hoffage123

So far I have told close friends, and work about me moving to America once my visa is approved. The reaction has been overwhelmingly positive.

But I haven't yet got around to telling my family (Mum, Dad, etc who live 200 miles down South in Birmingham). The reason being that they are not exactly going to be supportive of it, because it will be me, my wife and my 4 year old son moving away (so lots of guilt-trips about "you are taking my grandson away" etc, and they can be quite controlling and traditional (Asian family), which is one of the reasons why we don't live near them in the first place)

I am planning to tell them just after the visa is approved, but wondered when you told people you were close to? (either friends or family) - were there any reactions you were worried about, or were you just lucky and had best wishes?

Interested to hear your viewpoints ...

Hoffage

Sally Redux

Most people in England will think it's a good idea because they think the US is much 'better' than the UK. But of course it will be a blow to your family. Try to reassure them about how you will keep in touch.

civilservant

I agree with Sally, most very supportive with the exception of my Gran, who is 75 and in poor health - she doesnt expect to see me again.

Lbjen

Well it's been almost 7 years and my parents still won't talk to us. Funny that they choose to cut off the grand kids they were supposedly so upset about not seeing anymore (my kids couldn't have picked them out of a lineup back then anyway).

Everyone else was very supportive, including my inlaws who were saying goodbye to their only child and only grandchildren. They've also made the effort to visit and they skype with us every week.

hoffage123

Wow that sounds harsh! That is something that I am kind of worried about, as my Dad in particular has a habit of throwing a strop when he doesn't get his own way, and has in the past stopped talking to me for one reason or the other (in particular he isn't happy about my choice of partner for cultural reasons, but has a good relationship with my son, weird huh).

It is good that at least the in-laws are supportive ... I hope your parents come around.

Hoffage

joto

Both sets of parents were supportive as we were originally going for 2 years and we knew we would be back. It then turned into a permanent thing. We told them, we wouldn't get an opportunity like that again if we turned it down, but they were more than welcome to come and visit us. Luckily, they didn't do the guilt trip on us, but we would have ignored them if they had. We have been back a number of times and the IL's have been to visit us. Unfortunately, my parents never came across as my Mum was scared of travelling and now they are gone.

You could put it similar to above, as it's a great opportunity.

Yorkieabroad

We've never had the guilt trip from my folks, although I know they would love for us to live closer. I think it must help that I moved down to London long before I moved overseas, then was living in Singapore when we got married. Also, whenever my mum gets the questions from her friends about how hard it must be for her with us over here, she gets out her diary and lists off how many days a year she gets to see us, and it is invariably longer more than her friends whose kids live in London or wherever.....plus, when we go back, she gets a solid 2-3 week exposure. Over here, with my inlaws just round the corner, we rarely see them for more than a couple of hours a week.....Do the Maths!!
So, if you are planning on getting back regularly ( we go alternate summers, and alternate Christmases) then point out that they may end up seeing more of you than they expect! Of course, that doesn't get around the fact that it is still a fracking long way back in an emergency......

Good luck...hope you sort it out. Also something to think about.....if friends know, it's already out there....I wouldn't leave it so long to tell them that they find out first from someone else, no matter how unlikely you think that may be.....

Bob

As long as they're set up on Skype and that sort of thing, they'll get over it.

It's your life at the end of the day and you've got to do what's best for you and yours and they'll get over it and if not, they'll just be bitter and twisted about something else that would have cropped up :/

Speedwell

His family knew he had a girlfriend in the US. The conversation reportedly went something like, "So are you and your girlfriend getting pretty serious?" "Yup." "Oh, nice. What are your plans?" "We want to try to be together if we can." "Well, of course you do; is she going to come over here or are you going to go over there?" "We don't know yet." "Well, all right, keep us posted." "OK."

The initial plan was for me to go to the UK, but the transfer fell through, so he made plans to come over here. Nobody had a minute's problem with it and we chat with the "back home" people over Skype. We did manage to get some amusing photos of him looking over the side of the sailing ship mockup at the Omagh Ulster-American Folk Park so we could joke, "This is what he looked like on the way over." Evidently the official at his final interview thought that was funny.

Steerpike

My brother visits my mum every other week for an afternoon (if she's lucky). That's about 26 afternoons a year. My mum visits me for 6 weeks minimum every year, and that includes seeing me every morning and every evening ... 42 days a year. So my mum sees way more of me than my brother who lives just 50 miles away. If I lived in UK, there is no way I'd have her come stay with me for 6 weeks! . Plus, my mum adores the hot weather here so loves to visit. She's now getting very old, and her days of flying out here are numbered, but ... we'll have to deal with that when the situation arises.

Nutek

I didn't tell anyone until I had been here for some time... 6 months maybe. Then I sat down and wrote a looooong letter to my parents.

SultanOfSwing

I told them right after I'd made up my mind to move. The reaction was pretty uneventful. My ma had expected it. My dad, rather entertainingly said 'couldn't you have found a bird that lived here?'

hoffage123

Hehe - yeah, kind of a variation on that theme except more of a "couldn't you have chosen who we chose for you kind of thing?"

Sounds like there have been a lot of varied experiences - I want to give them enough time to process the decision but from past experience don't want them to do the usual family guilt-trip thing and worst case scenario my dad going off on one and mouthing off. I know they are going to feel hurt, but I do intend to arrange Skype/visits etc if they behave, lol.

steveq

I met a guy on a recent flight to Abu Dhabi who was in the same boat as you. he'd married for love, and neither set of parents would speak to them - 4 kids and 16 years later. he was quite upset even talking about it, I don't know how we got to the topic.

Orangepants

I prepared my parents pretty early in life, think it was just after my ninth birthday when I said I was going to live in France. Thirteen years later I got my first job in Paris after uni and never went back!
Skype is amazing for keeping in touch and keeps us all up to date with everyone's lives..