Elvira

I wish it were that easy...

fatbrit

Yep -- that was my reason for coming, too.

goldcrown

I do think I'm well and truly ****ed. Each day the relo is closer, the more sick I feel.

I have thought of repatriate therapy, dunno if this exists. Probably wouldn't help anyway.

goldcrown

Believe me, I am greedy for any cliche, cross-stitchable advice right now.

But somehow, the 'life is what you make it', every place has pros and cons', 'find just a few things you love', don't compare', etc, it doesn't ease my pain right now.

Though it may in time, so I still appreciate your advice. I have bigger philsophical questions like, 'if it's all about state of mind and attitude, why bother having a preference for where to live? Why bother really enjoying a particular culture if it's simply a matter of changing one's attitude? Should one have dreams and desires if this means pain when one cannot live them?'

penguinsix

Actually, this messageboard serves as therapy for some. A chance to vent.

And you should actually check out the US expats in the UK. Not because you want to meet them, but because you'll see many of them having the exact same problems as UK expats in the US. It might actually help you see some of the common pitfalls in being an expat regardless of your nationality.

http://talk.uk-yankee.com/index.php?board=6.0

DollyLlama

I do think that if you are moving to any Country you should try and have a positive attitude.
If you are feeling like this now what will you be like when you move?

We have lived in a few Countries and have always tried to be positive about living in them.
Change is hard, but sometimes it can be a learning experience.

Elvira

What you said...

(And no, I don't know the answers either.)

Bob

where bouts? Quite a few folks are from the Oxfordshire area, so always curious

dakota44

Belive me, I know it isn't easy. But approaching it with a completely negative attitude won't help. If you cannot consider the possibility of adjusting, the possibility of finding others who share your culture, the possibility of discovering something of value....you set yourself up for failure without question.

Consider this..you could likely move from one neighborhood in London to another, or one geographic area of the country to another that is so out of sorts with what you are accustomed to..that you would be just as much a fish out of water.

I was totally prepared, and more than wanting, to move to Peru...until I decided that my Peruvian stepdaughters would have a better future in the U.S. I was prepared to deal with the reality that the culture, the economy, the legal system, the politics, the corruption, the poverty...and the list goes on...are so opposite of what I am used to. And I would have gladly adjusted to my new surroundings. Would I have had occasional homesickness? No doubt. But I would have relished the opportunity.


That said...I know that the U.S. can have it's downside...but there is a lot of goodness there if you look past the negative aspects you seem to dwell on.

goldcrown

Even a Kindergartener would have to give an explanation?

Sorry all for complicating my question about the Pledge with the rest of my issues.

I am torn between what I've been doing for the last six months (refusing to get on the airplane, crying, pleading, pretending it will go away, trying to make the best of it, more crying and pleading, more threats to stay on with the children, tons of articles shown to DH about what a shite state the U.S. is in) and letting this mistake reveal itself upon living in NC for a time.

If I have a mental breakdown, it can be said that I was in control of my mental state and being a mother, should not have gone into depression and despair. Should have 'made the best of it'.

But then, I feel accountable to warn DH that I feel this is a mistake and I am truly worried about my mental health living in a place that is so radically different from the qualities I enjoy in England.

Elvira

It seems to me that you need counselling as a matter of urgency.

goldcrown

Totally agree. But how does one incorporate hypotheticals into day to day life? Fact is, I love where we are now, love the schools for the kids, friends, etc. I don't live in the areas of England which I wouldn't (hypothetically) enjoy.

Where does that leave me?

If, at 37, I know myself well enough to be drawn to specific cultural environments (certainly not limited to England, by any means), and I am going to a place opposite of those environments, can it not be reasonably likely I will struggle?

I get the whole 'when you say, I can or I cannot, you're right' philosophy. If I expect to hate it, then I will fulfill that expectation possibly. Or maybe it will surprise me how much I love it. I am willing to be surprised!

Lycanthrop

True.......often though, the woods cannot be seen for the trees, especially when you are emotionally charged. It takes the opinions and directions of others to make that fact clear. Coming over with a heartfull of negativity, or allowing one to grow may well cause the individual to shun contact with people and this will just make it more bitter.

Its very true that frame of mind and perception can make thinks much better.........America has a lot of good in it as you say, but with blinkers on, how can you possibly even see that good?

goldcrown

Tiny college (Keble College) at Oxford. Medieval and Renaissance Literature was my focus.

TouristTrap

Look dear. Why don't you and hubby set a definitive date by which you would like to return?

Why not say - we're going for 2 or 3 years, make some moolah, and then return to the UK, or move onto a Latin American posting for a couple more years. If you do it that way, you'll at least have a date to look forward to returning, and it won't seem that overwhelming. Before you know it, time has passed and you'll be on your way back to the mud island.

It is what I tell the dingo people.