Lorry1

Hi all,

Wasn't sure where to put this post so just putting it here

Sorry if it doesn't make sense I am still jetlagged getting up very early.

For those who know I have been living in NS with hubby and 2 kids for 4 years and depressingly homesick for the past 3 years to the point where I have cried very often and been close to leaving my marriage and very almost got on a plane back a number of times.

Well, I just got back to NS (on Thursday night) from a 1 and a half week trip to England and was also in Europe for 1 week. I hadn't been back in 3 years after which was when the homesickness started so I really NEEDED this trip!

We spent a week on a Danube river cruise first which was just beyond totally amazing and then we flew into London where we stayed with different friends.

I had a great time but felt very weird as in it all felt familiar but didn't at the same time.
All 3 friends who I stayed with had moved house since I was over 3 years ago!
The people were familiar and great, the towns were familiar, but the houses were not which totally put me out.
It's like they had moved on without me and I didn't know where I fitted in.

I spend the whole time running around in my manual car (which I loved!), out every night drinking, up early in the mornings to run about again.

I went clubbing which I thought I missed but didn't actually enjoy it as much as I thought I would.
I went to gorgeous little British Country pubs which I did love but actually going out every night exhausted me
I went into Tesco and Sainsburys and bought everything I missed but then found I didn't really eat it all.

London of course was really busy but loved every minute of being there. Out in the sticks of Oxfordshire, Berkshire and Hampshire where I stayed was great too.
Not what I was expecting as in I felt people's attitudes had changed for the better and I was expecting loads of boarded up shops but didn't really see any. The streets were clean and the drivers seemed better. I wasn't tailgated once!

The thing is we didn't have our own house to stay in and as I said my friend's houses were new and unfamiliar so it didn't feel right.

I am now back in Nova Scotia and feel strangely calm and settled. I'm not sure if it's because England was such and exhausting whirlwind trip and I'm totally knackered or if it's because I have now moved on without realising and now feel like I don't belong there.

Maybe I'll see how I feel in a few weeks to see if I feel different. Then I'll see how I feel in a couple of years to see if I feel different.

Anyone else had this experience?

pinkkristen

I had the same exp when we went back last Xmas. We had crazy nights out, were staying with my sister whose house was a tad small (we are a family of 5). The weather was really bad (Yorkshire!!).

My friends held a party ( which was great of them). There were people that we knew, but my friend had invited lots of her mum friends (who I didn't know). I felt very much out of the loop and out of place.

We had a fun time and loved seeing the countryside again, but like u were ready to get back. We wern't sure if that was because it wasn't home anymore, or if it was exhaustion of too much partying and needing our own space!

After a couple weeks and it had all set back in again!

I went back on my own this summer and had a fab time. Prob cos it was a bestfriends reunion and we always have a blast. The weather was pleasant and having no kids made me feel 20 again!!

I feel settled here prob 65 percent of the time, but homesickness hits me all the time. I think I will always be in that place and either choose to accept that and get on with life, or go back home and take the good with the bad!

It's a difficult one! If money were no object, I wld be back! But it is, so here is better for us!

I hope you remain settled and happy back in Canada. Is your husband happy here? My husband and I both feel the same in that respect, which is good in one way, as we understand eachother, but the neg of that is we can both pull eachother down at times which isn't good!

Life eh?!!!

Lorry1

Hi and thanks for the reply.
When I went back 3 years ago I was on my own for the week and it was a long party lol.
This time I had my 8 year old with me and we got babysitters so it was still a party but I felt like I was older and too old to party!???
I spent time with my best friends which was great but they have kind of moved on with new men and new houses

I had a great time and it felt different to when we moved away but I was on holiday and I think could I actually work there again and send my kids to school there again?

I don't know I think at the moment I'm just glad to be not living out of suitcases and to have a house which is ours.
Also, I think the fact that the weather has been gorgeous since coming back has really helped alot. I get more depressed over winter and it goes on for so long!

My OH totally loves it here in Canada and has done right from the start. He doesn't understand that I want to go back and so I resent him sometimes for us being here.
When in England he just doesn't want to be there and he was totally done after 3 days!

I guess time will tell.

usoruk

I am glad you had a little trip back. I will be visiting for about a week (cousins wedding). I know what you mean by the unsettling feeling. I think, for me at least every time I go back...people have moved on, just like we are moving on as expats..but we really want to go back to how it was when we left, during perhaps happy times, uni days, childhood days. But I feel really unsettled knowing that I am that much older and can't do all those things anymore...responsibilties have changed, finances become a big issue, children are usually in the picture, overseas spouse/kids may not care for the same things you may like.
Also, for me when I visit home, there really is no home for me to stay in anymore...I usually stay at my sisters, or my family home with my mum, brother and his wife and children, living out of a suitcase and relying on everybody else to take me here and there. And since my dad passed away it just will not be the same when I go back next week.
I have told my hubby that I would really like to visit as a family and start doing the touristy things, perhaps rent our own cottage for a few days and really see how we as a family would manage without living with my extended family and relying on them for everything.
I remember someone posting a little while back that they had wished they still only knew the simpler things in life...uk home life... I agree. Too many comparisons/differences now that we have seen the expat life...makes everything complicated. That is why so many of us ping pong with our decisions. Family politics always bothered me...and being here in the US somehow keeps me seperated from all that gossiping etc but that should not be a reason not to go back.

J.J

In my early years in USA I did not make visits to UK for fear I would want to stay in UK and not make the return trip to US, I felt so out of my place in US.

Then in the middle years I remember a complete flip brought about by a rainy Thanksgiving weekend in London hotel and I was so happy to get back to North Carolina and my house there.

But now I am back resident in UK and quite happy settled.

Lorry1

Thanks and usoruk I agree with how you feel

A few more days have passed since returning to Canada and I am still feeling a weird settlement but I know it is not my home, but I don't think England is my home anymore either. This makes me sad

I think, like you we do not have a physical house in England either but rely on friends to take us in. So maybe our next trip back we should rent a cottage or something like you to see how we feel about being back as a family.

I have spoken with my hubby since being back and explained how I feel. He feels weird too and although he has never been homesick he knows NS is not his home and we will move on one day.
He wants to work in NY and live in the suburbs or Boston and suburbs. I am open to it now but the health care, or lack of it, in the States scares me. Also the gun culture scares me alot.
Also I would not be able to work if we go on hubbys work permit and so with my kids getting older now I think I would be totally bored stiff.

Good on you J.J. What made you return in the end?

J.J

The reality of potential future costs of US Healthcare was my biggest continuous worry, even though we both have good health.

Otherwise generally knowing I had no place in US society, although I did meet a lot of friendly people through work I didn't really blend with them, our minds and values were never in the same place.

The tipping point to move was after I had retired and DH employer wanted him to relocate elsewhere in US or lose his job, so it looked like the right time to move ourselves to UK.

Lorry1

J.J, I know what you mean and that's how I feel in Canada - different values and culture. Also the fact that as soon as people hear my accent they ask where I am from, just makes me feel like I don't belong sometimes.

IF we did move back to England though I think it would have to be somewhere totally new where we've never lived before.

Did you move back to a different place to where you left?

J.J

We looked around elsewhere in UK for our move back, particularly around New Forest area, we have long time friends there but opted back to West Norfolk. We were happy here before and it offered everything we still sought.
Besides, our families are still nearby in Lincs and DH parents are in poor health so it was the best all round option.

Londonuck

Ive just had the opposite, but in Canada. I now know the cure for Pingpongitis - five weeks looking for work in Toronto. Its like a weight of my shoulders. Unfortunately its also caused weight loss in my pockets.

Canuck74

Good luck with your move back.

Londonuck

Thanks Canuck.

Hope you get back to Europe at some stage mate.