Well now I know
May 25th 2004, 2:39 pm
#16
You Are All Diseased
Joined: Feb 2004
Location: Farnham, UK
Posts: 4,511
stuff like that is hard because I realise how bloody stupid I have been to actually think that this would ever have worked out
I admire your courage. I wouldn't meet as I would be too angry, hurt and disappointed. But, like you say, you know him better than us so do what you need to do.
I thought my world ended in England when my ex left me and took my daughter with her. But now I have a wife and a new life in the US. Things do get better. I promise
May 25th 2004, 2:53 pm
#17
Just Joined
Joined: Feb 2004
Location: Tempe, AZ (from Edinburgh)
Posts: 22
Re: Well now I know
Originally posted by Lesley1020
Got a phone call at 11.30 tonight from M. We'd been playing phone tag all day - I feel as though I'm stuck in the middle of a nightmare I can't wake up from. As I thought, his mum came down heavy on him about doing the right thing and his dad even flew into town to tell him that if he got this girl pregnant regardless of the circumstances he should do the honourable thing and marry her. Anyway I'm telling all of this back to front - when he called at first he was just asking about my week, telling me how much he missed me etc and then I asked had he heard from her how the baby was and he went all quiet and said what are my plans for the weekend (yeah like I have any since Gina cant get a cheap flight) and I said none and he said well I'm not going to Nashville to see Anna this weekend as I really want us to spend some time together, we need to talk but it wasn't something he could talk about on the phone - course I pressed him. She called him Thursday to say she has been thrown out of yet another place and has nowhere to go and has no idea what will become of her and his daughter if he doesn't let her move in with him - as he says - what choice does he have. He was utterly distraught crying down the phone and telling me how much he loves me and how bad he feels about all the plans we made together and how big a part that played in my decision to come here blah blah. Which just makes it all ten times worse. I hung up the phone as I just couldnt even speak and he called back and said he would make other arrangements to get home from the airport, I said forget it I will pick you up - he lives 90 mins from airport - there is no one else. Then he says to me please stay tomorrow night and please spend the weekend with me. WTF?
I am just so messed up. I have never loved anyone in my whole life like I love him - maybe its only been 18 mos and in reality we have probably only spent about 4 of those together IRL but my God how can things have changed so much in 10 days - 2 weeks ago we were talking about marriage and how lucky we were to have found each other and now this.
I called my friend in Boston and she says you have to spend the weekend with him, try talk some sense into him. Aint gonna work - and he knows the probability is that she could be lying about being homeless but he can't take that chance when she has his daughter. I said are you two gonna try and work things out and he said that she told him she never stopped loving him and that they should try for Anna's sake - likewise his parents think the same blah blah.
All he kept saying was I am so sorry, and crying. All I can think of now is getting on a flight home to be with my mum and have someone put their arms around me and tell me its gonna be okay. I cant take staying here without a soul and knowing he's so close and I can't even see him. What a bloody mess. Not to mention the fact that I am going to have to go through the goodbyes tomorrow or at the weekend. Part of me is thinking go and spend the weekend together - but that's only going to make it harder to let go.
I guess the best thing is just to throw in the towel and go home. It's just to much to deal with everything else that's going on.
I just can't believe this has happened.
Got a phone call at 11.30 tonight from M. We'd been playing phone tag all day - I feel as though I'm stuck in the middle of a nightmare I can't wake up from. As I thought, his mum came down heavy on him about doing the right thing and his dad even flew into town to tell him that if he got this girl pregnant regardless of the circumstances he should do the honourable thing and marry her. Anyway I'm telling all of this back to front - when he called at first he was just asking about my week, telling me how much he missed me etc and then I asked had he heard from her how the baby was and he went all quiet and said what are my plans for the weekend (yeah like I have any since Gina cant get a cheap flight) and I said none and he said well I'm not going to Nashville to see Anna this weekend as I really want us to spend some time together, we need to talk but it wasn't something he could talk about on the phone - course I pressed him. She called him Thursday to say she has been thrown out of yet another place and has nowhere to go and has no idea what will become of her and his daughter if he doesn't let her move in with him - as he says - what choice does he have. He was utterly distraught crying down the phone and telling me how much he loves me and how bad he feels about all the plans we made together and how big a part that played in my decision to come here blah blah. Which just makes it all ten times worse. I hung up the phone as I just couldnt even speak and he called back and said he would make other arrangements to get home from the airport, I said forget it I will pick you up - he lives 90 mins from airport - there is no one else. Then he says to me please stay tomorrow night and please spend the weekend with me. WTF?
I am just so messed up. I have never loved anyone in my whole life like I love him - maybe its only been 18 mos and in reality we have probably only spent about 4 of those together IRL but my God how can things have changed so much in 10 days - 2 weeks ago we were talking about marriage and how lucky we were to have found each other and now this.
I called my friend in Boston and she says you have to spend the weekend with him, try talk some sense into him. Aint gonna work - and he knows the probability is that she could be lying about being homeless but he can't take that chance when she has his daughter. I said are you two gonna try and work things out and he said that she told him she never stopped loving him and that they should try for Anna's sake - likewise his parents think the same blah blah.
All he kept saying was I am so sorry, and crying. All I can think of now is getting on a flight home to be with my mum and have someone put their arms around me and tell me its gonna be okay. I cant take staying here without a soul and knowing he's so close and I can't even see him. What a bloody mess. Not to mention the fact that I am going to have to go through the goodbyes tomorrow or at the weekend. Part of me is thinking go and spend the weekend together - but that's only going to make it harder to let go.
I guess the best thing is just to throw in the towel and go home. It's just to much to deal with everything else that's going on.
I just can't believe this has happened.
Lesley,
My husband and I have been following your (awful) experience. Angus ("Eilthireach") is from Scotland, I am a USC. First, I just want to say, dump this guy, he can't make up his mind, and I don't know if he had one in the first place. Also (just our two cents) don't pick him up at the airport and do not see him anymore. It will hurt like hell, kind of like gangrene in an extremity, cutting it off, but then it will be done with and your life will be saved. You are so young, you have your whole life ahead of you, you need to make decisions that will make that life good. Don't let him bring you down. Like the other girl said, do something for yourself, massage ... chocolate ... movie ... a good cry, then start over. This is really providence in disguise. Come on, pick yourself up and run to the nearest exit. Good luck! We are all behind you. Hope you have the sense to listen.
May 25th 2004, 2:54 pm
#18
Just Joined
Joined: Feb 2004
Location: Tempe, AZ (from Edinburgh)
Posts: 22
Re: Well now I know
Originally posted by Lesley1020
Got a phone call at 11.30 tonight from M. We'd been playing phone tag all day - I feel as though I'm stuck in the middle of a nightmare I can't wake up from. As I thought, his mum came down heavy on him about doing the right thing and his dad even flew into town to tell him that if he got this girl pregnant regardless of the circumstances he should do the honourable thing and marry her. Anyway I'm telling all of this back to front - when he called at first he was just asking about my week, telling me how much he missed me etc and then I asked had he heard from her how the baby was and he went all quiet and said what are my plans for the weekend (yeah like I have any since Gina cant get a cheap flight) and I said none and he said well I'm not going to Nashville to see Anna this weekend as I really want us to spend some time together, we need to talk but it wasn't something he could talk about on the phone - course I pressed him. She called him Thursday to say she has been thrown out of yet another place and has nowhere to go and has no idea what will become of her and his daughter if he doesn't let her move in with him - as he says - what choice does he have. He was utterly distraught crying down the phone and telling me how much he loves me and how bad he feels about all the plans we made together and how big a part that played in my decision to come here blah blah. Which just makes it all ten times worse. I hung up the phone as I just couldnt even speak and he called back and said he would make other arrangements to get home from the airport, I said forget it I will pick you up - he lives 90 mins from airport - there is no one else. Then he says to me please stay tomorrow night and please spend the weekend with me. WTF?
I am just so messed up. I have never loved anyone in my whole life like I love him - maybe its only been 18 mos and in reality we have probably only spent about 4 of those together IRL but my God how can things have changed so much in 10 days - 2 weeks ago we were talking about marriage and how lucky we were to have found each other and now this.
I called my friend in Boston and she says you have to spend the weekend with him, try talk some sense into him. Aint gonna work - and he knows the probability is that she could be lying about being homeless but he can't take that chance when she has his daughter. I said are you two gonna try and work things out and he said that she told him she never stopped loving him and that they should try for Anna's sake - likewise his parents think the same blah blah.
All he kept saying was I am so sorry, and crying. All I can think of now is getting on a flight home to be with my mum and have someone put their arms around me and tell me its gonna be okay. I cant take staying here without a soul and knowing he's so close and I can't even see him. What a bloody mess. Not to mention the fact that I am going to have to go through the goodbyes tomorrow or at the weekend. Part of me is thinking go and spend the weekend together - but that's only going to make it harder to let go.
I guess the best thing is just to throw in the towel and go home. It's just to much to deal with everything else that's going on.
I just can't believe this has happened.
Got a phone call at 11.30 tonight from M. We'd been playing phone tag all day - I feel as though I'm stuck in the middle of a nightmare I can't wake up from. As I thought, his mum came down heavy on him about doing the right thing and his dad even flew into town to tell him that if he got this girl pregnant regardless of the circumstances he should do the honourable thing and marry her. Anyway I'm telling all of this back to front - when he called at first he was just asking about my week, telling me how much he missed me etc and then I asked had he heard from her how the baby was and he went all quiet and said what are my plans for the weekend (yeah like I have any since Gina cant get a cheap flight) and I said none and he said well I'm not going to Nashville to see Anna this weekend as I really want us to spend some time together, we need to talk but it wasn't something he could talk about on the phone - course I pressed him. She called him Thursday to say she has been thrown out of yet another place and has nowhere to go and has no idea what will become of her and his daughter if he doesn't let her move in with him - as he says - what choice does he have. He was utterly distraught crying down the phone and telling me how much he loves me and how bad he feels about all the plans we made together and how big a part that played in my decision to come here blah blah. Which just makes it all ten times worse. I hung up the phone as I just couldnt even speak and he called back and said he would make other arrangements to get home from the airport, I said forget it I will pick you up - he lives 90 mins from airport - there is no one else. Then he says to me please stay tomorrow night and please spend the weekend with me. WTF?
I am just so messed up. I have never loved anyone in my whole life like I love him - maybe its only been 18 mos and in reality we have probably only spent about 4 of those together IRL but my God how can things have changed so much in 10 days - 2 weeks ago we were talking about marriage and how lucky we were to have found each other and now this.
I called my friend in Boston and she says you have to spend the weekend with him, try talk some sense into him. Aint gonna work - and he knows the probability is that she could be lying about being homeless but he can't take that chance when she has his daughter. I said are you two gonna try and work things out and he said that she told him she never stopped loving him and that they should try for Anna's sake - likewise his parents think the same blah blah.
All he kept saying was I am so sorry, and crying. All I can think of now is getting on a flight home to be with my mum and have someone put their arms around me and tell me its gonna be okay. I cant take staying here without a soul and knowing he's so close and I can't even see him. What a bloody mess. Not to mention the fact that I am going to have to go through the goodbyes tomorrow or at the weekend. Part of me is thinking go and spend the weekend together - but that's only going to make it harder to let go.
I guess the best thing is just to throw in the towel and go home. It's just to much to deal with everything else that's going on.
I just can't believe this has happened.
Lesley,
My husband and I have been following your (awful) experience. Angus ("Eilthireach") is from Scotland, I am a USC. First, I just want to say, dump this guy, he can't make up his mind, and I don't know if he had one in the first place. Also (just our two cents) don't pick him up at the airport and do not see him anymore. It will hurt like hell, kind of like gangrene in an extremity, cutting it off, but then it will be done with and your life will be saved. You are so young, you have your whole life ahead of you, you need to make decisions that will make that life good. Don't let him bring you down. Like the other girl said, do something for yourself, massage ... chocolate ... movie ... a good cry, then start over. This is really providence in disguise. Come on, pick yourself up and run to the nearest exit. Good luck! We are all behind you. Hope you have the sense to listen.
May 25th 2004, 3:18 pm
#19
Joined: Mar 2003
Posts: 68,280
Re: Well now I know
Dump the SOB ..have 3 days of mourning and get on with life ..
you worked hard to get where you are...start thinking about Number one ....I expect the reason your not meeting new people is lame duck is always on your mind... when your 3 days are over
set too with new ambition...listen to englishmum, sibsie.. they have been there and wrote the book...
you worked hard to get where you are...start thinking about Number one ....I expect the reason your not meeting new people is lame duck is always on your mind... when your 3 days are over
set too with new ambition...listen to englishmum, sibsie.. they have been there and wrote the book...
May 25th 2004, 4:20 pm
#20
Forum Regular
Joined: Mar 2004
Location: Panhandle Florida
Posts: 160
You say you wanted to see your Mum, but can't leave right now, have you considered paying her flight to come & see you. Have some time together and be busy might be just the thing to help you decide whether to ultimately stay here or return to UK.
Good luck, for what it is worth, I don't think you should go tonight but like you I probaly would have too.
He sounds like he needs to make a definate decision & stick with & quit making your life stink...
Suzie
Good luck, for what it is worth, I don't think you should go tonight but like you I probaly would have too.
He sounds like he needs to make a definate decision & stick with & quit making your life stink...
Suzie
May 25th 2004, 4:49 pm
#21
dealing with it
Joined: Feb 2003
Location: DC
Posts: 2,916
Originally posted by suzieque
You say you wanted to see your Mum, but can't leave right now, have you considered paying her flight to come & see you. Have some time together and be busy might be just the thing to help you decide whether to ultimately stay here or return to UK.
Good luck, for what it is worth, I don't think you should go tonight but like you I probaly would have too.
He sounds like he needs to make a definate decision & stick with & quit making your life stink...
Suzie
You say you wanted to see your Mum, but can't leave right now, have you considered paying her flight to come & see you. Have some time together and be busy might be just the thing to help you decide whether to ultimately stay here or return to UK.
Good luck, for what it is worth, I don't think you should go tonight but like you I probaly would have too.
He sounds like he needs to make a definate decision & stick with & quit making your life stink...
Suzie
As many have said, look after number 1, this guy is wasting your time and playing with your emotions...he's the kind of guy that gets the good guys a bad name. There si no question that he's looking to get laid this weekend, tell him to sleep on the couch if he stays...be stronger than him.
"Then kick him to the curb girlfirend!"
"it's my way or the highway!"
May 25th 2004, 4:57 pm
#22
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Oct 2003
Location: Arizona
Posts: 961
Re: Well now I know
Originally posted by Lesley1020
Got a phone call at 11.30 tonight from M. We'd been playing phone tag all day - I feel as though I'm stuck in the middle of a nightmare I can't wake up from. As I thought, his mum came down heavy on him about doing the right thing and his dad even flew into town to tell him that if he got this girl pregnant regardless of the circumstances he should do the honourable thing and marry her. Anyway I'm telling all of this back to front - when he called at first he was just asking about my week, telling me how much he missed me etc and then I asked had he heard from her how the baby was and he went all quiet and said what are my plans for the weekend (yeah like I have any since Gina cant get a cheap flight) and I said none and he said well I'm not going to Nashville to see Anna this weekend as I really want us to spend some time together, we need to talk but it wasn't something he could talk about on the phone - course I pressed him. She called him Thursday to say she has been thrown out of yet another place and has nowhere to go and has no idea what will become of her and his daughter if he doesn't let her move in with him - as he says - what choice does he have. He was utterly distraught crying down the phone and telling me how much he loves me and how bad he feels about all the plans we made together and how big a part that played in my decision to come here blah blah. Which just makes it all ten times worse. I hung up the phone as I just couldnt even speak and he called back and said he would make other arrangements to get home from the airport, I said forget it I will pick you up - he lives 90 mins from airport - there is no one else. Then he says to me please stay tomorrow night and please spend the weekend with me. WTF?
I am just so messed up. I have never loved anyone in my whole life like I love him - maybe its only been 18 mos and in reality we have probably only spent about 4 of those together IRL but my God how can things have changed so much in 10 days - 2 weeks ago we were talking about marriage and how lucky we were to have found each other and now this.
I called my friend in Boston and she says you have to spend the weekend with him, try talk some sense into him. Aint gonna work - and he knows the probability is that she could be lying about being homeless but he can't take that chance when she has his daughter. I said are you two gonna try and work things out and he said that she told him she never stopped loving him and that they should try for Anna's sake - likewise his parents think the same blah blah.
All he kept saying was I am so sorry, and crying. All I can think of now is getting on a flight home to be with my mum and have someone put their arms around me and tell me its gonna be okay. I cant take staying here without a soul and knowing he's so close and I can't even see him. What a bloody mess. Not to mention the fact that I am going to have to go through the goodbyes tomorrow or at the weekend. Part of me is thinking go and spend the weekend together - but that's only going to make it harder to let go.
I guess the best thing is just to throw in the towel and go home. It's just to much to deal with everything else that's going on.
I just can't believe this has happened.
Got a phone call at 11.30 tonight from M. We'd been playing phone tag all day - I feel as though I'm stuck in the middle of a nightmare I can't wake up from. As I thought, his mum came down heavy on him about doing the right thing and his dad even flew into town to tell him that if he got this girl pregnant regardless of the circumstances he should do the honourable thing and marry her. Anyway I'm telling all of this back to front - when he called at first he was just asking about my week, telling me how much he missed me etc and then I asked had he heard from her how the baby was and he went all quiet and said what are my plans for the weekend (yeah like I have any since Gina cant get a cheap flight) and I said none and he said well I'm not going to Nashville to see Anna this weekend as I really want us to spend some time together, we need to talk but it wasn't something he could talk about on the phone - course I pressed him. She called him Thursday to say she has been thrown out of yet another place and has nowhere to go and has no idea what will become of her and his daughter if he doesn't let her move in with him - as he says - what choice does he have. He was utterly distraught crying down the phone and telling me how much he loves me and how bad he feels about all the plans we made together and how big a part that played in my decision to come here blah blah. Which just makes it all ten times worse. I hung up the phone as I just couldnt even speak and he called back and said he would make other arrangements to get home from the airport, I said forget it I will pick you up - he lives 90 mins from airport - there is no one else. Then he says to me please stay tomorrow night and please spend the weekend with me. WTF?
I am just so messed up. I have never loved anyone in my whole life like I love him - maybe its only been 18 mos and in reality we have probably only spent about 4 of those together IRL but my God how can things have changed so much in 10 days - 2 weeks ago we were talking about marriage and how lucky we were to have found each other and now this.
I called my friend in Boston and she says you have to spend the weekend with him, try talk some sense into him. Aint gonna work - and he knows the probability is that she could be lying about being homeless but he can't take that chance when she has his daughter. I said are you two gonna try and work things out and he said that she told him she never stopped loving him and that they should try for Anna's sake - likewise his parents think the same blah blah.
All he kept saying was I am so sorry, and crying. All I can think of now is getting on a flight home to be with my mum and have someone put their arms around me and tell me its gonna be okay. I cant take staying here without a soul and knowing he's so close and I can't even see him. What a bloody mess. Not to mention the fact that I am going to have to go through the goodbyes tomorrow or at the weekend. Part of me is thinking go and spend the weekend together - but that's only going to make it harder to let go.
I guess the best thing is just to throw in the towel and go home. It's just to much to deal with everything else that's going on.
I just can't believe this has happened.
Get rid of him, he has shown his true colors and fortunately for you there are no strings like marriage between you. All his parents can see at the moment is that they have a grandbaby. Cudos to him for doing the right thing for the baby, but he could have achieved the same result with maintenance and a place for her to live.
You deserve better than this. I think to be quite honest he is using it as an excuse. All was sweetness and light as long as you were apart and only talking on the phone, as soon as you got off the plane, he seems to have got cold feet. Face it sweetie he is a loser. Don't go home for a visit, trust me if you do you will not come back. Do you really want to give up everything you have struggled for to get here? Get your head together and move on. There is someone out there waiting for you, go and find him.
May 25th 2004, 5:09 pm
#23
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Jul 2002
Location: Arizona
Posts: 3,113
I'll keep this short and sweet, as I'm no Dear Deidre.
Dump this ass and start enjoying your new life in America.
Dump this ass and start enjoying your new life in America.
May 25th 2004, 6:08 pm
#24
Maño-Americano
Joined: Apr 2003
Location: In the heart of the Ozarks
Posts: 10,216
Originally posted by Pimpbot
I'll keep this short and sweet, as I'm no Dear Deidre.
Dump this ass and start enjoying your new life in America.
I'll keep this short and sweet, as I'm no Dear Deidre.
Dump this ass and start enjoying your new life in America.
Ditto....dump the weasel.
May 25th 2004, 6:28 pm
#25
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Jul 2003
Location: California since 1997 now back in UK since July 2004
Posts: 1,398
Honeymommy has been holding out but can no longer stay silent....
This Guy is a sick puppy..... The mother is obviously worse than him if she gets thrown out of places and is manipulating him... I think I read she had addiction problems before....
I may be wrong... BUT....
This is a typical case of addiction destroying peoples lives.... It can spead in many ways as I see here......
The mother needs help, but as long as people enable her she will continue as she is.... The guy needs help as much as she does.... Takes a sicko to stay in this mess....
Please don't take offense at this as I mean well and care about your situation... This is why I am posting......
If you continue to have any realtionship or involvement in this sick lifedrama.... it will only cause you further pain.... and make you as sick as them.
They both need counselling and therapy as far as I can see.... Probably the whole family........
You cannot fix him..... He needs to fix himself.... but he needs to want it himself first...
Get away while you still have self esteem, pride and healthy attitude to life......
I hope this doesn't sound too harsh.... I just could'nt read any more of this without saying something.....
Take care of yourself..... NO.1 !!!!!!
Let him find his own way home.... Go over and get your stuff... Be a lady and as you leave just let him know you care but can now see he is obviously a sick person to think any of this is acceptable behaviour and that you want no further contact from him....
Then leave.... no getting into all the crap I care stuff.. that will just continue the saga......
To justify someone else,s unnacceptable behaviour to make is acceptable is a form of insanity.......
To stay in that insanity and try to live it or change it, shows insanity.
Get out now and have a wonderful life wherever you choose to be.....
((((((((((((((((((((((((((hug))))))))))))))))))))) ))))
You deserve a lot better......
This is just one of those lessons in life... move on to better things.
This Guy is a sick puppy..... The mother is obviously worse than him if she gets thrown out of places and is manipulating him... I think I read she had addiction problems before....
I may be wrong... BUT....
This is a typical case of addiction destroying peoples lives.... It can spead in many ways as I see here......
The mother needs help, but as long as people enable her she will continue as she is.... The guy needs help as much as she does.... Takes a sicko to stay in this mess....
Please don't take offense at this as I mean well and care about your situation... This is why I am posting......
If you continue to have any realtionship or involvement in this sick lifedrama.... it will only cause you further pain.... and make you as sick as them.
They both need counselling and therapy as far as I can see.... Probably the whole family........
You cannot fix him..... He needs to fix himself.... but he needs to want it himself first...
Get away while you still have self esteem, pride and healthy attitude to life......
I hope this doesn't sound too harsh.... I just could'nt read any more of this without saying something.....
Take care of yourself..... NO.1 !!!!!!
Let him find his own way home.... Go over and get your stuff... Be a lady and as you leave just let him know you care but can now see he is obviously a sick person to think any of this is acceptable behaviour and that you want no further contact from him....
Then leave.... no getting into all the crap I care stuff.. that will just continue the saga......
To justify someone else,s unnacceptable behaviour to make is acceptable is a form of insanity.......
To stay in that insanity and try to live it or change it, shows insanity.
Get out now and have a wonderful life wherever you choose to be.....
((((((((((((((((((((((((((hug))))))))))))))))))))) ))))
You deserve a lot better......
This is just one of those lessons in life... move on to better things.
May 25th 2004, 6:32 pm
#26
Just Joined
Joined: Feb 2004
Location: Tempe, AZ (from Edinburgh)
Posts: 22
Originally posted by Lesley1020
Thanks everyone (again!!). I know you're all right and I lay awake all night going over everything in my head and it would be the worst time to make a decision about going home right at this moment - tempting tho it is. I think in the wee small hours everything seems 10 times worse and I didn't even think I could make it into work today but here I am on my 5th cup of coffee!
Re the airport tonight - I am going to go - for a start I have a ton of stuff at his place and one of my cats is there so I need to pick her and all my stuff up. She was the outdoor cat and was totally miserable so we moved her over there and she is in her element now out in the back garden all day and climing up trees again etc. He lives in Millington, TN and his neighbour is taking care of the cats mostly while he has been gone - it's definitely been better for Amber as she was miserable stuck inside all the time. Anyways - I'm getting off the subject but I do need to get my stuff together and I don't think I could just walk away without seeing him face to face - pathetic I know!
In answer to the questions - when I met him at first he really had just split with her and although we spent a lot of time together going to dinner and stuff nothing more than that happened at that stage - he just said he wanted to help me get over here blah blah and we decided to keep in touch. A few months went by and we started talking on the phone every night blah blah - I was seeing someone at home briefly and he later mentioned that she had been in Memphis one weekend and they had ended up together and both regretted it blah blah - weren't gonna and didn't see each other again - until Anna was born. She had always been on the pill and she told him she still was and hadn't been with anyone else - she reckons the pill didn't work and it was just one of those things. So I knew about this all from the start - after that I was coming back over and we spent the whole time together then and that was the start of us both going back and forth and hours of phone calls every night - the usual.
In all honesty I don't think either of us thought for one second that the baby would be his - the timing, frequency etc tied in more with the other guys but he had total control over the swabs and got the results from the horses mouth. I think with regard to the pressure his family is putting him on again - different backgrounds etc - his mother is Hawaiian, father half Japanese - and they are VERY old fashioned - irony is though that they lived their lives close to the edge and M and his siblings had a pretty awful time growing up with an assortment of stepparents along the way.
Maybe I am just one huge sap - but I can't hate him for this. I knwo he just wants to do the right thing for Anna and if you knew him, like every person I know that does - you would know he would never intentionally hurt a fly.
So yeah, tonight is going to be awful, collecting my stuff and bringing Amber back here - but I have to be able to say goodbye face to face but I won't be spending the weekend with him - I guess I can still try and salvage at least some dignity. Oh well back to Target with the new baby album and bits and pieces I bought for him during the week - stuff like that is hard because I realise how bloody stupid I have been to actually think that this would ever have worked out.
Really - thanks for listening everyone, I appreciate it more than you know.
Thanks everyone (again!!). I know you're all right and I lay awake all night going over everything in my head and it would be the worst time to make a decision about going home right at this moment - tempting tho it is. I think in the wee small hours everything seems 10 times worse and I didn't even think I could make it into work today but here I am on my 5th cup of coffee!
Re the airport tonight - I am going to go - for a start I have a ton of stuff at his place and one of my cats is there so I need to pick her and all my stuff up. She was the outdoor cat and was totally miserable so we moved her over there and she is in her element now out in the back garden all day and climing up trees again etc. He lives in Millington, TN and his neighbour is taking care of the cats mostly while he has been gone - it's definitely been better for Amber as she was miserable stuck inside all the time. Anyways - I'm getting off the subject but I do need to get my stuff together and I don't think I could just walk away without seeing him face to face - pathetic I know!
In answer to the questions - when I met him at first he really had just split with her and although we spent a lot of time together going to dinner and stuff nothing more than that happened at that stage - he just said he wanted to help me get over here blah blah and we decided to keep in touch. A few months went by and we started talking on the phone every night blah blah - I was seeing someone at home briefly and he later mentioned that she had been in Memphis one weekend and they had ended up together and both regretted it blah blah - weren't gonna and didn't see each other again - until Anna was born. She had always been on the pill and she told him she still was and hadn't been with anyone else - she reckons the pill didn't work and it was just one of those things. So I knew about this all from the start - after that I was coming back over and we spent the whole time together then and that was the start of us both going back and forth and hours of phone calls every night - the usual.
In all honesty I don't think either of us thought for one second that the baby would be his - the timing, frequency etc tied in more with the other guys but he had total control over the swabs and got the results from the horses mouth. I think with regard to the pressure his family is putting him on again - different backgrounds etc - his mother is Hawaiian, father half Japanese - and they are VERY old fashioned - irony is though that they lived their lives close to the edge and M and his siblings had a pretty awful time growing up with an assortment of stepparents along the way.
Maybe I am just one huge sap - but I can't hate him for this. I knwo he just wants to do the right thing for Anna and if you knew him, like every person I know that does - you would know he would never intentionally hurt a fly.
So yeah, tonight is going to be awful, collecting my stuff and bringing Amber back here - but I have to be able to say goodbye face to face but I won't be spending the weekend with him - I guess I can still try and salvage at least some dignity. Oh well back to Target with the new baby album and bits and pieces I bought for him during the week - stuff like that is hard because I realise how bloody stupid I have been to actually think that this would ever have worked out.
Really - thanks for listening everyone, I appreciate it more than you know.
Darling he probably is a nice guy. That is not the point. He has too much baggage and you are going to pay for it. It will hurt terribly to part with him, but if you don't want to be hurt over and over and over again then you had better call it quits.
Up to you. You are the only one who has charge of your own life decisions and such. You sound like a lovely girl and one that could have a lot going for her if she played her cards right. I hate to see you keep on getting hurt.
Sincerely,
Angus (Eilthireach) and Rita in Arizona
May 25th 2004, 6:33 pm
#27
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Jul 2003
Location: California since 1997 now back in UK since July 2004
Posts: 1,398
Originally posted by Pimpbot
I'll keep this short and sweet, as I'm no Dear Deidre.
Dump this ass and start enjoying your new life in America.
I'll keep this short and sweet, as I'm no Dear Deidre.
Dump this ass and start enjoying your new life in America.
I did a dear deidre......
But definately dump his ass..... great advice....
May 25th 2004, 6:37 pm
#28
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Joined: Sep 2003
Location: Grand Rapids, MI
Posts: 4,525
Originally posted by Englishmum
I know you won't want to hear this - but if you haven't done so already, let the guy make his own way home from the airport.
All airports have taxi and shared ride or/and shuttle services. Make him take a Greyhound bus or train if necessary. He's just being cheap...
I'm sorry that this sounds harsh and unsympathetic, but this guy knew exactly what you gave up to come over to the States. You're the one doing all the running after him and he is just being weak and keeping his options open.....hoping to get laid this weekend no doubt.
I know you won't want to hear this - but if you haven't done so already, let the guy make his own way home from the airport.
All airports have taxi and shared ride or/and shuttle services. Make him take a Greyhound bus or train if necessary. He's just being cheap...
I'm sorry that this sounds harsh and unsympathetic, but this guy knew exactly what you gave up to come over to the States. You're the one doing all the running after him and he is just being weak and keeping his options open.....hoping to get laid this weekend no doubt.
Sounds to me like he wants to have his cake and eat it too !
As someone else mentioned maybe the best thing right now would be to get your mum over here or if she cannot travel get a close friend over for a little moral support.
Ash
May 25th 2004, 6:55 pm
#29
Joined: Mar 2003
Posts: 68,280
Ok!!! Mumsy types.. here another one needing your advice
http://britishexpats.com/forum/showt...hreadid=232542
http://britishexpats.com/forum/showt...hreadid=232542
May 25th 2004, 7:37 pm
#30
BE Enthusiast
Thread Starter
Joined: Mar 2004
Location: Millington, TN
Posts: 533
You all are SO right!!! He is a bastard through and through and a classic example of how people can portray themselves to be someone they are not.
I get a phone call an hour ago from him to say not to worry about coming to the airport - Dave is getting off work early to come get him as there have been "emegencies" that need to be attended to as soon as he gets of the flight. I didn't even say a word - just slammed down the phone. He calls back like 4 times tos ay its genuine and he can't help it and can we please go out on Friday night and/or he will bring the cat over etc or does he want them to keep her. Speechless. I said no forget it - just leave my stuff at the leasing office - and he said look let me bring it over Friday - it will possibly be the last time we will see each other if you go home - I said what happened to the weekend thing you talked about and he said oh Leslie (yeah another freaking joke - same name) wants me down there this weekend to help her pack. How ****ing nice. I hope they are very happy together.
He's dropping the stuff off Friday and we're not going to have any contact. Last thing he said to me - I love you and I'm so sorry the changes in my life have affected yours and if this hadn't happened I would have married you in a heartbeat.
Oh yeah - and God is telling him to take his current course of action. Whoop de doo.
I get a phone call an hour ago from him to say not to worry about coming to the airport - Dave is getting off work early to come get him as there have been "emegencies" that need to be attended to as soon as he gets of the flight. I didn't even say a word - just slammed down the phone. He calls back like 4 times tos ay its genuine and he can't help it and can we please go out on Friday night and/or he will bring the cat over etc or does he want them to keep her. Speechless. I said no forget it - just leave my stuff at the leasing office - and he said look let me bring it over Friday - it will possibly be the last time we will see each other if you go home - I said what happened to the weekend thing you talked about and he said oh Leslie (yeah another freaking joke - same name) wants me down there this weekend to help her pack. How ****ing nice. I hope they are very happy together.
He's dropping the stuff off Friday and we're not going to have any contact. Last thing he said to me - I love you and I'm so sorry the changes in my life have affected yours and if this hadn't happened I would have married you in a heartbeat.
Oh yeah - and God is telling him to take his current course of action. Whoop de doo.