I don't regret the decisions we made, I do still want my Aussie citizenship, which means we are going back, at least to secure this, but also to have a second chance at life in Oz. I would urge anyone to try and get to the two-year mark if they can.

Six months isn't long - not long enough to make new friendships. Obviously, family can never be replaced tho.

Good luck, stick at it and focus on making new friends there rather than missing the ones you can't be with. Even if you come to the conclusion in 18 months time that it is too much of an emotional drain, at least you can say you gave it the max effort.

banjo

Hiya,

just want to say that I know what you are feeling. After about 3 months I was wanting to go back and my husband convinced me to wait a year. At times it seemed to long and too hard, but now we have just passed the one year mark and it was like wow! we've been here a year already. So, now we have decided to wait another year and get our citizenship and see what we want to do from there. I still miss all the familiarity of 'home' but I am now making much more of an effort to settle. One thing I have found is that whenever I come onto this Expats forum I feel A LOT more homesick. I haven't been on here for a few months and have hardly given it a thought. Last night we thought we'd 'have a look' and now I'm hooked again and all those old feelings of wanting to get on the next plane have come back......

louise

Hi

Sorry to hear you are feeling homesick, my dad felt homesick back in the 70's and the whole family returned to the UK, (we are all still here), however my dad wished from the moment he stepped off the plane at Heathrow that he hadn't done it. My mum always used to say go back for a holiday and see how you feel after that. Is this an option for you?

Maybe 6 weeks of the good old British winter may get you re-thinking your life plans! you never know.

Hope this bit of advice is of some use to you.

Louise

blossom

So sorry to hear you are feeling this way, but I remember it well!

We have now been back in the UK for almost 11 years, and we are planning our return to Oz. We were in Oz almost 14 years!!!

However, I do recommend that you try to get your 2 years in and citizenship - that little piece of paper is worth its weight in gold and more!

Would it not be possible for family / friends to visit you to see how you are getting along, and the Australian lifestyle. A couple of visits would help you feel better, then after completing 2 years could you not look to return for a holiday - you will be surprised by the changes.

My first trip back, I loved seeing all my family and friends, but I must admit I could not wait to return to Australia. Trould was I kept coming back for hols and in the end pushed for the family to return.

We are on our way back - for good this time and can't wait to get there.

It's a difficult time for you, but it will pass and in a couple of years time you will have a better informed decision to make.

Good luck
Blossom

Darren&Leanne

Hi
I have been out in Brissy since september, i had to return to the uk earlier this month as my younger brother was critically ill.
Anyhow after the initial seeing family & friends there was nothing else that i wanted to do here,it is sssssooooooo grey and murkey i would choose brissy anyday,
I come from a family of 6 and my brother who is 21 and fingers crossed is a lot better did make me think about family and being close .but then again i look at what i have in brissy and i wouldnt swap it for the world.
i love my family to pieces and it has shown that i am only a day away from the uk if i am needed,but being here now i cannot wait to return home(oz)

where abouts are you in brissy we are bayside give us a pm if you fancy meeting uyp,Leanne,Darren & Charlie

Phoenixuk2oz

Excellent post.

It takes most of us years to build friendships and when you've lived in a country most of your life you're bound to feel you've lost "something", whether that be friends, familiarity or culture . The irony is that as HP said, you have probably changed without realising and going back is not always the answer so maybe time is what's needed? Who knows....only you guys know what's best for you and your individual circumstances.

Have you tried making friends here? These things take time and you've got to kiss an awful lot of frogs before you find your prince...so to speak

Homesickness is terrible and at the time it feels like one big cloud that suddely lifts as quickly as it descends. I hope you find solace in some of the comments made here and I'm sure you'll decide on your best options and what's best for you and your family.

Whichever you chose, good luck.....and we wish you well

waustralish

I know how you feel, we've been in Melbourne for almost 3 months and at times even though it's a lovely place it feels like your living on the moon. Everything that you know inside and out is no longer there, just the simple things like going shopping can seem a feat in it's self.

You haven't said if your wife works or not????

I find this is the hardest part, i haven't work since arriving here as my partner has said get everything sorted first before looking for a job. I found once the kids went to school and hubby went to work they all have their rountine and i'm left to wing it alone.

I wanted to change careers completely and i thought new life, new country, new career. You wouldn't think it so hard deciding what new career you'd like but when you sit down and look at what is out there there is so much to choose from.

We miss the contact with friends and family and understand the time difference can make things hard but it doesn't help with the loneliness.

We have given ourselves 2 years before we make any decisions, but have never once said we'd go back. As someonelse has said friends in the UK weren't made in a few months they were made over years and i think that keeps us going. We're making friends in different place, here (expats have city meets all the time look out for them), my son's rugby team, my volunteer work at a community cente.

Don't give up give yourself 2 years and if you feel the same way then book your tickets back to UK (Not home, home is where you are now not yesterday).

menatworkrule

Hi!

Sorry to hear how you're feeling - hopefully this may be of some help. We went over to validate our Visa's in November for a 5 week holiday, with the plan to move over properly to Oz sometime in the near future. Whilst we were there we had such a fantastic time, we really wished we'd migrated there and then and didn't have to come back. When we did come back, it was to the miserable cold British weather with the dark mornings and evenings, and whilst travelling across London seeing all the miserable and unfriendly faces on the cramped tube, we realised we had to get back out to Oz asap. Hence why we've been doing DIY all our spare time since to get our house in a sellable position so we can get back out there as soon as possible.

I know the novelty of the weather can soon wear off - we did live in Oz for a year on Working Holiday Visas and we did realise after a while that it's not the paradise that it may seem on the surface, but if you persevere you realise you can have a great time there, and meet some fantastic and interesting people.

Your mind plays funny tricks on you - I bet you only remember the good points back in Britain. Start thinking about the bad points and you'll soon realise you've made the right decision.

Hope that helps!

vikk

Hello, I have no words of wisdom for you, I can't help you at all, but I just wanted to wish you well, I know what it feels like to be homesick & it's horrible! So I wish you all the best & I hope the feeling passes you quickly. Hang on in there.

aussie73

What about watching " The Bill " on the ABC. Pretend if you go back to the Uk you will have to live in Sun Hill in one of those miserable crime ridden high rise housing estates, with grey sky and cold crap weather every day.

ramseystreet

Hi I know how you feel. Have been in Perth for 16 months and my gut feeling when I came, was that it wasn't for me. I still feel like it now but we are staying for citizenship and will take it from there.
I definitely think it's worth getting your citizenship at least. It's something to aim for.

Sandra

I am still homesick 3 yrs on.....not to such a degree as I was but I also know we are staying here at least until the children have finished high school.

The first year was my worst and I was well prepared to get on that plane back without much care (apart from sister). Though I do believe I would have ended up a 'ping pong pom' as they say.

What made the change to make me know I was ok staying for now....I went back to the UK on a holiday, very lucky for me I also got work to take me back for two weeks as well. So in the space of three months I had six weeks back in the UK after being here a year and I saw again the things that had made us want a different outlook the first time and that had not changed. I did not emigrate to Aus for a better lifestyle just adventure and challenge and I could have settled back to my sucessful UK life again easily but found I did not want to .....Aus has it ups and downs and I wanted to return after my holiday home to make sure I faced them and enjoyed them.

It has been stated on here that returning for a holiday is the thousand power cure - yes bloody expensive cause you may have to increase that for all members of the family to get the cure. But it is one that worked for me and a lot cheaper than moving everything back?

I now have a "return fare fund" and although it can be expensive to save that money for ticket for me it is still very important to know I can go if I want to. I hated that feeling that I was trapped that came with the homesickness so I make sure that money is there. My son is back this easter for 4 weeks and I am hoping that although he is very settled here it will reinforce things for him too.

I hope you find the right solution for yourselves - let us all know how it goes.

Cheers Sandra

gogdownunder

We all feel homesick at times, but have you really tried to assimilate? Look at it through your children's eyes. Accept this country for what it is and blend in.