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Sick of feeling homesick

Sick of feeling homesick

Old Nov 10th 2011, 3:15 pm
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Default Sick of feeling homesick

This is my first time posting here, and I hope I am not flamed for my whining. Anyway, I was wondering if anyone here has any good tips for getting rid of homesickness.

I moved to the States over two years ago and still miss England terribly. My husband (American) is in the Air Force here so there's no option of just packing our bags and moving back. I thought as time went on I'd enjoy living here more, but that is not the case. I really need to learn to change my attitude, I guess. I have two young children and the thought of them missing out on relationships with family and close friends that we have in the UK depresses me. My parents are getting older, and I feel like time with them is slipping away. Also, I am sad that my kids won't get the experience of growing up in the UK. Everything feels so isolating and foreign here. I'm starting to become a bitter and miserable person because of it. I don't like the person I've become. We try and visit as often as we can, but it's not cheap.

Thanks.
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Old Nov 10th 2011, 3:25 pm
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Default Re: Sick of feeling homesick

Do you work, or do you spend your days sitting at home? In my experience, having too much time on my hands made the homesickess much worse.

My first six months here I was unable to work and it was a pretty miserable experience. I ended up volunteering at the local library to fill my time and that made a big difference for me.

I use Facebook and Whatsapp (text and send pictures for free on a smartphone) to keep in touch with family back home, so that helps.

I don't think anyone will or should flame you for feeling this way, most people on here have been through the same kind of feelings at one point or another.

You don't say if your move to the US is a permenant one or not, will it be possible for you to return to the UK later down the line?
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Old Nov 10th 2011, 3:25 pm
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Default Re: Sick of feeling homesick

I'm so sorry to hear that you are feeling this way.

I have no real advice other to suggest what I did in my early days of living in England after moving there from Australia, which was:

1. Keep busy
2. Pretend to be a tourist. When we live somewhere, we often forget to look at the place through the eyes of outsiders.
3. Find continuing ed classes or similar...eg learn a new language/skill/craft.
4. Get out of the house and go for a walk even when you dont feel like it.

Best wishes
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Old Nov 10th 2011, 3:29 pm
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Default Re: Sick of feeling homesick

Hello - I can relate to each and every part of that.

Which part of the US are you in? Are there any ex-pat groups or bars you could try visiting?

When I get homesick I tend to immerse myself in a bit of British tv or food for a bit, or drag my wife to a British bar for some fish and chips.

Or I'll have an extra long skype call home.
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Old Nov 10th 2011, 3:32 pm
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Default Re: Sick of feeling homesick

Are you on base or away from all the airforce stuff? My understanding is that there is usually a good social network of partners or servicemen. On the other hand, base life is not the same as normal life.
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Old Nov 10th 2011, 4:17 pm
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Default Re: Sick of feeling homesick

Thank you for your replies.

ljaw - I don't work. I agree that it would probably help, but my children are only two and four years old and the childcare costs wouldn't make it worthwhile. I'll have to look into Whatsapp. We would love to move back to the UK, but it may not be until my husband gets out of the military after his 20 year mark, so 11 years or so if we can find decent jobs. By then moving with our children might be difficult as they will be used to the American school system and way of life. Thank you for your reply.

Ozzidoc - Thanks for your advice. I'll definitely try some of those things.

Egon - We are in Utah. Grrrrr. Maybe things would be different if I were in a different part of the US, but I don't care for this place at all. I watch plenty of Coronation Street and X Factor through the net, and it does help for a bit and then I start missing the UK even more . Thank you.

sir_eccles - We made the HUGE mistake of buying a house here, but are looking at trying to sell it in a few months, so we may move on base then. Although, to be honest, people tend to keep themselves to themselves, even on base. At least that's my experience. Thanks.
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Old Nov 10th 2011, 5:01 pm
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Default Re: Sick of feeling homesick

Originally Posted by Claire784 View Post
ljaw - I don't work. I agree that it would probably help, but my children are only two and four years old and the childcare costs wouldn't make it worthwhile.
It's not just a financial equation though. Work's often a good way to socialize and meet people, opening up new avenues etc. Even if it's not worthwhile purely from a financial standpoint, it may be when you figure in other factors.
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Old Nov 10th 2011, 5:25 pm
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Default Re: Sick of feeling homesick

Where in Utah are you? If you are near Salt Lake, I know a couple of stay at home moms there (one with some kids about your age, the other has kids a few years older) who are very nice and would probably love to make a new friend... One's in West Valley City and I think the other might be in Logan, not sure.
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Old Nov 10th 2011, 5:41 pm
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Default Re: Sick of feeling homesick

Hi Clare

The church can be a good place to make friends and they tend to organise lots of social events too. If thats not your thing, maybe you can volunteer at a charity or some other kind of group that would get you mixing with people.

Take care xxx
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Old Nov 10th 2011, 6:11 pm
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Default Re: Sick of feeling homesick

Originally Posted by Claire784 View Post

I watch plenty of Coronation Street and X Factor through the net, and it does help for a bit and then I start missing the UK even more . Thank you.
Sorry to hear of your difficulties, Claire. I know that we all have different way of dealing with it, but I truly believe that looking back -- watching lots of Brit TV, etc. -- can harm as much as it can temporarily help. Can you try to find ways to get yourself involved in the community -- taking the children to story hour at the library, doing some volunteer work (or even a part time job) on a day that your OH can be with the kids, things that are for YOU and get you out and about having a life outside of day to day mum stuff. Good luck!
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Old Nov 10th 2011, 6:44 pm
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Default Re: Sick of feeling homesick

Nutmegger - I will look into volunteering. I do try and get involved in the community, take my daughter dancing, son to swimming lessons, etc, but nothing apart from, as you said, day-to-day mum stuff. Thank you.

Falcore - I pretty non-religious, so the church is a no-go for me. I can see how it would be a good place to meet people though. Thanks.

Avanutria - I'm 40 minutes north of Salt Lake City, and I'm not sure how far from Logan, maybe 40 minutes south. I can PM you my email address if you'd want. Thank you.

Giantaxe - I see your point, and maybe in a year or two I could definitely look into working, just at the moment it wouldn't work out. Thank you!

I appreciate all the responses. I was worried I was going to get some flack for complaining. I wouldn't have blamed anyone if they did, I know I get sick of hearing myself complain. I am trying to become less of a grump though! lol. It's just so hard. I was so excited to live in America and now I feel like I was so naive and stupid thinking that the grass is greener. I'm disappointed and depressed. If only we could move back to the UK. Although, I don't want to run down the USA, it's not a bad place, it's just never going to be home.
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Old Nov 10th 2011, 7:02 pm
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Default Re: Sick of feeling homesick

Are you exercising? You might be depressed, and if you are, exercise really helps. Maybe train for a half marathon, or a triathlon. Some sort of goal.

Maybe study?
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Old Nov 10th 2011, 7:04 pm
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Default Re: Sick of feeling homesick

Originally Posted by Nutmegger View Post
Sorry to hear of your difficulties, Claire. I know that we all have different way of dealing with it, but I truly believe that looking back -- watching lots of Brit TV, etc. -- can harm as much as it can temporarily help. Can you try to find ways to get yourself involved in the community -- taking the children to story hour at the library, doing some volunteer work (or even a part time job) on a day that your OH can be with the kids, things that are for YOU and get you out and about having a life outside of day to day mum stuff. Good luck!
I agree with Megsy. Watching that stuff just rubs it in your face. It isn't helping.
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Old Nov 10th 2011, 7:18 pm
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Default Re: Sick of feeling homesick

Originally Posted by Octang Frye View Post
I agree with Megsy. Watching that stuff just rubs it in your face. It isn't helping.
I agree too. I like looking at British stuff now, but I'm well established here and consider it my long-term home. When I first moved here, I made every effort to "integrate" even to the point of shunning opportunities to meet fellow Brits. I preferred to go out and meet Americans and do stuff like go to baseball games etc.
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Old Nov 10th 2011, 7:22 pm
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Default Re: Sick of feeling homesick

Aaww I'm sorry that you're going through all this. We've been here just under 2 years and I've had a couple of bouts of homesickness, but not on the level that you have. I see you have 2 young children. It's hard sometimes, being a mum to 2 young children when your husband works and you seem isolated, whether you're in America, England or anywhere else. I definitely think that getting out, either finding a hobby of your own, or going to some kind of mother/toddler groups would be a good way of meeting new people and making new friends. Part of the trouble is that sometimes we think too much about wanting or yearning for where we come from, that we miss what's right in front of us.

Personally, I have found FB and Skype a Godsend to myself. I am constantly in touch with friends and family back home, can Skype my parents any time I want and they can see and talk to the kids. I don't know what I'd do without that. Have you spoken to your husband about how down you're feeling? Sometimes the people closest to us are unaware of exactly what our thoughts and feeling are about a certain situation. Maybe if he knew how you felt, any time spent together as a family, could be spent going out and seeing new places, doing new things etc. How old is your youngest, could you possibly be slightly depressed. That would make everything seem so much worse that it actually is and I've been there, done that, worn the t-shirt.

I'm sorry, I've probably not been much help, but we haven't been home for 21 months and I think that's helped. It has given me time to adjust to the new life we are trying to make on our own over here and believe me, we've had more than our fair share of ups and downs, and I now look forward to going and seeing everyone, but I feel that this place could be our home for the foreseeable future. Try and not dwell on things, get things off your chest and maybe just try and focus on the positives of where you live and the life that your kids and yourselves could have for the next few years. If you ever feel like venting or just want a chat, you can PM me anytime. In the meantime, chin up honey, you are not alone
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