Noorah101

Sadegh has an older brother who is jealous that Sadegh got the chance to move to the USA, and he didn't. ('Cause ya know, USA streets are paved with gold and everyone has big fancy houses and cars here...yeah right...those myths never die!) I met the older brother in Turkey a couple of times when I was visiting Sadegh, so he definitely knows me. The older brother snitched to Mom one time about me, but Mom didn't believe him! LOL Needless to say, though, that put Sadegh and his brother at odds (even more so than they already were).

I don't mind the folks not knowing, or Sadegh's concern in telling them. They simply wouldn't approve, wouldn't understand, and on top of that I'm older than Sadegh which is not common in his culture, we won't be having children which is another thing that would devestate his mother...she has 3 sons, none of whom are going to give her grandchildren. She has grandchildren from her daughters, but she's sooooo old-school that she still only thinks the children from the male side of the family "count" for anything. It's sad, but it's the way it is. This way, she can just keep hoping Sadegh will move back to Iran, marry a local gal, and produce a bunch of kids.

I have seen lots of Sadegh's family in Turkey, and have talked to his sisters and their families back in Iran on the phone, so I'm comfortable that everyone knows me except the parents, and he's not "hiding me". If I were being kept secret from the whole entire family, I'd feel more uncomfortable, but I can understand not telling the parents.

Yeah, his folks live in a very small village, are around 70 years old, and all they know is what they hear through the media about USA being the Land of Satan and all that. They just want to follow tradition and have Sadegh marry a girl his mom chooses, live in Iran, and make grandbabies. That is the furthest thing that Sadegh wants for himself, but he can't bring himself to break their hearts by telling them that. He knows it will be a huge fight, and yes maybe even disowning him, and he can't bear the thought of that, either.

It's all actually very interesting to me, to see his family dynamics, such as they are...and how he handles everything. So far, he's doing pretty well at living the life HE wants, with the person HE wants, but letting the folks think otherwise. LOL

Rene

Sally Redux

I think it's rather a good idea

hoffage123

Trust you to lower the tone hehe.

It has been really interesting hearing how different people approached telling their friends and family. I will of course keep you updated on my families reaction (gets flak jacket on).

Lbjen

Ultimately if you aren't going to let it stop you moving, then you have to stop worrying about it. You can't change their attitude, all you can do is choose when it's time to stop listening.

jeffreyhy

I was being facetious about the stoning.

Regards, JEff

hoffage123

Ah right; sometimes difficult to tell the tone from written words - no worries

Sally Redux

Phew, I did wonder.

scrubbedexpat027

Haven't spoken to my parents in years, so I can just as easily not speak to them here in the US as I could in the UK.
It's also worked out that I speak to my brother more here (over Skype) than I did in the UK.

Do what you want to do, I say.

Sally Redux

You obviously should do what you want to do, but cut them some slack, you'll be sad if your own kids move away and Skype is nothing like being with someone.

hoffage123

Agreed, I definitely want to keep ties and cordial/moderate relations which is why I hope they will be not too negative about things, despite stuff he has done in the past, he is still my Dad, and I'm an eternal optimist I guess when it comes to trying to see the best in family.

hoffage123

Thought I would give you guys an update on this.

I told my family today - My mum was a little bit shocked, didn't really say much on the phone.

My Dad (who I was most worried about) was very faux-nice about it, first in a very passive-aggressive can't be bothered but I really am way and then in a more scathing way. Like "Oh we'll be happy for you but I'm sure you'll come back in a few years with no money blah blah blah ... remember this date that I gave you this advice ... blah blah blah .... all your cousins are millionaires .... blah blah blah " (he is very money-oriented) ... laid on the guilt-trip "oh you won't be back before I'm in the grave and someone else will have to do the burial rites" (morbid, I know) ... to criticising my missus to which I firmly corrected him ... basically had to listen to this for 20 minutes before pretending I had to go to work.

It was better than him getting super-nasty (as in shouting and yelling down the phone) but left me feeling a bit weird. I want him to have a relationship with his grandson, but not at the expense of my family or my dignity. Sadly, very predictable.

Anywho. I will let them stew over it for a few days and then give them a call again. They know my decision, they aren't going to influence me, and I am not going to be put off by their negativity. Go me.

jeffreyhy

Well done.

Regards, JEff

Speedwell

Right on. There's no reason you have to knuckle under to their sneering opinion when you're in the right, anyway... it's your life and family. They'll come to terms with your decision once they've had their say, I'm sure.

Sally Redux

All par for the course - you'll be fine.

Poppy girl

I came for a 2 week vacation got proposed to and stayed called my parents after the fact...." Mum Dad I got married"