Finding out sex of the baby.
Dec 12th 2007, 5:17 pm
#16
Homebody
Joined: Jan 2005
Location: HOME
Posts: 23,181
Re: Finding out sex of the baby.
Each couple approaches the "know the gender" issue differently. For example, my daugher and son-in-law did NOT want to know the sex of the baby before birth. They wanted to go the old fashion way and be surprised. They also did not want anything in the house for the baby before its birth. It is our supersition. That said, the ultra sound clearly showed the sex of the baby in the copy they were given to take home so there went the surprise. They told both sides of the family.
As for your mom and your family in Scotland, perhaps it is time to have a very private talk with your mom. Make it a call when your wife is not home and tell your mom how her decision not to know the sex of her pending grandchild is driving a wedge between her and her daughter-in-law and that your wife would dearly love to talk with her about the baby and everything connected with the pregnancy but feels that if she has to monitor her speech to not include the baby's gender, she doesn't feel comfortable talking with her. Tell mom how excited and happy both you and your wife are about the baby and want to share all these happy days with them and could you find it within herself to let this one issue stop being a problem so that you can enjoy this happy time in your lives with her?
As for your mom and your family in Scotland, perhaps it is time to have a very private talk with your mom. Make it a call when your wife is not home and tell your mom how her decision not to know the sex of her pending grandchild is driving a wedge between her and her daughter-in-law and that your wife would dearly love to talk with her about the baby and everything connected with the pregnancy but feels that if she has to monitor her speech to not include the baby's gender, she doesn't feel comfortable talking with her. Tell mom how excited and happy both you and your wife are about the baby and want to share all these happy days with them and could you find it within herself to let this one issue stop being a problem so that you can enjoy this happy time in your lives with her?
What you said.
Also, it is true that UK hospitals don't normally reveal the sex of the baby, so the whole idea of talking about unborn child as 'he' or 'she' is very foreign.
Personally I think it's actually preferable not to know. When I was pregnant with the twins I really would have liked a girl. I think I might have been ever so slightly disappointed if I had known they were both boys. But when they were actually born none of that mattered.
Dec 12th 2007, 6:37 pm
#17
Banned
Joined: Mar 2006
Location: Orlando,Florida,living in Buckinghamshire for next 6 weeks.
Posts: 1,416
Re: Finding out sex of the baby.
Sooner or later all babies grow up and find that sexy side to them self.
Dec 12th 2007, 6:42 pm
#18
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 6,669
Re: Finding out sex of the baby.
Thought I'd add my tuppence....
Recently did a C-section on a little "Matthew" who turned out to be a "Martha". Parents were speechless.
Note that it can be very, very difficult to distinguish testicles from labia majora and vice versa....indeed the attending (consultant) and I both confidently proclaimed "girl" during a scan, only to discover a penis about 3 mins later.
Recently did a C-section on a little "Matthew" who turned out to be a "Martha". Parents were speechless.
Note that it can be very, very difficult to distinguish testicles from labia majora and vice versa....indeed the attending (consultant) and I both confidently proclaimed "girl" during a scan, only to discover a penis about 3 mins later.
Well, I feel the MIL is being a tad ridiculous here. It is up to the parents whether they want to know or not. Grandparents should suck it up, and start stocking up on candy so they can spoil the little darlings rotten.
Dec 12th 2007, 7:24 pm
#19
L2, GC, Surrey, OH, TX!
Joined: Aug 2007
Location: Surrey to Dallas (via Ohio)!
Posts: 6,363
Re: Finding out sex of the baby.
I have had 2 babies in the last 4 years and found out the sex of both of them. Poeple nowadays in England seem to have very firm ideas on finding out or not and wont change their minds for all the tea in china.
I wanted to know. I had lots of problems before getting pregnant (and it sticking!) and knowing the sex of baby number 1 made it seem much more real. From a practical point of view - it made life a lot easier too. It made preparing number one son for number two sons arrival that bit easier too - as he had a concrete idea of what was coming and we could discuss it with him to help him understand the changes that were coming.
I also personally feel that the 'birth' itself is enough of a surprise that knowing the sex does not spoil the experience at all. But a lot of people i talked to still dont find out.
I wanted to know. I had lots of problems before getting pregnant (and it sticking!) and knowing the sex of baby number 1 made it seem much more real. From a practical point of view - it made life a lot easier too. It made preparing number one son for number two sons arrival that bit easier too - as he had a concrete idea of what was coming and we could discuss it with him to help him understand the changes that were coming.
I also personally feel that the 'birth' itself is enough of a surprise that knowing the sex does not spoil the experience at all. But a lot of people i talked to still dont find out.
Dec 13th 2007, 2:16 am
#20
@matthewb76
Joined: Jul 2003
Location: Missouri
Posts: 21,886
Re: Finding out sex of the baby.
Dec 13th 2007, 9:01 am
#21
Senior Moment
Joined: Nov 2003
Location: NYC
Posts: 5,008
Re: Finding out sex of the baby.
I was wondering if anyone has any input on a situation I never thought I would be even having.
So my wife is pregnant and due in March
. She (American) wanted to tell everyone the sex of the baby as soon as we found out.
As it turned out none of my family in Scotland wanted to know and rather they wanted it to be a surprise. I have spoken to my female relatives and they say that normally no one tells the sex of the baby in Scotland.
Having never had a baby nor had any close relatives give birth in my 28 years of existence I had no idea that this was the case. Maybe I never paid attention.
Anyway my wifes take on the whole thing is that she thinks my mum does not want to know and so she says that no one else in the family wants to know out of respect (or fear in that why should they know if my own mother does not) for my mum.
To make matters worse when talking to my mum about buying stuff for the baby she says that she is hoping for a girl and has bought some girl stuff. My wife is really not happy about this as we know it is a boy.
My wifes opinion is that it is up to the parents (us) to decide if we want to know what the sex of the baby is or not. Then if we decide we do or do not want it to be a surprise then that is it. What I am getting at is that everyone else can have a surprise if we want a surprise but if we don't then everyone should want to know.
Anyway my family is missing out as my wife wanted to talk to them about the baby but since none of them want to know the sex my wife feels that she is being forced to keep a secret and so is refusing to talk to them.
Sorry I have babbled on a bit, it is complicated. I am a between a rock and a hard place or between the wife and the mother - same thing isn't it.
To sum up. Is it customary in Scotland/UK for people to not want to know the sex of the baby even if the parents have decided that they do. To be honest in most things I am always for the Scottish way but on this particular issue I would have to say that if the Scottish way is as my family have said then I prefer my wifes way.
Thanks everyone.
So my wife is pregnant and due in March
. She (American) wanted to tell everyone the sex of the baby as soon as we found out. As it turned out none of my family in Scotland wanted to know and rather they wanted it to be a surprise. I have spoken to my female relatives and they say that normally no one tells the sex of the baby in Scotland.
Having never had a baby nor had any close relatives give birth in my 28 years of existence I had no idea that this was the case. Maybe I never paid attention.
Anyway my wifes take on the whole thing is that she thinks my mum does not want to know and so she says that no one else in the family wants to know out of respect (or fear in that why should they know if my own mother does not) for my mum.
To make matters worse when talking to my mum about buying stuff for the baby she says that she is hoping for a girl and has bought some girl stuff. My wife is really not happy about this as we know it is a boy.
My wifes opinion is that it is up to the parents (us) to decide if we want to know what the sex of the baby is or not. Then if we decide we do or do not want it to be a surprise then that is it. What I am getting at is that everyone else can have a surprise if we want a surprise but if we don't then everyone should want to know.
Anyway my family is missing out as my wife wanted to talk to them about the baby but since none of them want to know the sex my wife feels that she is being forced to keep a secret and so is refusing to talk to them.
Sorry I have babbled on a bit, it is complicated. I am a between a rock and a hard place or between the wife and the mother - same thing isn't it.
To sum up. Is it customary in Scotland/UK for people to not want to know the sex of the baby even if the parents have decided that they do. To be honest in most things I am always for the Scottish way but on this particular issue I would have to say that if the Scottish way is as my family have said then I prefer my wifes way.
Thanks everyone.
Dec 13th 2007, 12:05 pm
#22
my arm aches
Joined: Jul 2003
Location: the warm waters of Florida
Posts: 2,289
Re: Finding out sex of the baby.
I have to agree here. MIL is being over demanding. It's the parents decision whether they want the sex known or not, and the mother should on this occasion accept that and move on. Maybe she just doesn't realise the upset she's causing? Rete's suggestion is vg.
Dec 13th 2007, 2:29 pm
#23
BE Enthusiast
Joined: Oct 2003
Location: Portland, OR
Posts: 974
Re: Finding out sex of the baby.
- Tim
PS I don't think there are any rules or conventions. In our pre-natal classes it was about 50:50.
Dec 13th 2007, 3:23 pm
#24
Gotta have more cowbell
Joined: Oct 2004
Location: Hoosier State
Posts: 1,187
Re: Finding out sex of the baby.
First of all, congratulations fellow Scot.
Mrs. HD is due in May with baby #3. We found out the sex of the other 2, so this one will be no different. If you have names already picked out I think it brings you closer to the unborn little 'un, if that's even possible!. Be able to put a name to the (4D Ultrasound) face and all that....
We've already got a boy & a girl, so this'll be the tie-breaker. I really don't mind what we have. Probably a boy so we don't have to fork out for another wedding in 20-some years time
Mrs. HD is due in May with baby #3. We found out the sex of the other 2, so this one will be no different. If you have names already picked out I think it brings you closer to the unborn little 'un, if that's even possible!. Be able to put a name to the (4D Ultrasound) face and all that....
We've already got a boy & a girl, so this'll be the tie-breaker. I really don't mind what we have. Probably a boy so we don't have to fork out for another wedding in 20-some years time
Dec 13th 2007, 4:46 pm
#25
Forum Regular
Joined: Dec 2003
Location: FL
Posts: 273
Re: Finding out sex of the baby.
I totally agree. Whose baby is it? It's a wonderful surprise whenever you find out isn't it? My Scottish granny has never minded us all telling her what we're having, but I will say that she won't buy anything for the baby until it's born.
Dec 13th 2007, 6:14 pm
#26
Gotta have more cowbell
Joined: Oct 2004
Location: Hoosier State
Posts: 1,187
Re: Finding out sex of the baby.
Gave me a chuckle anyway....
Dec 13th 2007, 6:21 pm
#27
Unmitigated Gall
Joined: Dec 2006
Location: it's still too dark to tell
Posts: 16,162
Dec 13th 2007, 10:51 pm
#28
I'm back!
Joined: Jul 2002
Location: Richmond, VA, USA
Posts: 4,316
Re: Finding out sex of the baby.
It's amazing how something so seemingly simple can get to be so complicated. 
On this, I side with those who have mentioned that it's YOUR baby and therefore you have every right to spill the beans if you want to. There is no way that either of you can discuss your baby prior to his birth without severely monitoring what you say. All it would take would be for one of you to accidentally slip "he" or "his" into the conversation -- and then what? Are they then going to try to make you feel guilty for ruining their surprise?
Oddly enough, it wasn't until the last year or two that I decided that whenever I get pregnant, I DO want to find out the baby's gender in advance. For years and years I held the "I-want-it-to-be-a-surprise!" mindset. But then I started thinking about it from a different angle -- and it has nothing to do wanting to know what color clothes to buy the baby. Instead, I looked at it this way: If I know the baby's gender before s/he is born, then I will already know what the baby's name will be (since we've already chosen our favorite names!) and can start calling the baby by his/her name before s/he is even born. I can immediately begin identifying with the baby as my child, a REAL person whose arrival I'm just awaiting, as opposed to a "surprise" similar to a FedEx delivery.
Whatever your reasons were for wanting to find out the baby's gender now, the fact is that you simply can't unring that bell. It is unfair for your family -- however well-meaning -- to expect you to keep your mouths shut about what is probably the most exciting event (and person!) to ever happen in your lives, for you to pretend your son is just an "it" for the next five months.
And if your mother has already gone so far as to have purchased baby girl clothing because she hopes you're having a girl, that's just added pressure. In addition to having to restrict what you say so you don't ruin her "surprise," you also have to worry about Mum's inevitable disappointment when she discovers you're having a boy -- and the possibility that she'll be upset because you didn't tell her it was a boy when you knew she'd hoped for a girl!
Bottom line: TELL THEM. And don't delay. Make it fun, though. Create a really nice card that invites your family to prepare for [Selected Boy's Name]'s arrival in May. Or send them copies of the sonogram with a message saying, "We'd like to introduce you to our son, [Selected Boy's Name]!" It still WILL be a surprise -- only they'll find out now instead of when the baby's born.
Ok, those were my two long cents...
~ Jenney
On this, I side with those who have mentioned that it's YOUR baby and therefore you have every right to spill the beans if you want to. There is no way that either of you can discuss your baby prior to his birth without severely monitoring what you say. All it would take would be for one of you to accidentally slip "he" or "his" into the conversation -- and then what? Are they then going to try to make you feel guilty for ruining their surprise?
Oddly enough, it wasn't until the last year or two that I decided that whenever I get pregnant, I DO want to find out the baby's gender in advance. For years and years I held the "I-want-it-to-be-a-surprise!" mindset. But then I started thinking about it from a different angle -- and it has nothing to do wanting to know what color clothes to buy the baby. Instead, I looked at it this way: If I know the baby's gender before s/he is born, then I will already know what the baby's name will be (since we've already chosen our favorite names!) and can start calling the baby by his/her name before s/he is even born. I can immediately begin identifying with the baby as my child, a REAL person whose arrival I'm just awaiting, as opposed to a "surprise" similar to a FedEx delivery.
Whatever your reasons were for wanting to find out the baby's gender now, the fact is that you simply can't unring that bell. It is unfair for your family -- however well-meaning -- to expect you to keep your mouths shut about what is probably the most exciting event (and person!) to ever happen in your lives, for you to pretend your son is just an "it" for the next five months.
And if your mother has already gone so far as to have purchased baby girl clothing because she hopes you're having a girl, that's just added pressure. In addition to having to restrict what you say so you don't ruin her "surprise," you also have to worry about Mum's inevitable disappointment when she discovers you're having a boy -- and the possibility that she'll be upset because you didn't tell her it was a boy when you knew she'd hoped for a girl!
Bottom line: TELL THEM. And don't delay. Make it fun, though. Create a really nice card that invites your family to prepare for [Selected Boy's Name]'s arrival in May. Or send them copies of the sonogram with a message saying, "We'd like to introduce you to our son, [Selected Boy's Name]!" It still WILL be a surprise -- only they'll find out now instead of when the baby's born.
Ok, those were my two long cents...
~ Jenney
Dec 15th 2007, 5:42 am
#29
Forum Regular
Thread Starter
Joined: Jun 2003
Location: Seattle
Posts: 33
Re: Finding out sex of the baby.
Hey everyone thanks for the great replies. I of course think it is great either way if someone chooses to know or not know. I am going to tell my wife about this thread so she can see this. I think it will make her feel better.
Someone mentioned choosing names. That is a thread all on it's own.
If anyone knows any good Scottish boys names then pass them along. When we first found out it was a boy we thought, no sweat how hard can it be to pick a name. It turns out (for us anyway) that it is harder than you think.
We are no closer to a name and we are on the home straight. I guess we could go the American route and call him Junior.
BTW we had our 4D ultrasound yesterday. He looks well ... just like a baby which is to be expected.
Once again thanks everyone.
Someone mentioned choosing names. That is a thread all on it's own.
If anyone knows any good Scottish boys names then pass them along. When we first found out it was a boy we thought, no sweat how hard can it be to pick a name. It turns out (for us anyway) that it is harder than you think.
We are no closer to a name and we are on the home straight. I guess we could go the American route and call him Junior.
BTW we had our 4D ultrasound yesterday. He looks well ... just like a baby which is to be expected.
Once again thanks everyone.
Dec 15th 2007, 7:15 am
#30
I'm back!
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Location: Richmond, VA, USA
Posts: 4,316
Re: Finding out sex of the baby.
http://showbiz.sky.com/showbiz/artic...186457,00.html
~ Jenney