Hi,

I am currently half way through my visa application to marry my fiance and live in America. Up until this point I have had no second thoughts about moving, until my dad being diagnosed with a form of blood cancer a month ago, because of this I am having trouble with the idea of leaving my family behind. I love my fiance more than anything, and I cannot wait to start a life with her. But at the same time I hate seeing my dad so frail, and the idea leaving my him and my mum when they need support is sickening.

I feel slightly like I am choosing between my fiance and my parents, and I have a large sense of guilt at the idea of leaving them.

Any advice will be appreciated.

Sorry to hear about your father.

If you're going with the K-1 then the reality is that you will be landlocked for likely upwards of 90 days until you can get travel authorization.

You could start delaying the process when the petition reaches London.

You are choosing between your fiancée and your parents - this is the choice that all of us make. Would your parents want you to cancel or postpone your visa or wedding? My guess is no - because that's what all the parenting has been about: making you self-sufficient, strong, and independent.

I don't wish to be insensitive, but if your father doesn't have much time, he may prefer to see you happily married while he's still alive to enjoy knowing that it happened.

I suggest you and your parents have a long talk about this. Find out what he really wants.

Ian

A great point, Ian. The last time I saw my father was when my OH and I returned to my home town to be married. When we unexpectedly lost him a year later, my mother said how happy he was to have lived to see me settled. I wish you the best at a difficult time, OP.

Emergency AP?

I'm so sorry about your father.

I agree that you might have a lot to gain from having a discussion with your parents about how they (and you!) feel. I'd be willing to bet most parents would hate to see their children give up something and/or someone important to them, on account of being there for their parents instead. I bet your father will be very excited and proud to see you happily married and starting this exciting chapter of your life, and what a wonderful gift to be able to give him!

Good luck to you.

I also agree. My mom died of ovarian cancer while I lived abroad and her sentiment was always what others said above - she was happiest seeing me happy and settled, no matter where I lived. It's a hard situation to be in, but ultimately we all have to think about the future. Have an open, honest conversation with them, it's no use speculating what you think someone else is feeling.

Could she move to the UK at least until you're in a better place with your family situation? Starting a marriage while wracked with guilt wouldn't help either.

What's the prognosis?

Some "blood cancers" are worse than others. If the outlook is not good and you don't know how long you've got, I'd postpone. Simply because you're going to have to leave the UK. My mother died before I could get back to her. Not sure I will ever get over that. My tuppence worth.

Sorry to hear about your father.

Why not get married on a visit to America (or potentially any country where you could legally marry - your fiancée would need a visa to marry in the UK), then come back to the UK and apply for a CR-1 spouse visa. You'll be in the UK for 8-10 months after you get married while your visa is processed (but can visit the US on the VWP as usual), will never be land-locked in the US, and can pick up your life immediately in the US when you move over permanently - you will be authorized to work from the moment you clear immigration on your CR-1 visa.

Its not what your parents say about you moving to america that matters. No parent will want to hold their children back.
The most important feeling is yours. When your young and busy with your life you may not feel that you did the wrong thing moving to america when your dad was ill and needed your support. But when your older and have more time to reflect on your decision you may feel guilty. This guilt may be with you for a life time.
Marriages and trips can be re-arranged you will never get back the time with your dad.