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Finding out sex of the baby.

Finding out sex of the baby.

Old Dec 12th 2007, 6:26 am
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Default Finding out sex of the baby.

I was wondering if anyone has any input on a situation I never thought I would be even having.

So my wife is pregnant and due in March. She (American) wanted to tell everyone the sex of the baby as soon as we found out.

As it turned out none of my family in Scotland wanted to know and rather they wanted it to be a surprise. I have spoken to my female relatives and they say that normally no one tells the sex of the baby in Scotland.

Having never had a baby nor had any close relatives give birth in my 28 years of existence I had no idea that this was the case. Maybe I never paid attention.


Anyway my wifes take on the whole thing is that she thinks my mum does not want to know and so she says that no one else in the family wants to know out of respect (or fear in that why should they know if my own mother does not) for my mum.

To make matters worse when talking to my mum about buying stuff for the baby she says that she is hoping for a girl and has bought some girl stuff. My wife is really not happy about this as we know it is a boy.

My wifes opinion is that it is up to the parents (us) to decide if we want to know what the sex of the baby is or not. Then if we decide we do or do not want it to be a surprise then that is it. What I am getting at is that everyone else can have a surprise if we want a surprise but if we don't then everyone should want to know.

Anyway my family is missing out as my wife wanted to talk to them about the baby but since none of them want to know the sex my wife feels that she is being forced to keep a secret and so is refusing to talk to them.

Sorry I have babbled on a bit, it is complicated. I am a between a rock and a hard place or between the wife and the mother - same thing isn't it.

To sum up. Is it customary in Scotland/UK for people to not want to know the sex of the baby even if the parents have decided that they do. To be honest in most things I am always for the Scottish way but on this particular issue I would have to say that if the Scottish way is as my family have said then I prefer my wifes way.

Thanks everyone.
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Old Dec 12th 2007, 8:36 am
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Default Re: Finding out sex of the baby.

Hi k1journey, I am scottish and am moving to houston next year.

Let your wife know that it is has only been getting more popular in the last few years to find out the sex of your baby over here. Maybe it's supersticion (sp?). I have a nine year old son and didn't want to know the sex when I was pregnant (of the baby I mean).

On the other hand my 21 year old nieces (1 pregnant/1 with a 2 year old) both wanted to know - even getting 3D scans and so on.

Over here it is considered bad luck to buy baby things - clothes, pushchairs etc before the baby comes and some people won't have anything in the house until baby is here.

We were discussing baby showers at work the other week (again something we don't really do although it is also getting more popular) and most of the older ladies thought it was an awful idea.

I suppose these are just more things that will make it 'over the pond' eventually and in another 10 years we will all be sporting T-Shirts that proclaim 'It's a Girl' or 'It's a Boy'.

I am sure all your relatives are really excited and believe me if you were here all you would hear is baby talk for the next 4 months. Good luck to you both - get all the sleep you can now cos you won't get any for at least the next two years .
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Old Dec 12th 2007, 9:57 am
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Default Re: Finding out sex of the baby.

Originally Posted by ChocolateBabz View Post
Hi k1journey, I am scottish and am moving to houston next year.

Let your wife know that it is has only been getting more popular in the last few years to find out the sex of your baby over here. Maybe it's supersticion (sp?). I have a nine year old son and didn't want to know the sex when I was pregnant (of the baby I mean).

On the other hand my 21 year old nieces (1 pregnant/1 with a 2 year old) both wanted to know - even getting 3D scans and so on.

Over here it is considered bad luck to buy baby things - clothes, pushchairs etc before the baby comes and some people won't have anything in the house until baby is here.

We were discussing baby showers at work the other week (again something we don't really do although it is also getting more popular) and most of the older ladies thought it was an awful idea.

I suppose these are just more things that will make it 'over the pond' eventually and in another 10 years we will all be sporting T-Shirts that proclaim 'It's a Girl' or 'It's a Boy'.

I am sure all your relatives are really excited and believe me if you were here all you would hear is baby talk for the next 4 months. Good luck to you both - get all the sleep you can now cos you won't get any for at least the next two years .
EVERYONE I've ever known that had a child wanted to know the sex, some even had a private scan done because the hospital didn't want to tell them.
That goes for both in England and America....
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Old Dec 12th 2007, 10:21 am
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Default Re: Finding out sex of the baby.

Originally Posted by k1journey View Post
To make matters worse when talking to my mum about buying stuff for the baby she says that she is hoping for a girl and has bought some girl stuff. My wife is really not happy about this as we know it is a boy.
No offense, but that is really, really foolish of your mother. She had you, didn't she?

Don't sweat the small stuff. If your family doesn't want to know, for whatever reason, I don't think knowledge of your baby's gender should be forced upon them. Just as anything pink and frilly your mother bought for her impending grandson shouldn't be forced upon him.

Your post gives me the impression this is your first child. Congratulations, and enjoy the calm before the storm.
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Old Dec 12th 2007, 11:08 am
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Default Re: Finding out sex of the baby.

Trust me, this is but the first of many conflicts you will have with your parents about how you raise 'their grandchild'

You're the parents. You decide. If your parents don't like that, then it is they who need the attitude adjustment.

FWIW we didn't find out but will for our next one. There is only so much you can buy in green or yellow when you don't know the sex of the baby.

p.s. http://www.babycenter.com has a forum for parents based on the expected month of birth for their child. You can chime in with others who are exactly the same stage as you guys. It's a very handy thing, and I'm sure some of them there are in the same predicament.
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Old Dec 12th 2007, 11:53 am
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Default Re: Finding out sex of the baby.

For the sake of peace - don't tell them. Concerning the girl stuff, she'll get over it - she'll be thrilled when the little lad is born.

Personally - I don't like knowing the sex of a baby. I love hearing the news when it's born.
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Old Dec 12th 2007, 11:54 am
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Default Re: Finding out sex of the baby.

Originally Posted by k1journey View Post
I was wondering if anyone has any input on a situation I never thought I would be even having.

So my wife is pregnant and due in March. She (American) wanted to tell everyone the sex of the baby as soon as we found out.

As it turned out none of my family in Scotland wanted to know and rather they wanted it to be a surprise. I have spoken to my female relatives and they say that normally no one tells the sex of the baby in Scotland.

Having never had a baby nor had any close relatives give birth in my 28 years of existence I had no idea that this was the case. Maybe I never paid attention.


Anyway my wifes take on the whole thing is that she thinks my mum does not want to know and so she says that no one else in the family wants to know out of respect (or fear in that why should they know if my own mother does not) for my mum.

To make matters worse when talking to my mum about buying stuff for the baby she says that she is hoping for a girl and has bought some girl stuff. My wife is really not happy about this as we know it is a boy.

My wifes opinion is that it is up to the parents (us) to decide if we want to know what the sex of the baby is or not. Then if we decide we do or do not want it to be a surprise then that is it. What I am getting at is that everyone else can have a surprise if we want a surprise but if we don't then everyone should want to know.

Anyway my family is missing out as my wife wanted to talk to them about the baby but since none of them want to know the sex my wife feels that she is being forced to keep a secret and so is refusing to talk to them.

Sorry I have babbled on a bit, it is complicated. I am a between a rock and a hard place or between the wife and the mother - same thing isn't it.

To sum up. Is it customary in Scotland/UK for people to not want to know the sex of the baby even if the parents have decided that they do. To be honest in most things I am always for the Scottish way but on this particular issue I would have to say that if the Scottish way is as my family have said then I prefer my wifes way.

Thanks everyone.
I think one of the reasons it's less popular to find out the sex of an unborn baby in the UK is that a lot of hospitals simply won't tell you, certainly not in early pregnancy anyway. This is because of cultural sensitivities in some communities, where it maybe more desirable to have boy, to continue the family name/dynasty etc.. The fear being that if they discover they're having yet another girl they may take drastic action to prevent it.

As an aside, my Texan fiancee just gave birth to our daughter; we found out the sex as early as we could, which made life much easier when we came to buy clothes and toys etc. later on into the pregnancy.
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Old Dec 12th 2007, 12:30 pm
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Default Re: Finding out sex of the baby.

Originally Posted by Mallory View Post
For the sake of peace - don't tell them. Concerning the girl stuff, she'll get over it - she'll be thrilled when the little lad is born.

Personally - I don't like knowing the sex of a baby. I love hearing the news when it's born.
We didn't want to know - it was fun with everyone trying to guess. I don't buy into that whole pink clothes for girls and blue for boys thing so Rebecca wears the blue stuff we bought (we didn't get much in non-neutral colours anyway). I honestly don't think she knows she's "not supposed" to be wearing it.

As I wouldn't want to know it's difficult to know what to do in the OP's situation but I think Mallory is right - don't tell them.
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Old Dec 12th 2007, 12:54 pm
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Default Re: Finding out sex of the baby.

Each couple approaches the "know the gender" issue differently. For example, my daugher and son-in-law did NOT want to know the sex of the baby before birth. They wanted to go the old fashion way and be surprised. They also did not want anything in the house for the baby before its birth. It is our supersition. That said, the ultra sound clearly showed the sex of the baby in the copy they were given to take home so there went the surprise. They told both sides of the family.

As for your mom and your family in Scotland, perhaps it is time to have a very private talk with your mom. Make it a call when your wife is not home and tell your mom how her decision not to know the sex of her pending grandchild is driving a wedge between her and her daughter-in-law and that your wife would dearly love to talk with her about the baby and everything connected with the pregnancy but feels that if she has to monitor her speech to not include the baby's gender, she doesn't feel comfortable talking with her. Tell mom how excited and happy both you and your wife are about the baby and want to share all these happy days with them and could you find it within herself to let this one issue stop being a problem so that you can enjoy this happy time in your lives with her?
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Old Dec 12th 2007, 12:57 pm
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Default Re: Finding out sex of the baby.

Originally Posted by AlienUk View Post
EVERYONE I've ever known that had a child wanted to know the sex, some even had a private scan done because the hospital didn't want to tell them.
That goes for both in England and America....
We never wanted to know because we knew we only ever wanted one child and wanted to have the whole 'It's a ?' bit at the hospital. I know plenty of people who did want to know and those who didn't, I also know couples where the wife knew but the husband didn't want to - can't imagine how hard it must have been trying to keep that a secret !!! It's a personal choice...
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Old Dec 12th 2007, 1:02 pm
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Default Re: Finding out sex of the baby.

Originally Posted by Rete View Post
Each couple approaches the "know the gender" issue differently. For example, my daugher and son-in-law did NOT want to know the sex of the baby before birth. They wanted to go the old fashion way and be surprised. They also did not want anything in the house for the baby before its birth. It is our supersition. That said, the ultra sound clearly showed the sex of the baby in the copy they were given to take home so there went the surprise. They told both sides of the family.

As for your mom and your family in Scotland, perhaps it is time to have a very private talk with your mom. Make it a call when your wife is not home and tell your mom how her decision not to know the sex of her pending grandchild is driving a wedge between her and her daughter-in-law and that your wife would dearly love to talk with her about the baby and everything connected with the pregnancy but feels that if she has to monitor her speech to not include the baby's gender, she doesn't feel comfortable talking with her. Tell mom how excited and happy both you and your wife are about the baby and want to share all these happy days with them and could you find it within herself to let this one issue stop being a problem so that you can enjoy this happy time in your lives with her?
That's the best advice I've heard so far.

What I would have said, but Rete said it more eloquently.
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Old Dec 12th 2007, 1:35 pm
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Default Re: Finding out sex of the baby.

They are bleedin women ....logic goes on the window ..when the B word comes up ...
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Old Dec 12th 2007, 2:35 pm
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Default Re: Finding out sex of the baby.

Welcome to the fickle world of the mother (in-law) daughter (in-law) relationship.
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Old Dec 12th 2007, 5:01 pm
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Default Re: Finding out sex of the baby.

congrats

Anyway...we originally didn't want to know, but then went what the hell, as it's far more convenient to know...though as mentioned, baby showers and getting stuff ready before the birth is considered bad luck in the UK
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Old Dec 12th 2007, 5:13 pm
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Default Re: Finding out sex of the baby.

Thought I'd add my tuppence....
Recently did a C-section on a little "Matthew" who turned out to be a "Martha". Parents were speechless.

Note that it can be very, very difficult to distinguish testicles from labia majora and vice versa....indeed the attending (consultant) and I both confidently proclaimed "girl" during a scan, only to discover a penis about 3 mins later.
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