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Feeling insecure

Feeling insecure

Old Dec 5th 2017, 3:57 pm
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Default Feeling insecure

Hi, we have been here just over two weeks.I fully expected it to be hard at first but I'm finding it more difficult than I thought I would.

We've had a tricky start. Our six year old badly broke his arm one week after arriving and the follow-up x-ray last week shows that he is probably going to need surgery. He is very miserable and doesn't feel up to doing much. Whilst we were in the emergency department with our son my husband had a phone call from his sister to say that their mum had died. He is going home at the weekend ready for the funeral next week.

I will be staying here with the children and dogs. I'm used to my husband being away a lot and it has never bothered me before. However, the thought that we are here alone with absolutely no one we could call on in an emergency is making me feel very insecure.

The good news is that we have just signed a lease on a house so the children will hopefully be able to start school soon. I know once we have moved into our home we will start to build up a network of people and contacts but these first few weeks are tricky. It does get easier doesn't it?!
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Old Dec 5th 2017, 4:10 pm
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Default Re: Feeling insecure

Hi Tilly,

That is a lot of stress right at the start! I think what you feel is natural. Where do you live?

Just saw your previous posts... are you in Charlotte?

Rene
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Old Dec 5th 2017, 4:18 pm
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Default Re: Feeling insecure

So sorry to hear of your painful experiences since you and the family arrived in the US. Never easy at the best of times. Can only imagine how stressed you are dealing with all of this. Condolences to your husband on the passing of his mother.

Surgery for his arm should be either an outpatient surgery or a minimum of a one day stay. I needed surgery for a broken forearm to have a rod put in from shoulder cup to elbow. There was little pain to the process and the only difficult part was the rehab after the cast was off.

Hope it isn't your son's primary arm that is broken.

Here's hoping this is the end of the troubles for you and the family.
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Old Dec 5th 2017, 4:18 pm
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Default Re: Feeling insecure

Originally Posted by Noorah101 View Post
.... Just saw your previous posts... are you in Charlotte? ....
Based on a previous post, Fort Mill, SC, which is effectively a suburb of Charlotte, NC.
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Old Dec 5th 2017, 4:22 pm
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Default Re: Feeling insecure

Yes, we're in SC just south of Charlotte. He is right handed and it is his right arm! He's going to have even more novelty value when he starts school-the child with the funny accent and the full length of his arm in a cast!
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Old Dec 5th 2017, 5:00 pm
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Default Re: Feeling insecure

That is a significant amount of stress to deal with in your first two weeks. I am sorry to hear about your husband’s mother and also your son’s broken arm. Yes it gets better. You say that you have dogs and I was wondering if there is a dog-park nearby. In my long experience in the USA the majority of people are extraordinarily friendly and helpful. People are also very open and I’m sure they will help you if you need their help. All the best.
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Old Dec 5th 2017, 5:03 pm
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Default Re: Feeling insecure

Also you may find that your son is the star of the class with his accent and cast. Children will be lining up to help him!!
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Old Dec 5th 2017, 6:01 pm
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Default Re: Feeling insecure

Hello,
I am so sorry to hear what you are all going through. That would be pretty terrible wherever you were but certainly being new here makes it all the more difficult.
It is a tricky and emotional time moving countries and add everything else you are going through to the mix then l think you are doing really well to be reaching out and looking for support.
We are still relatively new here having moved over the summer. I too have a 6 yr old boy and he is settling into school well and suspect and hope that will be the same for your children. I noticed here that the school have far more extra activities for the children (lots of which he can join with one arm!!) Additionally our PTA seem to have family events every few weeks (miles more then in the U.K.) so there will be lots of opportunities hopefully to really settle in to your community once they start school.
Sending you my thoughts.
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Old Dec 5th 2017, 8:32 pm
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Default Re: Feeling insecure

Originally Posted by Tillymin View Post
Yes, we're in SC just south of Charlotte. He is right handed and it is his right arm! He's going to have even more novelty value when he starts school-the child with the funny accent and the full length of his arm in a cast!
Your son's accent at age 6 will not be a big deal for the other kids. Besides, once he's in school it's likely to change relatively quickly.

As for the cast, I bet all the other kids will be very helpful. He's going to slot into school just fine at that age (grade 1 I assume? )

Condolences on the death of your mother in law.
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Old Dec 5th 2017, 9:45 pm
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Default Re: Feeling insecure

Originally Posted by Tillymin View Post
It does get easier doesn't it?!
Dare I say that it seems like it only can.

I really feel for you - that is an awful lot to be going through all at once. I've also been in the US for just over two weeks, and that alone comes with all kinds of emotional roundabouts, doesn't it. So having all those extra stresses and misfortunes on top... I'm not at all surprised you feel insecure.

This was just a horrible, rough start. Assuming your husband is back before Christmas, and that any surgeries your son might need can also be done beforehand, you can look forward to a relaxed holiday period and I'm sure things will start to look up for you after that.

Take care of you!
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Old Dec 6th 2017, 1:34 am
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Default Re: Feeling insecure

Thank you so much everyone for your kind words. People at home understand that we have had a stressful couple of weeks but I don't think they fully apprciate the stresses of living in a foreign country. Everyday relatively simple tasks that you would be able to do without thinking in the UK seem to be shrouded in an extra layer of complexity when you don't fully understand the systems.

Today has been a better day. I dosed my son up on painkillers and we managed to get out for a walk around the neighbourhood we are going to be living in. It confirmed that we had chosen the right area and I think we are going to enjoy living there, and indeed in the US, when we have got these first few weeks behind us.
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Old Dec 6th 2017, 3:06 pm
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Default Re: Feeling insecure

I would have offered to pop by, you are only 20 mins from me but I fly to the UK tomorrow for a week, then down to the beach in SC for a few days. Will be back 21st if you want to get in touch. My husband flies back from UK today after attending his Dad's funeral last week.
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Old Dec 6th 2017, 3:54 pm
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Default Re: Feeling insecure

You've managed to get most of the biggest stress causes in life at pretty much the same time. Hang in there, it's normal to feel very stressed under those circumstances, it will get easier.
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Old Dec 6th 2017, 5:55 pm
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Default Re: Feeling insecure

Originally Posted by Tillymin View Post
Everyday relatively simple tasks that you would be able to do without thinking in the UK seem to be shrouded in an extra layer of complexity when you don't fully understand the systems.
This couldn't be more true.

I remember when i first moved to NYC everything was such a faff.

Even simple things like going to the supermarket to buy toiletries became extended chores.

What would take 10 seconds in Tescos would take me 15 minutes in NYC because I didn't recognise any of the brands. So I'd have to pick up every bottle and read the label to work out if it was a shampoo, or a shower gel, or a moisturiser, or bubble bath.

Try explaining that to someone at home and they'll think your an idiot but it's like that every day for the first couple of months.
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Old Dec 6th 2017, 7:00 pm
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Default Re: Feeling insecure

Tillymin glad your day was better yesterday. Hope each day continues to get better for you.

I got to the point where I was so over-whelmed with the choices in the grocery store that my DH took over the shopping. That’s why I really like the Sprouts and Walgreens chains as the store size is manageable.

As for the accent after 32 years I’m still asked on a weekly basis where I am from. When I was back in Scotland this summer the reverse happened.
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