franki

Hello, I've been reading these posts for about a month now and finally plucked up the courage to join in. There are so many posts on here that I can relate to, and I'm glad to see I'm not alone.

I'm not sure where to begin. I've been here since 1993 but did have 4 years back in England from 1996 to 2000, then returned to US. I really want to go back again but things seem much more difficult this time. We now have 2 kids, ages 6 years and 19 months. My 6 year old was quite shy but this year has started to come out of her shell and is making friends. I feel terrible dragging her away from her life. I know it will probably break her heart to leave here. I'm not materialistic so don't care about having a big house but I would like my family to live in a decent area but don't know how we could afford it. My husband says he would like to go back but it's just so scary. He will earn less than half of what he earns here and I know I won't earn much. How do people survive? Back in 2000, we sold our house for around 30,000 pounds, it's recently been sold again for around 90. I really don't know how we could afford to buy anything.

I try to feel positive about living here but the thought of being here forever depresses me. When I think about the person I was when I first arrived here, I wonder what happened to her. I don't have any confidence anymore. I feel like a wilting flower. I feel like I can't move on with my life here.

At the moment, we're just trying to save as much money as we can, but then with the terrible exchange rate, our savings will pretty much be cut in half. I feel very sad that it's so difficult to return to my own country.

My dad lives in Blackpool and says he would put us up for a while but I know it will be hard with kids. I am also thinking that there will be more job prospects around Preston area, although I don't know the area really. My family are in Lancashire so would like to be around there. I still have so many questions and concerns but feel like I'm rambling so I'll wait for responses.

Just reading these posts though have really helped me, especially hearing the good things about UK. Thanks in advance.

Serenity

If you don't mind sharing, what's your story behind moving back to the US after returning to the UK?

I'm asking because we (USC hubs) lived in the US 98-2002 and now we've started the process to move back to the US. I'm sure it's the right thing to do for lots of reasons, but hubs is also getting his UK citizenship before we go. Never say never is my motto after being convinced this move back to the UK was the final one!

franki

To be honest, I'm not sure why. Our first child was born in England and we decided after she was born that we would come back. The area we were living, although nice, didn't have the same conveniences that we were used to here in US, i.e. affordable restaurants, shops open late etc. but now I wish we had just moved house, maybe different area. I think my priorities have changed and I really want to be back near family and friends now.

May I ask the same question to you? What are your reasons for coming back this way?

Jansz

Hi, I have also been reading these posts for weeks now and they have really helped me (and scared the hell out of me too). Reading your post summed up alot of how I feel. I have been in Oz since 1993 and had a great time for years, but gradually I have started to want to return home for a while a least. I feel that I dont want to stay here forever and I have been here so long I really need to do something different.

I agree about how hard and scary it seems. I have moved across the globe, moved interstate a couple of time and now I feel like you say, wilted and wondering where that person has gone.

Last year I split up with my husband and it seemed like the perfect time to up and move back, sadly no children, but wouldnt leave my dogs. The dogs are now ready to go, I even went back to UK at Easter to see how I felt. I felt it was no problem and I could live there or I could live here. so it should be easy.

Am still doing some odd bits to my house ready to sell it but everything seems so hard, I have no one to stay with when I return, how do I rent with dogs, will it be too expensive etc etc and so what would once have been easy for me (that is just get up and do it) I now struggle with how to achieve it. I have family in UK but am fairly flexible as to where I go as long as I go to a nice area and not a city. But still I seem to twist my mind inside out everyday wondering what to do and how to do it.


I keep working out what I could do to make my life a bit more exciting here and although I have loads of ideas and they all seems like great ideas and far easier than going back to the UK, my gut feeling keeps saying, but its not what I want to do, I want to go back and see the countryside and the history and europe....

I understand that feeling about not being able to get on with life where you are, I feel the same and I cant even explain why that is to myself let alone anyone else. I agree that it seems so difficult to return to my own country but in my case I think the thing that is making it the most difficult is me!

Anyway I am rambling too now, but just wanted to say that although it is different countries and different circumstances, I know exactly how you feel and it is really difficult at times.

Elvira

Just wanted to say that the UK Yankees Forum has a lot of useful information about settling in the UK, including practical stuff about finding accommodation, work, US/UK taxes, etc.

It's obviously aimed at USCs moving to the UK, but I'm sure you returners would find some of the information useful too!

The Motley Fool Discussion Board is another useful resource www.fool.co.uk

HTH!

franki

I'm sorry about your marriage. It's amazing though how alone you can feel, then after reading these posts, knowing there are so many people in the same boat. It really helps. I also want to see countryside, there are a lot of places I haven't seen in the UK and being able to have holidays again sounds wonderful, although my husband reminds me that we wont have much money to be going on holiday. Even a few days on a caravan park though sounds good to me. Sometimes I think we should just pack up and do it but I know the right thing to do is save money first, although easier said than done. I don't want to leave it any later than next year though, as it's going to get harder and harder for my daughter. When are you thinking of going back?

Englishmum

I wouldn't worry at all about your daughter. Children are so resilient!

We left England just a few weeks after our son was 6 and our daughter was 10, to live in Singapore. Within days our children had made friends at school and settled very quickly.

We moved again from Singapore to the USA just after our son had completed primary school and daughter had taken her GCSEs; she was 16 and chose not to live in the US and went to boarding school in England for her A levels and is currently a student. Our son went straight into the local 'middle' school and soon made friends.

I think that your daughter will be fine if you do decide to return to the UK; there is the added bonus that she will have grandparents there and I should imagine aunts, uncles and cousins too.

Serenity

The usual, state of the UK and cost outweighs the benefit of being near my family, who are spread out anyway. We just can't afford anything here since having a kid (he's 2) and I'm sick of renting, of not being able to decorate a house to make it my home, sick of not being able to afford a holiday. Five weeks vacation and spending it all at home...

But it's a state of mind as well. Mentally I'm where you are now. I've lost myself. When we went back for a holiday last year I felt like I was at home. My priorities changed and I think where we'll be moving is a better place to bring up our child and there are more activities as well. We'll be returning to crap credit and staying with the in-laws, but it's worth it to be where we'll be happy.

I think you being happy will be better for your children and you've been there long enough to have either got used to the place or not. If England makes you happy, then even if there's crap you'll be able to deal with it, it won't be such a big deal.

Mercedes

You know there are alternatives to living in UK and being able to afford buying your own house. I looked at buying in Uk but opted for Spain, mainly for the weather and I occasionally do work there. But I brought a better property for what I would have got in UK and also saved some money. I was orginally looking at Cheltenham, Gloucestershire, Warwickshire and Worcestershire. I did find one in Gloucestershire, but decided on Spain and got a better property £60k cheaper than I would have done and with a bit of land with sea and valley views. With airfares being quite reasonable now, I can commute every other week back to the UK and it only takes a few hours to do so. In that way I get a lifestyle I want, I do work in the UK and other areas and I see my family more frequently than I did when I lived in Australia for 12 years. By doing it this way I have catered for quite a bit of what I want out of life. I have two different world basically. It has filled in a gap which was missing for me when I was in Australia where I also missed family and often wished there was a "beam me up scotty" way of popping in and seeing those I missed when I felt the need to see them. From a family point of view, its not even that far away if you want to drive back to the UK, etc. I've been able to choose the area and my surrounds by doing this. It may be an option also for those who want to get on the property ladder but can't afford UK prices and want to bring up their kids in a safer environment. I personally like the family oriented life of the med and the children running around etc. Its food for thought, and may cater for some of your needs by thinking slightly different. I'm probably lucky because I made it happen for me and the lifestyle I missed from Australia, but having a similar one but being close to my family if I get that urge to see them.

This year I've had quite a few of my close family members end up in hospital and found out my uncle is dying of cancer, so I'm glad I'm close and more accessible to getting back if the need arises. In many ways I'm also glad I decided to make the move back although to me it wasn't a permanent one initially.

I find if I don't think anything is forever or permanent, it makes life easier rather than thinking of it like serving time, I then enjoy what time I decide to spend in a country.

You may be able to get on the property market, but in another country with easy access to an airport, so you can use it like a train. Its what I did anyway, and it works for me. It isn't utopia, but I have my sunshine, and beaches, and outdoor lifestyle which I missed when I was in UK, and I also am nearer to family and Europe which I missed when I was in Australia. Sorted,

It has stopped me missing things I craved for when I was in UK and when I lived in Australia and I'm probably more content because of it, and I know what it is like renting and it does make a difference in being able to paint and decorate your own home to your own personal touch etc. I just decided what made me happy and what I needed to do to try and achieve what would help me feel settled and where I felt I belonged. This was my solution and so far its working for me. I often felt that once my parents popped their cloggs there wasn't much else that would keep me there. But last week in UK, I found out one of my closest uncles is dying of cancer and it made me also think that once my uncles also went the familiarity and family that I grew up with around as child would also be gone, and what I also missed and craved for. So then I may review where my life is at may move again further afield to another country, as Spain to me was always a temporary solution and I'm not sure I want to live here for ever and ever. It was a solution at time when I needed one. Although when I left Australia, it was only meant to be a year as I didn't want to go back to the UK, I decided that my parents were getting on, and I wanted to spend some time being with them, as once they had gone, I would never capture that time again. This year I have lost a number of people who were in my life as a child and I was fond of and I unfortunately think I will by Xmas lost a few more. My uncle a high possiblity and possibly my Mother, if her health continues as it is. So my rock of familiarity is disappearing and no doubt this time next year I may be reviewing my life again and where I want to be.

Decide what is really important to you, and go for it, it doesn't have to be a permanent solution and be happy with it, whatever you decide. Life is for living and being happy whatever you need to do to try to make it so. Nothing ever has to be permanent. Remember that.

Wish you luck.

Jansz

Hi, thanks for kind words about the marriage, it was really difficult, really hurt and left my life in tatters, however I was very unhappy and am glad I am out of it. Funnily enough we are still friends, there just doesnt seem any point in being anything else.

There are also loads of places I havent been too, I was always to busy trying to see europe, then that wasnt enough, so I wanted to see the rest of the world, now I have gone a full circle and I want to see the UK and then europe! And yes I want holidays too! Not just the runaround the UK every 2 or 3 years.

I really shouldnt complain, I dont have children to worry about (sadly however that is something to complain about) I just need to get up and do it, however the last few years has left me a little defeated and as I said everything seems so hard.

I thought I would be back by now, the dogs were all pet passport ready in April. I went to UK to see how I felt. Liked some areas others were too busy, too dirty etc. However as I hadnt spent time with the family for ages, spent time with them and didnt have time to wander and get a feel of where I want to go. I dont want to live where my family are because it is too busy and I figure it doesnt matter where I am in england or Uk as it is nearer than Australia. So now I feel I need to go back to find an area to go to and get sorted. Do I sell house first? No more hols til next year? Do I change jobs ( I cant stand work at the moment either, the job is fine but the politics and personalites are dreadful). If it wasnt for the dogs I could up and go and stay with family for a few/days weeks etc but the dogs mean I have to plan everything.

In the meantime I am so slow getting house sparkling to put on market I feel I will never get it done. Decided today (having a determined to get things done, "up" day today) to pay to get some one in to get the garden looking lovely as it needs some tidying and some woodchips etc, it has been hard to keep it all up on my own.

Anyway I am rambling again, what about you, any firm plans or just drifting like me. I am sure I will be better once I actually get on with things.

Jansz

Hi, I agree with what you are saying. That is why I dont mind where in the UK I go as it is nearer to family than Australia.

I actually am not sure that I will stay "home" forever and am quite okay with the idea of to moving to europe in a few years or even back to australia if I want to. Nothing has to be forever I dont have to stay, but to go home is what I want to do now. In which case why havent I just got up and done it, because I answer my own question about where I really want to be

DarrenP

Where exactly is 'here' by the way? Just trying to get a sense of what you're comparing a potential new start in Britain to. I couldn't find any reference in your post to where you are. Can you pinpoint why you've lost confidence?

Mercedes

In which case why havent I just got up and done it, because I answer my own question about where I really want to be [/QUOTE]

Trouble is when you go to another country and you like many things of that country which you can't get at "home" it doesn't help. I missed things from Australia when I was in Uk and the friends I had made there and vise versa when I was in Australia. By doing it the way I have, and it may not be for everyone, I have filled in some of those voids. Also I made myself buy a house and got a dog which made me root myself somewhere, I still travel alot with my job so that scratches that itch, but I found it has settled me much better than I was before. As said I have created some of the things I missed from Australia in my life, so that also has helped. Maybe you could write the pros and cons of each of the life you would have in UK and the life you have where you are. Then think of trying to achieve it to get many of the pros back in your life. Australia was the first country I had ever lived in besides UK, now I have lived in others and feel there is more to explore and experience. I now don't know whether I would go back to Australia as maybe because I have done that and rather remember my memories from it. I found I couldn't also settle in UK, because again I had moved on (besides I hated the weather) and changed to the person I had left. Life is always changing and often our needs are too. Two years ago I nearly died in an operation and it also made me look at my life and make the changes I wanted to in it. So if you were told you only had a couple of years to live, what would you change in it, what is really important to you. Live life as if your'e on a time frame and you will enjoy it more, rather than exist. You are in another country so enjoy it while your'e there, you may in the future not have the opportunity of going back if you leave, and its better not to have "Oh I wish I had done....."

franki

Thanks for the ideas. Moving to Spain has crossed my mind, very briefly. I'm not sure what my husband would think of that, it'll probably scare him right away. I'm also not sure how he would do there work wise (he paints cars) and the other thing is the cost of international schools. It does sound exciting though.

I'm so sorry to hear about your losses. I lost my mum last year to lung cancer. She died whilst we were there visiting over Christmas two days before we were due to return. Although it was a horrible experience, I'm grateful I was there at the time. I think in a way she knew. I would never have forgiven myself if we had left and I would not have been able to say goodbye properly. Losing her has made me more anxious to be back in England, although I did want to return even before that. Now, my dad is having some health problems too, hopefully they aren't life threatening, but I really want to spend some time with him and the rest of my family. I also feel sad that my family and friends don't see my wonderful kids. I love my kids so much and want people to share the joy they bring. My husband does have family here so they do have grandparents but they also have very busy lives of their own.

Where in Spain are you?

franki

"Here" is North East Ohio. It's not a terrible place but it just doesn't feel like home. Nothing seems real to me here. For some reason, I don't think I'm myself with people and I've lost the real me. Also, sometimes, to avoid the "Where are you from?" question, I'd rather stay quiet. I'm probably being paranoid but I tend to think people look down on me. I feel like life is just passing me by. I'm sorry to moan. Hope I don't depress anyone else.