Lost my Mum today.
Sep 23rd 2018, 4:34 pm
#16
Austin. TX.
Joined: Sep 2013
Posts: 5,930
Re: Lost my Mum today.
I'm so sorry for your loss Guindalf. Remember that your family is also grieving and people don't always behave at their best at these times... if you feel you need to go to the funeral then go. Big hug.
Sep 23rd 2018, 6:10 pm
#17
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Feb 2013
Posts: 946
Re: Lost my Mum today.
Condolences. If you want to attend the funeral, you must: do not let the trouble between you and your sibling keep you from being there as they have no right to tell you you can't attend. You may regret it for the rest of your life if you do not get closure.
Re: Lost my Mum today.
Sep 23rd 2018, 7:35 pm
#19
Joined: Apr 2005
Location: Milwaukie, Oregon
Posts: 9,966
Re: Lost my Mum today.
Condolences on the loss of your mum Guindalf. As others have said don’t let family attitude dictate what you do, do what you want to do and what you feel is right.
Sep 23rd 2018, 9:42 pm
#20
`
Joined: Oct 2003
Posts: 38,613
Re: Lost my Mum today.
Meh! Exact same happened for my husband when his Mum passed. Goodness knows what goes on in the heads of some people that they feel it appropriate.
My sincere condolences for the loss of your Mum Guindalf.
My husband felt it would do no-one any good to be there for his Mum's funeral given he would be unwelcome, so we held a personal private remembrance here right on the day at the time. Maybe you could do the same. {hug}
My sincere condolences for the loss of your Mum Guindalf.
My husband felt it would do no-one any good to be there for his Mum's funeral given he would be unwelcome, so we held a personal private remembrance here right on the day at the time. Maybe you could do the same. {hug}
Sep 23rd 2018, 9:53 pm
#21
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Nov 2011
Location: Was Virginia, now Yorkshire.
Posts: 2,333
Re: Lost my Mum today.
So sorry for your loss - may she rest in peace.
Sep 24th 2018, 3:35 am
#22
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Jul 2008
Posts: 1,477
Re: Lost my Mum today.
Condolences..
Sep 24th 2018, 11:12 am
#23
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Feb 2004
Location: Midlands - MA - CO-CA
Posts: 2,763
Re: Lost my Mum today.
Sorry for your loss, Guindalf. I would go to the funeral. Would you have gone if your sibling hadn't come up with the "selfish" comment. It's maybe just grief and shock talking on her part. It will probably give you closure, no matter what other family members say. Condolences to you.
Sep 24th 2018, 2:48 pm
#24
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Apr 2009
Location: Italy
Posts: 2,669
Re: Lost my Mum today.
Around noon today, my Mum passed away. I found out by Facebook message from my brother-in-law!
I lost my Dad at the end of January, so this has not been the best of years. In none months, I've become an orphan.
Sadly, my sister has accused me of being selfish and all kinds of things, all untrue, and is not speaking to me, so I'm not even planning to go back for the funeral. Sad, because the one thing I always said when I came here over 20 years ago is that I must have enough money to fly back if and when something happened to one or other parent, and now I have nothing to go back for.
Sorry, just had to vent. I'm completely numb right now.
I lost my Dad at the end of January, so this has not been the best of years. In none months, I've become an orphan.
Sadly, my sister has accused me of being selfish and all kinds of things, all untrue, and is not speaking to me, so I'm not even planning to go back for the funeral. Sad, because the one thing I always said when I came here over 20 years ago is that I must have enough money to fly back if and when something happened to one or other parent, and now I have nothing to go back for.
Sorry, just had to vent. I'm completely numb right now.
Do go to your mum's funeral. You do have something to go back for- you're last chance to honour her and say a proper goodbye. x
Last edited by Pica; Sep 24th 2018 at 2:51 pm.
Sep 24th 2018, 3:09 pm
#25
You aint seen me, right?
Joined: Oct 2005
Location: US of A, TN
Posts: 3,573
Re: Lost my Mum today.
FWIW my mom has told me there's no need to go back for her funeral as she'll already be dead so why spend the money and deal with the hassle of flying etc? I completely agree with her. If you want to go then go but don't feel you have to go.
Sep 24th 2018, 3:13 pm
#26
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Apr 2009
Location: Italy
Posts: 2,669
Re: Lost my Mum today.
Mums say lots of things to save their children hassle. Think of all the love, time and money your mum spent rearing you. Not that hard to do a little payback is it?
Sep 24th 2018, 3:45 pm
#27
Concierge
Joined: Jan 2013
Location: Western Australia
Posts: 21,139
Re: Lost my Mum today.
Your Mum sounds very sensible. I like the advice you and others have given to the OP - go if that's what you want to do, but don't feel as if it's something you have to do.
Sep 24th 2018, 3:54 pm
#28
You aint seen me, right?
Joined: Oct 2005
Location: US of A, TN
Posts: 3,573
Sep 24th 2018, 4:20 pm
#29
Deep in the woods of CT
Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 7,002
Re: Lost my Mum today.
Absolutely. We all intuitively know what is right for us -- while we may want to know others' experiences, only we can decide what works personally. My father died during terrible winter weather, and my mother didn't want me to trek home for the funeral. She said my father knew I loved him, she would be surrounded by well-wishers and wouldn't get to spend time with me. She preferred that I use my vacation time to come and be with her when things had settled down, and she was really alone. At the funeral time I went to a church near my office and sat quietly with my thoughts of my father. Standing next to a box containing his body may have seemed like the outwardly appropriate thing to do, but it would have made no difference to him or to me.
Sep 24th 2018, 4:30 pm
#30
Concierge
Joined: Jan 2013
Location: Western Australia
Posts: 21,139
Re: Lost my Mum today.
Absolutely. We all intuitively know what is right for us -- while we may want to know others' experiences, only we can decide what works personally. My father died during terrible winter weather, and my mother didn't want me to trek home for the funeral. She said my father knew I loved him, she would be surrounded by well-wishers and wouldn't get to spend time with me. She preferred that I use my vacation time to come and be with her when things had settled down, and she was really alone. At the funeral time I went to a church near my office and sat quietly with my thoughts of my father. Standing next to a box containing his body may have seemed like the outwardly appropriate thing to do, but it would have made no difference to him or to me.
