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Excretory urges

Excretory urges

Old Sep 22nd 2011, 12:26 am
  #1  
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Question Excretory urges

This morning, as I was sat at my desk, progressing through the completion of my N-400, I was hit with a most violent and unexpected urge to visit the smallest room for, not to put too fine a point on it, a big, sloppy and somewhat explosive dump.

Has anyone else experienced sudden lavatorial pressings when faced with official documentation or other such serious matters?

Mods - feel free to move this to the Immigration section if you feel the gravity of the discussion warrants it.
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Old Sep 22nd 2011, 12:53 am
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Default Re: Excretory urges

Originally Posted by tonrob View Post
Has anyone else experienced sudden lavatorial pressings when faced with official documentation or other such serious matters?
yes.
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Old Sep 22nd 2011, 1:39 am
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Default Re: Excretory urges

Originally Posted by Juswus View Post
yes.
Excellent. Thanks for sharing.
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Old Sep 22nd 2011, 1:43 am
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Default Re: Excretory urges

I had to stop a bus twice on the same journey, with a clear "Stop NOW"

I expected this to be a Herpes Simplex thread
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Old Sep 22nd 2011, 2:53 am
  #5  
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Default Re: Excretory urges

Too many sprouts?
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Old Sep 22nd 2011, 3:45 am
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Default Re: Excretory urges

Originally Posted by tonrob View Post
This morning, as I was sat at my desk, progressing through the completion of my N-400, I was hit with a most violent and unexpected urge to visit the smallest room for, not to put too fine a point on it, a big, sloppy and somewhat explosive dump.

Has anyone else experienced sudden lavatorial pressings when faced with official documentation or other such serious matters?

Mods - feel free to move this to the Immigration section if you feel the gravity of the discussion warrants it.
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Old Sep 22nd 2011, 4:36 am
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Default Re: Excretory urges

Originally Posted by tonrob View Post
Has anyone else experienced sudden lavatorial pressings when faced with official documentation or other such serious matters?
Did you contemplate this all day??


Whilst on hold with some customer service line, I had the call of nature coming in on the other line, suffice to say, I had to take it.... then it turned sorta like into a conference call. When they heard the flush, told them that I had to carry on with my business whilst waiting as I wasn't going to hang up just to call again and wait another 10 mins...
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Old Sep 22nd 2011, 5:02 am
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Default Re: Excretory urges

Funny you should mention it but on the morning of my Oath Ceremony I was overcome with the exact same urges, but not while I was completing the actual form.

For some reason I always do big ones in airports as well. Never could work out why

Must stop talking shit . . .
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Old Sep 22nd 2011, 11:39 am
  #9  
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Default Re: Excretory urges

Originally Posted by SultanOfSwing View Post
Funny you should mention it but on the morning of my Oath Ceremony I was overcome with the exact same urges, but not while I was completing the actual form.

For some reason I always do big ones in airports as well. Never could work out why

Must stop talking shit . . .
Did you have to ask them to pause the ceremony for 10 minutes? How did they react when you asked if anyone had a newspaper and some matches?

Everyone has a dump at the airport, for some reason. The waft as you enter sets a scene that is confirmed by the grunting, splashing and clinking of belt buckles echoing around once you're inside. There's never a cubicle free and, on the off-chance one does suddenly become available, you're asking yourself how much you really wanted it.

I encountered one interesting break from the norm in the Japan Air Lines lounge in Frankfurt last month. Not only was there good cubicle availability, but once in there and sat down you were faced with a veritable control panel of buttons, along with a wall-mounted set of instructions for the high-tech device. While all good sense screams "leave this alone" - how often do you get the chance to play with robo-bog? - so it was with great trepidation that I stabbed at a button that (and the instructions could have been slightly clearer on this) sends an alarming, pressurized stream of warm water straight up your Japanese Flag. What's more (I pondered as I frantically attempted to find the stop button) it didn't do it quietly. I'm convinced that my screams did nothing to drown out the loud mechanical whirring that alerted the entire lounge to the fact that I had opted to give my rusty bullet hole a good cleaning while they ate their breakfast.
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Old Sep 22nd 2011, 11:40 am
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Default Re: Excretory urges

Originally Posted by sir_eccles View Post
Too many sprouts?
What does that even mean? Is it code for something....?
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Old Sep 22nd 2011, 2:14 pm
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Default Re: Excretory urges

Originally Posted by tonrob View Post
Did you have to ask them to pause the ceremony for 10 minutes? How did they react when you asked if anyone had a newspaper and some matches?

Everyone has a dump at the airport, for some reason. The waft as you enter sets a scene that is confirmed by the grunting, splashing and clinking of belt buckles echoing around once you're inside. There's never a cubicle free and, on the off-chance one does suddenly become available, you're asking yourself how much you really wanted it.

I encountered one interesting break from the norm in the Japan Air Lines lounge in Frankfurt last month. Not only was there good cubicle availability, but once in there and sat down you were faced with a veritable control panel of buttons, along with a wall-mounted set of instructions for the high-tech device. While all good sense screams "leave this alone" - how often do you get the chance to play with robo-bog? - so it was with great trepidation that I stabbed at a button that (and the instructions could have been slightly clearer on this) sends an alarming, pressurized stream of warm water straight up your Japanese Flag. What's more (I pondered as I frantically attempted to find the stop button) it didn't do it quietly. I'm convinced that my screams did nothing to drown out the loud mechanical whirring that alerted the entire lounge to the fact that I had opted to give my rusty bullet hole a good cleaning while they ate their breakfast.
That reminds me of the joke about the Automatic Tampon Remover removing the mans willy.
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Old Sep 22nd 2011, 2:30 pm
  #12  
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Default Re: Excretory urges

The bathroom at the hotel I am now the concierge at creeps me out. You walk in and the lights come on, you move away from the toilet and it flushes, you put your hands near the faucet it comes on. The only thing you have to do is push the soap and pull out a towel,
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Old Sep 22nd 2011, 2:35 pm
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Default Re: Excretory urges

Originally Posted by tonrob View Post
I encountered one interesting break from the norm in the Japan Air Lines lounge in Frankfurt last month. Not only was there good cubicle availability, but once in there and sat down you were faced with a veritable control panel of buttons, along with a wall-mounted set of instructions for the high-tech device. While all good sense screams "leave this alone" - how often do you get the chance to play with robo-bog? - so it was with great trepidation that I stabbed at a button that (and the instructions could have been slightly clearer on this) sends an alarming, pressurized stream of warm water straight up your Japanese Flag. What's more (I pondered as I frantically attempted to find the stop button) it didn't do it quietly. I'm convinced that my screams did nothing to drown out the loud mechanical whirring that alerted the entire lounge to the fact that I had opted to give my rusty bullet hole a good cleaning while they ate their breakfast.

LOL - I know those exact toilets, I had to use the Japan lounge in Frankfurt when the BA one was being redone. No English instructions and the pictures aren't clear. The only time I have used those things is in "Western" hotels in Tokyo where they provide very clear English instructions!

On another note - not sure if you have found this as well, but Frankfurt is the only place they test my laptop (for explosives) and always ask to see my metal pen that looks a little like a syringe under xray. No where else in the world picks this up...........do they just have better machines????
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Old Sep 22nd 2011, 2:56 pm
  #14  
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Default Re: Excretory urges

Originally Posted by cindyabs View Post
The bathroom at the hotel I am now the concierge at creeps me out. You walk in and the lights come on, you move away from the toilet and it flushes, you put your hands near the faucet it comes on. The only thing you have to do is push the soap and pull out a towel,
Well that's not strictly true, is it...?
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Old Sep 22nd 2011, 3:18 pm
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Default Re: Excretory urges

Originally Posted by tonrob View Post
Did you have to ask them to pause the ceremony for 10 minutes? How did they react when you asked if anyone had a newspaper and some matches?

Everyone has a dump at the airport, for some reason. The waft as you enter sets a scene that is confirmed by the grunting, splashing and clinking of belt buckles echoing around once you're inside. There's never a cubicle free and, on the off-chance one does suddenly become available, you're asking yourself how much you really wanted it.

I encountered one interesting break from the norm in the Japan Air Lines lounge in Frankfurt last month. Not only was there good cubicle availability, but once in there and sat down you were faced with a veritable control panel of buttons, along with a wall-mounted set of instructions for the high-tech device. While all good sense screams "leave this alone" - how often do you get the chance to play with robo-bog? - so it was with great trepidation that I stabbed at a button that (and the instructions could have been slightly clearer on this) sends an alarming, pressurized stream of warm water straight up your Japanese Flag. What's more (I pondered as I frantically attempted to find the stop button) it didn't do it quietly. I'm convinced that my screams did nothing to drown out the loud mechanical whirring that alerted the entire lounge to the fact that I had opted to give my rusty bullet hole a good cleaning while they ate their breakfast.
Robo-bog may become my new favourite expression

Luckily, I didn't have to stop the ceremony, it was beforehand, when the big loud security lady was yelling at all the poor people who accidentally sat in the middle section

Good to see I'm not the only one who carries a box of matches into the bog. Must be a sprout thing, I suppose.
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