sambapink

Hey Sofi.. I genuinely feel for you.. I have been bored and lonely at times.. and I drive and have 3 kids to see to.. So your not a saddo and you are very normal!!

Until we are actually living this new life we never know just how difficult it can be. I personally got to the stage when I thought Sod this i've gotta get out there.. its not easy but it is doable!

I not dissing your OH but i do feel he has been a little unfair to you... its incredibly hard to be alone and away from loved ones.. and you need his support more than ever now... maybe a heartfelt chat with him is needed, but have in mind somethings that you are willing to do to help yourself, so that he knows that you are prepared to make adjustments.

There is a group called Meetup.com.. They run all over the place for loads of different interests, they may even have an expat group in your area. I have actually been in contact with a few people from there and I didn't even meet them at a meetup. Might be worth a go.

Take care and be kind to yourself... loads of us have been there.. or are still there.. so your not alone ((hugs))

Sally Redux

You are equal partners, and your quality of life is just as important.

simongb

Hi! Welcome to BE. I am from Manchester too. I won't tell you my whole story (it would take too long and most people on here have heard it ad nauseam), but I can relate to what you are going through. After 16 years it is still hard and I still have a feeling of not quite fitting in. I moved from Manchester to a quiet suburb of Baltimore, no buses, no tram, no car! UGH! I thought I had died. Anyway, some ideas:
1) How about moving to a place downtown where you can walk to the gym or the shops (they do exist in the US, but usually cost more)?
2) Take a class. When I first got here I did meet many people at college. A community college is a good place to start.
3) I used to go to the public library a lot when I got here. There were people around and I wouldn't feel so lonely.Plus I read a lot and couldn't afford to buy the books.
4) Talk to your partner about how you are feeling. You are a part of this relationship and not just there for his convenience.
Good luck and keep us posted on what's happening with you.

Ray

Hi Sofi .. I remember your pic in the gallery ...Just got to put a new
chain on my bycycle and I will be pedalling over too you ....lol.,...

Sophia_S

Hi Sofi...I do hope things start to improve soon...you definately need to drive!,even if you just get a little old banger to start with,I was in a very similar situation (long boring story!) for years, even though I had my kids,we couldn't afford a second car,and even if we could've,I couldn't drive!,so I was stuck at home as well,we didn't have a computer either!...then I discovered the craft shows on tv!(stacks on the internet!)......and I've rarely been bored since!....I still don't work (after being here 20 years),but still find plenty to do,and especially since finally getting the computer...after my husband got out of the Air Force we moved back to Illinois and he started teaching me to drive,first round an empty car park,then onto pretty empty country roads,then onto Route 66,we were going to Pontiac one day when he suddenly said you are taking your test today....I nearly drove into the ditch!,but I took it and passed,it makes SUCH a huge difference!!.....the first time I actually drove anywhere on my own,I shut my fingers in the garage door and lost two fingernails!!!,a bit painful!!!,but I was determined not to let that stop me!!
You definately need to have a chat with your husband,maybe even show him this post,he's obviously forgotten how things were when he first came over here.....although he already had his work to keep him occupied!

another bloody yank

I remember that pic too, I think there's a reason her hubs doesn't want her out mingling...

dbj1000

I guess I'll be the first to state the obvious then, and say that your husband sounds like a complete selfish arsehole.

Honestly, what a wanker to make you feel bad about not "getting an H1" (which you wouldn't have got anyway, most likely, because they're massively over-subscribed).

Twice as much of a wanker for "being too attached to his car" (and not to his new wife) to even allow you the mobility you need to make a life here.

I'm terribly sorry that you're so unhappy here. With someone who was less of a selfish prick, perhaps you'd find it easier.

JEM3110

Can't you drive your husband to work so you can have use of the car during the day? Just a thought....

chicagojlo

He's too attached to his car apparently! Lets hope it can whip up dinner at night too eh...

JEM3110

Then the OP needs to tell him if he's carries on like he's doing, she'll be heading back home! Totally unreasonable behaviour by her husband - it has been a huge change for her and yet he's making no effort to make her adjust to this new life, or feel settled and happy

penguinsix

It is worth repeating to any future readers of this thread considering a move to the US that a CAR and the ability to DRIVE is pretty much essential for living in the USA. Sure there are 'pockets' where you can get by without one, but the cities are set up such that cars are basically essential to do things, and the culture is one in which 'driving a few miles to take kids to soccer practice' is just the expected norm.

I'd also echo Sambapink's suggestion about meetup.com. You'll find some folks who have similar interests or are in a similar situation.

There was just a story in the SF paper about wives of H1 visa holders basically bored silly that you might want to read.

http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/articl...&sn=008&sc=623

Xebedee

Not sure if the OP will get the subtle nuances of your post.
But very discretely put.

Poor girl really needs to meet people.
Even Americans.

britvic

Does she really have to go that far

Xebedee

Sort of a "stop-gap" solution.

Ash UK/US

When I first moved here, my hubby was bugging me about getting my license, I kept telling him I didn't need one and could use public transport... my first trip on the bus scared the shit out of me... I was taking lessons a couple of weeks later!