Teenagers adapting to life in the US
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Here is the situation we find ourselves in today. We have been in LA 9 months and have 13-year-old girl and a two-year-old boy.
My wife and me have really started to settle in after a bumpy start, we are making friends and enjoying ourselves. But our daughter is really struggling. She seemed OK after a Xmas visit home but is now being very vocal about wanting to return to the UK, her schoolwork is suffering (she really does'nt give a damn) and she is miserable and aggressive all the time. I know it takes time but she has made friends and gets invites. She is however being very stubborn and actually said the other night "I’m not prepared to change or adapt in anyway and if Americans don’t like it then tough - I'd rather have no friends!"
She misses her UK friends a lot (she says) but makes very little attempt to talk to them -we practically have to drag her to the phone to talk to her US and friends and she can be outright rude to them - I wonder how long they will put up with this? I know a lot of this is being a teenager as is living in her pigsty room, hating everything and not wanting talk (she was like this in the UK but we hardly ever saw her as she was out all the time)
She is 14 in September and I believe we will be (and want to be) in the US for the foreseeable future. I am seriously wondering if she maybe better going home and finishing her schooling in the UK, she could live with her grandparents - she would love this - but we came here as a family and it doesn’t feel right, we and her little brother would miss her despite her faults.
Anyone got any vague advice ? is this just us ? do we grin and bear it ? she wont really talk and doesnt want us "interferring with her life"
My wife and me have really started to settle in after a bumpy start, we are making friends and enjoying ourselves. But our daughter is really struggling. She seemed OK after a Xmas visit home but is now being very vocal about wanting to return to the UK, her schoolwork is suffering (she really does'nt give a damn) and she is miserable and aggressive all the time. I know it takes time but she has made friends and gets invites. She is however being very stubborn and actually said the other night "I’m not prepared to change or adapt in anyway and if Americans don’t like it then tough - I'd rather have no friends!"
She misses her UK friends a lot (she says) but makes very little attempt to talk to them -we practically have to drag her to the phone to talk to her US and friends and she can be outright rude to them - I wonder how long they will put up with this? I know a lot of this is being a teenager as is living in her pigsty room, hating everything and not wanting talk (she was like this in the UK but we hardly ever saw her as she was out all the time)
She is 14 in September and I believe we will be (and want to be) in the US for the foreseeable future. I am seriously wondering if she maybe better going home and finishing her schooling in the UK, she could live with her grandparents - she would love this - but we came here as a family and it doesn’t feel right, we and her little brother would miss her despite her faults.
Anyone got any vague advice ? is this just us ? do we grin and bear it ? she wont really talk and doesnt want us "interferring with her life"
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Originally Posted by Bob
puberty, what a joy...can't help, but best of luck mate ![Smile](https://britishexpats.com/forum/images/smilies/smile.gif)
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thanks bob, we do really need it at the moment, it makes me so sad that shes so unhappy all the time..
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I can see why sending her home would be upsetting for you but maybe it could do the trick, its possible she would get back and decide afterall that LA was in fact great. Maybe her friends wont be the same as she expects. She may not realise it but she will have changed from them, it stands to reason. Also her friends will probably be impressed that she has lived in LA and it may just make her decide to return.. Or ignore all that as I am not a parent and have probably have no clue what I'm talking about...
Good luck I hope it works out whatever you decide.
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Originally Posted by Eskimo
Here is the situation we find ourselves in today. We have been in LA 9 months and have 13-year-old girl and a two-year-old boy.
My wife and me have really started to settle in after a bumpy start, we are making friends and enjoying ourselves. But our daughter is really struggling. She seemed OK after a Xmas visit home but is now being very vocal about wanting to return to the UK, her schoolwork is suffering (she really does'nt give a damn) and she is miserable and aggressive all the time. I know it takes time but she has made friends and gets invites. She is however being very stubborn and actually said the other night "I’m not prepared to change or adapt in anyway and if Americans don’t like it then tough - I'd rather have no friends!"
She misses her UK friends a lot (she says) but makes very little attempt to talk to them -we practically have to drag her to the phone to talk to her US and friends and she can be outright rude to them - I wonder how long they will put up with this? I know a lot of this is being a teenager as is living in her pigsty room, hating everything and not wanting talk (she was like this in the UK but we hardly ever saw her as she was out all the time)
She is 14 in September and I believe we will be (and want to be) in the US for the foreseeable future. I am seriously wondering if she maybe better going home and finishing her schooling in the UK, she could live with her grandparents - she would love this - but we came here as a family and it doesn’t feel right, we and her little brother would miss her despite her faults.
Anyone got any vague advice ? is this just us ? do we grin and bear it ? she wont really talk and doesnt want us "interferring with her life"
My wife and me have really started to settle in after a bumpy start, we are making friends and enjoying ourselves. But our daughter is really struggling. She seemed OK after a Xmas visit home but is now being very vocal about wanting to return to the UK, her schoolwork is suffering (she really does'nt give a damn) and she is miserable and aggressive all the time. I know it takes time but she has made friends and gets invites. She is however being very stubborn and actually said the other night "I’m not prepared to change or adapt in anyway and if Americans don’t like it then tough - I'd rather have no friends!"
She misses her UK friends a lot (she says) but makes very little attempt to talk to them -we practically have to drag her to the phone to talk to her US and friends and she can be outright rude to them - I wonder how long they will put up with this? I know a lot of this is being a teenager as is living in her pigsty room, hating everything and not wanting talk (she was like this in the UK but we hardly ever saw her as she was out all the time)
She is 14 in September and I believe we will be (and want to be) in the US for the foreseeable future. I am seriously wondering if she maybe better going home and finishing her schooling in the UK, she could live with her grandparents - she would love this - but we came here as a family and it doesn’t feel right, we and her little brother would miss her despite her faults.
Anyone got any vague advice ? is this just us ? do we grin and bear it ? she wont really talk and doesnt want us "interferring with her life"
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We are almost in the reverse situation.
We've just returned to UK after 8 years in Houston. Our two girls love it in UK (13 & 17) we thought they would have trouble - turns out we're the ones having trouble adapting.
US life does have a lot to offer - sometimes wish we'd stuck it out.
I don't know you're financial situation, but at 13 your daughter still has a year before either needing to get into the US school system or the UK system seriously (SAT or GCSE) have you considered boarding school?
There are some good ones around, but they are expensive. It may be a good way to make her realize that UK is not all it's cracked up to be.
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We've just returned to UK after 8 years in Houston. Our two girls love it in UK (13 & 17) we thought they would have trouble - turns out we're the ones having trouble adapting.
US life does have a lot to offer - sometimes wish we'd stuck it out.
I don't know you're financial situation, but at 13 your daughter still has a year before either needing to get into the US school system or the UK system seriously (SAT or GCSE) have you considered boarding school?
There are some good ones around, but they are expensive. It may be a good way to make her realize that UK is not all it's cracked up to be.
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Originally Posted by candy wy.
no your not alone, teenage kids can be difficult. i have a boy who is 15 now and if i was truthful had it of been possible to send him back to england 12 months after we arrived here, i would of. i didn't have that option and things got alot worse. we have been here nearly 4 yrs and things are not improving.
so he was 11 when you moved ? if you dont mind me asking what has not improved ? his adaptation ?
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Originally Posted by candy wy.
no your not alone, teenage kids can be difficult. i have a boy who is 15 now and if i was truthful had it of been possible to send him back to england 12 months after we arrived here, i would of. i didn't have that option and things got alot worse. we have been here nearly 4 yrs and things are not improving.
Thanks for being so honest, I'm eskimo's wife btw. When he says shes made friends, she has 3, two are boys and one girl who is also new to the school, in England she had at least 15 close friends and was never in! Here she has a horse to occupy some of her time but the rest of it is spent being miserable in her bedroom. She has joined girl scouts but meetings are only once a month and all the girls are younger than her, so as she said, not people she wants to hang around with..
She will be moving schools in September and going to High School, I am dreading this as I think things will be even worse there, although if her grades get any worse she might get held back!
I was actually calling her bluff when I asked if she would go back without us but she was so eager, then maybe we will have to consider it, I don't want her to mess up her education and as eskimo said she doesn't give a shit at the moment and we don't have any way of punishing her for not doing well, can hardly ground her when she never goes out anyway..
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Originally Posted by Eskimo
Here is the situation we find ourselves in today. We have been in LA 9 months and have 13-year-old girl and a two-year-old boy.
My wife and me have really started to settle in after a bumpy start, we are making friends and enjoying ourselves. But our daughter is really struggling. She seemed OK after a Xmas visit home but is now being very vocal about wanting to return to the UK, her schoolwork is suffering (she really does'nt give a damn) and she is miserable and aggressive all the time. I know it takes time but she has made friends and gets invites. She is however being very stubborn and actually said the other night "I’m not prepared to change or adapt in anyway and if Americans don’t like it then tough - I'd rather have no friends!"
She misses her UK friends a lot (she says) but makes very little attempt to talk to them -we practically have to drag her to the phone to talk to her US and friends and she can be outright rude to them - I wonder how long they will put up with this? I know a lot of this is being a teenager as is living in her pigsty room, hating everything and not wanting talk (she was like this in the UK but we hardly ever saw her as she was out all the time)
She is 14 in September and I believe we will be (and want to be) in the US for the foreseeable future. I am seriously wondering if she maybe better going home and finishing her schooling in the UK, she could live with her grandparents - she would love this - but we came here as a family and it doesn’t feel right, we and her little brother would miss her despite her faults.
Anyone got any vague advice ? is this just us ? do we grin and bear it ? she wont really talk and doesnt want us "interferring with her life"
My wife and me have really started to settle in after a bumpy start, we are making friends and enjoying ourselves. But our daughter is really struggling. She seemed OK after a Xmas visit home but is now being very vocal about wanting to return to the UK, her schoolwork is suffering (she really does'nt give a damn) and she is miserable and aggressive all the time. I know it takes time but she has made friends and gets invites. She is however being very stubborn and actually said the other night "I’m not prepared to change or adapt in anyway and if Americans don’t like it then tough - I'd rather have no friends!"
She misses her UK friends a lot (she says) but makes very little attempt to talk to them -we practically have to drag her to the phone to talk to her US and friends and she can be outright rude to them - I wonder how long they will put up with this? I know a lot of this is being a teenager as is living in her pigsty room, hating everything and not wanting talk (she was like this in the UK but we hardly ever saw her as she was out all the time)
She is 14 in September and I believe we will be (and want to be) in the US for the foreseeable future. I am seriously wondering if she maybe better going home and finishing her schooling in the UK, she could live with her grandparents - she would love this - but we came here as a family and it doesn’t feel right, we and her little brother would miss her despite her faults.
Anyone got any vague advice ? is this just us ? do we grin and bear it ? she wont really talk and doesnt want us "interferring with her life"
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I wish I had an answer for you but I don't. But you are not alone. Your daughter sounds like your oldest, but sending him back to England for a while is not an option; he is 20 and if he went back he'd lose his chance of getting the Holy Grail - I mean Green Card
Much as he dislikes it here he is not willing to contemplate that; make of that what you want!
Given your daughter's age, immigration may not be an issue at this time, but schooling certainly is as the two systems are so very different.
As I said, got no answers - sorry!
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Given your daughter's age, immigration may not be an issue at this time, but schooling certainly is as the two systems are so very different.
As I said, got no answers - sorry!
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Originally Posted by Eskimo
so he was 11 when you moved ? if you dont mind me asking what has not improved ? his adaptation ?
Last edited by candy wy.; Mar 25th 2005 at 9:13 am.
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Originally Posted by Eskimo
Here is the situation we find ourselves in today. We have been in LA 9 months and have 13-year-old girl and a two-year-old boy.
My wife and me have really started to settle in after a bumpy start, we are making friends and enjoying ourselves. But our daughter is really struggling. She seemed OK after a Xmas visit home but is now being very vocal about wanting to return to the UK, her schoolwork is suffering (she really does'nt give a damn) and she is miserable and aggressive all the time. I know it takes time but she has made friends and gets invites. She is however being very stubborn and actually said the other night "I’m not prepared to change or adapt in anyway and if Americans don’t like it then tough - I'd rather have no friends!"
She misses her UK friends a lot (she says) but makes very little attempt to talk to them -we practically have to drag her to the phone to talk to her US and friends and she can be outright rude to them - I wonder how long they will put up with this? I know a lot of this is being a teenager as is living in her pigsty room, hating everything and not wanting talk (she was like this in the UK but we hardly ever saw her as she was out all the time)
She is 14 in September and I believe we will be (and want to be) in the US for the foreseeable future. I am seriously wondering if she maybe better going home and finishing her schooling in the UK, she could live with her grandparents - she would love this - but we came here as a family and it doesn’t feel right, we and her little brother would miss her despite her faults.
Anyone got any vague advice ? is this just us ? do we grin and bear it ? she wont really talk and doesnt want us "interferring with her life"
My wife and me have really started to settle in after a bumpy start, we are making friends and enjoying ourselves. But our daughter is really struggling. She seemed OK after a Xmas visit home but is now being very vocal about wanting to return to the UK, her schoolwork is suffering (she really does'nt give a damn) and she is miserable and aggressive all the time. I know it takes time but she has made friends and gets invites. She is however being very stubborn and actually said the other night "I’m not prepared to change or adapt in anyway and if Americans don’t like it then tough - I'd rather have no friends!"
She misses her UK friends a lot (she says) but makes very little attempt to talk to them -we practically have to drag her to the phone to talk to her US and friends and she can be outright rude to them - I wonder how long they will put up with this? I know a lot of this is being a teenager as is living in her pigsty room, hating everything and not wanting talk (she was like this in the UK but we hardly ever saw her as she was out all the time)
She is 14 in September and I believe we will be (and want to be) in the US for the foreseeable future. I am seriously wondering if she maybe better going home and finishing her schooling in the UK, she could live with her grandparents - she would love this - but we came here as a family and it doesn’t feel right, we and her little brother would miss her despite her faults.
Anyone got any vague advice ? is this just us ? do we grin and bear it ? she wont really talk and doesnt want us "interferring with her life"
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I think you have one of these on your hands.
![](http://www.bbc.co.uk/devon/teenagers/images/kevin_teenager_270.jpg)
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#14
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Originally Posted by Pimpbot
I think you have one of these on your hands.
![](http://www.bbc.co.uk/devon/teenagers/images/kevin_teenager_270.jpg)
![](http://www.bbc.co.uk/devon/teenagers/images/kevin_teenager_270.jpg)
ha ha she even slouches like that - "its not fair, you all hate me , nobody understands me !"
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#15
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Originally Posted by Pimpbot
I think you have one of these on your hands.
![](http://www.bbc.co.uk/devon/teenagers/images/kevin_teenager_270.jpg)
![](http://www.bbc.co.uk/devon/teenagers/images/kevin_teenager_270.jpg)
hmmmm, I think her aim in life is to become a 'chavette' and to get a job in Woolies, if we're lucky..
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