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Lost my Mum today.

Lost my Mum today.

Old Sep 23rd 2018, 4:34 pm
  #16  
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Default Re: Lost my Mum today.

I'm so sorry for your loss Guindalf. Remember that your family is also grieving and people don't always behave at their best at these times... if you feel you need to go to the funeral then go. Big hug.
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Old Sep 23rd 2018, 6:10 pm
  #17  
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Default Re: Lost my Mum today.

Condolences. If you want to attend the funeral, you must: do not let the trouble between you and your sibling keep you from being there as they have no right to tell you you can't attend. You may regret it for the rest of your life if you do not get closure.
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Old Sep 23rd 2018, 6:37 pm
  #18  
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Thumbs up Re: Lost my Mum today.

Originally Posted by petitefrancaise View Post
I'm so sorry for your loss Guindalf. Remember that your family is also grieving and people don't always behave at their best at these times... if you feel you need to go to the funeral then go. Big hug.
Perfectly said.
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Old Sep 23rd 2018, 7:35 pm
  #19  
 
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Default Re: Lost my Mum today.

Condolences on the loss of your mum Guindalf. As others have said don’t let family attitude dictate what you do, do what you want to do and what you feel is right.
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Old Sep 23rd 2018, 9:42 pm
  #20  
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Default Re: Lost my Mum today.

Meh! Exact same happened for my husband when his Mum passed. Goodness knows what goes on in the heads of some people that they feel it appropriate.

My sincere condolences for the loss of your Mum Guindalf.

My husband felt it would do no-one any good to be there for his Mum's funeral given he would be unwelcome, so we held a personal private remembrance here right on the day at the time. Maybe you could do the same. {hug}
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Old Sep 23rd 2018, 9:53 pm
  #21  
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Default Re: Lost my Mum today.

So sorry for your loss - may she rest in peace.
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Old Sep 24th 2018, 3:35 am
  #22  
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Default Re: Lost my Mum today.

Condolences..
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Old Sep 24th 2018, 11:12 am
  #23  
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Default Re: Lost my Mum today.

Sorry for your loss, Guindalf. I would go to the funeral. Would you have gone if your sibling hadn't come up with the "selfish" comment. It's maybe just grief and shock talking on her part. It will probably give you closure, no matter what other family members say. Condolences to you.
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Old Sep 24th 2018, 2:48 pm
  #24  
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Default Re: Lost my Mum today.

Originally Posted by Guindalf View Post
Around noon today, my Mum passed away. I found out by Facebook message from my brother-in-law!

I lost my Dad at the end of January, so this has not been the best of years. In none months, I've become an orphan.

Sadly, my sister has accused me of being selfish and all kinds of things, all untrue, and is not speaking to me, so I'm not even planning to go back for the funeral. Sad, because the one thing I always said when I came here over 20 years ago is that I must have enough money to fly back if and when something happened to one or other parent, and now I have nothing to go back for.

Sorry, just had to vent. I'm completely numb right now.
How awful for you, I know just how you feel. My mum died last June. Not one of my 3 sisters told me that she'd been hospitalised 2 weeks prior to her passing. One sister who hasn't spoken to me for 20 years (for mysterious reasons) just sent me a short text that mum had died the day before. I had to ask twice when the funeral was and was given 3 days notice to arrange a trip from Italy to wales. Not one of them addressed me at the funeral. All her possessions had already been disposed of so all i have of mum is the funeral service leaflet. I debated whether to bother going to the funeral but in the end I did because I knew I'd always regret not going. i'm still cross.
Do go to your mum's funeral. You do have something to go back for- you're last chance to honour her and say a proper goodbye. x

Last edited by Pica; Sep 24th 2018 at 2:51 pm.
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Old Sep 24th 2018, 3:09 pm
  #25  
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Default Re: Lost my Mum today.

FWIW my mom has told me there's no need to go back for her funeral as she'll already be dead so why spend the money and deal with the hassle of flying etc? I completely agree with her. If you want to go then go but don't feel you have to go.
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Old Sep 24th 2018, 3:13 pm
  #26  
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Default Re: Lost my Mum today.

Mums say lots of things to save their children hassle. Think of all the love, time and money your mum spent rearing you. Not that hard to do a little payback is it?
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Old Sep 24th 2018, 3:45 pm
  #27  
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Default Re: Lost my Mum today.

Originally Posted by SpoogleDrummer View Post
FWIW my mom has told me there's no need to go back for her funeral as she'll already be dead so why spend the money and deal with the hassle of flying etc? I completely agree with her. If you want to go then go but don't feel you have to go.
Your Mum sounds very sensible. I like the advice you and others have given to the OP - go if that's what you want to do, but don't feel as if it's something you have to do.
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Old Sep 24th 2018, 3:54 pm
  #28  
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Default Re: Lost my Mum today.

Originally Posted by Pica View Post
Mums say lots of things to save their children hassle. Think of all the love, time and money your mum spent rearing you. Not that hard to do a little payback is it?
It's not payback if shes dead, she won't know the difference nor care.
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Old Sep 24th 2018, 4:20 pm
  #29  
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Default Re: Lost my Mum today.

Originally Posted by spouse of scouse View Post
Your Mum sounds very sensible. I like the advice you and others have given to the OP - go if that's what you want to do, but don't feel as if it's something you have to do.
Absolutely. We all intuitively know what is right for us -- while we may want to know others' experiences, only we can decide what works personally. My father died during terrible winter weather, and my mother didn't want me to trek home for the funeral. She said my father knew I loved him, she would be surrounded by well-wishers and wouldn't get to spend time with me. She preferred that I use my vacation time to come and be with her when things had settled down, and she was really alone. At the funeral time I went to a church near my office and sat quietly with my thoughts of my father. Standing next to a box containing his body may have seemed like the outwardly appropriate thing to do, but it would have made no difference to him or to me.
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Old Sep 24th 2018, 4:30 pm
  #30  
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Default Re: Lost my Mum today.

Originally Posted by Nutmegger View Post
Absolutely. We all intuitively know what is right for us -- while we may want to know others' experiences, only we can decide what works personally. My father died during terrible winter weather, and my mother didn't want me to trek home for the funeral. She said my father knew I loved him, she would be surrounded by well-wishers and wouldn't get to spend time with me. She preferred that I use my vacation time to come and be with her when things had settled down, and she was really alone. At the funeral time I went to a church near my office and sat quietly with my thoughts of my father. Standing next to a box containing his body may have seemed like the outwardly appropriate thing to do, but it would have made no difference to him or to me.
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