For the ladies only
Jan 24th 2006, 2:27 am
#1
BE Forum Addict
Thread Starter
Joined: Nov 2004
Location: SC
Posts: 4,153
For the ladies only
Some old some new (maybe) but should still bring a smile to your faces.
One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his
Sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he
shouted to Me, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?"
“It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?"
He yelled back, "University of Minnesota."
And they say blondes are dumb...
-----------------------------------------------------------
A couple is lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you the
happiest woman in the world"
The woman says, "I'll miss you..."
-----------------------------------------------------------
It's just too hot to wear clothes today," Jack says as he stepped
out of the shower. "Honey, what do you think the neighbors would
think if I mowed the lawn like this?"
Probably that I married you for your money," she replied.
-----------------------------------------------------------
He said - Since I first laid eyes on you, I have wanted to make love
to you really badly.
“She said - Well, you succeeded.
-----------------------------------------------------------
He said - Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
She said - That's a good idea... you stand by the ironing board
while I sit on the sofa and fart.
-----------------------------------------------------------
He said - What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?
She said - Turn sideways and look in the mirror.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A: A rumor
-----------------------------------------------------------
A man and his wife, now in their 60's were celebrating their 40th
wedding anniversary. On their special day a good fairy came to them
and said that because they had been so good that each one of them
could have one wish.
The wife wished for a trip around the world with her
husband. Whoosh! Immediately she had airline/cruise tickets in her hands.
The man wished for a female companion 30 years younger...
Whoosh...immediately he turned ninety!!!
-----------------------------------------------------------
A PRAYER....
Dear Lord, I pray for Wisdom to understand my man; Love to forgive
him; And Patience for his moods. Because, Lord, if I pray for
Strength, I'll beat him to death.
AMEN
-----------------------------------------------------------
Q: How can you tell when a man is well hung?
A: When you can just barely slip your finger in between his neck and the noose.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Q: Why do little boys whine?
A: They are practicing to be men.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Q: How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One---he just holds it up there and waits for the world to
revolve around him.
OR Three -- one to screw in the bulb, and two to listen to him brag
about the screwing part.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Q: What do you call a handcuffed man?
A: Trustworthy.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and
calling your name?
A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough.
“-----------------------------------------------------------
Q: Why does it take 100,000,000 sperm to fertilize one egg?
A: Because not one will stop and ask directions.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Q: Why do female black widow spiders kill their males after mating?
A: To stop the snoring before it starts.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Q: Why do men whistle when they are sitting on the toilet?
A: It helps them remember which end they need to wipe.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Q: What is the difference between men and women?
A: A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need. A man wants
every woman to satisfy his one need.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
“A: Rename the mail folder "Instruction Manuals"
One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his
Sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he
shouted to Me, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?"
“It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?"
He yelled back, "University of Minnesota."
And they say blondes are dumb...
-----------------------------------------------------------
A couple is lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you the
happiest woman in the world"
The woman says, "I'll miss you..."
-----------------------------------------------------------
It's just too hot to wear clothes today," Jack says as he stepped
out of the shower. "Honey, what do you think the neighbors would
think if I mowed the lawn like this?"
Probably that I married you for your money," she replied.
-----------------------------------------------------------
He said - Since I first laid eyes on you, I have wanted to make love
to you really badly.
“She said - Well, you succeeded.
-----------------------------------------------------------
He said - Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
She said - That's a good idea... you stand by the ironing board
while I sit on the sofa and fart.
-----------------------------------------------------------
He said - What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?
She said - Turn sideways and look in the mirror.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A: A rumor
-----------------------------------------------------------
A man and his wife, now in their 60's were celebrating their 40th
wedding anniversary. On their special day a good fairy came to them
and said that because they had been so good that each one of them
could have one wish.
The wife wished for a trip around the world with her
husband. Whoosh! Immediately she had airline/cruise tickets in her hands.
The man wished for a female companion 30 years younger...
Whoosh...immediately he turned ninety!!!
-----------------------------------------------------------
A PRAYER....
Dear Lord, I pray for Wisdom to understand my man; Love to forgive
him; And Patience for his moods. Because, Lord, if I pray for
Strength, I'll beat him to death.
AMEN
-----------------------------------------------------------
Q: How can you tell when a man is well hung?
A: When you can just barely slip your finger in between his neck and the noose.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Q: Why do little boys whine?
A: They are practicing to be men.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Q: How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One---he just holds it up there and waits for the world to
revolve around him.
OR Three -- one to screw in the bulb, and two to listen to him brag
about the screwing part.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Q: What do you call a handcuffed man?
A: Trustworthy.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and
calling your name?
A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough.
“-----------------------------------------------------------
Q: Why does it take 100,000,000 sperm to fertilize one egg?
A: Because not one will stop and ask directions.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Q: Why do female black widow spiders kill their males after mating?
A: To stop the snoring before it starts.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Q: Why do men whistle when they are sitting on the toilet?
A: It helps them remember which end they need to wipe.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Q: What is the difference between men and women?
A: A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need. A man wants
every woman to satisfy his one need.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
“A: Rename the mail folder "Instruction Manuals"
Jan 24th 2006, 1:51 pm
#2
Lost in BE Cyberspace
Joined: Oct 2003
Posts: 22,105
Re: For the ladies only
Jan 24th 2006, 1:54 pm
#3
Account Closed
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 15,019
Re: For the ladies only
lol good to start the day with a larfff..tks 
