Eskimo

Here is the situation we find ourselves in today. We have been in LA 9 months and have 13-year-old girl and a two-year-old boy.

My wife and me have really started to settle in after a bumpy start, we are making friends and enjoying ourselves. But our daughter is really struggling. She seemed OK after a Xmas visit home but is now being very vocal about wanting to return to the UK, her schoolwork is suffering (she really does'nt give a damn) and she is miserable and aggressive all the time. I know it takes time but she has made friends and gets invites. She is however being very stubborn and actually said the other night "I’m not prepared to change or adapt in anyway and if Americans don’t like it then tough - I'd rather have no friends!"

She misses her UK friends a lot (she says) but makes very little attempt to talk to them -we practically have to drag her to the phone to talk to her US and friends and she can be outright rude to them - I wonder how long they will put up with this? I know a lot of this is being a teenager as is living in her pigsty room, hating everything and not wanting talk (she was like this in the UK but we hardly ever saw her as she was out all the time)

She is 14 in September and I believe we will be (and want to be) in the US for the foreseeable future. I am seriously wondering if she maybe better going home and finishing her schooling in the UK, she could live with her grandparents - she would love this - but we came here as a family and it doesn’t feel right, we and her little brother would miss her despite her faults.

Anyone got any vague advice ? is this just us ? do we grin and bear it ? she wont really talk and doesnt want us "interferring with her life"

Bob

puberty, what a joy...can't help, but best of luck mate

woodsey

thanks bob, we do really need it at the moment, it makes me so sad that shes so unhappy all the time..

ladylisa

I can see why sending her home would be upsetting for you but maybe it could do the trick, its possible she would get back and decide afterall that LA was in fact great. Maybe her friends wont be the same as she expects. She may not realise it but she will have changed from them, it stands to reason. Also her friends will probably be impressed that she has lived in LA and it may just make her decide to return.. Or ignore all that as I am not a parent and have probably have no clue what I'm talking about... Good luck I hope it works out whatever you decide.

candy wy.

no your not alone, teenage kids can be difficult. i have a boy who is 15 now and if i was truthful had it of been possible to send him back to england 12 months after we arrived here, i would of. i didn't have that option and things got alot worse. we have been here nearly 4 yrs and things are not improving.

jackpetj

We are almost in the reverse situation.
We've just returned to UK after 8 years in Houston. Our two girls love it in UK (13 & 17) we thought they would have trouble - turns out we're the ones having trouble adapting.
US life does have a lot to offer - sometimes wish we'd stuck it out.
I don't know you're financial situation, but at 13 your daughter still has a year before either needing to get into the US school system or the UK system seriously (SAT or GCSE) have you considered boarding school?
There are some good ones around, but they are expensive. It may be a good way to make her realize that UK is not all it's cracked up to be.
Rgds
PJ

Eskimo

so he was 11 when you moved ? if you dont mind me asking what has not improved ? his adaptation ?

woodsey

Thanks for being so honest, I'm eskimo's wife btw. When he says shes made friends, she has 3, two are boys and one girl who is also new to the school, in England she had at least 15 close friends and was never in! Here she has a horse to occupy some of her time but the rest of it is spent being miserable in her bedroom. She has joined girl scouts but meetings are only once a month and all the girls are younger than her, so as she said, not people she wants to hang around with..
She will be moving schools in September and going to High School, I am dreading this as I think things will be even worse there, although if her grades get any worse she might get held back!
I was actually calling her bluff when I asked if she would go back without us but she was so eager, then maybe we will have to consider it, I don't want her to mess up her education and as eskimo said she doesn't give a shit at the moment and we don't have any way of punishing her for not doing well, can hardly ground her when she never goes out anyway..

britvic

I can relate to what your going through, in my case my girls were 14 & 18, before we moved over here in "02" we came for a three month visit, they could not wait to get back home!!! So I came over here and they wanted to stay with there dad, my ex husband, there happy they made the right choice, I miss them dreadfully, some Mothers might not understand, but I thought back to my teens, and my parents moveing me at 16, I never got over it. I just wanted them to be happy and they are.

Elvira

I wish I had an answer for you but I don't. But you are not alone. Your daughter sounds like your oldest, but sending him back to England for a while is not an option; he is 20 and if he went back he'd lose his chance of getting the Holy Grail - I mean Green Card Much as he dislikes it here he is not willing to contemplate that; make of that what you want!

Given your daughter's age, immigration may not be an issue at this time, but schooling certainly is as the two systems are so very different.

As I said, got no answers - sorry!

candy wy.

his behavoir, is attitude to life here, his attitude to his peers. you also in mho need to be careful that your daughter does not try to find otherways of forcing you to make the decision to send her back. i will add that i also had a 15 yr old at the time we moved over here who did come with me. he wanted to go home within 2 weeks which he did. he finished school in the uk got employment after finishing school which also included collage and is happy.

hayley82

Hi, just my experience but I hope it helps a bit! When I was a baby my parents decided to move here with my two older sisters. They were around the same age as your daughter is now. They hated it! The eldest was just starting uni when my parents decided to move back to the UK and she ended up staying here (we had green cards so there was no probs there). The middle sis had never really fitted in and though she did want to move back, she found it difficult starting school again, she was at A Level age by that time I think. She ended up dropping out because she couldn't handle the huge differences in the education. Basically what I'm saying is that it might be for the best if you offer her the option of going back, especially if there's family there to stay with. The bonus is her age, she has time before GCSE's start. Sorry I went on a bit there!!! I do hope it helped a bit though! Good luck.

Pimpbot

I think you have one of these on your hands.

Eskimo

ha ha she even slouches like that - "its not fair, you all hate me , nobody understands me !"

woodsey

hmmmm, I think her aim in life is to become a 'chavette' and to get a job in Woolies, if we're lucky..