Lonely
Jul 11th 2010, 9:52 pm
#31
Lost in BE Cyberspace
Joined: Oct 2003
Posts: 22,105
Re: Lonely
I've tried to not comment on things like this because it just ends up in frustration or falling on deaf ears, but did it ever occur (and this is NOT directed at any individual post here) that it's you who has the ability to do something about this?
I know every part of the country is different, and that there will be a dozen objections to why this won't work where you live, but where I am, I can hardly keep my neighbors away. We have a block party every summer, that everyone participates in. We have a holiday home tour party in December. We're having a meeting this week aptly titled Know Your Neighborhood, for disaster preparedness and crime prevention planning, we all gab when we're passing and someone is in the yard, we meet up at the Farmer's Market, most of us who work from home go out for coffee whenever someone's bored or wants out for an hour.. I can hardly get any alone time away from them!
I joined the neighborhood association and attend the monthly meetings. There's a buttload of stuff to volunteer and participate in with that.. in other words, as much effort as I put into it, I get back more than enough socializing and friendly neighborliness. I wanted to walk a dog, so I offered to walk the next door's when they're at work; now I have someone I can leave my housekey with if I want to go away. Trade favors, do something for someone, ask for help, advice, information you may even already know.
I just find it discouraging to read over and over about how insular Americans are and how in your lap British are when I can't seem to get rid of the Americans I have! The most recent Brit we've met here only wants to socialize with Brits or talk about things British and he's lived here 20 years.
Dh didn't want anything to do with him, even though they have a passionate shared interest.
It's one of those days when I just don't get it. Had to have my little rant.
I know every part of the country is different, and that there will be a dozen objections to why this won't work where you live, but where I am, I can hardly keep my neighbors away. We have a block party every summer, that everyone participates in. We have a holiday home tour party in December. We're having a meeting this week aptly titled Know Your Neighborhood, for disaster preparedness and crime prevention planning, we all gab when we're passing and someone is in the yard, we meet up at the Farmer's Market, most of us who work from home go out for coffee whenever someone's bored or wants out for an hour.. I can hardly get any alone time away from them!
I joined the neighborhood association and attend the monthly meetings. There's a buttload of stuff to volunteer and participate in with that.. in other words, as much effort as I put into it, I get back more than enough socializing and friendly neighborliness. I wanted to walk a dog, so I offered to walk the next door's when they're at work; now I have someone I can leave my housekey with if I want to go away. Trade favors, do something for someone, ask for help, advice, information you may even already know.
I just find it discouraging to read over and over about how insular Americans are and how in your lap British are when I can't seem to get rid of the Americans I have! The most recent Brit we've met here only wants to socialize with Brits or talk about things British and he's lived here 20 years.
Dh didn't want anything to do with him, even though they have a passionate shared interest.
It's one of those days when I just don't get it. Had to have my little rant.
Last edited by meauxna; Jul 12th 2010 at 3:05 am. Reason: removed some personal info from my quote
Jul 11th 2010, 10:22 pm
#32
Joined: Oct 2006
Location: Reno Nevada
Posts: 15,917
Re: Lonely
I've tried to not comment on things like this because it just ends up in frustration or falling on deaf ears, but did it ever occur (and this is NOT directed at any individual post here) that it's you who has the ability to do something about this?
I know every part of the country is different, and that there will be a dozen objections to why this won't work where you live, but where I am, I can hardly keep my neighbors away. We have a block party every summer, that everyone participates in. We have a holiday home tour party in December. We're having a meeting this week aptly titled Know Your Neighborhood, for disaster preparedness and crime prevention planning, we all gab when we're passing and someone is in the yard, we meet up at the Farmer's Market, most of us who work from home go out for coffee whenever someone's bored or wants out for an hour.. I can hardly get any alone time away from them!
I joined the neighborhood association and attend the monthly meetings. There's a buttload of stuff to volunteer and participate in with that.. in other words, as much effort as I put into it, I get back more than enough socializing and friendly neighborliness. I wanted to walk a dog, so I offered to walk the next door's when they're at work; now I have someone I can leave my housekey with if I want to go away. Trade favors, do something for someone, ask for help, advice, information you may even already know.
I just find it discouraging to read over and over about how insular Americans are and how in your lap British are when I can't seem to get rid of the Americans I have! The most recent Brit we've met here only wants to socialize with Brits or talk about things British and he's lived here 20 years.
Dh didn't want anything to do with him, even though they have a passionate shared interest.
It's one of those days when I just don't get it. Had to have my little rant.
I know every part of the country is different, and that there will be a dozen objections to why this won't work where you live, but where I am, I can hardly keep my neighbors away. We have a block party every summer, that everyone participates in. We have a holiday home tour party in December. We're having a meeting this week aptly titled Know Your Neighborhood, for disaster preparedness and crime prevention planning, we all gab when we're passing and someone is in the yard, we meet up at the Farmer's Market, most of us who work from home go out for coffee whenever someone's bored or wants out for an hour.. I can hardly get any alone time away from them!
I joined the neighborhood association and attend the monthly meetings. There's a buttload of stuff to volunteer and participate in with that.. in other words, as much effort as I put into it, I get back more than enough socializing and friendly neighborliness. I wanted to walk a dog, so I offered to walk the next door's when they're at work; now I have someone I can leave my housekey with if I want to go away. Trade favors, do something for someone, ask for help, advice, information you may even already know.
I just find it discouraging to read over and over about how insular Americans are and how in your lap British are when I can't seem to get rid of the Americans I have! The most recent Brit we've met here only wants to socialize with Brits or talk about things British and he's lived here 20 years.
Dh didn't want anything to do with him, even though they have a passionate shared interest.
It's one of those days when I just don't get it. Had to have my little rant.
(Not again targeted at an idividual)
As you know I am a Brit so Why TF is there such a dia need to associate your life with fella countrymen its nuts, what so you can dig the depression hole deeper and reminisce about the good old days
....sorry it gets up my nose, get a grip and move forward with your life its not that I am not sympathetic but look at the plus side of things not the negative........
Last edited by meauxna; Jul 12th 2010 at 3:05 am. Reason: removed some personal info from my quote
Jul 11th 2010, 11:02 pm
#33
staying around
Joined: Jul 2003
Location: In peace
Posts: 2,328
Re: Lonely
Girl you are spot on.
(No again targeted at an idividual)
As you know I am a Brit so Why TF is there such a dia need to associate your life with fella countrymen its nuts, what so you can dig the depression hole deeper and reminisce about the good old days....sorry it gets up my nose, get a grip and move forward with your life's its not that I am not sympathetic but look at the plus side of things not the negative........
(No again targeted at an idividual)
As you know I am a Brit so Why TF is there such a dia need to associate your life with fella countrymen its nuts, what so you can dig the depression hole deeper and reminisce about the good old days
....sorry it gets up my nose, get a grip and move forward with your life's its not that I am not sympathetic but look at the plus side of things not the negative........Have a Brit that comes to the house every month he gets on my nerves cant wait for him to leave, might be that he is a cockney
Last edited by candy wy.; Jul 11th 2010 at 11:06 pm.
Jul 12th 2010, 1:04 pm
#35
A Cockney Floridian
Joined: Jan 2005
Location: Originally-Leyton E10,London, then Harlow new town, Essex, and eventually ended up in Orlando area
Posts: 164
Re: Lonely
And Whats wrong wiv us Cockneys ??
If you use your LOAF and stop putting your plates in your north and south
you might make better friends !
:-)
Jul 12th 2010, 2:09 pm
#37
Deep in the woods of CT
Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 7,002
Re: Lonely
I've tried to not comment on things like this because it just ends up in frustration or falling on deaf ears, but did it ever occur (and this is NOT directed at any individual post here) that it's you who has the ability to do something about this?
I know every part of the country is different, and that there will be a dozen objections to why this won't work where you live, but where I am, I can hardly keep my neighbors away. We have a block party every summer, that everyone participates in. We have a holiday home tour party in December. We're having a meeting this week aptly titled Know Your Neighborhood, for disaster preparedness and crime prevention planning, we all gab when we're passing and someone is in the yard, we meet up at the Farmer's Market, most of us who work from home go out for coffee whenever someone's bored or wants out for an hour.. I can hardly get any alone time away from them!
I joined the neighborhood association and attend the monthly meetings. There's a buttload of stuff to volunteer and participate in with that.. in other words, as much effort as I put into it, I get back more than enough socializing and friendly neighborliness. I wanted to walk a dog, so I offered to walk the next door's when they're at work; now I have someone I can leave my housekey with if I want to go away. Trade favors, do something for someone, ask for help, advice, information you may even already know.
I just find it discouraging to read over and over about how insular Americans are and how in your lap British are when I can't seem to get rid of the Americans I have! The most recent Brit we've met here only wants to socialize with Brits or talk about things British and he's lived here 20 years.
Dh didn't want anything to do with him, even though they have a passionate shared interest.
It's one of those days when I just don't get it. Had to have my little rant.
I know every part of the country is different, and that there will be a dozen objections to why this won't work where you live, but where I am, I can hardly keep my neighbors away. We have a block party every summer, that everyone participates in. We have a holiday home tour party in December. We're having a meeting this week aptly titled Know Your Neighborhood, for disaster preparedness and crime prevention planning, we all gab when we're passing and someone is in the yard, we meet up at the Farmer's Market, most of us who work from home go out for coffee whenever someone's bored or wants out for an hour.. I can hardly get any alone time away from them!
I joined the neighborhood association and attend the monthly meetings. There's a buttload of stuff to volunteer and participate in with that.. in other words, as much effort as I put into it, I get back more than enough socializing and friendly neighborliness. I wanted to walk a dog, so I offered to walk the next door's when they're at work; now I have someone I can leave my housekey with if I want to go away. Trade favors, do something for someone, ask for help, advice, information you may even already know.
I just find it discouraging to read over and over about how insular Americans are and how in your lap British are when I can't seem to get rid of the Americans I have! The most recent Brit we've met here only wants to socialize with Brits or talk about things British and he's lived here 20 years.
Dh didn't want anything to do with him, even though they have a passionate shared interest.
It's one of those days when I just don't get it. Had to have my little rant.
And as to moving here and looking for Brits to hang out with . . . that drives me nuts! The way to get over homesickness is to look ahead, embrace your new life, and stop pining for the old one. I know it can be tough -- we've all been there -- but we are the ones who changed our destiny by moving here, and it is up to us to make it work!
Jul 12th 2010, 2:15 pm
#38
WTF?
Joined: Aug 2003
Location: Homeostasis
Posts: 79,367
Re: Lonely
I've tried to not comment on things like this because it just ends up in frustration or falling on deaf ears, but did it ever occur (and this is NOT directed at any individual post here) that it's you who has the ability to do something about this?
I know every part of the country is different, and that there will be a dozen objections to why this won't work where you live, but where I am, I can hardly keep my neighbors away. We have a block party every summer, that everyone participates in. We have a holiday home tour party in December. We're having a meeting this week aptly titled Know Your Neighborhood, for disaster preparedness and crime prevention planning, we all gab when we're passing and someone is in the yard, we meet up at the Farmer's Market, most of us who work from home go out for coffee whenever someone's bored or wants out for an hour.. I can hardly get any alone time away from them!
I joined the neighborhood association and attend the monthly meetings. There's a buttload of stuff to volunteer and participate in with that.. in other words, as much effort as I put into it, I get back more than enough socializing and friendly neighborliness. I wanted to walk a dog, so I offered to walk the next door's when they're at work; now I have someone I can leave my housekey with if I want to go away. Trade favors, do something for someone, ask for help, advice, information you may even already know.
I just find it discouraging to read over and over about how insular Americans are and how in your lap British are when I can't seem to get rid of the Americans I have! The most recent Brit we've met here only wants to socialize with Brits or talk about things British and he's lived here 20 years.
Dh didn't want anything to do with him, even though they have a passionate shared interest.
It's one of those days when I just don't get it. Had to have my little rant.
I know every part of the country is different, and that there will be a dozen objections to why this won't work where you live, but where I am, I can hardly keep my neighbors away. We have a block party every summer, that everyone participates in. We have a holiday home tour party in December. We're having a meeting this week aptly titled Know Your Neighborhood, for disaster preparedness and crime prevention planning, we all gab when we're passing and someone is in the yard, we meet up at the Farmer's Market, most of us who work from home go out for coffee whenever someone's bored or wants out for an hour.. I can hardly get any alone time away from them!
I joined the neighborhood association and attend the monthly meetings. There's a buttload of stuff to volunteer and participate in with that.. in other words, as much effort as I put into it, I get back more than enough socializing and friendly neighborliness. I wanted to walk a dog, so I offered to walk the next door's when they're at work; now I have someone I can leave my housekey with if I want to go away. Trade favors, do something for someone, ask for help, advice, information you may even already know.
I just find it discouraging to read over and over about how insular Americans are and how in your lap British are when I can't seem to get rid of the Americans I have! The most recent Brit we've met here only wants to socialize with Brits or talk about things British and he's lived here 20 years.
Dh didn't want anything to do with him, even though they have a passionate shared interest.
It's one of those days when I just don't get it. Had to have my little rant.
Last edited by Leslie; Jul 12th 2010 at 3:59 pm.
Jul 12th 2010, 2:53 pm
#39
Lost in BE Cyberspace
Joined: Jan 2008
Posts: 41,518
Re: Lonely
I don't disagree. Most of my friends are so busy socializing it's ridiculous. I'm more of the quality not quantity type but my situation is completely under my control. I'm striving for shut-in but will settle for reclusive. For me the litmus test is, "Is this as fun as reading a book?" If the answer is no then I generally don't do it again - whatever "it" may be. I think I used to need people a lot more. Now I need peace. Things can always change though, life is about seasons.
Jul 12th 2010, 3:08 pm
#40
WTF?
Joined: Aug 2003
Location: Homeostasis
Posts: 79,367
Re: Lonely
The thing is, I was like that in England. But when I moved and those support systems I totally took for granted were gone, it was hard. A lot of the commments from people who are lonely will obviously be subjective and perhaps not totally logical. They are cries from people who may be struggling with the whole package of the decision they made and difficulty adapting to different ways of living.
Jul 12th 2010, 3:14 pm
#41
Lost in BE Cyberspace
Joined: Jan 2008
Posts: 41,518
Re: Lonely
Jul 12th 2010, 3:23 pm
#43
Lost in BE Cyberspace
Joined: Feb 2009
Location: North Charleston,SC. born in Stockport,UK.
Posts: 10,109
Re: Lonely
The thing is, I was like that in England. But when I moved and those support systems I totally took for granted were gone, it was hard. A lot of the commments from people who are lonely will obviously be subjective and perhaps not totally logical. They are cries from people who may be struggling with the whole package of the decision they made and difficulty adapting to different ways of living.
I agree too in most part with Mo.
I do think it's 'different' making friends here (meeting people) it's not as easy, you have to put more of an effort into it, make plans to put yourself in the situation where meeting/making friends is more of a possibility. Especially if you are a sahm. Every time we have moved States here, I find I have to work harder to make new friends, it's quite possibly my own fault. As has been said, maybe as we get older, we look for different things in people, we 'need' differtent kinds of people around? More genuine maybe?
I think also that part of the problem is, we can easily get into a rut, we can't be bothered putting the extra effort in and it's easy to blame everyone else?
I was talking to hubby about this just this weekend, I was saying that if I really want to meet people here, I could make some fliers up, asking if any other sahm's would be interested in setting up a 'coffee morning' or a 'dinner club' anything that might afford the opportunity to meet the neighbors etc. I know there are other sahm's here, I have seen them going out to get mail
Question is, can I be bothered? If not, how can I complain that I don't know anyone here?
We all complain (at times) about our families, but when you don't have any around, that can be a big part of the loneliness that some of us feel here too.
Jul 12th 2010, 3:26 pm
#44
WTF?
Joined: Aug 2003
Location: Homeostasis
Posts: 79,367
Re: Lonely
Different people get their identity from a variety of places. Work, family, physical surroundings, arts etc. Whatever makes us feel good about ourselves. If we get our feeling of well being from being in the right environment and that environment is removed - we crumble. Catch-22, most people really don't know what motivates or fulfills them until it is gone, sometimes not even then.
Jul 12th 2010, 3:34 pm
#45
BE Forum Addict
Joined: Sep 2003
Location: Grand Rapids, MI
Posts: 4,525
Re: Lonely
I've tried to not comment on things like this because it just ends up in frustration or falling on deaf ears, but did it ever occur (and this is NOT directed at any individual post here) that it's you who has the ability to do something about this?
I know every part of the country is different, and that there will be a dozen objections to why this won't work where you live, but where I am, I can hardly keep my neighbors away. We have a block party every summer, that everyone participates in. We have a holiday home tour party in December. We're having a meeting this week aptly titled Know Your Neighborhood, for disaster preparedness and crime prevention planning, we all gab when we're passing and someone is in the yard, we meet up at the Farmer's Market, most of us who work from home go out for coffee whenever someone's bored or wants out for an hour.. I can hardly get any alone time away from them!
I joined the neighborhood association and attend the monthly meetings. There's a buttload of stuff to volunteer and participate in with that.. in other words, as much effort as I put into it, I get back more than enough socializing and friendly neighborliness. I wanted to walk a dog, so I offered to walk the next door's when they're at work; now I have someone I can leave my housekey with if I want to go away. Trade favors, do something for someone, ask for help, advice, information you may even already know.
I know every part of the country is different, and that there will be a dozen objections to why this won't work where you live, but where I am, I can hardly keep my neighbors away. We have a block party every summer, that everyone participates in. We have a holiday home tour party in December. We're having a meeting this week aptly titled Know Your Neighborhood, for disaster preparedness and crime prevention planning, we all gab when we're passing and someone is in the yard, we meet up at the Farmer's Market, most of us who work from home go out for coffee whenever someone's bored or wants out for an hour.. I can hardly get any alone time away from them!
I joined the neighborhood association and attend the monthly meetings. There's a buttload of stuff to volunteer and participate in with that.. in other words, as much effort as I put into it, I get back more than enough socializing and friendly neighborliness. I wanted to walk a dog, so I offered to walk the next door's when they're at work; now I have someone I can leave my housekey with if I want to go away. Trade favors, do something for someone, ask for help, advice, information you may even already know.
You are spot on about having to get involved though, you can't just sit back and wait for friends/company to come to you.
My advise to OP if you are unable to work a regular job find a volunteer job or a craft group (anything that gets you out and mixing with people), if your invited GO! bridal shower, drinks at a bar, open house. Chat to people, one thing having an accent is good for is a conversation starter.