How to deal with leaving family behind?
Sep 29th 2008, 12:30 am
#16
Concierge
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 46,391
Re: How to deal with leaving family behind?
It was the "quite elderly" that did it. I'm 60 and the hubby is 67. We still work and "play", if you get my drift
Middle aged works for me
Still loves ya
Sep 29th 2008, 1:31 am
#17
Account Closed
Joined: Oct 2003
Posts: 0
Re: How to deal with leaving family behind?
So you plan on living until you are 120 Rete
Our daughter told us we were having "a late mid life crisis" today so she obviously expects us to be gone by the time we reach 110..........I plan on lasting longer now just to get back at her
Sep 29th 2008, 4:05 pm
#18
Democracy advocate
Joined: Mar 2006
Posts: 12,460
Re: How to deal with leaving family behind?
Well, that's a sad little post. Your mum is not an old spinster. She is a middle-aged divorcee. I guess your dad was having a midlife crisis, and ran off with a younger woman, and is driving a red sports car.
Your mum is your mum, and you should love her unconditionally (unless she is a mass murderer or something). She is your mum, and a grandparent to yr children.
My MIL wasn't the easiest person to like, but I always showed her courtesy, invited her over, and took the grandchildren to see her.
We can't always have perfect parents like on the Brady Bunch.
One day you kids will grow up - what if they aren't fond of you, and they just feel like you are a burden to them? They just come to see you out of a sense of duty.
If you show your kids that you love your parents unconditionally, then you will be setting a good example. Perhaps they will learn from it, and treat you nice in your old age. We don't get to hand pick our family - we just love them as they are, warts and all.
Your mum is your mum, and you should love her unconditionally (unless she is a mass murderer or something). She is your mum, and a grandparent to yr children.
My MIL wasn't the easiest person to like, but I always showed her courtesy, invited her over, and took the grandchildren to see her.
We can't always have perfect parents like on the Brady Bunch.
One day you kids will grow up - what if they aren't fond of you, and they just feel like you are a burden to them? They just come to see you out of a sense of duty.
If you show your kids that you love your parents unconditionally, then you will be setting a good example. Perhaps they will learn from it, and treat you nice in your old age. We don't get to hand pick our family - we just love them as they are, warts and all.
Sep 29th 2008, 6:10 pm
#22
Account Closed
Joined: Oct 2003
Posts: 0
Re: How to deal with leaving family behind?
In most cases yes..........but ask my OH that question and he will totally disagree. His mother is absoloutly nothing to him, it took a long while to accept and a lot of heartbreak but she does not have a "motherly bone" in her body for him. Now if you ask him about his grandmother then that was his "mum"
Sep 29th 2008, 6:39 pm
#24
In the pink
Joined: Oct 2006
Location: USA
Posts: 3,324
Re: How to deal with leaving family behind?
Would you slam the door on them? Or would you always be their parent?
Sep 29th 2008, 6:40 pm
#25
SUPER MODERATOR
Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 88,023
Re: How to deal with leaving family behind?
You've never heard of the expression before? Of course you can love someone that you don't particularly like or respect. I don't particularly like my mother but she's my mum and I love her...and I always will. I think a child's love for its parents is born with them...some may say there is no love but I'm sure it's there somewhere deepdown.
Sep 29th 2008, 7:57 pm
#26
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Joined: Oct 2003
Posts: 0
Re: How to deal with leaving family behind?
You've never heard of the expression before? Of course you can love someone that you don't particularly like or respect. I don't particularly like my mother but she's my mum and I love her...and I always will. I think a child's love for its parents is born with them...some may say there is no love but I'm sure it's there somewhere deepdown.
I have to disagree with you.
As I stated above there are different situations. Just because you gave birth to a child, it does not make you a "mother" especially if you abandon that child and then 18 years later you come back into that childs life, cause a lot of grief and then eventually decide it is not good for your image to now admit that you had abandoned said child...........I could go on but I won't.
Not everything is black and white and not all mothers and fathers deserve the so called unconditional love......
Sep 29th 2008, 7:59 pm
#27
Democracy advocate
Joined: Mar 2006
Posts: 12,460
Re: How to deal with leaving family behind?
You've never heard of the expression before? Of course you can love someone that you don't particularly like or respect. I don't particularly like my mother but she's my mum and I love her...and I always will. I think a child's love for its parents is born with them...some may say there is no love but I'm sure it's there somewhere deepdown.
I suspect that you are both mothers and are uncomfortable with the thought of one of your children not loving you.
I'm not sure that it is always the case that children love their parents (or indeed that parents love their children), but imagine it is probably the majority.
Sep 29th 2008, 8:05 pm
#28
Account Closed
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 15,019
Re: How to deal with leaving family behind?
i can understand where you are coming from. i have two friends both of which are not close to their parents. i guess i was one of the lucky ones. imo not all parents deserve to be loved, for example the father of one of my best buddies...he molested her when she was young :curse:
Sep 29th 2008, 8:08 pm
#29
Lost in BE Cyberspace
Joined: Jan 2008
Posts: 41,518
Re: How to deal with leaving family behind?
I find this interesting as I had quite a stormy relationship with my Mum, never saw a great deal of her, however emigrating has put a lot of things in perspective, she has been unwell recently and I felt just awful about leaving her to return here after our vacation in England. It shouldn't hold you back but it may affect you in ways you don't expect.
Sep 30th 2008, 7:09 pm
#30
Just Joined
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 5
Re: How to deal with leaving family behind?
hi there.
i totally understand how you feel, leaving families behind. most especially if the family ties are very close. i left my home country 6 years ago, i come with husband and my daughter to america. i left my parents back home. when i arrived in america, i have nobody, no relatives, no friends, nobody except my husband and my daughter. i was a hard, very hard adjustment on my part. but as time goes on, i got used to the way of life here. i got adjusted living far from my parents and realtives that i left back. yes it was very hard to leave my relatives and parents but i can say now that since my family is with me, my husband and daughter, we are now so very very close and very bonded because there is nobody here except us...
there are good points and bad points in leaving families behind.. soon, you will get over it and you can adjust very well with how the way things are here in america. good luck to you
i totally understand how you feel, leaving families behind. most especially if the family ties are very close. i left my home country 6 years ago, i come with husband and my daughter to america. i left my parents back home. when i arrived in america, i have nobody, no relatives, no friends, nobody except my husband and my daughter. i was a hard, very hard adjustment on my part. but as time goes on, i got used to the way of life here. i got adjusted living far from my parents and realtives that i left back. yes it was very hard to leave my relatives and parents but i can say now that since my family is with me, my husband and daughter, we are now so very very close and very bonded because there is nobody here except us...
there are good points and bad points in leaving families behind.. soon, you will get over it and you can adjust very well with how the way things are here in america. good luck to you