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Is going home a mistake?

Is going home a mistake?

Old Nov 28th 2010, 4:21 pm
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Default Is going home a mistake?

Hey,

Would love the advice/input from anyone who has been in a similar situation. I am a PR, have been here for 6 years. I have been very happy here in the US, never suffered from homesickness or ever wanted to go home for any reason except a very brief christmas visit.
Anyway, in the last week my wife and I have separated with absolutely no chance of getting back together (big shock to me) . I have made the decision to go home to be around family and friends etc. I leave tomorrow night.
I have a great job here in the US but no real friends. I am torn with looking to stay in the UK after everything is done (paperwork). or if i try to continue my life in the US.

Any opinions or experiences are appreciated.
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Old Nov 28th 2010, 4:34 pm
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Default Re: Is going home a mistake?

Originally Posted by JP24 View Post
I have a great job here in the US but no real friends. I am torn with looking to stay in the UK after everything is done (paperwork). or if i try to continue my life in the US.
If it will make you feel better to go home, then go! Without going into details about abandoning your status, a PR can safely remain outside the US for up to 6 months. Take the time to sort things out. If you want to remain in the UK after that and abandon your status, do it... if not, come back to the US and give it another go! I will say though... being single in the US and free of family responsibilities can be a terrific opportunity. You can live anywhere, do anything...

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Old Nov 28th 2010, 4:35 pm
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Default Re: Is going home a mistake?

Originally Posted by JP24 View Post
Hey,

Would love the advice/input from anyone who has been in a similar situation. I am a PR, have been here for 6 years. I have been very happy here in the US, never suffered from homesickness or ever wanted to go home for any reason except a very brief christmas visit.
Anyway, in the last week my wife and I have separated with absolutely no chance of getting back together (big shock to me) . I have made the decision to go home to be around family and friends etc. I leave tomorrow night.
I have a great job here in the US but no real friends. I am torn with looking to stay in the UK after everything is done (paperwork). or if i try to continue my life in the US.

Any opinions or experiences are appreciated.
I'm sorry this happened to you. My only advice is that since you're a US PR, don't stay outside the USA for too long...keep it under 6 months. That way, if you decide you DO want to return to live in the USA, you will have less of an issue with having been seen as abandoning your PR status. And since it's now November, and you *might* be outside the USA when tax return time rolls around next April 15, don't forget to file your 2010 US tax return.

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Old Nov 28th 2010, 5:17 pm
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Default Re: Is going home a mistake?

Originally Posted by JP24 View Post
Hey,

Would love the advice/input from anyone who has been in a similar situation. I am a PR, have been here for 6 years. I have been very happy here in the US, never suffered from homesickness or ever wanted to go home for any reason except a very brief christmas visit.
Anyway, in the last week my wife and I have separated with absolutely no chance of getting back together (big shock to me) . I have made the decision to go home to be around family and friends etc. I leave tomorrow night.
I have a great job here in the US but no real friends. I am torn with looking to stay in the UK after everything is done (paperwork). or if i try to continue my life in the US.
Right now is much too soon to make a decision like that. By all means take a vacation in the UK for some support at a difficult time but before you leave your US job and abandon your green card you should spend a lot of time to think about where you really want to be.

And even if you do want to return to the UK, have you thought about waiting to get your US citizenship first?

You mention "paperwork" - what paperwork is that? Do you have your 10 year green card?
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Old Nov 28th 2010, 5:50 pm
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Default Re: Is going home a mistake?

Originally Posted by JAJ View Post
Right now is much too soon to make a decision like that. By all means take a vacation in the UK for some support at a difficult time but before you leave your US job and abandon your green card you should spend a lot of time to think about where you really want to be.

And even if you do want to return to the UK, have you thought about waiting to get your US citizenship first?

You mention "paperwork" - what paperwork is that? Do you have your 10 year green card?
My paperwork i mean divorce papers. I have my 10 year GC. I would love to take the citizenship test but feel like i need to get away asap. Just in a really bad emotional place right now
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Old Nov 28th 2010, 6:17 pm
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Default Re: Is going home a mistake?

Must be terribly shocking to be an unsuspecting dumpee - plodding along normally in life and then BANG, all change! You have my sympathies.

In general I would avoid any large decisions at this time (such as leaving a job you like, or moving country) as the shock and bewilderment of your situation will often not make for the clearest thinking.

Have you considered a long vacation in the UK or asking your company for a period off to sort out the paperwork issues?

The disorientation from a break-up of a long-time marriage can be quite substantial, adding into the mix the loss of a job and change of location may not help and could leave you somewhat rudderless.

Good luck with it, millions of others have similar situations and they all get through it at some point, so there will be some light at the end of the tunnel.
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Old Nov 28th 2010, 6:28 pm
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Default Re: Is going home a mistake?

Since you've been here six years but still call the UK home going back for awhile might be a good idea.
I'm crap at legal stuff but if you get divorced can you still stay here as a PR? The only way i got my green card was because i was married to a Yank.
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Old Nov 28th 2010, 7:09 pm
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Default Re: Is going home a mistake?

Originally Posted by rivit View Post
I'm crap at legal stuff but if you get divorced can you still stay here as a PR?
Short and simple answer: YES.

And he has every right to apply for citizenship as well, as long as he has been a PR for at least 5 years.
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Old Nov 28th 2010, 8:17 pm
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Default Re: Is going home a mistake?

Originally Posted by sunflwrgrl13 View Post
Short and simple answer: YES.

And he has every right to apply for citizenship as well, as long as he has been a PR for at least 5 years.
Well that's good he dosn't have to leave the country if he dosn' want to
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Old Nov 28th 2010, 9:38 pm
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Default Re: Is going home a mistake?

Sounds like you have been here a long time, going back full time could be a bit of a shock.

Last edited by Boiler; Nov 28th 2010 at 9:41 pm.
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Old Nov 28th 2010, 10:57 pm
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Default Re: Is going home a mistake?

Originally Posted by Boiler View Post
Sounds like you have been here a long time, going back full time could be a bit of a shock.
Very likely it will be - good shock, bad or indifferent is all down to him tho.
Mind, he doesn't mention much that would help him here in this difficult time - might be the blues talking, but 5 years on and no friendships made to support him.......it does happen.

So most likely a good time to get away from it all here, get back home and re-evaluate it all.

Being back home does make this place seem vary far away emotionally; this I can attest to.....so it makes sense to "press reset" for a few months. If his heart is in the US, it'll soon become pretty clear I'd guess.
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Old Nov 28th 2010, 11:30 pm
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Default Re: Is going home a mistake?

It's actually quite common for people in a divorce to "go back to zero" in an attempt to 'reset' and try and figure out what went wrong. A place where they can go where the chaos of what is currently on-going in their lives is temporarily forgotten by reliving the memories of happy times. I don't think it is a mistake by any stretch to take some time and go back to a familiar place with good friends and family.

How long that familiarity and friendliness will last varies, and honestly there is no universal answer that applies in every situation. If you read through the Moving Back to the UK forum and examine those posts with the word "ping pong" you'll find plenty of folks who went back, but are now re-retreating back to their adopted homes. Things weren't quite as they expected after the initial honeymoon period, and the "home" they had remembered had changed, and more importantly the people they remembered had changed, sometimes in ways they did not like. Finally, many of them realized they had changed, and what satisfied them as a youth no longer was what they wanted now that they were a bit different.

So with that said, my advice is go home, but don't burn any bridges. Keep your green card active, and watch out for the six month rule. File your taxes, pay your bills, etc. If after a few months back in the UK (yes, months, not weeks) you are feeling this is the place for me, than gear up for the long term move, possibly returning to the US for citizenship (it will be of value to your family one day) and then move on with your life.

There is a famous book that is required reading in many US high schools. It's called, aptly enough, "You Can't Go Home Again". The specifics of the plot are secondary to the message it tries to convey. To quote from wikipedia:

The title comes from the finale of the novel when protagonist George Webber realizes, "You can't go back home to your family, back home to your childhood ... back home to a young man's dreams of glory and of fame ... back home to places in the country, back home to the old forms and systems of things which once seemed everlasting but which are changing all the time — back home to the escapes of Time and Memory."

“You can’t go home again” has entered American speech to mean that after you have left your country town or provincial backwater city for a sophisticated metropolis, you can’t return to the narrow confines of your previous way of life, and, more generally, attempts to relive youthful memories will always fail.


So enjoy your vacation. If you do go "home again" don't think of it as a retreat, but as a fresh start in a familiar place.

Good luck.
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Old Nov 29th 2010, 12:00 am
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Default Re: Is going home a mistake?

Originally Posted by Xebedee View Post
Very likely it will be - good shock, bad or indifferent is all down to him tho.
Mind, he doesn't mention much that would help him here in this difficult time - might be the blues talking, but 5 years on and no friendships made to support him.......it does happen.

So most likely a good time to get away from it all here, get back home and re-evaluate it all.

Being back home does make this place seem vary far away emotionally; this I can attest to.....so it makes sense to "press reset" for a few months. If his heart is in the US, it'll soon become pretty clear I'd guess.
How long does one live in a place befor they call it 'home' though, i called the US home on my first day but i agree with you.
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Old Nov 29th 2010, 1:09 am
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Default Re: Is going home a mistake?

Originally Posted by rivit View Post
Since you've been here six years but still call the UK home going back for awhile might be a good idea.
I'm crap at legal stuff but if you get divorced can you still stay here as a PR? The only way i got my green card was because i was married to a Yank.
Getting divorced has nothing to do with having a green card. Once you have your green card you can stay here whether or not you're still married.
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Old Nov 29th 2010, 4:38 am
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Default Re: Is going home a mistake?

Sorry to hear about your situation.

I went home for 2 years (transfer back to UK) and I hated it, don't know your financial status, but I came back to the US due to getting shafted on tax (not saying US is better) and the weather is horrible lol.

As a previous poster said, the oppertunities here are endless, so much more to do and a better quality of life in my opinion.


Whatever you decide, I hope it makes you happy.

Alan
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