Goodbye USA!
 

Well a lot of you 'regulars' know my story, so as you know we were planning on moving back to England in about 2 years. Well, that time has been pushed forward to the next few weeks!

I arrived back from my holiday back in England a few weeks ago. I asked my husband again if he really wanted to move back to England in 2 years time. His answer was a long pause & then a 'No'. Ever since I told him I couldn't live in America, he said he would move back to England with us, after he'd done a couple of years in his new job as a fireman.

Well that was all a lie. He finally admitted that he didn't want to go back to England & that he just said he would, because he really thought he could change my mind about living here. While we were away, he finally figured out that I wasn't going to change my mind & decided he was going to tell me after his graduation ceremony, but as I asked him first, he decided to tell me then.

He also said he didn't want the hassle of finding another job as a fireman over in England, as he'd worked so hard to get the one he's got now. He admitted that he was choosing his career over his family. He said a lot of other things too, which don't really make sense, however, they're his reasons.

I was furious & so upset, I really have no one here to turn to. I have a lot of friends here, but they're not the great friends I have back home. I had one amazing friend here, who I clicked with straight away, but she moved to Texas about a month ago, so I was pretty much alone. I just wanted to go back home.

Then the paranoia set it, what if he tried to stop me moving back to England with our son? Questions & scenarios buzzed around my head for days, I couldn't eat & I couldn't sleep. I put on 7lbs back in England, eating all that good food. I lost it all in the couple of days after this happened; it was the best diet I'd ever been on! ;)

I looked up as much info as I could, but without getting a lawyer, it was hard to find the information I needed online. So with all that I decided to tell Devin what I was thinking, about going home. We sat down & wrote out a little 'contract' with regards to our son, our home, our possessions etc. After that I felt much better, the paranoia subsided slightly & I felt that, although it wasn't a proper legal document, it should stand for something. We signed & kept a copy.

So with that in mind, the divorce is going quite smoothly at the moment. Apparently I should be able to leave quite soon. We are both trying to be fair, for the sake of our son.

I'll keep you all updated with our progress & will let you know when we're going back home. If anyone has any advice or any info on shipping, I'd love to hear it. I also wanted to say how great it has been to have BE & all of you here, it's been a great help & I really appreciate it.

Re: Goodbye USA!
 

I don't know what to say except I'm sorry it's all gone wrong.
What a horrible time to go through...
At least it seems you will be able to go home without problems.

Re: Goodbye USA!
 

Good luck with your future and fingers crossed for you too.

Re: Goodbye USA!
 

Oh Partystar I am so sorry.:(

Re: Goodbye USA!
 

Sorry to hear this, just want to wish you all the very best :wub:

Re: Goodbye USA!
 

I hope you find happiness.

Re: Goodbye USA!
 

I'm so sorry to hear all that partystar .... are you guys divorcing because of the move back to the UK or was divroce on the cards anyway?

it sounds to be amicable at least which is a huge blessing - but sad that he's going to miss out on seeing his son growing up in another country.
as you said - he has his own reasons I guess.

good luck PS - everyone deserves to be happy!

Re: Goodbye USA!
 

Edited down to:

get started on the process now

Re: Goodbye USA!
 

Oh my dear Liz I nearly fell off my chair while reading your news :( so sorry to hear that, you come across as a very strong young Lady and I'm hoping that will be enough to see you through this tuff time.

Re: Goodbye USA!
 

Thank you everyone, your kind words really do help.

Re: Goodbye USA!
 

No, divorce was not on the cards, we still love each other, but I can't be happy living here & he doesn't think he can be happy living in England, so this is really the only answer. He said he's not even willing to try living in England & that he's made up his mind. He may regret it later, but I'm not about to wait around to see if that happens.

The other reasons are that he wants to go hunting, fishing, camping etc, which doesn't make sense to me, as you can do all that in England! But like I said, those are his reasons.

Re: Goodbye USA!
 

Oh Liz, I'm so sorry. I'm here if you need to talk.

Re: Goodbye USA!
 

Just 6 weeks. (btw, my husband is Devin, our son is Tyler! :) )

Not sure what you mean by hand in his passport. Or about paying child support. Devin is willing to pay child support & he's fine with Tyler moving back to England with me.

Devin & Tyler do have a good relationship, but the problem is, Devin hasn't been around much since Tyler was born. He's been working full time, overtime, going to college etc, so Tyler is more attached to me, than his dad.

I suggested us going back to England, like a trial separation, but he's adamant that he won't want to move to England. I'm not about to wait around to see what he does after we've gone, he's made his choice, I'm not going to try to change his mind. I've waited around too long as it is.

Re: Goodbye USA!
 

Cheers Vic! Guess I'll be seeing you sooner than I thought. I'd love to meet up with you once you're back over there & settled in, our boys would probably get on well too!

Re: Goodbye USA!
 

Cheers Hayley! I was just going through our bank receipts the other day & came across our NYC bar bill, great stuff! Such a fun trip.

Re: Goodbye USA!
 

I'm concerned about what will happen once Devin sees a lawyer and tells his family. I've seen too many of these cases where things start out okay and then get worse. IF Tyler is considered to be domiciled in Arizona when the divorce begins, it is very possible he won't be able to leave until the case is resolved.

Re: Goodbye USA!
 

Sorry to hear your news, Liz.

I have to say it does not come as a surprise to me. Reading through the lines of many of your posts, it seemed clear to me that something wasn't quite right. And there's probably more to it than him not wanting to live in the UK, so you'll be better off making the break now rather than having the situation drag on for years.

I'm glad you are so positive and independent - you'll survive!! :)

Re: Goodbye USA!
 

Hi There,

So sorry to see the way things have turned out for you. I sincerely hope that things get better for you, once your move is completed.

My Best Wishes are with you!

Jim.

Re: Goodbye USA!
 

I agree. She should see a divorce lawyer without delay.

Re: Goodbye USA!
 

I'm SO sorry things have turned out this way for you,divorce is not fun...especially when children are involved,I really hope things work out well for you and hopefully you and your husband can stay 'amiable',it'll make things much easier for your son,as well as the both of you.....but don't hold your breath.....wishing you the very best of luck......Sophia

Re: Goodbye USA!
 

He told his family before he told me! Plus, he's already seen a lawyer, actually he is there right now, handing in the paperwork & the money!!!

Re: Goodbye USA!
 

Yeah, I always told him that if he had no intention of moving back to England with us, then to say, because we'd go without him. (I think I may have posted about that before) He's the only reason we moved here in the first place, so it makes sense.

Re: Goodbye USA!
 

You need your own lawyer and pretty quickly too. Better safe than sorry. I've seen divorces here amongst US friends that started out okay and then degenerated through the process. having said that have you considered divorce mediation?

As I understand it they're like lawyers but a damn site cheaper and neither party has to place blame etc etc. The process is a lot quicker and cheaper than lawyers who want to fight and drag out the process to get their fees. I have a US couple as friends who have two children and rather than using lawyers they went through divorce mediation and the whole thing was done and dusted amiably in about 3 to 4 months. Worth a thought, check your local yellow pages for local mediation firms. Good luck,

Re: Goodbye USA!
 

Oh we will my friend :) dont loose touch OK.

Re: Goodbye USA!
 

Wow, what a lot to deal with, I hope things work out really well for you back in the UK.

Keep your chin up girl!!

Re: Goodbye USA!
 

But the fact that he told you he wanted to wait a few years until he was more settled in his job must mean he didn't want you to go as well. Sorry to be the Debbie Downer in this thread. I sincerely wish you the best PartyStar, what a shame you two still love each other and can't figure out the geography. :( Take care and best of luck.

Re: Goodbye USA!
 

No, not until he was more settled in his job, but to have the job on his resume. Which makes complete sense, as that's why I stayed in my first job!!! I hated my boss, but I wanted to get a few years in, so that it looked good on my resume!

Cheers mate!

Re: Goodbye USA!
 

Sorry to hear your shitty news :cry_smile: that really blows :(

Re: Goodbye USA!
 

Ouch....sorry to hear the news, does suck, but wish you well in the new chapter chuck....but what about citizenship for future? :)

Re: Goodbye USA!
 

Good luck! Not a surprise for me, I'm afraid. It's been on the cards a good while. Think your couple of weeks timetable should probably be a couple of months or so, though. In AZ, you have mandatory counseling to go through because of the sprog -- and you need to sort out the family court fully before you leave! This is assuming no side gets cold feet and delays -- then the time will increase considerably. Anyway, chin up! You're strong and will prevail.

D.

Re: Goodbye USA!
 

Liz, Sweetheart - I know you just want to be gone and go back to the UK......... but think for a minute...

Am I right in thinking that you are not yet a citizen?

Please do not leave without becoming a USC first!!

Re: Goodbye USA!
 

She won't make it. The fact she's divorced will push it to 5 years -- a long while away. It'll certainly be difficult having a dual citizen kid without the right to even visit the US. But I doubt there's much she can do about it.

Re: Goodbye USA!
 

Cheers mate, but no thanx, no citizenship for me!

Re: Goodbye USA!
 

I think it might be worth delaying the divorce until she becomes a citizen. I can see so much potential trouble ahead...

PS: Why would she not be able to visit the US?

Re: Goodbye USA!
 

No one has the guaranteed right to enter the US except citizens; everyone else can be refused entry. At best it's the VWP for non-citizens.

Re: Goodbye USA!
 

I realise that - but David's post made it sound as if she would not be able to visit, full-stop. :confused:

Re: Goodbye USA!
 

Hello, long time, no speak/see! Haven't heard anything about the counseling thing, do you have a link for that? (sorry I'm being lazy today) We don't need to go to family court because custody has been decided between the 2 of us, so no need for a court order.

Cheers David, can always count on you for info!

Re: Goodbye USA!
 

Nope, not a citizen. Don't want to be one, never have.

Re: Goodbye USA!
 

Follow it through from this starting page.

You may not need to actually step foot in a court, but I think you'll find you need to do the counseling.

P.S. Time you arranged a meet-up for our little group!

Re: Goodbye USA!
 

No, not visit ever! But she's definitely going to get extra scrutiny because of her circumstances. It's not like she's a divorced Brit taking her kid to Disney for the first time, is it?